A Twilight Dad

Being a Twilight Dad

2010-06-17T11:34:00.000-07:00

So, I'm to be interviewed by a newspaper tomorrow morning, in anticipation of the release of (the movie) Eclipse. We are going to be talking what it is to be a man, and a dad, reading or experiencing Twilight.

Hm, that is an interesting question, as there are fewer men that read Twilight than women, and probably only a few of those men actually read Twilight not just to entertain or to tolerate this 'foolish fancy' of their S.O.'s.

So I'm sure the interview will focus on the whys of maleness/fatherness and Twilightness. But, and I don't know if you know this about me, but I tend to look for and to look at universals, and being a man or a woman makes a huge difference in many things, but aren't we all looking for many of the same things, looking in our different ways, but still looking for these common things that connect us all.

So, man or woman, adult or child, we read Twilight for some very clear things that it gives us.

What are those things? Tell me. I'm going into the interviewing 'representing,' as it were, and representing a target group: Twilight Dad(s). But I'm also going to be representing me, obviously, but I'm also going to be representing you. So tell me so that I can represent: what is the draw of Twilight for you?

The Eternal Marriage of Twilight Vampires

2010-05-28T11:58:00.000-07:00

Twilight vampires, once they love, love forever, don't they?

Yes, Rosalie doesn't let go, does she? And she doesn't get over it. That's what Mormonism did, co-opting vampires, which were a Catholic construct. So Catholic, in fact, that a protestant writer could not avoid putting in the transubstantiated Host and crosses (which Protestants, at the time, equated to symbols of Popery), but the Mormon church isn't Catholicism with the concept of Grace, but its significance is that of the Eternal Marriage.

And so, here in Twilight, vampires are Eternally Loving, even though the beloved is gone, they just cannot let go of that love, as it is fundamental to what they are. They love, and they love forever, even after Bella, the beloved, has been dead for centuries, even though Didyme has been dead for thousands of years, Marcus still loves her, eternally.

And one might think: ick. No fun. Nothing to explore here. But for me, as a writer and thinker, this gives so much depth to what could simply be described as Yet Another Teen Angst Story.

And perhaps Twilight is simply, merely, that: YATAS. And perhaps that's why the vampires of interest are teenagers, just so struggling with (and against) who and what they are, unlike alucarD, who is perfectly happy in what he is ... he delights in it, in fact, rejoices in the utter cruelty of his actions.

There's a guy who loves to go to work.

But perhaps we, or I, can learn from the struggles teens have. The uncertainty. The 'not getting over it.' The 'always and forever' weightiness of what goes into decisions and thoughts.

And on the flip side ... to be loved eternally? To be Immortal Beloved? "Ick," says many: "stop being so clingy!"

Or, to have that steadfastness? That rock-steadiness? That security that Rosalie will always love Bella (as in Reminiscence)?

Rosalie's stuck there. Edward's stuck in Twilight. His 'stuckage' turns out 'happily' in that his eternal love can now be directed at an eternal lover.

Just as is the case for Carlisle and Esmé. Isn't Esmé content in Carlisle's love? And isn't Carlisle assured in hers?

Esmé will never have to doubt Carlisle's devotion to her ... or will she? (Okay, so she may have doubts, see "Her Transformation," ch 1) Wouldn't that be a nice thing to have in a marriage?

I say yes. But then the flip side is this story: a vampire makes the choice, commits to the choice, even unwillingly, and there it is, eternally. Even 300 years later. Even Forever. This is one of the consequences of Eternity, and Twilight vampires are Eternal.

Just ask Rosalie: she knows that very well.

Hi, my name's "Big D"

2010-05-20T19:08:00.000-07:00

Which Dave ARE You?

Big D

Well, aren't you just the perfect gentleman? You are responsible and well-meaning and really know how to treat a girl. Make sure the girl appreciates all that you have to offer, but be careful not to let her feel intimidated by your perfection. Let her know that it's okay to make a few mistakes -- even if you yourself never do, Mr. Wonderful. ;)

Fun quizzes, surveys & blog quizzes by

"So, you write fan-fiction, huh?"

2010-04-29T15:37:00.000-07:00

I have a question.

So, if anything is possible, what's stopping you?

Nothing.

I read. I write. I have had an editor, a dear friend, named LiLa ("Lion in the Land") for about a year. She's been writing, too.

And she's published her first book under the name Nicki Elson called Three Daves, about a girl going to college in the 80s and meeting three guys, each named Dave.

She wrote this story, she shared this story with her friends, and then she published it, and now it's a book.

So, if anything is possible, what is available?

Everything.

For LiLa, what was available that her story is now a book. It was real before, just for herself, then it was real for a select few thousands that read it and the select few hundreds that encouraged her writing, dozens of them at each chapter she published.

And now it's a book, and now it's real for the world.

...

But what does this have to do with the title of this entry?

Jennifer meets Dave, Dave, and Dave in college, and 80s music plays a big role in the story.

Sound familiar? Anybody go to twilighted.net and visit Lion_in_the_Land (note the user id)? Remember the awards and interviews she's had about an AU/AH story she wrote about Bella going off to college in Chicago in the 80s and meeting Jasper and Emmett and Edward?

Or Dave, Dave, and Dave?

Remember all those reviews she got? The ones that said: "OMG! Your writing is so good ..." and all that and "You should write a book!" and all that?

Well, she did.

Now let's look in the mirror for a second, my dear "so, you write fan-fiction, huh?" author(esse)s. Ever got that review or reviews that said, "OMG! Your writing is so good! You should write a book!" But you said: "Oh, I just write fan-fiction; I can't write a book, and who would read it?" and they come right back: "I WOULD!"

"Oh, I just write fan-fiction" as if that's bad? "I can't write a book"

LiLa did. She found a way.

Do you see that trail she blazed for you, me, and everybody? Did she do it for us? Maybe. Maybe not.

But the trail is there now, and it's real.

A fan-fiction authoress that we know and whose stories we've read is now a published authoress.

And to think she almost didn't do it, and just one little song gave her that whatever to put out that first chapter, and her very first reviewer gave her that sense of self that, hey, somebody likes my stuff.

Are you going to publish a book? Maybe. Maybe not. You now can see from LiLa that this possibility does exist for you, even if you've just written one chapter with just one reviewer saying she liked it. Because not so long ago, LiLa was right there.

So let's say you decide to publish. Great! You win. And the lives you touch with your story, now that it's a book?

You win. Big time. And this guy will be standing here with his mouth wide open and his heart fit to bursting, just so happy for you and for your success.

So let's say you decide not to publish now.

You can still win. Because somewhere, there's a LiLa you know whose story you love.

Review it.

Say to her how you love it. What exactly in that chapter makes you laugh so hard you puke or cry so hard you need cleaner for your keyboard? Say this to her. Encourage her.

Because then, she just may publish that next chapter, she just may comment that, hey, your review lifted her spirits, and it may just give her enough to finish the story, and maybe, maybe-maybe-maybe, publish it as a book, so you can hold it in your hands, and know that, wow, she did it. You know somebody who did it and were there with her during the creation of that book, chapter by chapter.

I came along after she finished her story, and she's taken the twilight version off of twilighted and ffn, but my congratulations to her, no: my admiration of her and her work is right here, right now.

LiLa is one of the stars of fan-fiction writers, and her success and the praise she receives is well-deserved. She writes from the heart, and that heart is joyful.

You know your own LiLa, my dear authoress, all you have to do keep encouraging her with your honest reviews.

Or, all you have to do is to look in the mirror, and take that step of pressing that 'add chapter' button, or of mailing off that manuscript to the next publisher.

Roman à Clef

2010-04-11T12:08:00.000-07:00

Hey, geophf, that new story of yours, "Her Transformation" ... it seems like filler, marking time, what's its purpose?

Hm, 'purpose' ... stories with a 'purpose' are called 'roman à clef.' ... is my writing like that? Ever?

Maybe it is, if purpose is to ask: 'what is this thing? this existence? and why am I here it in?'

Isn't that the fundamental question we ask ourselves?

Isn't Esmé asking herself this? Isn't Rosalie, as she suffers this agony, asking herself: 'why me?'

What if the answer isn't one that we like? What do we do with that? Give up?

As for this piece filling the time line ... well, yes, it is.

Don't all stories 'fill [some] time'? Like msr?

This story fills three days ... and then one year in eternity. "You Kept Me Waiting" fills thirty years. "Twilight" fills a couple of years. "Sense and Sensibility" fills a year or so. "Antigone" and "Medea" fill a day. "One Day in the life of Ivan Denisovich" fills ... well, one day.

The Torah fills three thousand years, plus or minus a few billion. The New Add On (Testament) starring our most famous son ("He Was One Of Us" after all) fills in another three hundred.

And the कामसूत्र (Kamasutra) fills a night. Night after night.

So, what is the purpose of a story? What's its point? Hm. Well, instead of asking: "Is this real? Is this literal? Is this true? What's its point?" as modern Christian Bible scholars do, perhaps ask this: "What does this mean for me?" "What do I take away from this?"

What does it mean to be a new mother? What does it mean to be a newborn, still so hurting from the old life? What does it mean to love unconditionally, even if the beloved is a tough case? How about on the receiving end? What does it mean to be beloved, so strongly you can't stand it, because you're dealing with your own stuff, and you don't want anybody else, who loves you with all her heart (and why? just because) to see you at your weakest, ... that is, when you most need love?

Ever been there? If you never have, do you want to risk that kind of love? Knowing there's going to be hurt, too?

Esmé is her name: (unconditional) love. This is Rosalie's transformation, but this is Esmé's story. Why? Because nobody ever cares about Esmé.

I do. She is a person, with a story to tell: I am giving her that venue.

And the thing of it is: although nobody cares about Esmé, she, herself, cares about, and cares for, well, ... everybody.

One of those people is Rosalie, and, perhaps, one way Esmé showed her care for Rosalie is not abandoning her, even during the most difficult period in Rosalie's existence.

Funny how every part of Rosalie's existence is her most difficult part.

Hm. There's a lesson in that for Rosalie somewhere, I'm sure.

Vampire Peaches

2010-04-11T10:55:00.000-07:00

There is a story where Emmett is caught biting peaches. Not to eat them, but to see if they become vampire peaches.

Ha-ha, yuck-yuck-yuck, Emmett so stupid funny! *sigh*

But the thing of it is, Emmett is funny, but he's not stupid. And peaches cannot become vampires (or, put another way, the vampiric nature of peaches is to be stone ... vampires are the walking representation of King Midas, after all: everything they touch dies).

But what about animals.

Hm. You're a vampire, wouldn't you love to have a pet kitty or fido ... forever? Where, if a car hits them, the car gets wrecked, not they?

Sweet! And you can do everything to it that people do to it: you know, go hunting, pat it, experiment on it by injecting it with chemicals, just like pharmaceuticals and cosmetic companies do! And the cool thing is, your pet won't develop cancer and die after you feed it five pounds of saccharine. Bonus!

No down side to having vampire pets at all, right?

Hm.

But here's the thing. When fido is hungry, fido has to wait for you.

A vampire dog wait for you? Why would it? It's thirsty, so it's going on a hunt. Now.

Then it bites a wolf, or a mountain lion, ... because it can, and then, can it kill its victim? No. So now you have a vampire mountain lion on the loose in the woods.

Anybody see 28 Days Later? Anyone? Anyone at all? Bueller?

Hm. And then that happens: a pandemic. And who comes to clean it up?

That's why we have the Volturi, ladies and gentlemen, because some fool vampire's brain goes snap or gets a fool idea into their mind and the little experiment goes right out of their control.

So, vampire pets? or vampire animal experimentation? Bad, bad idea.

And Carlisle's already thought of this. He's probably thought of this at his very first hunt: "Hey, I was turned by being bitten, I wonder if this stag can be turned, too."

Carlisle stayed there and made damn sure that stag's heart was stopped and it was not getting up again, then he buried the shredded remains deeply.

And when Carlisle visited the Volturi centuries ago? And took Aro on a hunt? To show Aro that there are alternatives? That bit of evangelization didn't go so well for Carlisle, but Aro probably saw right away the ramifications, and probably gave Carlisle a little warning lecture, to boot: "Now, Carlisle, I don't care what silly pursuits tickle your fancy, but if this gets out of hand ..."

A vampire animal gets on the loose, and the Volturi come, and they have all the justification they need to wipe out every abstaining vampire in the world.

So, you hate the Cullens and the Denali coven? Make yourself a vampire wolf.

After it turns, and shreds you to bits, and goes on a rampage, the Volturi will exact your revenge.

But don't think the Cullens are not onto this. They read the newspapers, and, as they've shown, they can mobilize a force strong enough to deal with any problem in the world ... including the Volturi. They read about your experimentation, they are coming to have some words with you. Last I checked the Volturi are sending a delegation to the Amazon to have a "chat" with a certain vampire doctor who likes to create half-breeds. You can bet the Cullens may send their own little envoy, too.

And that's the thing. You become a vampire, then you must think of the long-term (and eternal) consequences of every one of your actions, and the things you do locally have a possibly global impact, just as things happening in other parts of the world may have a direct impact on you.

So, do you think that becoming a vampire makes your life easier? That you can indulge whimsy?

Think again.

By becoming a vampire, all your tiny temporal problems are now eternal and far-reaching.

Vampire peaches. Vampire kittens.

Ha-ha. So funny. So cute.

Or not.

Words of Wisdom from Women

2010-04-03T14:45:00.000-07:00

My cara spoza reads my blog.

So, she read the last entry, and she told me she enjoyed it.

I asked, "What did you like about it?"

And she told me this story.

But first, let me tell you the story her mother told her.

You see, her mother is a multiple-Palanca award-winner for her writings (It's the Pulitzer in the Philippines), and she told my cara spoza this (in Tagalog) about writing.

Writing is like having a child.

There is the anticipation of it. It's growing within you, as you write, and you can't wait to get it out there. But at the same time you are so scared, ... how will she do in the world? What will other people think of her? How will they treat her? I shouldn't care about what other people think of her ... she is my baby ... but I do. Very much.

And then other people like her, and you are just so proud and so pleased. Or one person says just one little word of criticism, and you just want to kill that person ... until another person savages her. And then you want to die from the despair.

"Oh, she's not loved! ... but I love her! Shouldn't that be enough?"

And as soon as she gets out into the world, stumbling, and then finding her (Bella-)balance and (Bella-)grace, ...

Then she starts doing things you never saw nor expected. Then she creates her own stories, and they take on a life of their own.

Just like Twilight was one little dream that lead to two books (it and Forever Dawn) which lead to four books, when lead to Midnight Sun and now leads to Bree.

So I told you that story to tell you this one.

So, my cara spoza said that: "My mom told me writing is like having your own child."

And I, after I got over the shock of that epiphany, added that writing is an act of creation.

"Yes!" she exclaimed, "you get it!"

But I didn't. It had to be pointed out to me, by my dear wife, who is a woman and an mother. Two things that I am not. Fundamentally not.

And so, for me, reading Breaking Dawn? I know many of you do not relate to that book. There are many things in it that I do not agree with either.

Funny how Book III has a quote from Edna St. Vincent Millay ... and funny how Rosalie and Bella grow so much closer in Breaking Dawn ... just saying (*cough* msr *cough*)

But there are things in there that I can and do learn from it. One is this: 'little nudger.' The intimacy that Bella has with her baby, from that very first morning sickness, when she realized what caused it? And the immediacy with which Bella connected with her fœtus? That is something that I had had a dispassionate, an intellectual, understanding of, even until now, even writing stories about women in the most intimate way from a woman's perspective, credibly.

As has been told to me, I cannot possibly be a man, because I write about a woman's monthly travail with accuracy: neither running from it nor glorifying it nor profaning it.

But this one little thing. This one fundamental thing.

When my cara spoza had our second (living) child, it was a very tough pregnancy, requiring an emergency C-section when it was found the two very serious (mortal) issues in the late-term could not be addressed other than immediate delivery.

Out popped little Isabel. And I saw the little blue-eyed nudger, and thought: oh, that's nice. And handed her off to my dear wife on the operating table, and she cried and exclaimed: "My baby!"

Did I get it then? Maybe. Maybe a little bit.

Can I get it now? Maybe. Maybe not. I can try. I can try, as hard as I can.

But I am not my sisters. I am not my wife. I am not my multiple-Palanca-award-winning Mother-in-law.

I do not have children in the way that they could or did.

And that experience ...

I write. I write stories. I write to make life a joy or to make it tolerable.

To try to understand.

Sometimes, my writing touches you, my dear reader. And for that, I am grateful. And sometimes you share your words of connection or anger or appreciation, and I am grateful for those. Very grateful.

And when you share with me, as my cara spoza did today, I learn a little bit of that ineffable mystery that is life, in something so simple, so fundamental as this: my baby.

Please tell me how my writing affects you. Please tell me where I go right and where I go wrong.

Because msr, and my other writings, are my babies, just as Steph has her own babies in Twilight, et al, and the words you say in comfort are a comfort to me, and the teaching words you say, teach me.

Has msr helped you? At all? Tell me. I'd like to know. And, in telling me, maybe, by forming those words in your review, you'll see something about yourself or about msr that you didn't until you articulated it.

That's what 'sharing' is: you grow in the sharing of it, and I grow in the learning from it, ... from you.

And I will reply to your review, and thank you for it, ...

And, yes, I am thinking about the next chapter of msr ... okay?

The Steph Bug: a new Bree novella

2010-04-01T16:13:00.001-07:00

Fear not, this post is spoiler-free.

So, my brother Mike was pleased to inform me that Steph is sending her latest Twilight novella to be available late June.

Mike knows more about Twilight current events than I do.

(One could actually see the waves of pleasure emanating from him as he reported this item of news.)

Upon hearing this news, I was so pleased and so sad.

I was so pleased, because if anybody needs her story told, it is Bree (the newborn spared by the Cullens in the final battle with Victoria in Eclipse, but then ...), and, as Twilight and Midnight Sun has shown, Steph has a way of writing that inspires others to write (case in point: the gajillion twilight fan-fiction stories out there on ffn, etc).

But I was so sad, too. So sad for Steph. Because of this: I've got the writer's bug bad.

When my muse attacks me, she is mercilessly vindictive, she won't let me rest until I write that piece she's screaming in my face to write. I can't not write that piece, because when I don't my life becomes more and more wretched. I've got the Marcus chapter of my story 13ways on hold now for half-a-year. It's been plaguing me every day. I've started in on the third chapter of "Her Transformation." It's more than a week now, but it just hurts, more and more, and, scarily, less and less (I feel the dulling and the numbing of my will) each day my mind turns to it, ... and then turns away.

It hurts me, almost physically, to keep a piece bottled up inside, and the only way to ease that pain is the publish the thing.

Case in point. The next night of msr. Please, don't remind me. I know exactly what happens. I know why. All I have to do is write it down. After I write the day. After I write the ...

sigh

So I'm sad for Steph for this reason.

Ever since she wrote those pages in Eclipse, she's been thinking about Bree, hasn't she? You have ... I know you have. Some of you even went on to write stories about her. So there's Steph, burning with this for years, until now it's published.

Whew! Glad that torture's over with, eh?

But if only it were so easy. MSR. What has it inspired in me? All my other stories. What has it inspired in others? Some of their stories.

What will Bree's story do to Steph, now that it's out there? Has she now been expiated? I hope so, for her sake, but given my experience with writing msr ...

So I'm sad for Steph, because by writing this world of Twilight, she infected me, and others, with this writers' bug. But, as the publication of the Bree novella shows, it appears she's been infected as well.

Poor Steph!

... and poor me! The Bree novella to come out in June? How can I wait all that time?

You: maybe by writing and publishing that next chapter of msr?

Um, thank you for not reminding me.

sigh

Beautiful? Yes: Beautiful

2010-03-25T16:09:00.000-07:00

I got it. I finally got it.

It's a little thing. It's a no-thing. But, as for all epi-phanies ('epi': upon, sudden), it's a big thing.

And the thing, this obvious thing, is this.

Bella has always seen herself as inadequate, but how so? In taking care of Charlie? No. In school? Yes, a bit (or more than a bit, depending on her confidence). But as compared to, primarily any of the those magical, mystical Cullens (and Hales)?

Yes. Big time.

Why?

Because she sees herself as nothing to look at, that is, as just the girl next door. Okay, I suppose, but just that, so she's floored at the attention from everybody in school, and simply lost at the attention paid upon her by a certain vampire that is, initially, just as confused why.

But then this vampire sees Bella's inner beauty: Bella sees the good in people, and sticks up for them, sees the good in them that they refuse to see, even the good in them if they are a vampire, or a werewolf or a jealous, duplicitous rival at school, or nearly anyone, and Bella will go to bat for them, too, even if they don't want her, too.

Bella is beautiful on the inside.

But than beauty can't help but shine forth to her outside. She is the 'girl next door' but, wait, isn't the girl next door beautiful?

I argue yes. Do you see a girl when she can't hold in that smile because she's so happy? Isn't she beautiful? No matter her hair color or eye color or her height or anything! She's just bursting with beauty, because she's just so beyond worrying about her looks, so you don't see a worrier, you see a girl, a happy, beautiful girl.

But when Bella looks in the mirror, the worry returns, and she starts to measure, and, in her own eyes, right or wrong, she just doesn't measure up.

Now let's take the opposite case. Rosalie Lillian Hale.

Tall, statuesque, Blond, ice-blue eyes, strikingly, breathtakingly beautiful ... "the most beautiful woman [no, person] in the world." (Eclipse, ch 7)

... on the outside.

But on the inside, and, as she believes, visible for all to see, she's a hurting, angry, bitter woman. Raped and left to die by her fiancé and then turned without her will nor permission to be a creature of pure evil. Hateful. Spiteful. Damaged goods. Irredeemable.

How bad does she see herself? Canonically? Well, there's plenty of examples, but here's one that hasn't explored before.

Rosalie found, and rescued, Emmett when she was hunting alone. (Eclipse, ch 7)

Now, why was she hunting alone? Has anybody every thought of the why of that? No, but I have been, recently, and here's one of the things I've come up with.

She sees what she does, what she is now, something so disgusting, so reprehensible, that she won't even allow other vampires see her hunt.

Other vampires hunt together. Case in point, Edward and Emmett were hunting together, and Edward watched Emmett 'play with his food' (dismember a bear) as they discussed the 'Bella Issue' (Midnight Sun, ch 7 "Melody"). There was no embarrassment, no delicate looking away as they hunted. And case in point, Bella and Edward hunted together for more than a couple of kills when she was a newborn (Breaking Dawn, Book III). That went easily and naturally and 'graceful'ly for both participants.

Rosalie hunts alone. Why? She can't stand to let anyone else see who she really is when she drops that ironclad self-control, because when she opens up by just that hairline crack, she's afraid others will see that real her within that stunningly beautiful shell. Because she knows what they'll see of tainted her.

Rosalie is so beautiful on the outside, but when she stares into those eyes of hers looking back at her from that mirror, mirror on her vanity, she knows what she sees, and it's black, but it's not beautiful.

So there's Rosalie, beauty queen with the twisted soul.

And so there's Bella, the plain brown girl next door, with the big heart.

And my epiphany was this.

In msr, chapter 55 ("Beautiful"), Rosalie works, and has been working so hard, to show Bella that she is indeed a beautiful person on the outside.

In msr, chapter 14 ("No Talking to Vampires!") and on, Bella has been daring, as hard as she can, to show Rosalie that she is a kind being, a person who can hope, because she is worthy of daring to hope.

Both girls see the beauty of the other where each does not see the possibility of beauty being there, and each girl has made it her mission to convince the other that she is beautiful, through and through.

And, msr can be views as the roman à clef that has been carrying that torch for more than a year now, but, ironically, it was not msr that gave me this insight, it was me, taking a break from writing, and reading the work of other authoresses, and seeing that Bella hesitancy in her stuttering speech, but her utter determination to reach past Rosalie's absolutely cold distance, and seeing that Rosalie hesitancy reaching out to Bella for someone, anyone, to talk to her as a person, not as an object to be adored or a sibling to fight, but just as a person, a being, possibly even capable of being loved, but her absolute demand that Bella never be other than the best of her best, no matter how coldly, cruelly and abruptly Rosalie expresses that demand...

Seeing that, I sat up, and said: "Eureka!"

Bella is beautiful, through and through.

Rosalie is beautiful, through and through.

Even though neither sees that as a possibility.

You know what? You are beautiful, too: even though you don't see that as a possibility. The next time somebody catches you with your guard down when you're so happy that you cannot hide your smile, and they say, "Hey, you have a beautiful smile."

The next time that happens. Know what that person just told you.

You are beautiful.

Because it's true.

Bella can be beautiful, even standing next to that goddess Rosalie Lillian Hale.

Rosalie can be beautiful, even standing next to that selfless great soul Bella.

You can be beautiful, just like Bella, just like Rosalie, but most importantly, just like yourself.

Because you are.

Do you know what epiphany really means? It's God revealing Himself to us. Epi-phany: "Suddenly Revealed" How? By us seeing Him, face to face. So the modern philosophical interpretation, and how I try to live my life, is to see God in the face of the person in front of you, for after all, we are created in the image and likeness of God [Gen 1:27], so His Face shines forth, through yours.

This may do nothing for you, but it does everything for me, because, for me, it means that I try, all the time, to see the real you when I'm talking with you and listening to you, and for me, when I'm doing this, it's easy to see you and the beauty of you.

My epiphany. Bella is beautiful; Rosalie is beautiful, and each tries to convince the other of that fact.

You are beautiful. Convince yourself of that fact. And maybe there's somebody who needs to hear that they are beautiful, and maybe you are the person to tell them this. And, sometimes, guess what? When you tell them this, and they really get it, don't they become even more beautiful? And doesn't that do you a world of good, knowing you helped that one person to see their own beauty that you've seen hidden and revealed here and there?

You have that beauty, too.

Just like Bella, through and through. Just like Rosalie, through and through.

Just like you, through and through.

February 2010 stats

2010-02-28T07:40:00.000-08:00

On ffn.net/geophf as of February 28, 2010, 9 am EDT, 3845 pages viewed by 1100 readers:

Country Trophies:

Holy Crow (double-digit ratio): Venezuela, Sweden
Improved: USA, Philippines, Australia, UK, Canada, Ireland, Germany, Brazil, Venezuela, Mexico
Up, Up, and Away (improved ratio twice or more in a row): USA(x2), Philippines, Ireland, Germany(x2), Venezuela, UK(x2), Australia
Reversi (reversed a downward ratio with an upward one): Philippines, UK(x3), Australia(x3), USA(x2), Brazil, Ireland, Canada
Kicking butt (4.0 ratio or higher): Australia, Philippines, Argentina, Austria, Ireland, Venezuela, Peru, Brazil, Mexico, Sweden
Player: Australia, USA, United Kingdom, Philippines, Spain, Finland, Canada, Chile, Italy, Indonesia, Netherlands, South Africa, Norway, Argentina, Austria, New Zealand, Ireland, Venezuela, Peru, Germany, Brazil, Mexico, Sweden
Top 10er (Feb 2010): USA, UK, Australia, Ireland, Philippines, Canada, Germany, Venezuela, Brazil, Sweden
Comeback Kid (got knocked off the list, but then returned): Germany(x2), Finland
Golden (50 or more page views): USA, Philippines, Ireland, Australia, UK, Brazil, Venezuela, Sweden, Canada, Mexico, Germany

Medal holders, 2010 (best medal shown):

Gold: USA
Silver: UK, Canada
Bronze: Australia

It's been crazy, and I've been lazy ('crazy-lazy! They sound the same!' I love my daughters, if you didn't know), but here are the month's totals ... see you all on the other side, and thank you for reading!

Blow by blow: the UK, at the very end, surged to 2nd place, earning the silver. Germany made an 11th hour come-back, regaining the list, knocking Mexico off.

"Love Never Dies"? Well, yeah ...

2010-02-13T15:00:00.000-08:00

I don't know if you've noticed, but I've come out pretty strongly on some views. Edward, Bella, Rosalie, James, Alice, even, Emmett, even, Esme, even.

Hope.

Why?

Well, because "Now is all we have," and it may just be fan-fiction, but you're reading it or you're writing it. What are you reading? And what are you writing?

Or has been my case, what am I not writing?

Did you know Plato espoused censorship? Even book-burning and execution of authors who put forward dangerous ideas? He had a rival philosopher put to death. Did you know that?

Do you know why?

Because, even as I do not agree with his conclusions, I do agree with his concern, because you become who you associate with and what you read.

You become what you think about all the time.

So, do you use the characters in your stories? Well, then, it's a very easy step to use people to achieve your ends in actual life. And that's why I appear so vitriolic when I'm defending the characters or their use in a story. Why is Edward a playah? Or Bella a clumsy, clueless (stupid) girl, or Alice a shopaholic, or James a story-wrecker?

They aren't. Unless you treat them that way. They have depth, just as the people around you do. Your boss or your teacher is a person, too. Just like you. And deserves to be treated with the dignity they have innately. Just like you.

Respect. Or: "R.e.s.p.e.c.t." as I've heard sung.

So, now I'm going to address love in this entry. And Love.

So you're reading a story or you're writing a story, and it's called Twilight and Edward leaves Bella. But you know it's going to be okay, because there are two more books in the series and this is Edward and this is Bella ... so you know it has to be okay, right? Because "Love conquers all" and "Love never fails," right?

So you're reading a story or you're writing a story, and you have your Edward leave your Bella, because you know they're going to get back together, because they have to, right? Because this is Edward and Bella after all, right?

Stop. Please stop.

Yeah: "Love never fails." But that's capital-L "Love." But what happens for us here in the real world? What happens when A leaves B? What is the success rates of LDRs? ("Long Distance Relationships").

Isn't it a wonderful story when you hear of an LDR that worked out? You know what those stories are called? "Fairy tales." I've been through college, and I've had friends who worked, worked hard, at their LDRs. The success ratio of those efforts?

Near zero.

And those are LDRs where both parties worked hard to maintain their connection. What happens when A says to B, "I have to leave you [for your own good]"?

In the real world? I believe the phrase "It's all over but the singing." And that's why, in Twilight, Bella worked so hard, so desperately, to stop Edward from leaving, and when he left, that's why she descended into a depression so deep there were doctors in the house bandying the word "catatonia."

Because she knew. She knew it was game over, because in the real world, it is game over, and the counter example you come up with (if you can come up with even one) only highlights the incredible oddity of an LDR that worked, because, in reality, they don't work.

So, you wish to read or to write something romantic? Then, please, don't read nor write, a piece where the Edward leaves the Bella ... because coming back?

Bella: "Oh, Edward, so nice to see you again after all these months. Have you met my new boyfriend Jacob?"

And it's not because Bella is the playah. No. Because wouldn't it be even sadder to hear:

Bella: "Oh, Edward, I've missed you so much all these months. I put my life on hold and was hospitalized and tried suicide a few times but now you're back everything's okay, right?"

What's Edward's answer to the stalker-crazy girl?

Twilight took the opposite approach to this scenario: Bella goes to rescue Edward. But what happens in reality? There's no rescuing. There's no going back. You go to college, she goes to college. You marry. She marries. And maybe you think about her once every few years.

Maybe.

This is the reality of this world. This is the reality of this life.

And my concern, my grave concern, when I read stories like New Moon and the many, many fan-fiction pieces (that I no longer read) that follow in the footsteps of New Moon is that this "fairy tale" — this lie — is spreading to you, my dear readers and writers, and your character is being formed around this lie.

Because "Love never fails" but that's because Love is cultivated all day, every day. The moment love, or Love, is withdrawn or taken for granted or ignored, it begins to wither and ends up dead.

And "Edward left Bella, but that's okay, because 'Love conquers all'" is not okay. But if you read that or if you write that, you are poisoning yourself and others with this dangerous romantic notion that you can treat your beloved like this and it all works out.

Real romanticism?

Edward stays. Edward stays and works on himself, becoming worthy of Bella's love. And Bella stays, and, instead of thinking of herself as a nothing, works on herself to be worthy of Edward's adoration. And each helps each other in their work of being worthy of each other's love.

That's a real story. A real fairy tale with a real happy ending achieved each and every day, in fact. Because that, in the real world, is so rare to find these days in the Western World (both the Old World and the New). But unlike the fairy tale of 'A leaves B and they live happily ever after after A comes back', the possible tale of 'A stays with B' can accomplished by a you and by a me.

And as for the romanticism of that? Of "Edward stays with Bella"?

Boring? No.

"Chop wood, carry water" may not have the exciting ring to it of "Bella almost died jumping off a cliff today" but the curse of the Buddha is also a blessing. Novelty and excitement, contrarily, dull the senses and numb the mind. It is when you are doing something like holding your lover's hand for the twenty-fifth time, or the hundredth time or the time beyond counting that you notice, more, the softness of it, of her, and the kindness in her eyes.

It's the hundredth argument, where, somehow, miraculously, you manage to say "I'm sorry" and you reach a rapprochement that you say to yourself. "Wow. This is love. She loves me, and I love her, and we love each other."

And boring to read? No. Boring to write? No. Boring to live? No.

If you think so, perhaps you haven't experienced working on a relationship after the "first bloom fades"? Then let me tell you, a relationship "over the long haul" weathers storms from without and within. There are fireworks in a long-term relationship ... the fiery kind of fireworks (both kinds exciting).

But I can't say that I've experienced a relationship where the "first bloom fades," because, for me, my personal relationship? I still see her with the eyes of when I first saw her, nearly twenty years ago, and I see the changes she's made over those years, too. I have the advantages of both worlds: I'm seeing her, again, for the first time, and have the benefit of her wisdom over these years we've been together.

Boring? Quite the opposite, in fact.

Challenging, though? Yes. How can you write Bella and Edward holding hands for the one hundredth time and make it feel like it's the very first time going into Forks High School?

The same question can be asked by them. "How can I hold Bella's hand for the hundredth time, and still have it meaningful to her and to me?"

It is a real challenge. Just like love is. And Love. Because, yes, "Love conquers all" but that means there's a fight to win. That means it's a struggle.

And isn't that interesting to read and to write? The struggle through adversity, and then the victory, and the victory is sweet.

And after the victory, the next struggle, because things are always changing ... it just depends on which direction: growing or dying. And you and your beloved or you and what you read or what you write choose that direction, every day.

Love is a delicate, fragile thing. It needs constant cultivation. It doesn't need to be sabotaged by A leaving B, either because they are compelled by outside forces or by their own choice.

Because I've seen what happens when that happens, personally. But, sometimes, I've seen what happens when A stays, and I like reading that story, I like writing that story ... I like living that story.

p.s. St. Valentine, Martyr for the Faith, pray for us.

January 2010 stats

2010-01-31T11:49:00.000-08:00

On ffn.net/geophf as of January 31, 2010, 9 am EDT, 5,142 pages viewed by 1,524 readers:

	Country	views	readers	ratio	Δ
1.	USA	3022	846	3.6	-
2.	Canada	368	67	5.5	-
3.	United Kingdom	280	126	2.2	-
4.	Malaysia	268	34	7.9	v
5.	Australia	241	99	2.4	v
6.	Philippines	110	34	3.3	v
7.	New Zealand	94	22	4.3	v
8.	Chile	88	15	5.9	v
9.	Germany	84	26	3.2	-
10.	Argentina	50	3	17.0	-

Country Trophies:

Holy Crow (double-digit ratio): Korea, Republic of, Argentina
Improved: USA, Malaysia, Chile, Germany, Canada, Brazil, United Kingdom, Philippines
Up, Up, and Away (improved ratio twice or more in a row): Malaysia(x7), Germany, Canada(x5), Chile, United Kingdom(x2), Philippines(x2)
Reversi (reversed a downward ratio with an upward one): USA(x4), Canada(x5), Brazil, Philippines(x2), United Kingdom, Chile
Kicking butt (4.0 ratio or higher): Philippines, USA, Australia, Sweden, Vietnam, Korea, Republic of, Bulgaria, Chile, France, Canada, Argentina, New Zealand, Malaysia
Player: Philippines, USA, Australia, Canada, United Kingdom, France, Israel, Italy, Malaysia, Russia, Costa Rica, Germany, Brazil, Denmark, Mexico, Singapore, Sweden, Chile, Vietnam, Korea, Republic of, Bulgaria, New Zealand, Argentina
Top 10er (Jan 2010): United States, Canada, United Kingdom, Malaysia, Australia, Philippines, New Zealand, Chile, Germany, Argentina
Comeback Kid (got knocked off the list, but then returned): Brazil, Chile, France, Germany
Golden (50 or more page views): USA, Malaysia, Australia, United Kingdom, Chile, Canada, New Zealand, Germany, Argentina, Philippines

Wow! Your page views have pushed this site to 5,142 for the month, more than 1,000 hits more than the previous record of 4057 in November 2009; thank you all!

"Now is all we have."

2010-01-26T17:45:00.000-08:00

Rosalie told Bella this in chapter 35 ("With the Depression On") of MSR: "Now is all we have."

Why? Well, because Bella is mortal. She can die at any time, by Rosalie's hand (intentful or compelled) or otherwise.

In fact, the prior night, in chapter 22 ("Compulsion"), Bella almost did die.

So what happens next?

Well, in fact, three possibilities:

Nothing happens because MSR didn't happen, it's an echo of a thought and concern for both Bella and Rosalie. The seriousness of it made light through their (not particularly friendly yet) banter, but the seriousness of it still there in their minds. This was told in Rose Read, ch 10 ("Fragile") by Jocelyn Torrent.

Rosalie returns in time to save Bella, and that story continues to Rosalie's statement. This is the continuation of MSR in ch 23 ("Rosalie Needs a Guy Like Me") ... Bella's not a guy, by the way.

Or ... Rosalie doesn't return in time. Bella dies. And Rosalie goes on. And on and on and on. This is told by Rosalie in my one-shot story "Reminiscence."

In each of these alternatives, Rosalie sees our girl’s end. What she does with what she sees is very different in each of the tellings. Very different, but, as she is Rosalie, very Rosalie.

But it's just fan-fiction, so there's no lesson to be learned here.

Is there?

Or.

Or ask Rosalie the question ... her captive was this close. This close. And she’s doing what because of this knowledge?

Good thing this is just fiction, eh? For we could never lose someone we love just like that ... for we could never be taken away from the ones we love just like that ...

Yeah. Good thing this is just fiction.

"Now is all we have," Rosalie tells Bella, justifying her verbal onslaught and determined rage.

"Now is all we have."

Am I treating the ones I love with dignity and respect and love? Will I be able to say that I was glad to have that last second with them or that I regret the last second and how I treated them?

Because this second could be the last one. Because this second is the last one, for somebody, for at least 3,000 somebodies, at least and in fact.

I hope not find myself living Rosalie's "Reminiscence." I hope that.

... Not that, ahem, I’m stating a position here about any feelings any character may or may not have for any other character in this story ...

James, the story-wrecker

2010-01-10T17:30:00.000-08:00

"James, the story-wrecker"

aka "Don't Ask Me to Read Your Fan Fiction, II"

aka "You can have it both ways, but that hurts"

Okay, this isn't about James, the vampire, per se, but about the plot element I've read in story after story and I've simply gotten sick of it, and I am now so fuming at you, my dear authoress, when you ask me to "please read my story, because it has something to say, but only if you want to, but I really wish that you would because ..."

Okay, look, let me explain something to you. Okay, so, you've read my caveat scriptor, and you can spell your name and you know the difference between 'lay' and 'lie' and 'defiantly' and 'definitely.' So you know how to spell ... heck, you even use the semi-colon appropriately.

Good for you.

So let's take it to the next level: writing a story that worth reading by not writing a story not worth reading.

See, Stephenie Meyer wrote this vampire story, and you may like it or you may not, but now you are writing a vampire story with her characters.

That's great. I am, too. Howdy. Nice ta meetcha.

Good so far. Yes. And your Bella has met your Edward and everything's wonderful.

Great.

But now they are in a relationship, so, instead of developing that relationship, you panic. Because what's to write about if the characters can now kiss?

What indeed?

Well, let's throw some action in there, eh? You know, mix it up a bit to take the readers' eyes off the fact that I'm stuck story- and character-development-wise with a good ole fight scene and a revenge quest.

I know, you crow, let's introduce James into the mix.

*sigh*

That my dear authoress is a very, very bad move, for two reasons. What two reasons? you ask the geophfster.

I'm glad you asked.

The first and foremost reason that this is bad is that if I wanted to read Twilight again, I would read Twilight again. The reason why I was reading your story (but am now longer reading your story, if you didn't get the hint) was because your piece of fan-fiction was supposed to be saying something to me about the Twilight characters in your story.

Your story? Right? Meaning: something you have to say about the characters that Steph didn't say. So, what does that mean? That means if you have something unique to say about the Twilight characters, then either your story is canonical or it is not (the fan fiction term is AU: alternate universe). If your story is canonical in the plot, then you are telling it from Alice's POV in Lunière or from Edward's in Midnight Sun or ... something!

So in that case James is present on the baseball field, but I'm probably not reading that story.

If it's not a canonical story, then its an AU story, and then guess what? The same events are not happening because Alice gets hit by a truck or ... something! Do you know what that means? It means ... Oh! my Goodness! ... you can write your own story! ... with your own plot developments! ... you can even ... dare I say? ... take the time to develop your story, your characters and their relationships. You know? You don't have to write an actioner if you are writing a relationship piece.

When you introduce James, the story-wrecker, the action guy in a relationship fic, you know what you've just done? You've just wrecked your own story. Just like Bonne Foi was wrecked by James. Just like Twilight was wrecked.

Did you notice that Twilight is actually two stories? It's one story pre-James-wreckage and it's ... well, it's not a story after that at all anymore, now, is it? It's an actioner. It's a thriller.

Bring out Michael Jackson for an ensemble dance during the cat and mouse chase scenes.

That might've actually improved the story ...

You don't have to wreck your own story just because Steph chose to wreck hers. You really don't.

When I read James appearing out of nowhere in a story, I stop reading that story. I don't care if it has over 10,000 reviews, like Bonne Foi will.

But now that you've wrecked your story with James, you have to go ahead whole hog with wrecking your story, don't you? So now you have your Edward abandon your Bella, because, well, Steph did that. Even if your Edward isn't actually Edward, but is Alice or Rosalie or somebody like that.

Look. Edward left Bella because Edward is Edward. But anybody else leaving Bella?

They wouldn't.

Bella: "Don't leave me, X!"
X: "Nah, I'm going to leave you, even though I love you, because I'm a proxy Edward."

So now your character is OOC themselves and IC Edward? And you want me to read a story about your Alice or Rosalie or Jasper or whomever being Edward, even though I hate his behaviors to my bones and marrow, why again?

Look. You aren't Steph. You are writing your story. You aren't writing hers. She wrote a multi-million seller. Go, Steph. I'm proud of her.

But make me proud of you. Find your own voice and write your own story, please.

No, don't make me proud of you.

Make you proud of you.

Are you writing your own story? Well, then, for Heaven's sake: write your own story!

I give you permission. You have your own story to tell. Tell that story.

Epilogue

So does that mean you can't use James, then?

No, it doesn't mean that. It means that your Bella has to meet James with the Cullens because Steph's did? No, it doesn't mean that either.

Huh? you ask.

Okay, example, then. And plot spoiler. James shows up in my story. And Victoria. And Laurent. Well, actually just James. But where? Where people meet vampires: in the city in a secluded alley. And does Bella meet him? No, Rosalie's other girl meets him. And with vampire protection? No, because vampires avoid each other. And what does James do? James does what any vampire does.

Dinner time.

Sure you can introduce James, but put him in a realistic place (yes, 'realistic place' ... I said that about vampires) and have him act realistically. James going on the hunt against a coven of seven vampires?

James is over three hundred years old. He values his fun, yes, but he values his existence.

"Hm. Bella smells temping, but against seven vamps? This other person in the next state will probably taste just as nice, I wager."

And your vamp lover leaving Bella for her safety with a vampire hunting her?

Only Edward is that stupid, please don't dumb your character down that much, because should you choose that, then here is one reader not reading about stupid characters stupidly ignoring their more than seventy years of experience to make stupid choices.

After all, if I wish to do that, I can reread Twilight. I was reading your piece because I thought I was learning what you have to say about the characters.

You can't do that if you are fitting plot elements of Steph's story into yours pel mel ... and to what end? Your story is better than Steph's. Or it was until James the story-wrecker showed up, sans reasonable justification, god-like out of nowhere, yes: deus ex machina. I don't read contrivances. You want me to read your piece, then don't write contrivances, and don't write Steph's story.

Write yours.

Acronyms

AU:	Alternate Universe
IC:	In Character
OOC:	Out of Character
POV:	Point of View

Eternity vs. Butt Patting

2010-01-08T15:11:00.001-08:00

So, my most recent chapter of MSR, ch 55 ("Beautiful"), was about beauty and death. What did everybody take away from it?

Butt patting.

*sigh*

Everyone.

So, I'm not going to fight it here. I'm just going to allow one authoress, Avarenda, speak about what butt patting means to vampires: the inner torment they suffer at said butt patting.

What I meant by Rosalie 'torturing herself' was that Rosalie (by touching Bella in an intimate manner) is torturing herself by metaphorically getting a taste of the 'forbidden fruit.' Of course, as far as sampling forbidden fruit goes, touching Bella's butt isn't that big of a deal.

HOWEVER, when you factor in the fact that Rosalie WILL NEVER forget what Bella's ass felt like (for as long as she exists) it might be a certain type of agony to recall. Especially when Bella is long gone. (Or even just in the middle of the night when Rose has nothing to distract herself from thinking about it)

I guess (for Rose) we should compare Bella to heroin. Trying it even once will only make her crave for more, than again. Perhaps I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. I guess we'll see.

Avarenda

Butt patting, it seems then is like heroin for vampires, more tempting, even, than blood. Who would have known?

Rosalie sure didn't.

Until she patted Bella's "very cute" butt.

Year End Stats for 2009

2009-12-31T06:40:00.000-08:00

Thank you to all the readers from all the countries that showed interest for my stories on ffn. For the year 2009 there were 25448 page views and 10688 readers (yielding a ratio of 2.38 pages viewed per reader).

The following countries placed in the top three slots for the year 2009 (highest metal medal (say that three times quickly) earned shown for the country):

Bronze (3rd place): Brazil

Silver (2nd place): UK, Australia, Germany, Canada, Israel

Gold (1st place): USA

It took approximately 150 page views (reading MSR three times) to make the list; it took on average 1500 page views to score the gold.

The following are the countries that viewed 50 or more pages in a month for this year, earning them a Golden trophy (reading MSR once in a month will earn this trophy):

Australia, Belgium, Brazil, Canada, France, Germany, Ireland, Israel, New Zealand, Philippines, Romania, South Korea, Sweden, UK, USA

Thank you again to all the countries and to all the readers of my stories. If you wish to see your country here on this list next year, you simply need to read MSR once in one month. To earn a medal for your country, read MSR thrice in one month.

Read MSR! Not only is it good for your soul, but it shows nationalistic pride!

Um ... yeah. Well, anyway, thank you all again.

December 2009 stats

2009-12-31T06:25:00.000-08:00

The end result for the month of December 2009 for page views, readership and ratios on ffn are as follows:

Top 10er (Dec 2009):
1. USA
2. UK
3. Australia
4. Canada
5. Romania
6. Brazil
7. Philippines
8. Italy
9. Germany
10. Spain
It took 29 page views (or reading ½ MSR) to make the top 10 list this month.

Holy Crow (double-digit ratio): Romania

Improved (ratio): USA, UK, Australia, Sweden, Brazil, Canada, New Zealand, Germany, Philippines

Up, Up, and Away (improved ratio twice or more): UK(x6), Australia(x4), USA(x3), New Zealand, Brazil, Sweden, Canada(x2), Philippines

Reversi (reversed a downward ratio direction to an upward one): Australia(x4), UK, Brazil, USA(x2)

Kicking Butt (4.0 ratio or higher): UK, Tanzania, Romania, Spain, Puerto Rico

Player (show up on the top 10 list during the month): Australia, USA, UK, Hungary, Germany,Israel, Hong Kong, France, Greece, Canada, Brazil, Sweden, Netherlands, Spain, Poland, Italy, Tanzania, New Zealand, Romania, Puerto Rico, Philippines

Yes, Australia held the number 1 slot at the beginning of the month.

Comeback Kid (got knocked off the list, but then made it back on): France, Italy, New Zealand, Germany, Spain

Golden (50 or more page views): USA, UK, Australia, Canada, Romania, Brazil, Philippines

There were 3497 page views with a total of 1231 readers for this month. Good show everyone and every country! Thank you for your interest in my stories.

Charlie Swan

2009-12-30T05:37:00.000-08:00

I think sometimes, Charlie as a father, wonders what he's there for at all. He loves Bella to death, but I think he's a little lost at times, being steamrolled by his own daughter, and loving her, helplessly, for it and in spite of it.

I think Bella turned out kind of exactly the way he wanted her to turn out: strong, independent, beautiful, smart, a self-starter, ... a take-charge girl.

But now, Bella is ... Bella.

And Charlie is so lost.

Because when Bella is strong, he feels like a third wheel on a bicycle: in the way, quiet too often, and saying the wrong things when he does speak up.

And when Bella is weak, he ... he just ... he just doesn't know what to do. He wants to take away her hurt and her sadness; he wants to fix it; he wants to see her smile once again, just one more time in her life before she kills herself today, as he's sure she will (that's why he takes the rounds out of his sidearm now, even though he never had to before). He wants her to be happy, but he doesn't know what he can do to get to the point where she's even eating again, instead of just picking at her food, listlessly.

And it's that boy Edward Cullen, that boy who left her in the forest to die, that boy who broke her heart in two, is the one that brings her out of the pit of her despair.

Remember when Edward carried her up the stairs from the airport?

What did Charlie want to do? Nothing. Besides murder that boy. Right now.

But then Bella gives him what-for ... and for what? So Charlie does what the parents' manual says: rules, grounding, hovering, chaperoning.

And now, that Charlie is the bad-guy dictator, he's even more lost than before, and so much more unhappy.

Because Bella is happy now ... but when that boy breaks his little girl's heart again, there won't be any recovery for her.

And Charlie can't do a thing to ease that fall: not grounding, not jacobing, not "other friends"ing not nothing-ing can stop her headlong plunge that she's embracing, that she's running toward with all her might and with that big happy smile on her face.

Bella is "everygirl."

Is Charlie Swan "everydad"? I wonder.

Hugs

2009-12-28T15:46:00.000-08:00

In MSR, ch 53 ("School in Session") Rosalie hugs Bella. Well, now, I've gotten requests for hugs from readers. And, well, anybody who asks for a hug needs a hug, right? So maybe they should get the hug, if the other party is not against the idea of hugging (as you see in the chapter, Rosalie doesn't seem to be against the idea ... or if she is then she doesn't put up too huge of a fight, now does she?).

So, if you need a hug, tell me "I need a hug from X, geophf," and presto (that is presto if X doesn't mind giving hugs), it'll be here.

Now, you must prove X is not unwilling to give hugs. Edward thinks it's improper (cf the whole canon and RLT). Esmé loves giving hugs (she has to stop herself from giving too many hugs, in fact), the other twichars? Well, we'll take it on a case by case basis (except the pixie, of course, proof: Twilight, "Alice mauls the BFF human while everybody's wondering if Bella should eat the food or if they should eat her" chapter).

But I do have a question. Did anybody ever see it coming that Rosalie would give anybody a hug before reading MSR? Just askin'

But do consider this caveat. What kind of hug are you going to get from a vamp? "Ooh! You're a vamp, Rosalie: hug me!" She'll hug you all right! But only after kidnapping you to a cabin in the woods and asking you annoyingly penetrating questions until you cry. Then she'll hug you. Just sayin'

Bella: Pride and Prejudice

2009-12-22T15:23:00.000-08:00

"Boy, geophf," you say, "reading the latest, that Bella surely is ... well, frankly, stupid!"

I would beg to differ with your assessment (translation from Austen-speak: "Um, no").

"But," you insist: "How could she guess so wrongly as to why Rosalie would be wanting to teach her sign language?"

Okay, so, here's the thing. Reflect on her prior thoughts when she considered the presence of the American Sign Language book ... what was she thinking then?

Her thoughts precursored her thoughts now: "Rosalie is/will teach me this so she won't have to speak to me again."

That was her prejudice, or, as we say now: her preconceived notion.

Now, try this. Have somebody pick at you until you are thoroughly ticked off about it and about them. Become furious.

Bella's pride was offended, because Rosalie was criticizing her with compliments.

Now try to think straight.

You cannot, right? Because you're angry. It's called "a loss of perspective."

Bella's prejudice lead her to believe a certain thing ... she is very intuitive, after all, and what does that mean? It means she jumps to conclusions. And her pride was offended, that means she's very likely to stick by her guns, right or wrong, come Hell or high water.

Sounds a lot like Elizabeth Bennett as Mr. Darcy rattles off all her (and her family's) faults, and then ask her to consider something.

She surely "considers" something, all right! That Mr. Darcy got an earful!

Now, people are quick to criticize Bella in this chapter, including, particularly, Rosalie (which does not help matters any). Put yourself into Bella's shoes. The next time you are so furious you can't even see the person you are "talking" with, because all you see is red, ... well, I dare you to do what you accuse Bella of not doing: think about what you are saying.

Is your argument sound or ad hominem? Are you "thinking straight"? Or have you "lost perspective"?

That Bella Swan is just so "eat up with pride" and just so often jumps to conclusions, the wrong ones. Doesn't she!

Hm, yes, she does. But she's not reading the story. She's living it. So, you, living your stories: you have it all mapped out, now, do you?

Bella Swan has a mote in her eye.

But she's trying, sometimes, to look in the mirror.

Give her that, at least, please.

And before you cast a stone, recollect when you were seventeen. You knew everything there was to know then?

If you say you did, then you're not casting a stone at Bella. Doesn't feel like such a good idea now, because, of course, you know it is kind of like throwing the stone at the mirror, right?

Don't ask me to read your fan fiction

2009-12-22T15:03:00.000-08:00

Really.

I'm serious.

Don't ask me to read your fan fiction. Because if I read it, I'll review it.

If I review it, you will hate me. Forever. And all your fans will hate me. Forever.

Don't ask me to read your fan fiction if you don't know the names Strunk and White better than you know your own.

Don't ask me to read your fan fiction if you haven't charted the plot of your story from its inception all the way to its conclusion.

Don't ask me to read your fan fiction if your characters aren't real. If they don't have something to say to me, then I will surely have something to say to you about that.

In fact, don't ask me to read your fan fiction until you have read my beta profile and read every entry here under the writing category, and know that your fan fiction can survive those meat grinders intact and whole. Oh, you say you have? Then you won't mind me quizzing you a bit, then, will you?

Don't ask me to read your fan fiction. Because your fan fiction is your baby, and I am King Solomon, and I will rip that child, that means everything to you, right in half.

You are writing. You love writing. You want some positive, affirming comments about something that you love doing. Or you think you are strong. You think you can take constructive criticism.

Yeah? I bet you do. I bet you do ... like so many other who said they would be professional and courteous and open to suggestions and told me that "but my story is different! Read it, geophf. Please! It'd mean so much to me!"

I have this message for you, my dear, particularly: don't ask me to read your fan fiction.

Really.

"If I have the time ..."

2009-12-19T05:23:00.000-08:00

I've gotten this three times in the last month.

"Oh, I was skimming your story, and I was wondering if it'd be a waste of time for me to read."

"Oh, I was skimming your story, and I'll read it maybe someday when I have the time."

"Oh, I read your story (all 300 pages of it) and I'll leave one review on it, when you come out with a new chapter, if I have the time."

Read those statements above, and turn to somebody, face-to-face, and say that to them about something important to them.

"I'll watch your first ballet recital, if I have the time."

"I'll buy you a Christmas present, if I have the time."

"I'd come to dinner, but the game's on. I don't have time for family time."

The sad thing is: people do say that now, all the time, don't they?

They're talking on their cell phone while they're "with" you.

They're working on their computer while they're "talking" with you.

They're ... I don't know ... they're making excuses to cop out of plans with you, because, frankly, the TV's more important to them than you are.

What ever happened to respect? What ever happened to treating people as persons, not as things? Did it never happen at all before, and I was misled? Was I raised wrongly by my parents to try to give the people I'm with my attention?

So you wrote to me and said you would read and review my stories "if you had the time."

You're busy; I'm busy; we're all busy. How nice. And it IS nice that you're willing to make the effort to comment on my stories.

But "if I have the time"?

You may not have the time. You may have a family with two daughters. You may have work deadlines. You may have other friends you like more. You may have to watch an average of 8 hours of TV or 'net-slumming. You may have all of these things, and more.

But saying that to somebody? "I love you, and I'd tell you, if I had the time." "I'd do that report, boss, or professor, if I have the time." "I'll leave a review on your story, if I have the time."

The good intention is destroyed by the equivocation. If you have the time, do the good thing. If you don't have the time, don't do the good thing.

But time is prioritization, and saying "if I have the time" translates directly into "you are on my priority list, somewhere below watching TV, or whatever."

When I talk with somebody, when I talk with you, I give you my full attention. My whole time. I MAKE the time to talk with you. Out of the many readers I've had today, out of the many markings of favourites and PM and story alerts and sometimes reviews, ... and the rest of my life.

I do not "if I have the time" anybody. When I'm with you, I'm with you.

Please, don't "if I have the time" somebody. "Everybody does it" these days, because everybody treats everybody else as things, not as persons. But I've worked with people who have taken time out of their busy-busy schedules, I'm talking Captains and Admirals, who have more meeting time scheduled every day than they have hours in the day. When they do that? When somebody makes time for you, how does that feel?

Doesn't it feel nice when an authoress, like, for example, Jocelyn Torrent, replies to your reviews? (You do leave her reviews of the chapters that meant something to you, don't you? You do know how much substantive reviews mean to her, don't you?) She has more than twice the reviews in one story than I have total. And she responds to every single one. AND all her PMs. I know. So does Lion in the Land. So do I. So do more than a few others, as well.

Many, many, many do not. That is not your problem. That is their (serious) problem. Your problem is how you are treating this person you are writing to or this person in front of you right now, and you cannot justify your callousness, no matter what anybody else says or does.

"Everybody does it" is the weakest, lamest cop-out of an excuse to justify what you know to be a wrong doing. A slight. Besides: do you wish to be like "everybody"? That is a faceless "nobody" in the crowd? Or do you wish to be you, and be treated with kindness and individual attention?

As we few writers do when we respond to your review, even though it's the 283rd review for this story we've received. Even if it's the 711th.

Those of us who do this, well: we MAKE the time for you, AND we write these wonderful, in some cases, award-winning stories that have captured your attention and fired your imagination.

"But I was just saying that, I wasn't being mean, I was just explaining myself." Yes, I know you weren't being mean. I know this. But how much thought did you put into those words, because every word you say means something.

I am a person. You wrote to me, or you talked with me. Please treat me as a person. I prioritize things, not people. Please don't prioritize me below things: I don't like feeling less than a thing. I don't know anybody who does.

You may review what you've read of my story that had meaning to you (and you've read my story and nothing has moved you at all?). You may not. But please don't so blithely dismiss me or my work with "time." You read it. Perhaps all 300 pages of it (so far), so you've had time to do that, but you didn't have time to select the "review chapter" link?

Maybe not (I cannot believe that). But telling me? "I read one of your stories, but I didn't review any of the 52 chapters. Maybe I will after you do more work (because a card deck of chapters isn't enough) ... if I have the time."

Please don't do this. Please don't imply this.

Because time is all we have, and there's only a limited amount we're given, and we don't get it back, so make your time you have precious. For yourself, and for others.

Epilogue

Writing this post, I've come to the sudden realization of the following. Others have complained that MSR is taking it's sweet time, going hardly anywhere at all.

Why?

Because Rosalie is doing something that hardly anyone does. She is taking time with Bella. Instead of saying: "You are like this, so I will treat you like this" (and Rosalie does do a lot of that in MSR, I grant you), she is taking these days to find out who Bella really is ... you know? The apologia for this piece? She is finding out who Bella really is and treating her as that person, not as the person she wants Bella to be.

Now, Rosalie is very unhappy with the real Bella, the person who she is. But she does work with that person, and not (always) dismiss her out of hand.

Unlike how Edward treats Bella in the canon, perhaps?

Is this why MSR is so frustrating for so many? Is it because they wish Bella and Rosalie just to move on and treat each other as ... what? ... and ignore each other's and their own faults and failings ... and consequently ignore each other's and their own strengths and humanness?

Hm. If you're frustrated, and you want Bella and Rosalie to get on with it ("What 'it'?" I ask. And you answer: "Oh, the obvious, you dummy!" And my answer is: "What obvious?"), then I wonder. Do you treat your friends and family like this?

Do they treat you like this ... and you allow it?

It may be your best friend that you've know from first grade, but she's still a person. It may be your daughter or mother, but she's still a person.

It may be your dad, but he still needs your love.

"If I have the time ..." to treat another person as a person?

You do.

Mirror, Mirror on your Life (MSR, again)

2009-12-10T21:23:00.001-08:00

"Gosh, geophf, MSR just goes over and over the same thing, over and over again! It just ... well, to tell the G-d's honest truth, pretty aimless!"

À propos de rein, I love it when people tell me they are telling me the G-d's honest truth. Does that mean they are lying to me at all other times?

Let me ask you: what kind of fic is MSR?

What kind of fic is an in every way ordinary girl's life? I mean, for real.

An every day, ordinary girl does what, day-in and day-out. Wake up. Potty. Go to school. Eat lunch. Potty. More school. Go home. Supper. Homework. Brush teeth. Bed.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

"But, geophf, I don't wanna read about boring. I wanna read about vamps!"

Boring. Hm. Well, okay.

The "Mirror, Mirror" chapter is day two of Bella's imprisonment. On day two of anything, is one blowing up the Brooklyn Bridge? No, on day two of anything, one is adjusting to life at school or on the job.

And Bella's life, now? Boring? Having just nearly died, what? Four times in the last twenty-four hours?

Um.

Now, let me argue from your side, if I may.

"GOD! Bella's period is taking FOREVER! AND I JUST WANT TO SCREAM AT HER AND GOD! AND ..."

Okay, Rosalie, settle down there, GF!

Rosalie hasn't been able to say a peep for this whole time AND IT IS DRIVING YOU AND IT IS DRIVING HER CRA-a-a-a-a-a-ZY! Remember that scream in the forest at "The Promise"? Remember it?

In a chapter or few, Rosalie will begin to be able to talk again.

And Bella, finally, will get her wish, eh? FINALLY, they'll be able to have a conversation, right?

What kinds of conversations have they had when Rosalie could talk?

Hm.

Fireworks ahead.

But please do note. MSR is NOT Twilight. Vampire baseball is right out. And if it is in (which it's not), there's not going to be a plot-derailing James that's going to show up, because that's being handled by a very different plotty plot line (yay! geophf admits there's going to be plot development eventually), off-scene entirely from MSR (read future chapters of 13ways for the entire Laurent, James, Victoria debacle).

MSR is NOT "Terminator 27: the reunified destructinization!" MSR is much more like "Out of Africa." MSR is chick-flicky, and not chick-flicky like "Thema and Louise" but chick-flicky, like, well ... MSR.

Sigh.

geophf, writer of chick-flicky fan-fiction.

So, if you're looking for Edward to come crashing into the party tomorrow ... well, there's Bonne Foi (it even stars plot-derailing James). But fireworks do happen in MSR. Why? Because it does star vampires. But the last set of fireworks was at "A Swim," right? And the next set is at "Lillian, Arise!" (sort of), and the following set is at ... well, it depends. Is Bella's escape fireworks, or the visit of unexpected company to the cabin fireworks? or ...

Talk-talk-talk. That's what MSR is. Along with vampires, and near death experiences. And misunderstandings. And UST.

You know: "Pride and Prejudice and Vampires." Hey, somebody ought to write a book like that!

(YES, I KNOW! Okay? I already KNOW!)

But you already know all this about MSR right?

MSR has zero sex appeal on ffn. It's not an AH AU ExB smutfest (previously mentioned). It's a slice-of-(un)life story. You know? The everyday ennui and horror of life. The everyday hope of it.

It doesn't gloss over the dull and dreary and dreadful details of the person standing right next to you all day every day. But it also doesn't gloss over the nobility of that self-same person.

Be that person an inept cowgirl, or a stunning socialite of a vampire.

Repetitious? Yes. Does your life have a plot advancement every two days? If yes, then, have a cookie and why are you reading boring old MSR, when you're going skydiving today, and yachting tomorrow?

I think boring old MSR is so very much more exciting than Bella ever dreamed her life would be, even though that includes a regular trip to the potty.

I think boring old life itself, you know, the one most people live? Is way more exciting than ever anyone would have ever thought it would be, if only they opened their eyes to look up from their desk to see the rain storm outside, or the person right beside them.

MSR doesn't do that. Both Bella and Rosalie absolutely refuse to see the other person as she is, instead they try to see the other person as how they think the other person should be.

But MSR tries.

It takes an awfully lot of tries even to begin to see the other person as something other that an echo of 'it' - the way I want them to be. And its so hard, maybe even too hard, for most people even to try to do that. I mean: it's boring and unrewarding work, to see the other person as a person, and not an it that I can just use and then discard, so I can move onto the next adventure.

This is the curse of the Buddha, you know. That unrelenting search for happiness beyond the next hill. You know what the redemption is, however? Finding happiness, right here, right now, in the small, little, ever repeated, everyday grind of life; the task at hand.

Not fun. Not exciting. Not adventurous.

But, when one finds satisfaction in it: peace and happiness.

Maybe even joy.

Maybe hope.

Is MSR self-satisfied? I don't think so. I think MSR is a very unsatisfied work. I think I put every ounce of quality I can into every chapter I publish.

But does that mean you have to like MSR? Nope, of course not, there are many excellent pieces on ffn. And do they agonize over the final things, like MSR does? Most don't. They're well-written and a rip-roaring read.

What do you come out of those stories with? What did you come into MSR expecting? But now that you are here ... is what that MSR is, in its quiddity and hæcceity of it, worth a continued read of it? Do other fan fiction pieces make you work at them? Sure! Some really great works do (medicine wheel) ... don't they, also, consider the final things?

Like 'hope' and 'friendship'? And 'I and Thou'? Or, more properly, 'Ich und du'?

What is MSR?

To most, it's boring; plotless.

What is it to you?

Oh, one more thing. Rosalie is — surprise! — a vampire, and Bella is just a plain old human. Still with me?

If you dislike the imbalance of their relationship, Bella likes it perhaps less so than you. But you know who hates it the most? Rosalie (cf RLT). Finding a "balanced" relationship? TRULY balanced, that is, right down to the marrow, not just on the surface? Hm. MAKING a truly balanced relationship where one is an invincible goddess (literally from Ancient Greek times: read Hymn to Aphrodite by Sappho and tell me that she's not describing a twivamp) and the other's a plain girl of no breeding nor bearing?

That, truly, is an adventure.

In my book, anyway.

Representing Rosalie and Bella

2009-12-07T14:51:00.000-08:00

I've just read a wonderful canonical one-shot about Rosalie, called "And I Am Not" by Jocelyn Torrent. I received two surprises in that story: the first was an accurate portrayal of Rosalie, then second was an accurate portrayal of Bella. Read it.

Both characters have been so easily, so callously, misrepresented in fan fiction, so getting them just right? Well nigh impossible. Bella isn't a perfect character who does everything right except for falling down three times per chapter. And Rosalie is, well, I've harped on this before.

Okay, I'll harp some more.

My heart always gets in the way of my pen, and I'm so scared that my representation will turn sympathetic, not accurate.

Rosalie qua Rosalie has everything she needs to be what she is, and tampering with that, Charles Dickensing that, only takes away from the strengths that she has. She is vain and conceited, but she still is strong and righteous and determined and has gone through everything, in her life and in her unlife, and still holds her head high, proudly.

To say: "Aw Rosalie!" robs her of her battle scars (that she mostly inflicts on herself), robs her of herself.

But it so hard to abstain from reaching through the screen and giving her a it'll-be-okay-hug or just pure happiness.

She'd probably turn it down anyway. "A freebie? For Rosalie Lillian Hale? I don't need your charity nor your pity, thank you, geophf."

She sure is one tough cookie. As they say when and where she grew up: a right broad.

Rosalie and Bella. Each in her own way: two right broads, and when written correctly, such a pleasure to read.

PM Response Policy

2009-12-06T22:29:00.000-08:00

Dear Reader,

Thank you for sending me the PM about one of my stories. I appreciate all substantive and polite feedback, positive or negative, and ffn has provided a service to facilitate that called the reader review process. I see in your PM you have questions for me, but you haven't availed yourself of the review process on my stories, ... yet you say you've read my stories from chapter one? And if you haven't, then I'm afraid that the most recent chapter doesn't make all that much sense out of context.

So, here's the thing. I've found that out-of-the-blue PMs about my works usually devolve (eventually) into one thing or another, and I'm tired of me or my work being savaged. I have other things to do, like write the next chapter, or respond to reviews or PMs from my reviewers. You wish to have a conversation with me? I wish the same, but now I can only afford to have conversations with people I know and I trust, so that if we do get into an argument, we have a track record of recovery so that we can both walk away still respecting each other.

We don't have that relationship yet? Then I recommend that you establish then build upon it. Leave me your substantive reviews of the chapters you loved or hated. Show me why and tell me why. I reply to every substantive or polite (or, preferably, both) review I receive. From that position of trust, THEN we can have a conversation about whatever we desire, eh?

But until that time? I will send you my one-liner response: "Thank you for your PM. Please see my PM response policy located on my profile page." It's not personal against you, it's just that your PM is the next pitch, and I already have two strikes against me: if I'm going to be swinging, I want to know that it will do something for the team. I want to get on base; I want that grand slam. So throw the ball hard, yes, but in the strike zone, please.

"But I don't have time to review your story that I just read all 300 pages of I just wanna know ..."

Hm. Ayn Rand has an interesting way of categorizing people: producers and users. Which are you? And, if you are fine being a user, if you just wish to use me, then I recommend you not waste your time PMing me, but curl up and enjoy reading your Being and Nothingness because your time will be more fruitfully employed there. After all, Sartre did eventually return to the Church, receiving Absolution and Last Rites on his death bed, maybe that course of study will help you to see beyond yourself, too?

But if you're fine being a user, I'm not fine being used. I have limited time and a very delicate ego, so I wish to spend that time productively, that is, writing the next chapter or responding to reviews or reviewers' PMs, and I wish to open myself up to people who will hurt me, yes, but do so because they care, and will work on mending the relationship afterward.

Thank you, again, for your PM. I may have read it, I may not. I will be happy to respond to it, however, after you have left substantive reviews. It's nothing personal, until it is: I respond to PMs of people I have a personal relationship with.

Build that first, then we'll chat.

cheers, geophf

Your reviews; a writer's replies

2009-12-05T10:03:00.000-08:00

I'm a writer of fan fiction that is published on the web. As such, the system afford people to comment on my works, that is: to review them. And, many people do. I've received hundreds of reviews.

Thank you for your reviews.

I respond to every credible review. Even if it takes days. Even if it takes more than days. That is, I feel, my responsibility.

No, I don't countenance reviews that descend to personal attack or that savage my works, but yes, every other review, even one word reviews ("Gud", "MOre", "updatesoon"), receive a reply from me. One by one, even it's sometimes form: "Thank you for your review. I've received so many, but each of them means so much to me. Thank you for yours." The vast majority my reviews are substantive and substantial, however. That's a lot of work. A lot of work that takes me away from writing my story. A lot of work that takes me away from other things. You know: life (yes, I have one), family, work.

Why?

A reader's job is to review, but so few readers do review at all (my ratio is that 120 page views generates one review). Wouldn't be nice to the ones that do review receive a little extra love and gratitude?

Reviewers sometimes are sad little creatures that need to know that their little peep of 'gud stry update soon' was heard. Reviewers sometimes need that extra little bit of love ... so that they review another story of a writer who, maybe unlike me, needs that one review of her story to keep going on in her story, yes, but also in her life.

It is the reader's duty to review.

But, listen to me, please, you writers. Once you receive a review, it'd be really nice to reply to it. You know, really nice as in your duty as a writer. You could actually turn somebody's life around, you know. Or two lives, when that reviewer, encouraged, reviews another story. You could, with your reply, turn a life around, or save it.

You are a writer. You may a luminary in fan fiction. If so, please use your fame to keep doing what you are doing: sharing the love, both in publishing that next chapter, but also, in responding to that next review.

The same goes to you, writer, who has just published her first chapter and has just received her first or second review, but just has to get that next chapter out by midnight and it's quarter to. Look, somebody's reviewed your work! To her, you are famous. You know where the most 'business' comes from in industry? Repeat business. You know where most reviews come from? From a reviewer who's reviewed your work before.

Cultivate that. Tell her you are grateful. You are helping yourself, but, that reviewer, encouraged, may review another new up-and-comer.

Who won't be an up-and-comer if she gets discouraged at chapter 3 (right? where most stories die on the vine?) because nobody has read it or said anything about it.

You have a review, for G-d's sake!

Many writers don't. And your reply to that review could give another writer that one review she needed to go on.

A reader has exercised her responsibility in reviewing your work.

Now, it's your turn, writer: reply to it.

Edward, redux

2009-12-02T14:14:00.000-08:00

Okay, in my most recent chapter of MSR ("A Hair"), people are giggling at me and pointing fingers:

"Ooh! Lookit geophfy being all nice to Edward, and stuff, give him more of whatever meds he's taking today!"

Okay, ladies, put down the offered whatever; I'm not taking meds, nor 'shrooms, and I haven't weirded out, nor changed positions (on Edward). Edward is, after all, as one reviewer stated, "so wise ... and dreamy."

Because, canonically, he is.

I may have my own views about this guy, and I may have a list for him, but, the amazing thing about Edward is that he has this debilitating handicap (reading minds) and may have grown up with a silver spoon in his mouth, and both contribute to his view of people and how he treats them, but then he does offer wisdom to Rosalie, then he does act as a gentleman, then he does, at times, try to listen to the other person's thoughts and words and then he does try to consider their position.

And he does talk with Rosalie or whomever, but then he keeps everything he "overhears" to himself. He may think of you meanly, but he tries not to be mean about it.

But I'm still not going to ask WWED.

MSR: Less Talk, More Rokk! Please!

2009-12-01T20:07:00.000-08:00

"A little less conversation, a little more action-action."

What are chapters of MSR like?

In the most recent chapter ("A Hair") our girl combs Rosalie's hair. And they make plans for cooking supper.

How ... how ... how ...

Well, how boring!

Why are you doing this to us, geophf?

MSR is a relationship fic. A chick fic, as it were.

Ya know. Two girls, in a cabin, talking.

There they are, in a cabin in the woods in the middle of nowhere, bathing, eating, sleeping, ... and. just. talking.

Well, let's compare MSR to life. Real life. Not "Heroes" or "V" or whatever's showing on the tube, but real life.

Is life filled with massive whatevers?

No, for the most part. For the vast majority of the day and of the year, life is just that, just living, just nothing, just everything.

And most people waste that opportunity, because that's all that life is, unless you're literally on the front-lines, like I was. You know, the front lines, where every decision I made affected the lives of four hundred men and women, every second of every day? And I wasn't even the head honcho, but one valve opened at the wrong time? One wrong order I give to my engineering team? Our ship goes down, and, being where we were: we all die.

And do you know what that was like? Boring. Tiring.

And sometimes, with M-16s and shotguns armed and free when I'd be on a boarding team, a little fun, a little scary.

What is your life like? Really. Does every decision you make potentially kill someone?

Yes, it does.

Because every decision you make involve somebody else, and every decision you make fundamentally reduces to: do I treat this person in front of me as 'thou' or do I treat them as 'it'?

And how is that?

Boring. Tiring. But also a little fun, and a little scary.

What's MSR like, right? Boring, right? Talk-talk-talk.

Why?

Because Bella and Rosalie, most of the time, treat each other as 'it' but, sometimes, they try to treat each other as 'thou.'

This last chapter there was a little bit of 'thou' going on, where Bella tries to understand Rosalie, and Rosalie tries to open up to Bella.

All in the context of combing hair after a bath then a conversation over the breakfast table.

Boring, isn't it?

Or is it boring? It sound more like it's 'life' to me, and living life? It's the only one we're given, so if it's boring, then, I gotta tell ya, that's your choice. I choose to allow myself to experience my life as an adventure, living it viscerally, in the eternal now, even if that now is a plain old boring conversation at the dinner table ... that will affect us and our relationships for the rest of our lives.

Oh, and p.s.: Martin Buber's I and Thou (Ich und du, actually) is, like, 200 pages (or hundreds of pages less than the latest HP or Twi fantasy (or fan-fic) that tells you nothing about life except how to escape from it). Read it. Now. Please! And rokk less, talk (and listen) more.

And, p.p.s. because I know you demanded it (and I listened): "Less Talk, More Rokk!" And, yes, MSR will also have that, too. Sigh.

Wherefore Vera

2009-12-01T16:17:00.000-08:00

I've recent read a couple of stories about Vera, and have read (and reread, and reread) Eclipse, chapter 7 "Unhappy Ending," which is "Rosalie's" chapter, but, in a very real way, is Vera's chapter.

Because, I argue, the key to understanding everything between Rosalie and Bella in the canon, is to understand Vera.

Please allow me to explain.

First, I think we need to examine Rosalie and Emmett's relationship.

Emmett seems to fill a need, but their relationship seems to be more surface. They are "happy" with what they give to each other, but they don't probe to any depth. I would think Rosalie would need more than a strong, sexually charged, easy-going, funny man. I would think she would want somebody she could open her heart to, all the way, and really, not cry, because she can't, but scold her like Vera did, not let Rosalie get away with the stuff Emmett does (in canon), share with Rosalie her deepest sadnesses, and let Rosalie share hers with her.

I think Rosalie needs this, no? And I think she's not getting all that from Emmett. Nor from Royce (well, who she thought Royce would be), and that's why she had Vera then. A true friend, of the heart.

Now let's look at Vera, herself.

Rosalie doesn't have much good, in the canon (E, ch 7), to say about Vera. Vera married early and had a baby at 17 years of age. She married down. Far down. Sure, Rosalie and Vera are "only" middle class, struggling to climb the social ladder, but they were friends, so they were in the same social circle, and that circle?

Upper middle class. Rosalie's father worked at the bank ... during the Depression! ... Rosalie's father bought her dresses (not just an apple for dessert); Rosalie's mother introduced Rosalie around to the elite.

And Rosalie and Vera were friends. Friends of the heart. Why? What names does Rosalie mention in her life story? Emmett, Royce, ... and Vera. Not her parents' names, not her brothers' names; no: Vera's name.

Vera was Rosalie's only friend ... ever.

And Vera had ... as they said back then ... moxie.

She married a carpenter. Do you understand what this means? Her parents were in the first circles. So they told her this: "Don't marry him." And she did.

And they cut her right off. She lived at his house, on cheapside ... not at a house that her parents could provide for her.

Or they didn't cut her right off, and did offer easy living. And she told them no. "Thank you, Mother, Father, but I'm going to cleave to my man, and go where he will go, not where you tell him to go."

Either way, she chose her own path, not the path her parents "offered" to her.

And Vera was Rosalie's friend. Whom do you visit a week before your wedding? A casual acquaintance? Royce had his buddies, that he liked much more Rosalie, and Rosalie had Vera, whom she loved more than anybody in the world.

Because, as much as Rosalie belittles Vera in her story she tells in canon, Vera was the only person who put up with Rosalie, besides Emmett and Royce, but Vera went one step further, and this is implied by the canon: Vera chose her own path, and she let Rosalie choose hers, too, but she didn't let Rosalie get away with her lies.

Because Rosalie lies. All the time. She tells Royce or Emmett that everything's beautiful and pristine and happy. Worst of all, she lies to herself. She turns her nose up to everything and looks down: "I'm perfect; you're not."

She even does this to Vera. And Vera rolls her eyes and says "I'm happy for you, Rosalie, I really am. But I choose this. I choose true happiness, and this is what it is." And she shows Rosalie, not mean-spiritedly, but kindly what happiness can be.

She shows Rosalie so clearly that even Rosalie sees it, knows it for what it is, and acknowledges that Vera chose better.

I think Vera's been through enough in her life that she has the experience to share something and to know enough about Rosalie to know that there's more to her than she's letting on, and she's old enough not to allow Rosalie play her games with herself. I think maybe Rosalie needs Vera in soul-mate kind of way.

I think Rosalie needed Vera then, even though she had the perfect handsome prince in Royce, and I think Rosalie needs Vera now, even with her big teddy-bear of a perfect husband in Emmett.

Now let's look at the "relationship" of Rosalie and Bella

Woo, boy, does Rosalie want to tear Bella to pieces pretty much the first second Rosalie sees her, and why? Because Bella can have babies, but no, she's going after a vampire, for goodness sake!

Or so Rosalie says.

I would beg to differ with Rosalie's supplied argument.

We never get a physical description of Vera, but she wasn't as beautiful as Rosalie. We get a physical description of Bella, and we find out that she's not as beautiful as Rosalie.

Just like Vera.

No surprises there: Rosalie is the most beautiful person in the whole world. That's canonical.

But Bella chooses her own path, over the objections of Edward, her parents (NM, catatonia), the whole universe.

Just like Vera.

Bella forgives Rosalie her (very serious) mistakes (NM, post Vulturi) and accepted her, not holding Rosalie's faults against her.

Just like Vera.

Rosalie had a conversation with Bella. Who is the only other person in the whole world that Rosalie ever had a conversation with? Conversation, not diatribe. Emmett? No.

Vera.

Your point, geophf?

Rosalie is a hurting person. She wants to kill Bella (MS, post Phenomenon), because, I argue, Bella sees too much, even, possible will see into Rosalie's soul.

So Rosalie's hurting.

And Vera's dead.

And here's a little quiet, brown-brown girl, who forgives Rosalie, talks with her, and chooses her own path.

Rosalie wants to tear Bella to shreds, because if Rosalie dares to take that risk of opening her heart to ~~Vera~~Bella again, she'll just die on Rosalie ... again.

So that explains Rosalie's (very) antagonistic attitude to human Bella.

And (pre-)vampire Bella? Now that Bella has made her irrevocable choice and has stood up to everyone, just like Vera, Bella may die (and Rosalie is just so fiercely protective of ~~Vera~~Bella here, and of herself, possibly preparing herself for being hurt again when ~~Vera~~Bella dies ~~again~~), but ~~Vera~~Bella "re"born, that is "newborn"?

Suddenly, it's a BxRose love-fest. Why?

Because now, NOW, ~~Vera~~Bella can be a friend of Rosalie's heart, and not go dying on her, as humans are wont to do.

Everybody says: "Rosalie wants Renesmee."

Everybody is missing the point.

Rosalie likes Renesmee. Rosalie loves Renesmee. But her babysitting and all that serves two purposes: it gives her time with the baby. And it gives ~~Vera~~Bella time with her husband.

Rosalie is doing this for herself. Rosalie does everything for herself. But Rosalie is being selfless, as well.

Rosalie is being selfless.

Why?

Because, I argue, when she was alive, she didn't appreciate Vera for what she was. A friend. Just that. A friend.

Rosalie has never had a friend before or since.

And Vera was there for Rosalie, in spite of and despite the fact that Rosalie is just so Rosalie.

And now here's ~~Vera~~Bella ~~again~~. Now, finally, Rosalie can say "thank you" to her for that one thing Vera gave to Rosalie that nobody else in the world ever did. AND Rosalie can finally, finally-finally-finally, have that true friend that she can (maybe some day, centuries from now) open up a bit more than she did in Eclipse, ch 7.

You know, a relationship like Alice has with Bella. Bella's not a replacement, nor substitute, for Jasper.

A relationship like that, but, because this is Rosalie, after she gets over her vanity, it will be a relationship so much deeper than that.

Even though she doesn't know this herself, even though she's fought so fiercely against it, she'll have a relationship that she's been looking for her entire existence.

If we look at the relationship of Rosalie and Bella through the lens that Vera provides, we see that it is consistent from start to present (not "finish" because now, thankfully, it will never end). It's not baby-envy. It's not "human"-envy. It's Rosalie. Hurting Rosalie, scared; protective Rosalie, scary, and, eventually, trusting Rosalie, loving and understanding, and finally ... opening.

Just like the relationship she had with Vera, more than seventy years ago.

Endnote/Apologia

When Juliet says "Romeo, o Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?" She's not saying, "Where are you Romeo?" she's saying "Why are you Romeo?" That is "Why are you my family's enemy, and not some other cute guy to make this whole liebestod thing easier for me?"

November 2009 stats

2009-11-30T07:56:00.000-08:00

So, I'm moving all this to a spreadsheet, so I won't be showing the numbers here any more. The end result for the month of November 2009 for page views on ffn are as follows:

Top 10er (Nov 2009)
1. USA
2. Australia
3. UK
4. Canada
5. Ireland
6. Germany
7. South Korea
8. Brazil
9. Singapore
10. Italy
Holy Crow: South Korea (double digit page-view-to-readership ratio)

Improved: UK, Ireland, Germany (improved ratio)
Germany rallied at the end of the month to edge South Korea out of the 6th place position

Reversi: Canada (reversed a downward ratio trend to an upward one)

Kicking butt: South Korea, Australia, Ireland (4.0 or more page-views to readership ratio)

Player: USA, Australia, UK, Canada, Ireland, South Korea, Germany, Brazil, Singapore, Sweden, Poland, Italy (shows up on the top 10 any time during the month)

Comeback Kid: Italy (Got knocked off the list, but then returned)

There were a total of 4,057 page views from 1,475 visitors for the month of November, 2009. This was the most-read/most-readers month my stories have seen, so far, nearly doubling the second-place month both in pages viewed and readers.

So, thank you. I thank each and every one of you for reading my stories. Remember to review, too, please.

Suicide is painless? No.

2009-11-24T20:09:00.000-08:00

My most recent chapter ("Take Me") of my story MSR has our girl so lost that she begs Rosalie to 'take her,' that is: to kill her by exsanguination, because her life is now at its lowest and has no prospects to get better. Rosalie disagrees.

It is just so, so hard, being in the position where a person thinks they have no out and things can only get worse from here ... and that nobody loves them ... and that nobody cares ... and that by committing suicide, people will actually be happier that they are gone ... because (and this has happened) somebody told them they should just kill themselves.

I'm no expert in suicide prevention, but: a couple of things.

Helen DeWitt in her novel Last Samurai offered the suicide's alternative (that actually came from Jonathan Glover, the Utilitarian) which is "before committing suicide you should change your job, leave your wife, leave the country" (ibid, p 490)

The other thing is this: you think your help others by offing yourself. You think you're terrible. You're not, and you're not. The webcomic "Questionable Content" shows a daddy's little girl, the happiest child in the world, very, very damaged because she went out back one day, looking for Pa, only to see Pa put a gun to his head. A happy man, a kind man, a good family man, a man with no secrets, but then this. And she's been paying for it every day since. Don't make them the excuse for your death, make them the reason to keep living one more day.

Because they need you and they love you, and they will miss you when you are gone.

Even 18 years later. As I do.

As I state in my story, there is a special place in Hell for suicides, and you may or may not end up there, but one thing that will happen is that people who know you and love you will carry that little burden in their hearts for the rest of their lives and perhaps unto Eternity.

But you think you have to face this alone. You don't. Your friends and family will listen. If they won't, then there's a hotline. And, if that doesn't work, then, please, do something, even the Glover alternative. Why kill yourself if all you've seen of the world is the one little country in which you grew up? Get a ticket to ride on a tall ship and go up into the crow's nest, it will (literally) lift your heart, and the price of the ticket is so much less than the price of your life. It is. Really.

Cullen's "noble" choice?

2009-11-22T09:06:00.000-08:00

Isn't it noble that the Cullens (and the Denali coven) choose to abstain from humans and their blood? Garrett, in his speech in BD, seems to indicate that they are doing something that really is for the betterment of all vampire society, right?

"Vampire society" -- for naturally nomadic creatures there's a weird juxtaposition of words

Wouldn't you agree?

For the most part in Twifandom, this seems to be the sentiment. "Vegetarian" vampires? How noble!

And couched in those words, it certainly seems that way — after all, the Volturi treated Carlisle as an honoured guest, ... a curiosity, but a guest, none-the-less — but let's look at it from the vampire perspective. Or, more correctly, let's transform the vampire perspective to the humanist one. Let's look at the Cullens through your eyes, if your eyes were vampire ones.

You know this doctor and his family, and they are well-bred, well-dressed, refined and educated (the kids are a little weird, what with Edward always grimacing and Alice always going off into these traces, but Rosalie is sure easy on the eyes and both Emmett and Jasper are both manly men), so you invite them over for supper. You prepare this feast, spending days in meticulous preparation to get everything just right, you invite the Cullens over, present the feast, but they just shake their heads at you, snobbishly, and say they follow and alternate lifestyle when it comes to food, and they bring out their own meals which are ...

Which are bags of vomit and horse manure (c.f. MSR, "Compulsion").

Now, you have the "turkey" and the "roast beast" on the table, you have the "red wine" out. Everything's perfect for a refined and elegant family that the Cullens, up to now, appeared to be to you. You try talking some sense into them.

Oh, no!

"We prefer this way because it doesn't hurt those poor, innocent creatures we so love!" they exclaim. And then they start eating that ... well, that stuff right in front of you. Imagine it: your guests, eating horse manure and vomit, over your protests.

I'd be willing to bet, if this was happening in front of you, you'd kind of lose your appetite, right?

I'd be willing to bet, the next time you'd think about inviting them over, you'd check with them first to see if they were still on that "diet," and, if they were, you'd probably find some conflict in your schedule.

I'd be willing to bet, if they kept this up, and they started extolling their tastes to you and your friends, you'd ask them to take their business elsewhere, and also very seriously consider calling the Department of Health and 'Human' Services, and for good measure, Homeland Security, as anybody who ate that stuff, by choice had to be off their rocker and more than likely a threat to you and yours.

Vampire 'vegetarianism' ... still a noble choice? Or, perhaps, looking at it through the eyes of a vampire, might you not possibly see this lifestyle choice as ... well,

An abomination.

Does the most recent chapter of MSR ("Lillian, Arise!") now make better sense? Those mean, mean Volturi, stamping out the Cullens like that, aren't they really just removing undesirables?

I mean, after all, you call the police to break up domestic disturbances in the next apartment over due to the "devil in a bottle." If your neighbors were really eating that kind of food, stinking up the whole building, going door to door trying to proselytize their twisted lifestyle, you would be glad to have the police cart them away, and all your neighbors would pat you on the back for a job well done.

Do you now see why the Cullens' lifestyle took so long to become apparent to Carlisle and the others? Do you now see why it hasn't caught on like wildfire with other vampires?

The amazing thing to me? That they have so many friends ... dear friends, too ... Peter and Charlotte particularly take time out of their schedule to visit them (cf. Midnight Sun). And all the support they had in BD, Book III was not only self-serving (*ahem* Stephan? Vladimir?) but from friends across the world (the Amazon, Ireland, England, Egypt (not so much)) who came to them to support their friends to allow them to continue to live this very odd lifestyle.

Vampires have a more kindly nature than what I would have imagined for creatures designed to be perfect predators.

"Kind for a vampire" ... indeed!

I'm still not going to go into a dark alley to meet one, however. Nor should you, Miss Oh-Bite-Me-Edward!

"What Would Edward Do?"

2009-11-19T08:25:00.000-08:00

So you do know the WWJD thing ("What Would Jesus Do?"), right?

Do not go to wwjd(dot)com unless you wish to be blinded by flash and garish colours!

Well, the Twilight community has their own credo: "WWED?"

Yes: "What Would Edward Do?"

This question was brought forcefully to mind when I took my family out for sup last night instead of working, as is my wont, and my cara spoza said something along the lines of "you are a good husband."

You don't know me, so you don't know how much thought and effort my dear one had to put to be able to say that statement sincerely. So, my initial reaction was to vehemently deny what she said, and, ... to provide counterexamples. Lots of counterexamples.

But then I thought: WWED? ("What Would Edward Do?")

That's easy. And canonical.

Edward would get up from the table, lead Bella into the forest, and abandon her there, after she told him she would die without him. So he threw her, literally, to the wolves so she could commit suicide because he thought he wasn't good enough.

WWRD? ("What Would [my] Rosalie Do?")

She would throw Bella face down into the snow, in February, then (nearly) throw a tree on her and that was the warming up stage, because let the shouting commence!

And, actually, that is a kindness, compared to Rosalie in the book series. For what did she do? Plan with Jasper the best way to murder the girl after Phenomenon.

WWJD? ("What Would Jesus Do?")

I was going to say I wasn't sure, but the answer's been given as well:

"Good Teacher [...]"
"Why do you call me good?" [...]

Mark 10:17-18

So, everybody, by their examples, are telling me that I should have snapped back. Heck, Rosalie tells us that even the Reverend Mr. Dimmesdale (Scarlet Letter) did his fair share of breast-beating, "Oh, I'm not good; I'm not good!"

The thing of it is, none of the above folks were looking to make nice or to make friends or to keep friends (*ahem*: Edward?). None of them were talking to somebody they wanted to spend the rest of forever with, or so they think.

None of them were addressing their (current) wife. Or BFF. Or, in my case, both.

In most of the cases listed above, the (harsh) responder wanted the sayer to think what they were saying.

Definitely not the case here. My cara spoza was giving me a compliment. She knows my goods and my bads; she's measured them, and, for all that, and all that, she decided to say this. She did think about and know what she was saying.

And definitely not the case for you, too. I mean, maybe your BF or GF or spouse is saying something thoughtlessly, but do you really want to tear them a new one because they just called you kind or nice or said "I love you" and you're not ready to hear that because you don't deserve it, and you know it?

WWED?

Edward didn't deserve Bella's love, and he knew this, so what does he do? He up an leaves her, knowing she's a danger magnet, knowing there's danger out there, and no Mike Newton nor Jacob Black (in his current form) could possibly defend a girl with vampire scent all over her. And that's not even the point.

The point is this: she loves him, she needs him.

Edward should have manned up and said "thank you" and stayed and then grew to be the man (or vampire or whatever) that Bella saw him to be.

So WWID? ("What Would I Do?") I would do what I did do.

I said "thank you" and now I'm working on being the person my cara spoza sees me to be.

For her.

WWYD? ("What Would You Do?")

Maybe Edward would rethink his position, given the fallout of his actions was New Moon and Eclipse.

Bella's telling you she loves you, Edward ... WWYD?

Your spouse or your BF or GF or BFF is telling you something nice about you ... WWYD?

Dreams and reality

2009-11-17T05:54:00.000-08:00

Or: "geophf, why do you write this way?"

My most recent chapter of MSR has had rather a galvanizing effect on my reviewers. Was it a dream?

This, of course, has set me off. What is the nature of reality?

May I tell you something personal? I'm (kinda) Jewish.

Let me explain.

There's been this big 'debate' for more than a few years now about the Torah in Christendom about 'Creationism' particularly on the point of Genesis: did all those things literally happen?

I'm not going to argue that point, because ... nope, I'm not going to argue that point, but I am going to stand by my Jewish brethren here. They do not ask "did this really happen?" as if they are trying to score points with G-d as to who is more righteous in His eyes. No, they take the Creation Story and ask, instead, the following question: "What can we learn from this?"

The point, or a point, of the Creation Story is not whether it happened (you can argue until you are blue in the face, if that so pleases you), but what does it mean for us.

Did our heroine experience those things in reality or was it all just a dream?

Is it a dream? When you dream, do you know that you are dreaming? Are you awake right now, reading a diatribe from geophf, or are you dreaming?

"I'm awake, geophf, because I know I'm awake."

Study the epistemology of that statement and get back to me on that.

If the Hindus say that this is all Maya ... and they've been around four thousand years or more ... maybe there's something in that? If the aborigines in the outback say that this is the dreamtime, what proof does the measurement of technology have to naysay that?

Who are you; what are you; why are you.

Are you real? And what is reality?

It's so easy to compartmentalise everything into its nice little box: "Oh, Bella's dreaming" "Oh, Rosalie's calling Bella a weird name" Ever notice that every box we put reality into, there's always something that bursts the boundaries of the box? I sure do, and I'm a mathematical philosopher, so the boxes I make are air- and water-tight, but still, messy, confusing, unboxable reality has a way of making me rethink my neat little boxes I try to put reality into.

Rosalie has this problem, big-time. She has everything all planned out. Her life, her marriage, her capture of this girl, everything. What worked out exactly the way she planned it?

You know the saying: "One sure way to make G-d laugh: tell Him your plans."

So this is a dream? Why? Because you want it to be? What happens when our girl doesn't wake up from this 'dream'?

Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't: but it's not up to anybody to dictate what is reality, because it is, regardless of what we want it to be or what we think it is. That's why philosophy is so important, because when we begin to peel back the layers of what we believe to see what is really there (layer after layer), we can start to live more in harmony with the Tao: no fight-no blame.

Is this a dream?

That question doesn't matter and isn't important. What matters is this: what to do from here?

Our girl, sometimes, isn't very good at doing that. And sometimes she is.

And that's not important, really, either. What's important is this:

You've experienced something, ... reading this, or dreaming a terribly sad dream, or losing a loved one, or being diagnosed with cancer, or something small or great.

What will you learn from that? What are you going to do about it?

Wait. Who am I now?

2009-11-17T04:41:00.000-08:00

My dear author(esse)s, you, particularly, are most likely doing something that you need to stop right now. You are engaging in a habit that is much worse than smoking or (depending on your views, more than social) drinking.

You are writing chapters from multiple first person perspectives ("Multiple POVs").

Why is multiple first person perspectives worse than smoking or drinking? Smoking rots your lungs; drinking rots your gut ... multiple POV story-writing rots your brain cells, and (perhaps worse) rots your readers' brains.

You have to stop doing this, and you must stop doing this right now.

My story RLT is told exclusively from Rosalie's point of view ("POV"). My story MSR is told exclusively from our girl's POV. It has since chapter 1, and it will until its conclusion. I do not ever switch POVs inside a story. To do so is deus ex machina, and it would take an author(ess) with much more skill than what I have to be able to pull it off.

Most stories on FFN and Twilighted have POV switching all over the place. Within chapters, between chapters ... everywhere. Ever notice anything about those stories? I'm not going to pull any punches here, ladies and (at least one) gentlemen (and do I ever?). They are, to the very last one, utter crap.

I will not ever do that to you in MSR. I did not do that in RLT. I will never do that. Ever

If you are reading MSR, then you are reading from the girl's POV. That is the one sure thing you can take away from my story. And, as you can see, the reader does need that anchor, because MSR is a confusing, messy ride for our protagonist. To switch POVs? What's the point?

There is no point, there never is any point to switching POVs other than the author(ess)'s complete lack of skill or laziness or both.

If you are switching POVs inside a chapter of your stories, I have one thing I beg of you: DON'T! You will instantly become a much better writer simply by eliminating that prop that so many amateurs lean on.

"But, geophf, I need to get into the heads of more than just the main character in my story and there's no getting around it," you cry. "How can I do that without Multiple POVs?"

Let me tell you about a particularly interesting device: it's called the third person perspective. It allows you, the author(ess), to do that, insofar as you don't use it to dip into the first person trope, skipping along from character to character. It's only been around for as long as the first novel has ever been published, centuries ago. You may wish to give that a try.

Think about it.

And that's the thing, isn't it? Most stories are not well-thought out. Most stories have no plan, other than the 'plan' of the author(ess) saying excitedly to h(er/im)self: "Ooh! I wonder what happens next?"

Yes, yes, I know: you are writing for the love of it. Yes, you are writing for fun. "Get a life, geophf! It's just fan-fiction."

So, if you are doing those things, then write something that people love, and write something that people "have fun" reading ("have fun" meaning "enjoy" ... meaning laugh or cry or learn or whatever).

"Oh," you rebut, "I can write from multiple POVs because Steph wrote from multiple POVs in BD!"

No, she didn't. BD is three books: the first book is from human Bella's POV, the second book is from Jacob's POV, and the third book is from vamp Bella's POV. Sorry, even Steph obeys this rule.

"Oh," you try again, "your own story 13ways is told from multiple POVs! Hypocrite!"

No. 13ways is a collection of character studies. Each chapter is its own story; each chapter is told exclusively from one and only one character's perspective. Yes, taken together, they weave a story of the Denali coven, but each story has its own, oftentimes conflicting, perspective of what's going on in that family and why. This is intentional and spelled out in its apologia. This "multiply POVs" story, as you call it, uses this prop intentionally to make you think, to make you walk away from the story and say "Aha! That's why Irina is like that in BD!" Other stories that use multiple POVs? Read them (or save yourself the rotting braincells, and don't read them), what have you learned when you walk away from them?

You walk away from them wondering: "Ooh! I wonder if Edward and Bella will 'kiss'?" [or whoever and whoever]

And given this is Twilight fan-fiction, is there any wonderment at all in your wondering?

Yes, it's fun to wonder 'what happens next?' But Twilight, itself, goes deeper than just that or only that. Twilight builds a universe of believable, credible, deeply-researched characters in a realistic setting, and that edifice is entirely constructed, in the first four books, through the simple, sweet, insightful eyes of a seventeen year old plain old ordinary brown-brown girl.

Remember the wonder you experience as you read those books?

You can create that sense of wonder in the readers of your own stories.

So do that.

So why did Rosalie want to kill Bella?

2009-11-13T10:59:00.000-08:00

In the canon there is this piece of 'fan-fiction' called "Midnight Sun," and it takes Twilight and tells it from Edward's perspective.

It is a treasure-trove of Twiverse information. I would call it essential reading for all fan-fiction author(esse)s, and you can take my word on that to the bank because I nevah! descend to hyperbole!

Evah!

*ahem* Hanywey.

Anyway, in the outfall from "Phenomenon" chapter (when Edward impossibly (for a human) saves Bella from the van) when the Cullens have the family meeting to determine what to do now, Jasper is bound and determined to murder Bella, and ...

And Rosalie not only "supports" Jasper, but if he welches on his promise, then she more than willing to murder Bella in her sleep. And what is the reasons she gives for her cold-blooded plan?

She wants to finish high school.

And they've only just moved (back) to Forks, and doesn't want to be inconvenienced with another move so soon.

Now, I'm all for accepting statements at face value, but I think there's something (much) deeper going on with Rosalie's sudden and poorly explained hatred of this newcomer and threat to the happy vampire family that Rosalie so happens to be co-located with.

Why?

Well, let's examine her given reasons:

She wants to finish high school?

Rosalie has existed for more than 80 years, and she has been in and out of high school AND college probably more than 8 times (she starts high school by transferring in to at the very lowest 10th grade). So she's upset that Bella is going to break up her already broken record (*ahem* Emmett, remember those students you killed by accident 35 years ago?)?

Um, no.

She's only just moved into Forks, WA and she wants to stay?

Okay. Forks, WA? Been there? I've lived there. Not there, specifically, but smalltown USA (Moodus, CT, if you must know). A town of comparable size and industry. Do you know what people say when you ask where they come from? If they come from smalltown USA, they either say nothing, or they say "you haven't heard of it, but it's near [some city that it's nowhere near to because it's so far in the styx]," or they say "I come from smalltown, USA." The emphasis is on the come from because they left that life behind.

Okay. You're from smalltown. You love smalltown. You've been to Town once and hated it. You are going to rip off my face for my insults.

But one things you aren't ... is Rosalie. She came from Town: Rochester, NY. You know, where they have cars, right? And stores that aren't run by your neighbor and aren't the only stores in town? And they have more people than either cows or trees or both?

Rosalie in Forks, WA? Sure, out of necessity. Rosalie LIKING Forks, WA? Maybe if you replace the town "Forks, WA" with "NYC" we could have a conversation where we both weren't laughing at the sheer lunacy of it, but Forks, WA?

Um, no.

Offing a girl for either or both reasons Rosalie gives? Possible, plausible, even, I suppose, but not the reasons Rosalie wants to off this girl.

What is the real reason Rosalie wants to kill this stupid little doe-eyed human who's seen too much for her own good? Yes, Bella is a threat to the Cullens, and therefor Rosalie's comfort (you DO NOT mess with what is Rosalie's), and both are good enough for most people to accept that Rosalie would be more than happy to off Bella. After all, it was good enough for Jasper. She's broken the Rule, she dies. End of story.

But for Rosalie, it goes much, much deeper than that.

Why?

She's built up this little castle around herself. She has her Cullen family and her Emmett, even, lulled into this sense of security about her: "Oh, that's just Rosalie, the dumb, bitchy blond, so we can ignore her."

If Edward gets too inquisitive with her mind, she can think about brushing her hair, and he tunes her right out. She is, after all, his oldest sister, and knows how to play Edward like a fiddle. Just because he can read minds does not mean he sees into the soul. He 'knows' Rosalie, so he probes no further. Edward is no threat to Rosalie.

If Emmett gets too "Hey, babe, what's happening? Is something bothering you?" She knows exactly what to do. Emmett is all surface (c.f.: Midnight Sun), what he believes, he says, and he sees everything simply. Rosalie's unhappy? What's up with that?

Nothing, after she takes him on a little ride, because now he's floating on bliss, and Rosalie looks happy, so she must be happy.

The other family members are less of an issue that either Edward or Emmett. There are just too many people in that family with too many issues for her to become the focus of attention.

Rosalie may have wanted, and got, the admiration of every man at the ball when she was human, but here, as a vampire, she's ignored, and that exactly how she wants it. If she's left alone, she can't get hurt again.

But then along comes that little meddling human, and she sees right through Edward. In fact, Rosalie was sure Edward was so asexual, he wasn't even interested in men ... I mean, he and Carlisle had plenty of chances for something to happen, but zilch came out of that. And if Edward wasn't interested in Rosalie, then Edward wasn't interested in anybody.

But Bella just blinks her big brown eyes at Edward and he turns into playdough in her fragile little human hands, and, Edward, being Edward, has never shared anything with anybody. WHICH IS FINE WITH ROSALIE, because Edward's a big jerk anyway, rejecting Rosalie like he did.

Jerk.

But he told that human everything and I mean everything! I mean, not even Mommy Esmé has dragged so many words out of him in the last 50 years! And the little human did it just by looking at him.

And he can't read her mind. She's a complete void to him. Inscrutable.

So what if her power is something more than her blandness and blankness.

What if she can see into the soul, like that foolish boy Edward cannot?

And if she looks at me? And what if she sees what she sees of my soul.

I know what she'll see, because I recoil from it every second that I have a quiet moment, alone and to myself. That's why I'm always with Emmett or somebody, even if its that cad Edward.

I've never had to directly confront myself, but if that little human looks at me, and blinks her big doe eyes, and says: "Rosalie ..." with her chin quivering like that and with tears leaking out of her eyes, as they do not leak out of mine?

If she sees me for what I really am, she'll ... she'll ...

She'll know. And she'll pity me. And she'll tell the Cullens. And then they'll know.

She must die. Right now. She knows too much already. But she can't know me, because that'll mean that I'll have to know me, and that cannot ever happen.

I've got this comfortable existence with family members I can push around and manage, I can't have this whole façade threatened.

Bella Swan must die.

And if Jasper doesn't man up and do it because he's wrapped around Alice's ... fingers, then I'll do the job myself.

Royce got what's comin' to him

2009-11-10T21:03:00.000-08:00

I get this occasionally from reviewers.

"Oh, Rosalie is this real [something], she deserved to be raped."
"Oh, Bella is so annoying, I hope Rosalie just up and kills her."
"Oh, Royce was a real [something else], he got what he deserved."

Um. May I respectfully disagree?

Let's just take Royce as an example, for, after all: he's pure evil, so there's nothing more to say.

Right?

As to Royce deserving what he got, or deserving more than what he got, well ...

I would never wish to have my daughters raped nor murdered, although some reviewers do wish this on my surrogate daughters Rosalie and Bella, but ...

Did he deserve what he got? Sure, and then some.

But, if we got what we deserved ... instead of mercy or kindness or clemency ... which we don't deserve ...?

And who was truly punished? Who was truly twisted by the meting out of justice upon Royce? Is a vindictive action a cleansing one or a damning one? Are revenge and jealousy and hatred admirable traits?

If a friend of yours had a child and she was hurt deeply by someone, would you feel that, when she tortured the boy for eight hours and then murdered him, that now it's all good? Justice served, Oklahoma!-style? (That musical had to be one of the most twisted things I have ever seen ... "Jud falls on his knife," indeed! Maybe he received more than a little help as he fell, perhaps?)

And the girl? With blood on her hands? She's happy now?

I don't know. I do hope there isn't a big-old score card, because I'd be in serious trouble.

It's easy ... too easy ... to say these things should be visited on other people, but before you wish ill on another, look in the mirror first, and then, second, check the score card ... not the tally by Royce's name, but the one by your own name.

Still casting that stone?

Hate Edward much, geophf?

2009-11-04T13:33:00.000-08:00

So you've read my tirade about Hateful Edward.

So, geophf, do you hate Edward?

No. If you see all the invective I heap on Edward, you see that it is prefaced with "let me play the devil's advocate."

I am not speaking out of both sides of my mouth: I stand by and believe my position. I do not hate Edward, but I do think the "Edward" image does damage to girls and boys both. And not because he's some impossible ideal ... quite the opposite, in fact.

But I also acknowledge that he does behave (as best as he can, given his disabilities) "in a [more] gentleman-like manner" to Bella.

No. I don't hate Edward. But I'm Charlie, cleaning my shot gun, and Bella is my daughter, and I expect him to respect her, and I think he is quite capable of doing that very simple thing by stopping and listening to her. And I think he needs to work (a lot) on that.

Fixated much, geophf?

2009-11-04T13:26:00.000-08:00

So, what's your problem, geophf? Why are you championing Rosalie? Like, where did you get this whole MSR idea, anyway? I mean, really!

Okay. You asked.

We lost our Rose Marie. She was one month in the womb, and then she was gone.

And I wonder.

Can she hope? Her fate is now in her unformed hands, and in God's hands.

And that is so hard for me. Can she hope? Can she hope to choose for happiness, when she didn't have a life on which to base a choice? When she may not know what happiness is to choose it?

Can Rosalie hope? No, she can't, according to her in "Heaven and Hell": she's been judged, so she cannot enter Heaven. And what is Hope if Heaven appears lost to one?

Rosalie believes she cannot hope to hope ... not any more ... not for herself. But can't she?

Rose Marie is not Rosalie, and Rosalie is not Rose Marie, but both are faced with the same question, and I ask it for both of them: is it possible for those beyond the reach of hope to reach for that unreachable hope and actually obtain it ... and actually hope?

And then there's Bella. A girl that has everything Rosalie/Rose Marie doesn't: life, tears, sleep, hope. But Bella doesn't have it, either ... she, too, is so lost. She, too, needs love, needs it so desperately. Do those who live ... can they hope in this hopeless world, even though it's not a hopeless world, and all you have to do is look for hope, see it, to then find it?

MSR is a story about Hope. It is a very sad story, for me, because the characters don't even know why they are groaning: but they are ... and they hope ... they hope that they can hope. Can they?

I guess we'll need to find out.

The Emmett Comment

2009-11-04T12:46:00.000-08:00

I get this on occasion, and I believe it's a topic worth discussing.

Did Rosalie really say that? Did she really say that she would gladly sacrifice anything to regain her humanity ... even Emmett?

Yes.

Did she mean that?

Yes, of course.

Because why? Because she will never be able to make that trade. But if you said: "Okay Rosalie, kill these 100 children and burn Emmett and you get your humanity back," then will she do that?

Nope. In actuality, she would sacrifice her humanity for her Emmett. But she said the opposite ... why? People say things.

We all say things that are wrong, stupid, and, upon reflection, things we shouldn't have said and things we wish we didn't. Rosalie made this mistake. Have I ever made this mistake?

Oh, yes.

Have you?

Everybody casts this "She'd sacrifice Emmett" stone at Rosalie. But nobody ever analyzes her statement. Not only at face value, but at Venice value. One pound of flesh, please, Rosalie.

And nobody ever looks in the mirror when they cast that stone. Rosalie lives in a glass house. Well, well, well: looky there! Rosalie has feet of clay. Huh! Record every word you ever said, have every newspaper publish it ... read the newspapers 50 years from now. Oops! Did I really say that?!?

Are you still Holier than Rosalie?

I think Rosalie, in fact, is a whole Hale of a lot Holier than most people in the whole world, and, yes, she does have a mote in her eye, but the people casting stones? They have the frikken redwood forest-sized beams blinding them to their own fault.

"Oh, Rosalie's not perfect."

She sure isn't. My story portrays her sympathetically, but definitely (and defiantly) very much not perfect, but ...

A Rosalie's a Rosalie, for a' that.

Bella

2009-11-01T23:59:00.000-08:00

Confidence.

That's what she is. She's a stand on her own feet kind of girl. She just needs to remember that. Rosalie does, too. Rosalie, at first, treated her as a thing, as a problem, and Bella felt that, and her confidence went away in Rosalie's presence. Now Rosalie is (unconsciously) saying "I need you." Even if that need is to answer a phone call from Isle Esme and to become Bella's champion. Even if that need is to watch the baby while Edward and Bella have a little sweetie time. And that need of Rosalie's is the light of the sun, opening the flower of Bella's confidence again.

That's Bella, too: she very much depends on what others think of her. The first day at Forks high, when everybody was like: "Who's this out-of-town girl?" She shrank down to a nothing wallflower. It was only when she established in her mind her place in her new vampire family that she began to be herself again. Pre-visit to the Cullen mansion, Bella was a scared little mouse of a girl, not knowing what shirt to wear. But when Esme looked at Bella, and said: "You are brave; I love you; You are my daughter." and Alice handed Bella her BFF creds, then nothing in the world could shake her: not high school, not James, not overbearing Edward driving her away from the baseball field to nowhere. Nothing. She had love, support and a place in her new family, and her feet were firmly planted on that solid foundation.

Sure, Bella shouldn't depend on others for her confidence ... if she weren't Bella. But she is, and intrinsic to her is the comfort of others. Bella is not just Bella or only Bella, she is part of a family, the central part, the part that makes sure everybody is okay and shining and in front being the hero. That is her happiness: if you are happy, she's happy. If not, she won't be happy until she finds a way to restore your happiness.

AND she's not (too) annoying about it either, which is a plus (*ahem* Alice). She's not bubbly like Alice, but she's not aloof and righteous like Rosalie, she's Bella, and just as essential as both Alice AND (CRUCIALLY) Rosalie, in the ineffable, intangible way that she is vital to the family's well-being.

On Saccharin Endings

2009-11-01T23:18:00.000-08:00

"Oh, hi, Edward," says Rosalie, "I was gonna off Bella here, but everythings A-O-K now, so you can date her and I'm sure we can talk the Volturi into ignoring the Rule because this is Bella who is the heroine of the story, so everything always turns out fine for her no matter what. You know, the consequence-free endings of all those disney flicks starting with Little Mermaid where the heroine keeps making wrong choices but is rewarded with a happy ending because that's just the way things are to keep the population controlled and docile: 'oh, keep being irresponsible in all aspects of your life, because a handsome vampire prince named Edward will sweep you away from the mess that you've made ... someday ... so it's all good.'"

Edward: "Urk. Well, okay, Rosalie ... I was gonna shred you for speaking the truth and for looking at Bella funny, but good thing the author wrote in this deus ex machina so I could 'save the day.' Hey, Bella, c'mere so I can sweep you off your feet."

Bella: "Um, I've talked to you all of two times and I'm supposed to fall head over heels for you for what reason again?"

Rosalie and Edward: "Shaddap! You're introducing realism into the fairy tale plot. You're the damsel in distress (not at all like the Shannon Hale damsels), so you're supposed to accept the feet sweeping with gratitude!"

Bella: "So, how do you guys speak in unison perfectly like that?"

Rosalie: "I'm not a guy."

I love happy endings. Ya know ... credible happy endings. And they are so easy to write: all you have to do is to make the characters own up to the choices they've made ... ya know: responsibility and all that?

I don't watch many movies these days at all.

"Bite me, Edward!"

2009-11-01T23:04:00.001-08:00

"Oh, I so want to be a vamp, and be swept away from this boring, depressing, uncertain, scary life!"

You know what you are now is what you will be forever, right?

And vampires are in eternity. Eternity is unforgiving, unrelenting, inescapable.

That's what it is to be a vampire. You just can't shut down, ... ever. People get to do that every single day, by the blessing of sleep. Vampires? No. How do they cope?

Most vamps don't last a year without going nuts. That's one of the reasons why there are only hundreds of vamps in the world, and that population is pretty stable.

But now, with millions of girls screaming "Oh, bite me, Edward" the population may be on a rise. Which, unfortunately, will bring on the Bree crisis ("Oh, why didn't they tell me that being a vamp was like this?") and a major clean-up effort on the Volturi's part.

Oh, being a human is just so hard, trudging day after day through the same old unromantic unfun things of life!

But being a vampire isn't that ... except you don't get to sleep and now you have to deal with all your problems and mistakes ... forever?

AND you've murdered the ones you love because the confusion of being a newborn drove you toward the familiar and then the bloodlust kicked in.

Yeah, being a human sucks ... just ask a vampire ... hmn, wait: what, again, do Edward and Rosalie always say? "If I could trade anything to regain my humanity, I would."

Hm. So being a human sucks, but being a vampire is worse?

And, this is your 27th time through high school, because you're trying to fit in as a vamp?

I remember high school. I'm sure most of the twifans saying "Bite me Edward" are IN high school. And they want to be a vamp so they stay in high school, automatically in the excluded group (vamps don't socialize), forever?

There are just so many dimensions of being a vamp, and so many of them require strength and speed and a strong will because so many of them are just so terribly sad and boring and mortifyingly embarrassing.

But "Bite me, Edward!"

Okay, GF, have fun being forever stuck exactly as you are right now ... without being able to sleep ... with unquenchable bloodlust ... without having any friends again, forever ... with having to move to a new different part of the country (and eventually world) every few years ... with having rival vamp gangs targeting you, my dear, as easy pickings for one to shred ... without being able to go to the mall because of no Alice and the possibility of daylight making everybody stop and stare at you, the freak.

Oh, and you abstain from human blood? How noble. You just made yourself an enemy of every vamp in existence, and you've just signed up to drink excrement forever.

Oh, you decide to target humans for food? Bloodsucking leach. You just made yourself werewolf bait.

And where are you going to get money, since you can't work a job? So you're going to live your vamp life as a homeless person now, are you? "Oh, I'm going to trade stocks forever and be rich." Hm. You know how to trade stocks successfully now, do you? You have that discipline? You know, that discipline to clean your room, to do your homework, and to relate to your family and friends ... that is, you have the discipline to live your life happily and responsibly now, because what you are now is what you will be in Eternity. You are unhappy now (that's why you want to be a vamp, right), and you become a vampire? You'll be unhappy forever.

Fun being a vamp, isn't it.

October 2009 Story Stats

2009-11-01T17:19:00.000-08:00

So, fanfiction.net is kind enough to provide authors with statistics on their stories (page views, unique page views, and sources by country). I find it interesting that my readership has an international flavour. Here are the countries of origin of my readership (format: Country, Page Views, Page Viewers -- sorry for the formatting ... a table view messes up the blog layout something fierce):

October 2009 Readership stats for geophf/ffn

USA  1150 372 
UK  248 61 
Brazil  88 19 
Canada  65 33 
Australia  61 24 up 3
Ireland  36 10 
Sweden  33 8 
Mexico  29 22 
Israel  22 14 
Italy  22 19 
Belgium  20 6 
Denmark  19 7 
Germany  16 13 
argentina  14 5 up 3
philippines  11 4 
greece  11 3 
france  9 5 
spain  9 3 
Poland  8 5 up 3
costa rica  8 2 
south africa  7 1 
new zealand  7 4 
Lithuania  4 1 
netherlands  4 4 up 1
Singapore  4 4 
croatia  3 2 up 6
trinidad  3 2 
indonesia  2 1 up 2
india  2 2 up 5
russia  2 1 up 14
romania  2 2 up 1
peru  2 1 up 2
colombia  2 1 up 1
tanzania  2 2 
bahrain  2 1 
vietnam  1 1 
turkey  1 1 up 1
switzerland  1 1 
hungary  1 1 
finland  1 1  up 6
bahamas  1 1  up 6
brunei  1 1 up 3
norway  1 1  up 2
estonia  1 1 up 4
dominican  1 1 
malaysai  1 1 

totals: 1938 675

The "up x" column is a little self-study I did over the last few days of the month. Apparently, the Russian became interested in my story.

The moral of this story is this: do you wish your country to go up in the rating? Read more pages of MSR or another story on my ffn profile, that's how fewer Brazilians managed to edge out the more numerous readers from Canada and Australia (who also made an end of the month come-back) to claim one of the top three spots on the readership list. You could put your country there.

I wonder if I would have more (or any, for that matter) Korean readers if they knew MSR's Book III companion piece was entitled Rhee (이): Lady Didyme's Handmaid.

Thank you to all the readers from all the countries that found something in my stories interesting enough to stop to read them.

Love, Vampire Style

2009-10-29T22:53:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am on a crusade.

This is the love that a vampire has: it doesn't cool with time or circumstance.

You want proof? Victoria.

You want proof? Marcus.

Two perfectly normal, balanced, healthy vampires ... when they had their mates ...

... and when they didn't anymore?

Marcus went bye-bye so much so that he's been on suicide watch for the last fifteen hundred years.

Victoria enacted a plan a year in the making that included sacrificing Laurent (ripping him away from Irina), and included taking a newborn lover (Riley) she planned to discard as a sacrifice to Edward so she could punch out Bella's heart because Bella was collateral to James' foolish self-destructive behavior.

The kindest thing you can do to a vampire's mate is to destroy it when the beloved is destroyed, because if you don't, her (or his) love for the lost mate will eventually do just that ... but that self-destructive path usually so lights up the night sky with collateral damage that the Volturi must come in to clean up the mess (cf. Eclipse).

"Ooh! But it's so neat and romantical, being a vampire ... isn't it! Gee, I wish I were one! Bite me, Edward!"

Hm.

Do Rosalie and Edward feel that way?

Rosalie, redux

2009-10-29T11:09:00.000-07:00

Rosalie ... nobody likes her.

Okay, we know that Rosalie is a real ... well, you know ... in fact, you've just left me a review on a little story from her perspective that I've written telling me exactly what she is.

That Rosalie.

She's just so difficult and just really a pain in the ... well, you know ... to be around or to have a conversation or to coerce into agreeing to a course of action ...

R: "But that's just wrong! Have you considered that ..."
Everybody: "Rosalie, just shut up, okay? We're trying to get this done here!"
R: "Even if it's wrong, and I'll never agree to it?"
Everybody: "YES!"

The irony of it all? She's always right about the problems coming up, but nobody every acknowledges that or thanks her.

R: "Hm. Associating with a human girl? Doesn't anybody else see a problem here?"
Everybody: "NO! For crying out loud, Rosalie, give it a rest! Sulky Edward's happy ... finally! Besides what could possibly happen?"

... then James, then the Volturi, show up.

When did anybody ever say: "Hey, Rosalie was right all along! Maybe we should listen to her next time"?

No, they don't say that. They say: "Hey, let's turn Bella before she has a baby, because ... how could she have one, anyway?"

Then the baby is on its (her, in this case) way. And Rosalie says, "I'm standing by Bella on this one, too. I don't care if I have to stand against the whole world: I'm standing by what's right."

And everybody's furious because Rosalie, again, is standing in the way of what everybody wants to do to Bella and the baby: a baby that nobody wants ... besides Bella, but who cares about what she wants, anyway? She's just a stupid human after all.

A baby that nobody wants ... that is, until the baby shows up. Do they thank Rosalie then?

No. "Oh, Rosalie's hogging the baby, playing mommy ... when do I get my turn?"

Rosalie.

What a pain in the ...
Why does she always have to block what we want to do?
Why is she such a bitc-... well, you know.

Why is she always right?

Canon and the New Moon Volturi Fight Scene

2009-10-23T05:47:00.000-07:00

So, my story MSR is character study of the canonical characters in a different setting.

There seems to be this distinction in fan-fiction: the canon line. It seems that canonical stories are to be treated with more respect than the AU ("alternate universe") ones. One measure of a story is how strictly it adheres to the canon.

Is that necessarily a good thing?

Yes, I argue that it is. But, on the other hand ("there are five fingers"), there is much that can be learned of the canon by AU exploration, and I do that, too, in MSR.

Why the preamble?

Do you like the movies?

It seems that a measure of the worth of a movie adaptation is how closely it follows the books.

Is that necessarily a good thing?

No, I argue that, necessarily, it is not a good thing. A book and a movie are different media, and one can say things in one that saying in another is clumsy or awkward.

And then there's the whole Jane Austen thing.

Jane Austen is this pretty good writer; she has her fans and her moments in her writing.

But ...

But she always, doesn't she, she always-always-always has to have the moment in the light for the ne'er-do-well. "Oh, Wickham isn't all that bad because of this!" "Oh, Willoughby is actually caught in the middle because of that!" "Oh, ..."

Oh, please.

The Jane Austen movies these days are improvements on the originals because they make the wise decisions to cut out that unnecessary and unhelpful exposition.

Silence of the Lambs was an improvement on the original because ... well, you can't have all this internal monologue in a movie (Adaptation notwithstanding) ... and it was Hannibal and Hannibal and Clarice that was compelling, not the whole drama of our FBI director back home.

Blade Runner is an improvement on "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep" because it improves on ... well, everything. Phillip Dick was certainly visionary but he was a little too paranoid/fanatically religious in his writings for his own good.

What do all these improvements teach us?

Do they worship the source material?

Yes, they are loving adaptations.

But no: they look at their sources with a practical, pragmatic eye, and cut what needs to be cut.

Let's look at the purely canonical movies of Twilight and Harry Potter (the first one).

Are they canonical? Yes.
Are they loving adaptations? Yes.

But these are not the "failings" of these movies (can a vehicle that spawns an industry of more than one hundred million USD be considered a "failure"?). These movies do not fail because they are canonical. No, they fail because they adore their sources. Cutting something, anything, is anathema, and the directors where told their jobs (the directors were "directed" ... that must be really hard when somebody tells you what to do and how to do it when you are at the top of your field): Keep it Faithful.

Harry Potter and Twilight were not movies: they were holocausts ... "whole burnt offerings of worship to G-d." I mean, really, how many full-on sepia-toned close ups of our leading lads and ladies looking reverential must we stomach?

So: the scene were Bella is to be murdered and Edward and Alice fight with the guard. Not canonical. Not by a long shot. Not even realistic, given the Volturi's might and our Cullen representatives' lack.

But that's not why I don't like this scene.

I don't like this scene because it shows it hasn't gotten over the adoration phase of the books.

You know what I think that needs to happen?

Thanks for asking me that.

What needs to happen is about fifty or so years need to pass, and then somebody needs to do a movie of the sources, so the movies can be adapted worshipfully, yes, but with a good, healthy, respectful distance of years that mortals in time seem to rely on o-so-much.

My story has canonical characters ... goody for me and pat me on the back. The new New Moon Volturi fight scene is not canonical ... boo on them, but not just because of the departure from canon.

"Get a life! It's just fan-fiction."

2009-10-22T15:33:00.000-07:00

"Hey, folks, it's just fan-fiction; chill the [edited] out."

I've seen this on more than a few profiles. The author(esse)s spout this phrase to justify any and all things, because, after all: "it's just fan-fiction."

Yes, I know: "it's just fan-fiction," but one conforms to what one reads and what one writes, and the author(esse)s that thoughtlessly write this dismissive motto, I believe, have not looked deeply into the meaning of the words they write.

"It's just fan-fiction." So I can write about rape or coerced or forced abortion callously or even gleefully, says the author(ess).

"It's just fan-fiction." So I can murder an annoying character, says the author(ess).

"It's just fan-fiction." So I can proxy racist or sexist language, says the author(ess).

"It's just fan-fiction." But the author(ess) has written those words, and the author(ess) has thought those thoughts.

But "it's just fan-fiction" so there's no accountability to those words, and I, the reader, who take their meaning seriously need to get a life.

Hm.

It may be "just fan-fiction," but, silly me, I can't read stories that treat characters as objects or ends. Au contraire, I prefer to read and to write "just fan-fiction" that encourages me to think about things more than "just fan-fiction."

But that's just me, silly me, a bear with little brain, and, after all, it's "just fan-fiction," isn't it?

Or is it? Are you writing "just fan-fiction"? Or are you writing literature? Are you indulging in gratuitous ... whatever ... or are you writing about something that make you laugh so hard you cry, or cry so hard you [well, in my case, cry more] have to laugh at yourself. Are you writing "just fan-fiction" that encourages our girls to think of themselves as just objects in order to receive any love at all ("Oh, in the fanfics I read Edward sexes Bella all the time, so for my BF to like me I have to put out")? Maybe you can write "just fan-fiction" where the girl is the heroine? Where the reader sees [predominately] herself as a person of worth and with self-worth: as a writer or poet or Amelia Earhart or Jane Austen or Bella Swan or ... herself ... the person nobody else can be: a person of value, a lovable person on her own terms, just as she is.

Nah! Who am I kidding? After all: "it's just fan-fiction" so I should just get a life.

Or is my getting a life the point at all? Ever?

If somebody reads my fanfic, and they not only get a life, but they ...

... start writing their own essays and stories?

... start seeing hope in their bleak work-a-day world?

and they ...

... stop thinking themselves as a victim of ... something ...

and they ...

... don't take their own life ... what's the worth of that?

Is the point of your fanfic for me to get a life?

I hope so.

I sincerely hope that your fanfic is so compelling, so touching, so meaningful, that I find, in it, a reason to keep breathing where I had no reason before.

Just fan-fiction? Yes. But it also can be Art, it also can be Literature.

For someone, it can be more than "just fan-fiction."

That all depends on you, my dear author(esse)s.

MSR: summary sux, plz read!

2009-10-22T15:03:00.000-07:00

"Writing a story about something."

Do you know what I hate? I hate it that many fan fiction author(esse)s write "[blah-blah-blah]; summary sux; story defiantly better inside, rly, so read it, eh?"

If you're summary "sux," and that's a synopsis of your story, I'd want to read your story for which reason?

Oh, and are you going to misspell "definitely"? Just curious.

Why the above rant?

Because, I, too, am "writing a story about something."

Is it fiction? Well, yes, ... and no. Is a relationship fictional? Perhaps. Is this one? Perhaps.

Is it an angsty piece? Well, yes, defiantly (did I get the spelling of "definitely" au courant?) ... and no. Is life all sweetness and light? No. Is this piece? No. But is life lived in pure bleakness? No. Does this piece wallow in it? That answer depends on you, my dear reader.

Is it fan-fiction? Well, yes, ... and no. My Bella (now just a girl without a name yet) and my Rosalie are Twilight canonical characters, researched thoroughly (in the canon, I might add), represented accurately as a real human teenage girl with ... well ... with "self-image" issues, and a "real" vampire girl with a tanker truck-load of baggage. A "real" vampire girl with a real problem of dealing with real bloodlust, all the time, while she's really determined to understand this mortal that she has resolved that she must murder. Well, "kinda" resolved.

Is it femslash?

How do I answer that one? Is there sex? No. So it's not femslash, right?

My cara spoza, reading this story says that the feelings between the two protagonists ... well ...

So, defiantly not femslash because there's no lemonade at any of the meals served in Bella Fourche, SD, ... right?

And, anyway, is that all that people do all the time? Do you and everybody you know sex it up all day every day? [Don't answer that, please, where — o, where! — has the bedroom door gone?] So, when you meet somebody who so blows you away, do you throw caution and care to the wind to throw her into bed? This is The One, now, not a one night stand. You screw this up, and you've really screwed it up for yourself and for her, for realz, yo.

That's me: keeping it realz, yo ... in the fiction-y, angsty, femslash-y way that I write.

So, I'm "writing a story about something." It's called "My Sister Rosalie." It's on twilighted.net and fanfiction.net under my nom-de-plume geophf. It's helped some people and offended others. Maybe the imagery in the story will give you some ideas for your art? I'd love to see them.

So, but, yeah. I sympathize with you ... I really do. Writing a summary is hard, and you're working so hard to make your story just right, so why bother writing a good summary ... no ... why bother writing the perfect summary?

I'll tell you why: because your summary is the doorway to your story. You write a summary that "sux" ... then what does that say about your story? What does it say about the writer? If you will not expend the effort to make the only thing most people will ever see about your story ... do you really wish for people to read your story? If you think your summary "sux" because you say it does ... what does that really say about your story?

P.S. Please, please, please remember, my dear author(esse)s definitely to use the word "definitely" when you are certain about something. I know you are a defiant young person and all, writing fan-fiction, but, really, you did pass fifth grade English, haven't you? The only way you can answer this question credibly? Proper word choice, spelling, grammar and punctuation. I have readers from all over the world; I choose to represent the best of myself and my country of origin. Do you represent yourself with any pride in your self-worth?

Edward

2009-09-29T19:33:00.000-07:00

Um, please reread the original posting here before reading on.

So, ladies and (at least one) gentlemen. Edward. I've already touched on him, very slightly and sympathetically, elsewhere, but a comment today triggered this pensée.

The comment was in the mode of the following: "Well, geophf, Edward loves Bella, obviously, so ..."

One thing those who have worked with me, is that, just as one must never say "never" in this Eternal Now, one must never say "obviously" to geophf ... unless it is obviously so.

My poor, poor beta can attest very well to that. She's a young thing, but has the constitution of iron. She needs it, working with me. Poor girl.

Back on point.

"Edward loves Bella, obviously."

Edward "loves" Bella.

Hm.

Pardon me for deconstructing the obviousness of this statement, but, I am a bear of very little brain, and to understand something, I must take the meal in in small bites.

The first bite is this one. I had thought that for someone to love someone else, that they must respect them? And, yes, I had said in my other post that Edward treats Bella with respect and had given examples, ... but does he?

Allow me to play my own devil's advocate for a moment here, okay?

Okay.

So, poor me, but I thought a part of respecting somebody else is to listen to them and to consider what they say?

I mean, if our pastor can mention my man Martin in a homily, then I suppose it's okay to mention something about Ich und Du here, no?

So, is there one example, at all, in the canon where Edward listens to Bella and considers what she says?

Anyone? Anyone at all? Bueller?

Hm. No voluteers? So I guess I'll volunteer the canon.

Twilight: Bella begs Edward to hear her out on the race to escape James. Does Edward listen? I answer that: no. Alice and Emmett do, but not Edward. Only by force majeure does he turn the vehicle away from a reckless dash to nowhere with no plan.

New Moon, pre-catatonic-Bella: Bella begs Edward not to leave her, saying that she'd die without him. Does he listen? I answer that: no. We could have skipped both New Moon and Eclipse if he did.

And, just now, coming off a reread of New Moon, I have to say: thanks for that, Edward.

New Moon, post-attempted-suicide-Bella: Bella begs Edward to change her, again, for the thousandth time. Does he listen? I answer that: no. So she puts it to a vote of the family, and she gets force majeure. Does he listen then? I answer that: no. Jasper's and Emmett's wrecked plasma TV wishes he did, though. And Alice wishes that, too (nice vision that: Bella sucked dry because Alice was unable to control the blood lust).

Eclipse: Bella begs Edward to stay with her in the big fight with Victoria's newborns, the Cullens and the wolves. Does he listen? I answer that: no. She had to tell him that catatonia à la New Moon (that is "New Moon II: Fuller and Bluer") awaited to get him to stop brushing her off. She, by her self-admission, has to become a monster, something alien to herself, to get Edward to stop and take in what she is begging him. And if she didn't do this? Victoria and Riley against just Seth? Hm. Well that would have saved us all from Breaking Dawn (a book I happen to like but that some do not, I am told) and the next two points ...

Breaking Dawn, Book I: Bella begs Edward not to destroy the fœtus, her baby ... their baby. Does he listen? I answer that: no. So instead he offers up his wife to Jacob, the "No doesn't mean no so I'll just ~~assault~~kiss you right now because that's what you really want" rival for Bella's affections when he can't get force majeure from his family to perform a forced, non-consensual, abortion on the girl.
À propos de rein, is Rosalie the only character in the canon who ever listened to Bella and who helped her? Is that why Rosalie is so reviled, because she listened to our girl and stood up to the whole world to stand by Bella? Selfishly listened, yes, but listened and then acted on that listening?

I mean, not even Alice, who considers Bella her BFF and all that, took Bella in Twilight because of listening to Bella. And all those make-overs, kidnappings and shopping trips? Did Rosalie ever force her will on Bella? No. But did Alice? Hm. And Alice is the good girl and Rosalie the bitc-... well, you know, because Rosalie's not "nice" and Alice "is." Hm.

Breaking Dawn, Book III: Bella begs Edward to teach her some techniques for the impending Volturi confrontation. Does he listen? I answer that: no. So now she decides to attack Alec and then, for the love of G-d, Demetri, as an undisciplined newborn because it's too hard for Edward contemplating teaching her fighting because he doesn't want to see her in that light. See her shredded by Demetri? Oh, that's fine, but see her as ... what? Capable? Strong? A warrior who can fight back? Perish that thought! His Bella must be that Anne of Green Gables that she so did not wish to be (cf Eclipse, ch 20 "Compromise") and that he only ever saw her as.

Your counter-arguments are as follows, aren't they:

Oh, but Edward loves Bella because he says he does.

I answer that: no.

So everything everybody says all the time is the truth, eh? I'll give you that Edward believes what he says here, but I will not give you that he loves Bella. No, he loves what he thinks that he thinks who Bella is, not Bella, herself, at all. There is a difference between love and infatuation. Edward was drawn to her because of her singing blood and then intrigued by the silence of her mind. But love? Show me that he shows her real respect, and then let's talk about love, baybee.

Oh, but Edward wanted to marry her and everything before they, well, you know.

I answer that: no.

So, Bella was eager for the Altar? Edward wanted to marry Bella because Edward wanted to marry Bella. Bella's thoughts and feelings on this matter were brusquely brushed off.

Oh, but Edward loves Bella because he knew he was bad for her and left her in New Moon! See, he does love her, because he does something totally unselfish, something entirely for her good, even as it crushes him to do it.

I answer that: no.

I actually already answered this one, but let's reopen this case.

Edward left Bella because he thought he knew what was in her best interest. Obviously, he thought, she being a young mortal clueless girl, she has no idea what's good for her. After all, he has nearly a century on her. He's wise; she's not.

The thing about wisdom ... it doesn't come for free because of some passage of some number of years. And wisdom might just be saying that "ya know, she was right, Edward, and you were wrong the last time, so you just may consider thinking outside your self-absorption ..." But wise Edward knows best. Knows this so well that he goes against what every single person tells him, leaving her defenseless with Victoria out and about with a definite grudge and an easy target. Hm. So, yah, he "loves" her because he (it turns out, literally) throws her to the wolves.

Oh, but Edward really loved Bella after they were married and after she was changed because he became this lovey-dovey doormat that she was throughout the series and unrecognizable as Edward was in the three previous books and the first half of Breaking Dawn.

I answer that: no.

Love changes you? Sure. Love removes your spinal column? Sure, at times.

Love blinds you to the person you love? No. That, my dear readers, is not love.

Love is not blind. Only blind fools who have never loved say that. Love opens your eyes to the beloved, and you begin to see her, for the first time, every time, even just a little bit, for who she really is, and you love that person, because that person is real, not the chimera you've been deluding yourself into chasing.

Spineless Edward, in Breaking Dawn, Book III, was just as guilty as self-absorbed Edward was, because Spineless Edward was just as blinded as self-absorbed Edward was to (now) his Bella. They both put her up on a pedestal.

Sure, admire your beloved, but for what she is, how she is and who she is. Adore her, however? Idols are adored; persons are not. Idols are objects, but your beloved should not be objectified, for she is a person. Adore her, and you objectify her.

Sorry, folks, but "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves." [1 Cor 13:4-7]

So, I ask you, did Edward do any of these things? Or did he always and everywhere do the opposite?

Edward.

Men everywhere are so jealous of him because twenty-two million girls are saying to their BFs "But Edward would do ..."

Here's how to out-Edward Edward.

Your GF likes fig newtons. She doesn't care about the flowers. You like getting your girl flowers. Sure, get her flowers, but realize who you are getting the flowers for. You. So get her the fig newtons when you get her the flowers (which is, oh, at least monthly after you've been married for fourteen years ... not saying that I would know this from personal experience or anything ...).

Here's how to out-Edward Edward.

When your GF is talking to you about something, then think, for a second, that it means something to her, perhaps it's something important to her, even if she's talking about, not football, but, ick, girlie-girl stuff ... ya know, about relationships or some girl thing like that. Listen to her. Hear what she says. Say it back to her, so she knows somebody, oh, my G-d! listened to her for once in her life. Then consider what she said, and maybe not watch ESPN tonight but ... um, do the dishes after supper (I know! The horror!) and talk about her day for a change. And maybe not do what she's begging you, because, in this particular case, you must make a decision against her judgment or desire, but do consider her in your decision. Do. Edward never did, so when you do consider her words, you've done something for her that makes you better than she could possibly imagine.

Here's how to out-Edward Edward.

She likes to dress up and go to prom (exactly unlike Bella). You'd rather grind WoW. Get a tux and take her to prom, and turn off the cell phone, and, you know, hang with her. And dance with her. "Oh, but I can't dance." I "can't," either. They do have classes, you know. And you do love your girl, so you'll go to classes to teach yourself how to dance, and you'll do it for her, because you love her.

Here's how to out-Edward Edward.

Read her fan fiction and leave a positive review. For everybody to read. Even though you'd rather bathe in salt water and mustard after diving into a pool filled with broken glass.

Ich und Du.

Listening means more than letting the sound waves touch your ears ... even Edward does that. The person speaking is a person ... treat her as such, and you will out-Edward Edward.

Every single time.

Credo

2009-09-20T21:03:00.001-07:00

I write.

I do not write things that make me sad.

No. I am sad, and from that sadness, I write. I write to cope, and I write to hope.

Neither of which I do very well at all.

Yes. I have no reason to be sad, and no excuses, either. But I am. This is how I am. This is what I am. This is what I write.

I am an unreasonable man, and the world ... well, the world doesn't like unreasonable men, and it doesn't change just because a wish is begging it to.

So I write.

Your Reviews

2009-09-19T14:50:00.000-07:00

You do know what a writer of fan fiction feels when [predominantly:] she receives a review? So many profiles on fanfiction.net and so many chapter notes on twilighted.net show how desperately appreciated reviews are.

Even one word reviews. Even just one word of encouragement.

Do you know how an authoress feels when she receives a review? She wants to receive another one. She keeps checking her email. She checks her watch. Thirty seconds have gone by ... she checks her email. No new reviews.

The high of getting those encouraging words are replaced, for a while, by despondency and despair. But then she bucks up. She knows there's only one sure way to get another review, and that is to publish that next chapter or story. So she grits her teeth and looks at that G-D blank computer screen for hours.

But then she starts typing, and then she types some more, and then she gets into it, and the words start flowing, and she loses herself in it. She gets lost in her world, and she gives herself over to it, completely, and she writes now, and she writes and she writes and she writes, and if she's truly lost to herself ... completely ... in this world, then, maybe there's something that touches a reader ... touches another girl somewhere in the world who needed to read that before she did something or before she didn't do something, and reading it make her stop or reading it helped her to go on and to go forward and to live and to read some more, and maybe even to write something and to share that with the world and to save another girl.

Do you know what your review does? Maybe it helps an author to write one more chapter. Maybe it helps a reader to read that new chapter and to love it and to decide: I need to do this. The words are burning in my mouth, and I must spit them out onto my keyboard, and I must put that first chapter out there. And she gets her first review ever. And she knows, she finally knows, that she's alive. She finally found her voice, she finally had something to say. She finally had something to say to somebody who told her "luv ur story, update soon plz," and it gave her a reason to write her next chapter until she becomes accomplished and confident in what she writes, and that confident, accomplished writing touches someone's soul somewhere.

And that fire burning in her mouth inflames the heart of that soul that had turned cold or sullen or despairing.

Do you know what your review does?

Maybe it saves somebody's life, did you ever think of that? Maybe somebody was dead, even though they were punching their ticket at school or at work or at nowhere doing nothing, and your review encouraged a writer to write and what that writer wrote, because in part of your review, gave somebody hope.

Your review is hope, and that is the most precious commodity in the world.

And of the 80,000 members of twilighted.net only a quarter of them ever review a chapter. You, by your review, have put yourself in the top quarter of all twilighted.

Now, your review doesn't make the writer write. The writer writes, or the writer does not, no matter how good your review is, no matter how many entreaties she receives (and, boy, have I begged writers for their next chapter, and a year later ... nothing).

Frankly, although you may say in your review "update soon!" it is actually I who is the one who cannot wait to read the next chapter in my story. What happens during quiet time? And why, oh, why! is that next chapter not out yet?

Won't somebody please write it?

Oh, that falls on me?

Why — oh, why! — can't I just be the reader and somebody else write "My Sister Rosalie"?

Writing is hard. Writing is so, so, ... so very gut-wrenchingly hard. I hate writing. MSR's "Mirror, Mirror" nearly killed me. "Vasilii" in "Thirteen Ways" nearly did me in. And RLT? OMR! Nearly every single chapter was a finisher for me, except, of course, the birds and the bees talk by Gwendolyn. Gotta love Rosalie's mother, ... no wonder she has such a twisted view of Esmé, eh? And then Rosalie turns right around and becomes what her mother is to a totally innocent girl ... her maid, that is, but ... hm, that description fits for our Bella, too, now, doesn't it?

Since writing is hard, then why write? Well, there's the compulsion of it (I must write), there's the act of creating something that's tangible (I wrote that), there's the pleasure of reading something that you wanted to read (that's why you wrote it, no?), and there's the reviews where somebody, somewhere, finally said to you:

Good job!

How often do you hear that at home or at school or at work? And you have three reviews for your story that says "Good job!" ... isn't that three more times you've heard that, like, ever, like, in your life?

You write, no? If you do write, and you've received a review, then you know what it's like. If you don't write, then write! But if you're not yet ready to write, leave a review and trust me on this one, there is nothing like it, and you are giving the authoress a priceless treasure ... a priceless treasure that only costs you one mouse click and a few words.

Do you see what your review does? It breathes life into the authoress' story: she keeps writing because there are readers saying that they like reading it, and so the story does not die on the vine, but continues to grow, organically. Your reviews are the rain that water the plants; your reviews are the sun that allow the flowers of our stories to open to you.

So, write a review (again), please?

But what do I write in my review, geophf? you ask.

Glad you asked.

Here are the rules:

Doesn't matter, just select the "submit review" option when you finish the chapter — and not a second later — and write a review. Even if that review is just one word: "good" or "more" or whatever. You read the chapter, so write the review. Right now.

See rule number 1.

So those are the rules.

(*ahem*)

But there are a few lemmas to writing reviews. And they are these:

Every word you write is read by your employer or a judge of a twific contest you are entering. And, even though you are using an alias, they know it's you. So keep it clean and courteous. Don't believe me? I didn't either, until three employers laid out copies of everything I wrote on the 'net (including aliased works). Good thing I kept it clean.

A good review is any review. And any review is a good review. Full stop. A substantive review says something about this chapter and tells the authoress what you thought about that something or how you felt about it and why. A good review is nice; a substantive review may help the authoress write a better chapter next time.

How important are reviews? Oh, pretty, very, essentially important, I'd say.

Case in point. I was ready to pack it in: at the end of "Compulsion" chapter of MSR I was going to write "... and then Rosalie returned to find Bella dead. The end." Because why? Because I had just written ten chapters with no feedback even though I had one hundred readers per chapter. I figured, why continue if none of the readers were interested enough to comment on what I had poured my heart into?

But later, after I pushed through my despondency and continued writing, anyway, came out of that story the idea of "Thirteen Ways," and then I received a PM from an authoress saying that story had inspired her to write her own fiction. If I had quit, she wouldn't have read that story that wouldn't have existed, ... would she be writing now?

But eventually I did receive some encouragement and some reviews, and I did continue, and somebody did see something in that continuation that inspired them. That's what your reviews do: they encourage. Your reviews encourage, and they are so easy for you not to write, aren't they? "Oh, I'll get to that 'later.'" you say, where you know full well that 'later' eventually means 'never.' Don't say that and don't do that, please. All it takes is for you to hit the 'submit review' button, write some words, and, guaranteed from me at least, you'll get a thank-you PM response, and you'll have encouraged the writing you enjoy reading, and you'll show others that this particular work has something worthwhile in it to read.

When you review, you win (you get more chapters to read); the authoress wins (you send happiness to the authoress), and somebody else wins (you just may, indirectly, touch somebody else's life). A review is a win-win-win.

A review is full of win.

Thank you for your reviews. Please, please, please: keep'm comin', eh?

Writing and the "Real World"

2009-08-31T07:29:00.000-07:00

You know, we writers love to complain. We love to complain how our jobs get in the way of our writing, how life gets in the way of our writing, and how our writing gets in the way of our writing.

Yeah, that last one. You ever get an idea, and that idea starts you writing, and that writing brings forth ideas that require whole new stories and whole new plot lines and whole new ...

Not that I'm talking from experience, or anything like that. But let's just say that my flagship story ("My Sister Rosalie") has gone from a one-shot to a three volume novel with three side stories of the first volume ("Rose by a Lemon Tree," "Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blackbird," and (unpublished) "The Hurt Chair"). And the funny thing is the following: "My Sister Rosalie" was just an aside of my "main" idea about Lilly and Lucas in high school ... that I haven't gotten around to starting.

Ugh, I'm living a cliché: I'm a writer of a three-volume novel, just like Miss Prism in "The Importance of Being Earnest." I even write earnestly, for goodness sake!

As the French say: le Sigh!

But that pesky real world: where would we be without it? Isn't it amazing how life imitates art? For example, I write a chapter about Bella and (not-)blueberries ("Just Say It"), and come to find my cara spoza can't stand them in her oatmeal. Go figure!

Or, I write about economy and the Great Depression ("With the Depression On") and that recalls to me what my own grandfather went through during those troubled times.

Or, my meditations on what a vampire is (want), and isn't (angelic will), in an unpublished fragment that will, thankfully, never see the light of day, lead me to ruminations about, of all things, DDR.

I mean, seriously! The "real world" shows up all over the place, even in introductory snide side comments from our much put-upon vampire about gratitude.

So, writers, the next time you complain about the real world getting in the way of your writing, don't. Benjamin Franklin reminds us that he who does not have enough is silent, and he who has enough, complains (or: "It is the working man who is the happy man. It is the idle man who is the miserable man." This is Big Ben's reminder to me to stop complaining about writing and just get to the actual work of writing). After all, you have been given a gift. Who writes? Nearly nobody in the world writes, ... but you do. And, sometimes, even, your writing saves somebody from despair, or maybe even inspires somebody else to write. Only you can sing your song.

Sing it.

Learning from history: Efficacious Caius

2009-08-02T12:38:00.000-07:00

The sad and beautiful thing about history, besides its existence and essence, is that 1) it repeats itself because 2) hardly anyone takes the time to study it and to learn from it. Vampires do need to study it and to learn from it, that is from the history that they themselves have not experienced, and the smart ones, like Jasper, do just that. A philosophy major vampire with his nose in a book? Those are the most dangerous kinds.

Take, for example, the Volturi. They are the most dangerous vampires in the world. Why? Because they know their history. Arguably the most dangerous one is the most ignored one: Caius. He knows how to get rid of problems: eliminate them. Period. And he follows the Rule to the letter, because he knows there's nothing more dangerous and unmanageable than a frenzied crowd. Aro could and should learn a lesson or two from Caius.

That's not saying he hasn't. Caius is one of the Three for a reason. Caius is no pawn. He knows the score: he just takes the most direct path, because he knows, from his three thousand years of experience, that most problems are most easily solved directly. Diplomacy? Pfft! Aro can play his games, but the cohesiveness of the Volturi is built from victory to victory. And behind most of those victories (besides the big public splash that Marcus made in the Carpathian suppression) is Caius with his very simple, straightforward and direct approach.

And Caius doesn't need to sing out his merits, because he knows that lack of attention isn't a bad thing at all: a lot can get done when nobody else is watching your every move (are you listening, Aro?). Vampires being out of the limelight isn't just because of the Rule (Caius: "Yes, it is!") but also because of all the other, accidental, benefits that flow from that inattention.

Mobs: unruly, undisciplined, ineffectual: dangerous because they are so chaotic.

The Volturi. Hm. Quite the opposite of a mob, aren't they! And they have been in power for more than three thousand years.

There's quite a bit people could learn from history. But then, they'd have to learn, now, wouldn't they? And that might interrupt their ESPN time.

Major Jasper Whitlock Hale

2009-07-08T14:16:00.000-07:00

While we're talking about deus ex machina characters (*ahem* Alice), let us turn our attention to Jasper. I'm sorry to sound like a one-note nag, but here is another character that has been totally misinterpreted by the fan base, particularly in fan fiction.

Why? Whenever Jasper makes an appearance is (to fail) to diffuse a confrontation. "Oh, there was going to the big fight between the characters of this story, but Jasper diffused it, so everyone went home confused, because I needed to write my way out of this corner I wrote myself into."

So, why have the confrontation at all if nothing develops from it? That is, that the characters learn that they can be as irascible as they desire, because Jasper will simply eliminate animosity?

Or, worse: "Jasper tried to calm x but his power didn't seem to affect x's rage."

How many times have I read this in fan fiction? Too, too many times.

If Jasper's power has no effect, and his inability causes no change in the story or the characters, why mention it? You are trespassing on Jasper when he tries something and then you throw him back into the cobwebbed plot corner you pulled him forward from. I mean, what are Jasper's feelings when his powers fail? Have you considered that? Nobody that writes the ineffectual line in the fan fiction I've read considers how that affects Jasper, the empath.

Certainly, Jasper's ability can fail, and that failure should be written about, but only in the context that there's some price to be paid. Do not parade a super power if there is no consequence to it.

But really, so what? Jasper has a deus ex machina super power. This makes him extremely difficult to write well, but behind that super power is an entity; does anybody think about who that Jasper is?

Yes. Minisinoo's Cowboys and Indians and Mandi1's You've Kept Me Waiting.

So, you've read those stories. So you know that Jasper is a philosopher: a philosopher that thinks and that is willing to act on those thoughts.

But he's also an officer and soldier. Now in the canon, he was put into situations where he could not show forth his vast strategic knowledge. Like the following:

Did he charge at Victoria and her Newborns in Eclipse, or did he sit in Forks, waiting for them to come - long enough for SM to set up her plot lines wherein Edward and Jacob would both end up with Bella in a tent? Did he charge at the Volturi threat in BD, or did he take off and leave with Alice to go to South America in order to bring back some [lame] half vamp? And where was he in New Moon when Edward was going to sparkle himself to death? Really, I don't remember, but he sure [...] wasn't charging at any threat. Oh, but let's not forget his masterful leadership in Twilight - sitting in the hotel room while Alice drew pictures and then allowing Bella to give him the slip.

- Thanks to LiLa for the comprehensive analysis

But what if he were put into a situation where he could and should act as a soldier. Let's say Bella is kidnapped and held as a pawn to blackmail the Cullens to do or to abstain from certain acts. If they refuse, she's destroyed, and they are next. What would Jasper do?

Here's my take:

Jasper is a Major of the Confederate Army that successfully held off a more-powerful more-well-equipped with supplies, arms, and men and more-surrounding Northern Aggressor. He knows the score. You play the enemy's game for any length of time, you lose. It's as simple as that. You make your own plan that lulls the enemy into thinking they have you over a barrel, and then you strike hard.

Jasper was also the leader of an army of volatile and every changing newborns, training them very, very quickly (as they only had a year of effectiveness before their innate advantage wore off) and killing them with utter ruthlessness. His army outnumbered him at least 20 to 1, yet he still replaced every one of them every year.

Jasper, outnumbered 20 to 1, facing a powerful and better prepared enemy, is advising playing the waiting game?

No. "When the enemy attacks, charge." He's read the lessons learned from the Great War, WWII, Korea and Vietnam. He knows his own army's strength, and he already knows the strength of the enemy.

The strength of the enemy is this. They have no strength. They SAY they have strength, but this is a bluff. They can only give the illusion of strength, but behind the enemy's bluff is a force that is strained to the gills holding a prisoner. Jasper knows that as soon as the enemy starts talking is the time not to fool around with strategy and tactics, its time to lay down an all-out frontal assault with his very powerful family, route the enemy and kill every last one of them, mercilessly, as they make their hasty attempt to regroup or to retreat.

Jasper has fought in more wars than this little hostage situation to know that sitting still and accepting enemy's terms, even for one second, is admitting defeat. Attack, and attack now, this is the only way to create the possibility of winning.

Ask the Special Forces guys. Ask the Marines. I have. I've lived with them. I've trained with them. "Let the enemy come to you" or "wait it out" ≡ "wet yourself and die."

No. "Attack." "Keep moving." "Shock, awe, confuse, kill, win."

But Edward cries: "But Bella will die!" Sorry, Edward. Bella is already dead. If we don't attack right now, we'll all be dead. If we attack now, we may recover her. If we don't, she will certainly die. This is war. People die. So sorry, but anything else is Disney fairy tale. The only way to save Bella is to kill and kill and kill until every last one of the enemy is dead.

That is the only way.

Or, like most fan depictions of our "slacker" Jasper, he could just cool his heels and let the enemy dictate the terms and pace of the unfolding events. Hm. Good advice, Jasper. Which war did you fight in again?

Jasper has read Sun Tzu, yes? And the Go Rin No Sho? Yes, he has. And he's read Rommel (he keeps up) and Patton's speeches, and philosophy in general. What does philosophy say? "Let life happen to you"? Or "the best way to predict the future is to invent it"? Are you listening, Alice?

Do you see Jasper, in this situation where he's assuming a leadership role, saying "Let it be" or "Carpe Diem"? Jasper, in the canon, advises patience and caution: wonderfully wise-sounding strategy in fiction. How does it measure up in real life: "A good plan today is better than a perfect one tomorrow."

Jasper, you are the leader: lead. The battle lines are drawn. Break through them and kill the enemy, every last one of them, left, right and center.

Or die, slowly, playing the enemy's game.

You touch one Cullen, you have Jasper to deal with, and you do not want to deal with Jasper. He, himself, has destroyed over THREE THOUSAND vampires. This is canonical. And he didn't do this by sitting back, and he's probably handled at least 10 hostage situations, and he knows paralysis is death.

Kill, Jasper, right now. Or you will get what you deserve: watching your loved ones burn, one of them being your Alice before you, and then you.

Jasper, in the canon, in his hesitancy, sounds wise and philosophical, but I argue the character here is not Jasper that his history and experience formed. Put on his ragged, deeply scarred, marble skin, put on his burning golden eyes that have seen more than three thousand destructions. Put on the major's uniform of a man who has turned defeat after defeat into decisive and all-encompassing victories by his heartless, vicious, rapid, direct action.

So, I implore you to look beyond the easy-going, slacker, image Jasper projects. Look at him with fresh eyes. Look through his eyes. You need to become, to become truly, the character in the spotlight. Who is Jasper? What is Jasper? Why is Jasper? You must answer those questions down to the spurs on his boots, his cheer in front of his men, and his absolutely winning record on ever single one of every battlefield he's ridden or run across, killing, killing, guiding his army, killing, and winning.

You must become 187 years old for Jasper.

"When the enemy attacks, charge."

Or, as Jasper shouted over the sound of muskets and the rallying bugle cry: "Charge!"

Jasper: ineffectual slacker boy?

No. He is Major Jasper Whitlock Hale. See beyond his easy-going demeanor to the true asset the Cullens have: a charismatic man, a soldier, a strategist, a philosopher.

Who has changed a habit of over one hundred years: he stopped drinking human blood to drink that blood that tastes worse than excrement. All for the love a little bubbly girl.

Jasper Whitlock 'Hale' can entirely change what he thinks he is.

Old dogs can learn new tricks. A leopard can change it spots. Jasper's shown us that.

Can you?

Yuki-Onna

2009-06-05T05:18:00.000-07:00

What's it like to see a vampire?

Let's say you're a young Japanese man going for a mountain climb with friends for some fresh, clean air away from the city and the salaried life and your group comes across this?

She smiles, leaps on a companion, drains him, and then proceeds to kill your other friends. What do you do? Why, you escape: you run for your life, tumbling down the mountain. You somehow survive, and you live to tell the tale of the Yuki-Onna (雪女), the Snow Woman, who glides over the top of the snow, so serenely killing your friends.

The villager who rescued you at the foot of the mountain doesn't believe you, of course … that is, until a rescue party returns with stories of men frozen in the snow, their throats ripped out, drained of their blood, and of the woman who came among them, untouched and untouchable, grabbing one of their party, flying away to the peak.

And all the while, Irina sits atop an abandoned ærie, listening … pleased with the legend she's created.

Of course, this all happened (that is, it may or may not have happened) hundreds of years ago, perhaps more than four hundred years ago? So perhaps the Volturi's attention may have been caught not by an immortal child, nor by the noises in some quarters of the legends of succubi, but perhaps by the extravagant vanity of one legend-making vampire?

Perhaps Irina has that on her conscience? Perhaps she blames herself for her mother-creator's destruction? Perhaps, thereafter she swore to do right, always, to toe the line and make sure all others did? Perhaps Irina's motivation for going to the Volturi was out of a sense of justice, correcting her wrong with her right, as well as the other reasons?

Perhaps. But, … perhaps not.

What's it like to be a vampire?

2009-05-31T21:47:00.000-07:00

Gee, it'd be awfully neat to be a vampire and stuff, with all that beauty, strength and speed. And you get to live forever, too. As they said in the movie Lost Boys:

Sleep all day. Party all night. Never grow old. Never die. It's fun to be a vampire.

No downside to that, right?

Both Edward and Rosalie would beg to differ. Edward's ruminations on this topic populate Midnight Sun, and Rosalie is dead-set against our Bella becoming a vampire, but why? She articulates her reasons in the series, but wasn't very specific. What if she was? What would she say? What if Rosalie had a "conversation" with Bella about this very topic? I imagine it would go something like this:

"Amazing — isn't it? — what a vampire can do. Makes you wish you could be one, doesn't it! Makes you wish you could be strong and powerful and fast and cold and dead and consumed by want, doesn't it!" Her quiet, angry speech grew and grew in volume until she was shouting in my face.

"Watching everything change and grow and live around you as you are trapped, frozen and unchanging, in this cursed eternity," she continued more thoughtfully, that is if spiteful could be considered thoughtful. "Watching everything whither and die around you, and all you can do is watch, helplessly. Why? Because everything you touch dies." She stared at me with jealous, hate-filled eyes.

"I..." I began, but I didn't get to complete that thought, and my attempt only set her off like an explosive.

"So tempting, being a vampire, isn't it!" she screamed at me, dropping all pretense of civility. "Isn't it!"

I stared at her, stunned into silence.

"Well, it isn't. Don't you ever forget that." she stated forcefully, ...

Another author, Rhiann put forward her own diatribe by Rosalie to Bella on being a vampire.

Certainly, fundamental to both arguments is the question of satiation. How can you ever be satisfied when there's always more of this Nowness to face. And I believe that this is the crux. Vampires are eternal but are also trapped in time. This brings up a paradox that more than a few address.

Okay, fine, but how does it feel like? Always in the Present, but always trapped in time. Let's ask someone (Rosalie, in this case) who experiences it first hand:

If you, dear reader, are a human, I have to beg of you one simple thing: enjoy each second that passes you, as far as you are able. For you, swimming in the sea of time, each second comes and then goes, never to return to you. For me, trapped in the eternal Now, but also a prisoner of Time, each second never leaves me. Each second is a new link forging the chains of my punishment. Human, enjoy your time, and enjoy its passing ... as I cannot.

Rose by a Lemon Tree, ch 3

Edward expresses similar views in Midnight Sun in the chapter entitled "Purgatory."

So, what's it like, being a vampire? Rosalie, again:

I know exactly what I am.

I'm not a damned soul in Hell, because it has the benefit of eternity, the eternal and ever-present Now, without the endless second-by-second dragging out of this temporal existence. At least, also, a damned soul has the pleasure of feeling a just punishment for an unjust life.

I am not even a demon meting out torture and agony. At least the demons have the pleasure of immateriality, and felt pleasure, pure selfish pleasure, unrestricted by this unending want that my material nature forces upon my being.

No, I am a vampire: wanting, torturing, murdering, drinking, lusting, wanting ... wanting! I am a vampire cursed with a soul! I am lower than the lowest damned soul in Hell; I am lower than even Lucifer himself in the ice cold ninth circle of Hell. I am even colder than that, and I am here present on this Earth. And in my unending walk through this temporality, I feel the shame and the regret burn me — burn me worst than the fires of Hell ever could!

No downside to that, right?

Hm.

P.S. This is told from the perspective of Twilight vampires. Nosferatu junkies, please check your criticisms at the door.

Yes, I Read Twilight

2009-04-28T15:00:00.000-07:00

So, what is a guy-y guy doing reading Twilight, anyway?

Well, 'cause I'm actually a 19-year-old girl named Mary Anne Evans (see, 'geophf' is now my tech-savvy pen-name: 'George Eliot' is just so out of fashion these days) going to Dartmouth and all my GFs were reading it, see? And I was like, SQUEE, OME! Bite me! And he was, like, rly? And I was, like, yeah! And he was, like, coo! And, so we were, like, you know, like, all that? 'Cause Edward's such a playah, until he met me, the character named Mary Sue introduced into the story that solves all the cataclysms because everybody listens to like my non-sequiturs because it all like makes sense because I'm the main character, not Bella, because she like needs me and realizes that Edward loves me and he was just like playin' her so she falls in love with Angela or Mike or somebody, doesn't matter, because like the story ended happily with Edward like falling so hard for me but I had to like leave him to solve world hunger in india and he like understood even though he was sad and then I returned to my space alien world the end? So, I, like, started, like, writing fan-fiction pretending to be like, this, like, twilight-dad so I could get more page views? 'Cause, like, a guy reading Twilight? NW. It's, like, 0.01% of the buyers of the book and, like, 0.000000000001100701% of the fan-fiction writers? So, like, I was, like, "gimme some of dat niche-market mind-share, baybee!" 'cause it's all about the buzz?

*cough*

Totally.

No, RLY: why did I keep reading Twilight? 'cause I'm, like, this 19-year-old girl from ... *AHEM*

I kept reading Twilight because it was adolescent. Adolescence is a very important transitional time of life. It's when people can ask questions boldly, because society says it's okay to ask those questions, to rebel, to live. As a child, one is not allowed to live: one is fenced in by parents. As an adult, one is not allowed to live: one must be a responsible member of society (well, except me and my bud Hannibal). Adolescence? Everything is undefined, so everything must be defined.

I kept reading Twilight because it was honest. Superpowers weren't added as the series went on. Endings weren't deus ex machina like Harry Potter ("Gryffindor wins because I'm Dumbledore, and I say so" "Oh, we use this super magic spell to make everything okay, even though two books ago we couldn't"). Characters didn't know what they weren't supposed to know.

To you Harry Potter fans: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! And geroff this Twilight blog!

I kept reading Twilight because it had depth. Every character deserves their own 4 book trilogy (What? Douglas Adams could have a 6-book trilogy!). Every conversation was motivated by a character history that was solid and consistent and true. This was true for the main characters, this was true for the minor characters, this was true for the characters that showed up for a total of a half a page.

I kept reading Twilight because it was complete, but not patronising. There is so much not said in the books, so much not revealed, so much left alone, so much left to explore, ... and so much room to explore. Other books, you cannot wander in the canon because the house of glass is too brittle, and it shatters when you reach out your hand in curiosity. Twilight doesn't allow MSR (well, really RLT), it encourages it! It demands it! Rosalie! The richest character in the series and she has just one chapter to say her piece. It probably took a lot from Steph just to leave her alone, but she did. She left her alone for me.

And she left ALL the characters alone. ALL of them. What's Bella's history? There's a fan-fiction story. What's Edward's story? There's a fan-fiction piece (it's called Midnight Sun, but what about his existence before that? It's called "Green, Red, Gold"). What's Alice's and Jasper's story? There's a story there (Mandi1 wrote it). What's Esmé's history? There's a story (that I AM WAITING FOR ... ANYBODY??!?!??!?!?!11!!112322##*@%#). Emmett? God! The strongest character in Twilight and everybody thinks he's a dumb jock. Idiots! He was the big brother of the McCarty family with many brothers and sisters during the Great Depression. He had to make do and love them and be the father to them all (except his mom who could, and did, take him by the ear by-and-bye), and hunt for supper, and drink, and gamble, and make moonshine, and fall, hard, for Rosalie, ... because only Emmett has the strength of character to put up with her.

So, why do I read Twilight? Real people and vampires ... and, BONUS, real werewolves (GOD! Leah! Read "Cowboys and Indians" by Minisoo)! Real stories. Yes, they are derivative. No, they are not esoteric; no, they are not erudite, nor complex, nor befuddling, nor pretentious. But, compelling? Yes. Heartbreaking? Yes. Hopeful? Yes. Real? Yes.

What would you rather me be reading? Salinger? I love him, too, love him to death (Franny and Zooey, and Raise High the Roofbeams, Carpenters (that inspired the Drambuie moment with Buddy and the Tom Collinses), and, OMG, Seymour: an Introduction, and OMR, Nine Stories, a.k.a. For Esmé — with Love & Squalor (every single one of them I cry my eyes out ... every single one — dunno, sometimes Franny and Zooey is my favorite; Franny is Bella's predecessor, and Zooey is as ruthlessly loving, and as lovingly ruthless, as Rosalie is to Bella)). Helen DeWitt? GOD! Helen DeWitt! I just want to go into the Last Samurai and give every one of those genius and geniune characters a big "it'll be okay, Rosalie" hug! Milan Kundera? Salman Rushdie? Robert Zelazny? Neil Gaiman? Chuck Palahniuk? Robert Pirsig? Robert Frost? Billy the Shake? J.R.R. Tolkien? C.S. Lewis? A.A. Milne? Douglas Hofstadter? Ray Smullyan? David Moon? Bashoh? e.e. cummings? Wallace Stevens? William Carlos Williams? God?

I read them all. I keep adding to that list. I love them all. Even Mr. Big-Juju (He's put out quite a bit of varied literature over the ages).

... and I like Twilight.

... and, so far, Twilight has liked me.

Happy 19th Birthday, Bella Cullen!

2009-04-26T20:48:00.000-07:00

You will recall that the Cullen family, spearheaded by Alice, of course, decided to celebrate Bella's first day as a vampire with a birthday party. It was September 13th, her birthday, so let's celebrate!

Bella, of course, vehemently objected, but this time the objection wasn't because she's party-shy ... well, it wasn't only because she's party shy. No, it was because Edward's eternally seventeen, and if she celebrated her birthday, that would mean she's nineteen.

*Gasp* She'd be a whole two years older than her hubby. That'd make her a cradle-robber. A cougarin', cradle-robbin', May-December romancin' despoiler of little boys.

In that case, she must have joined the wrong family: she should just pack up her things and move in with the succubi in Denali.

"Hey, Tanya, it's Bella ... do you guys have a spare room I can move into?"

And the three Russians would respond in unison: "We're not guys!"

So, Bella claims that she's not eternally nineteen. Oh, no! She's eternally 18.99726 years old. It's the principle of the thing, you see.

But Bella is wrong-wrong-wrong, or at least very, very, very misinformed to think she didn't turn nineteen, and here's why, and Dr. Cullen will back me up on this. Reread BD, reread her transformation. What was the last thing to change? When did she become a vampire?

When her heart stopped beating.

When did her heart stop beating? September 13th, and no, not in the early pre-dawn. It was full light out (well, full light for Forks, WA, USA). Her heart was beating for at least eight, and more likely more than eight hours of the day of September 13th, her birthday.

Bella Cullen was alive in a very real and a very medical sense on her birthday.

Happy 19th Birthday, Bella.

-----

This post is dedicated to my beta-reader Lion_in_the_Land who celebrated her 19th birthday, again, today. Happy Birthday, LiLa

May I tell you a secret? An insight.

2009-04-17T05:39:00.000-07:00

That Rosalie. I tell you what. She sure is a real b...

Excuse my language.

That's what everybody thinks, isn't it? Because that's how she is, right?

I published a episode of "Rose by a Lemon Tree" entitled "Her Name: Mother" that looks at the relationship between Rosalie and her mother (the name "Gwendolyn" has been used before, so I use it in my piece as well).

What's interesting to me is that the comments from reviewers of that chapter focus more on Rosalie's cruelty to her maid, Carol. This is interesting to me why?

First, read that chapter then come back. What did you think? Rosalie was surely mean to Carol, even if she and her father were trysting. Too, too mean, right? So Rosalie of her.

May I tell you a secret? What is Steph always saying when she mentions or sells early drafts of Twilight or Midnight Sun or Forever Dawn? Jasper's name was "Ron" in her early drafts. What was Rosalie's name in the early drafts?

Carol.

Does the president of a bank have as many servants as I mentioned in my episode? Does the president of a bank have a maid specifically designated for his daughter? A daughter that doesn't know the name of that maid, even, for ten years? How would Rosalie ask "Carol" to do something when she was 8 years old if she didn't know the name of her own maid? Can you see a 8-year-old girl, who hadn't yet been hurt so badly by her own mother at the age of 11 for being caught crying (read my episode for details), can you see this 8-year-old girl saying to a servant: "You, there" all the time? A servant who brushes her hair "almost adoringly"?

Who was Rosalie being cruel to? Who is Rosalie hardest on, always? Other people? No.

How does Rosalie see herself? Brave? Proud?

She says that, right? All the time, right? Like, too often?

Rosalie's not this scared little girl pushed around by a cruel world. She just can't be. She's tough. She's a real mean b..., well, you know, and nobody messes with her.

That's what everybody thinks. That's what everybody thinks in the novels. That's what everybody thinks reading the novels. That's what everyone has to think, right? Nobody messes with her, so she cannot possibly be hurt.

If you never let anybody into your heart, your heart cannot be broken.

Ever.

For Esmé — with Love and Squalor

2009-04-01T17:59:00.001-07:00

I think the award for the "most taken for granted character" in the Twilight series goes to Esmé Platt Evenson Cullen. This is not a trophy that we should be proud giving to Esmé, but give it to her we do.

Esmé: "To love".

But isn't that the way of it for all mothers? Esmé is a stereotypical mother. What can be said of her? "She has no special power, but has a strong ability to love passionately." (Wikipedia) Translation: "Oh, Esmé? Um, well, a typical mom, I guess ... [looks away embarrassedly]". Esmé gets as much thought and consideration as, dare I say, your own mom, right?

You moms out there know what I'm talking about: you pour your heart and your soul into your family, and what do you get for it? If you are lucky you get an appreciative look, or rub, or word ... occasionally. Mostly, it's the slogging away, day after endless day to no thanks, to ingratitude, even.

Ugh!

If it's your lucky day (of the year?) you get flowers. If you are looking for heart-stopping, you get the laundry or dishes done for you. Stop holding your breath, please, that shade of blue isn't particularly lovely on you, you know.

What does Esmé do? Who can barely contain her joy when her son introduces the new girl from school? Who on the baseball field is the first to greet Bella?

Sorry, but that scene has me begging the question: what was Rosalie thinking as she stalked off? I think readers of RLT have an answer. If I were a betting man — and I'm not — I would put a large sum on the following:

"If Edward thinks I'm going to acknowledge his little human pet, he's got another thing coming! She'll be the destruction of us all, Edward, mark my words!"

And how very nearly prophetic her thoughts were. In fact, how timely, too, given the encounter a few innings into that very game!

Esmé is one of the most underrepresented characters in the canon and in all of fan fiction; perhaps she is the most underrepresented character in the lexicon. What's there to say about her? She's the "Mom" who can barely hunt on her own, much less keep up with the other vampires (BD, Book I). End of story.

Yet it is Esmé with the richest back story: in love with Carlisle since she was 16 years old, but handed off to an arranged marriage to an abusive brute. She gets away to protect the child in her womb only to lose him days after birth.

Excuse me a moment, there's something in my eye.

Why is it that the vampires who had the rockiest lives have the most contented new existence? Cases in point: Carlisle, Esmé, Alice.

Why is it that the vampires who had the most gilded lives have the darkest new existence? Cases in point: Jasper, Edward, Rosalie.

Why is it that Emmett sails so smoothly through both his life and his new existence, untroubled in either?

Why is it that Bella is worshiped by all in both?

How can we learn to live our lives from the way the vampires in the Cullen family choose to live in their lives and new existences?

And how about Esmé, the Mom to them all? More importantly, how about your mom?

I'll tell you this: the more I study Esmé, trying to learn about her, the more I appreciate and love my own mother. Esmé is my mother, in many ways. She's the Perfect Mother, but she's only human after all (even if she is a vampire). You see her as this perfect little thing, always calm, always smooth, always affectionate, always doing the right thing for everybody, loving every single one of her children, and her husband, in the perfect way that they each need her love.

You see her this way, because she is this way. You may wish to let her know this (I'm sure the post office does send mail to the Cullens these days: they may be getting as much now as Santa does, for goodness sake). But underneath all this, she knows she's made mistakes, and she carries those mistakes with her every step of the way.

In the canon, Rosalie tells us, indirectly, that Esmé's record isn't clear (Eclipse, ch 7). Do you think that Esmé has just put aside her "little slip" and moved on with her existence? Well, yes, she has. Do you think that this is easy for her? Do you think that this mistake doesn't haunt her at times? Perhaps not.

Do you think that when her children are fighting (Midnight Sun, conference in ch 4), or leaving her (Edward in Green, Red, Gold and in New Moon; Emmett and Rosalie in New Moon, Alice and Bella in New Moon, Alice and Jasper in BD, Book I) that it's easy for her to be the Mom, for her to let them go, to let them hurt themselves? To let them do all this, knowing, from hard-won experience, that they don't have to? Knowing that allowing them to do this could even eventuate in their destruction?

Do you think that maybe giving her flowers is very nice, but what she really needs is to get a hug and to see her children happy? Not "her children"? But to see this child of hers happy?

How about your mom? Perhaps this Mother's Day, instead of sending the gift, or card, or flowers (or ... nothing?), you could send yourself? And spend a few precious moments, just with her, and let her know she did right? That you are okay? or, if you're not okay, let her know that you love her with all your heart, with all your might and with all your soul?

Perhaps you don't even need to wait until Mother's Day?

Esmé's a strong woman; she "loves passionately". But I'm sure she'd be bursting with joy to get that hug and know that the kids are okay. I'm sure your mom could use the same love, too.

After all, Moms not only make the world go 'round; they also happen to Rock!

Go, Team Esmé!

P.S. For Esmé — with Love and Squalor, a book with the self-same named story by J. D. Salinger has the title character that is nothing like our Esmé, but the girl there is sprightly, like our Esmé can be when delighted, and she did marry for love, I hope, as our Esmé (eventually) did, and she did remain radiant in spite of the squalor of the world, as our Esmé, triumphantly, did. Read that story, please, you may get some insights into our Esmé from J. D. Salinger's.

Marissa's Bunny

2009-04-01T11:01:00.001-07:00

Okay. Stop the presses.

I received a phone call from my brother.

That's not a reason to stop the presses, because I get a phone call from him everyday. "geophf, you still alive?" He's such a mother-hen, but for good reason: my cara spoza and the girls have been away for the last three months.

That's not the reason to stop the presses, either.

The reason to stop the presses is that he has just read the first book of the Twilight series.

Okay, I see you don't understand, so let me break it down for you.

He's a man.

He's a manly man.

He's a manly man who's idea of entertainment is shooting zombies or stuff in the face ... by the way, what's your zombie plan? Me, I've got 38 zombie plans!

He's a manly man that doesn't need to be reading girlie-girl novels about swooning girlie-girl's fantasies about hunky emo vamps.

But he did.

Stop the presses.

Now, the reason this big ole brother of mine read the first book is because he needed the context to be able to read my fan fiction story, "My Sister Rosalie" (MSR), a story he said he wouldn't be reading. Or, more correctly, he'd rather, I don't know, reread Moby Dick, a book that he called "pretentious, wordy and pointless" in his book report in his American Lit class (his professor gave him an "A" when a big red caveat indicating his disagreement with the conclusions of the report).

Why is my manly-man brother going to read MSR? Because underneath that gruff exterior is a sweet little teddy bear. Or, more correctly, a bunny.

See, he doesn't need to be doing any of this because he's got other things on his plate, like, for example, he has a daughter with infantile spasms with medical bills running into the hundreds of thousands of dollars, and with all the other associated issues of raising a baby, firstly, and then raising a baby needing medical attention, sometimes hourly.

Some days, it's more than hourly. One particular day: 100 spasms.

But there he is, Marissa's Dad, or, as he is known: marissas dad, reading Twilight. For me. His little brother.

Stop the Presses!

Yes, bought the DVD

2009-03-20T22:15:00.000-07:00

... at midnight.

... actually bought two of them. My cara spoza knows why I bought the second one.

Question: can the vampire baseball game go to 14 innings on the DVD please?

Yes, you won't be hearing from me in a while.

kthxbai

Låt den rätte komma in

2009-03-10T20:57:00.000-07:00

... or, "Things to do while waiting for your Twilight movie DVD order to come through".

Here's the story. It's a love story. In a town where the sun is forever obscured, a brunette girl moves into town and meets a pale, unearthly boy. Girl gives her heart to boy. Girl shouldn't give her heart to the boy, of course.

Sounds familiar so far?

But in this case, Låt den rätte komma in ("Let the Right (one) (Come) In"), the girl, Eli, is the vampire ("12 years old, more or less" ... more or less by about 200 years), and the boy, Oskar, is just a boy.

And, unlike Twilight, the "standard" vampire rules apply. You know: sunlight being deadly, vamps needing an invitation to komma in your home, etc.

Here's what's compelling about this movie: everything! Eli and Oskar have that sincerely 12-year-old love. They love each other. They love each other. But they don't know it. They're 12-years-old, more or less, so they don't know what "love" is, right? They don't know what "love" feels like. It just feels nice and scary and weird. You know, that feeling, right? It's exactly the feeling you have, being in love.

But they'd do anything for each other.

They love each other.

And, unlike Twilight, Låt den rätte komma in does not flinch from the bald consequences of being a vampire. Eli's thirsty; Eli needs to drink. People die — either on the edge of a knife wielded by her bumbling but earnest father-figure assistant or by her own hands and teeth — people die, that is, ... if they are lucky.

And Oskar has his own troubles. Yes, at school, but his home life, like Bella's, is that of a broken family. But, even though his parents try their best, they are no Renée and Charlie.

Bella was very, very lucky, compared to Oskar. And Oskar's parents are loving and well-intentioned, too.

The horror of this movie is not Eli being a vampire. The horror of this movie is ...

Well, what are you doing? Why are you still reading this entry? Why aren't you at Best Buy buying the DVD or Blockbuster renting it? Just buy or rent the thing: it's money well-invested. Just watch the thing (again, in my case): it's time well-invested.

It's almost an insult to call Låt den rätte komma in a "vampire" movie, because it asks the fundamental questions: what is life? What is love? If it takes a vampire to see you as alive, as a person, to love you completely for what and who you are — unlike all your school "mates" — is she not, then, worthy of your love in return? If she needs you so much that she's willing to kill for you, yes, but she's also willing to die for you, putting her life in your hands, time and again, would you turn away from her, just because she's something she can't help being? But, not only die for you, but do anything: like eat a sweet you bought for her? Even though she knows how very sick she'll get by doing it? Or run away from you when you cut yourself? Or apologize for being so cold as she holds you, because she's forgotten how to be warm?

And why does Eli love you, Oskar? Maybe because you are worthy of being loved? Maybe because you are a nice boy, after all? Sweet, kind, caring, funny ... smart? Thoughtful and alone, but reaching out for something ... for somebody to love? In short, everything the world despises and belittles ... everything beautiful. Everything Eli sees in you, and loves.

Låt den rätte komma in could not have a better title. For Eli and Oskar, two outcasts in a world that's lost its way, have let the right one come in. Eli and Oskar let each other in ... into their hearts.

Decline and Fall of our College Youth

2009-03-08T23:05:00.000-07:00

... is Twilight, of course. That is, according to a report by Ron Charles in Sunday's Outlook section (March 8, 2009): "On Campus, Vampires Are Besting the Beats". The gist of the article is that a literary critic, Alice Echols, notes that the reading habits have shifted from the good old days of the beat generation to the bad old days of the Twilight generation.

Now, I was around during that time, and I don't recall them being particularly good nor recall the college youth being particularly different than today's college aged young whipper snappers, but let's leave the ad hominem argument of age aside (meaning, let's leave aside that the age of something determines its goodness or validity) and let's not examine what the ideal kids those days were reading.

Let's look at what kids these days are reading, which according to the article, backed up by sales figures, is Twilight.

Like the lead pipes and coliseums of ancient Rome, Twilight is being blamed for the fall of our great society. Because why? Because it happens to be the current big thing, and because Steph appears to be too sweet to strike back when stung by criticism (or, more often, by slurs or smear campaigns).

So, let's see the danger these books pose to us: the oblivious criticism is that the books are light, uninspired romantic fluff, that does not allow kids to explore their worlds, for, after all, the protagonist is a weak, swooning, codependent girl living in a fantasy world.

Right.

Or, perhaps not? How does Bella live?

Does she love the man she's with (which was one motto of the Beat generation)? Despite his failings? Accepting his goodness, as he does not?

Does he treat her with respect? With dignity? That is: as a person and an equal, and not an object? Does he, by his actions, show the men of those 22 million buyers of the Twilight books how to do the same for their true loves? So much so that when I lavish praise on my cara spoza she "complains" that I'm "getting all Edward" on her? — far from being an impossible ideal, as Edward has often been labeled, he's resetting the higher standard of behavior in courtly love!

Back to Bella: is she studious and attentive in school? So much so that she maintains a 4.0 average through personal crisis? Does she never criticize friends or enemies in school? Does she speak up when her friends are put down in the cafeteria?

How does she treat both her parents? Does she love her dad? So much so that she that she watches the TV with him? Does she love her mom? So much so that it comes out in every word as she describes her to Edward? So much so that she'll throw herself into a taxi cab, past two inescapable vampires, to trade her own life for that of her mother?

Does she fight for what's right? In every book, does she throw herself in front of the danger she believes she's created? Even though others willingly, forcefully, assume the protective rôle? Is she strong enough to stand up for herself? Marrying before the sex? Keeping the baby that's killing her? Even though everybody think she's out-to-lunch crazy-stupid for doing those things? Is she strong enough to stand up for what she believes in the face of everyone she loves telling her to do the opposite?

In short, isn't Bella truly the "every-woman"? As it were: a strong, independent woman. Bella's strong enough to be everything for everybody else (well, nobody's that strong, but Bella wins a trophy in my book for trying her hardest), and still have strength left over to be the person she is.

Is this the critique, then? That the Twilight books put forward a character, like Bella, that is not a good rôle for our youth? If that's the case, then here's one Twilight Dad saying: we need more Bellas in the world, not less.

If Twilight is spoiling our youth, then I say, if this be spoilage, read on!

"One Dozen Roses"

2009-03-08T22:00:00.000-07:00

There was a contest called the "Eddies and Bellies" (you know: for Edward and Bella ... cute, no? Sigh! I did not invent the name; I'm just reporting it). One of the categories for which one could vote was something like: "Twilight Fan Fiction Story Which Everyone Must Read".

Well, that one has an obvious nominee: One Dozen Roses. As the Swiss would say: mais bien sur! which roughly translates as: "Me, Being Sure!" ... or something like that.

Anyway, everybody: stop what you are doing and go read that story. Come on now, don't just stand there, gaping, go read it.

Have you read it yet? Yes? Good!

Chapter 2 has Bella screaming at the sight of a rose in her bedroom. Well, now, most of you would think Bella would swoon! — not scream — you would think she would scream if it were Rosalie waiting for her in her bedroom.

I cannot agree, and neither could Bella after Rosalie had saved Bella's life for the umpteenth time, but that's neither here nor there for this entry.

What is here for this entry is the following: as you read in chapter 4, the totally-obvious "mysterious" rose giver rains rose petals all over Bella's bedroom as she's sleeping. Actually, I did this for my wife when I was dating her, ... something like the petal shower, that is.

Nowadays, I give her two dozen roses on random occasions (keeps her on her toes), but back in the day, before you were born, my dear sweet and young readers, I strew a dozen red roses over the sidewalk leading up from her driveway (actually her Aunt's and Uncle's driveway) up to her front door.

Of course, she totally missed it, just like Bella. She had groceries in her arms, and she wondered why the sidewalk was crunch-crunch-crunching beneath her feet. I wasn't there for the moment when she looked down (I had strewn the roses earlier that day and then made my escape to work), but I was told she had to go back to the store to buy more eggs.

My cara spoza: she's such a cutie!

Alice: Hyperactive Shopaholic, or ... ?

2009-03-03T23:13:00.000-08:00

Singing: "Go Ask Alice..When She's Ten Feet Tall..." by Jefferson Airplane.

... but not in front of Alice (née Mary Alice Brandon ... hm, I wonder if her father is a Colonel?). Ma chère cousine (which is French for «ma chère cousine») named Michele will happily shred anyone who sings "Michele, ma belle" to her, as she's heard it probably more than you ever will in your existence ... even if you are a vampire. So, I'm sure Alice has heard "Go Ask Alice", too. No sense antagonizing the one and only vampire that is pivotal to the success of each of the four books of the Twilight series.

I think, like for Rosalie, and like for Emmett, much, in fact, most, of the community has missed the boat on her. Most of the fan fiction out there portrays Alice as a hyperactive shopaholic. But how many times in the actual books did Alice go shopping? Once? Maybe even twice? Name the times she went shopping, dragging Bella from place to place.

Can you do it? I don't think anyone can. But there's the image of the hyperactive shopaholic that everybody attributes to their image of Alice.

I don't buy it.

One of the best pieces of fan fiction in the world is called "You've kept me waiting" by the author Mandi1. You cannot read it online, because the real mandi1 has disappeared along with her stories (and now she's back. Yay!)

Dammit! (I did make a copy locally of this story and her "The Real C.J.Rae" which still hasn't been republished. Boo!)

That story does do a good job of portraying her true to her own voice. Wise. So wise, in fact, that she sees all the world's sadness, and all of her own sadness, and refuses to succumb to it. She refuses to let joy submit to bleakness. She sees the bleakness in the world, with eyes wide open, and smiles and manufactures joy, even when it's so hard to do.

I think Alice does get Bella. I think she gets Bella more than most people, and I think Alice sees that Bella does not need someone else to cry in her beer with (well, because, firstly, Bella is underage and so her own dad would have to throw her in the clink, and, secondly, vampires don't drink ... well, vampires don't drink beer, that is), and I think she sees Bella as a person who also does not need another person's set of problems thrown all over her — just as Edward and Jacob decide to do to her.

"Oh, look, there's a cute, suffer in silence, girl. Lemme just dump all over her so she falls in love with me!"

No. Alice works hard to be chipper, so Bella gets a break once and a while and can smile. And when Bella refuses to go with the happy game plan?

Alice, menacingly: "Bella, we can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way." Eclipse, wedding plan discussion.

DO NOT MESS WITH ALICE.

How many vampires kidnap Bella? One: Alice. And in a yellow porsche, no less.

DITTO on the non-messing-with-age.

And speaking of a (stolen) yellow porsche: who was it to cause Dimitri and Felix to back down? Not Edward. Alice. (NM, Volterra). Jasper could beat or hold his own against every vampire except one. Which one? Alice.

Bella and Angela may connect in a way that two tuning forks do. Ping one and the other one vibrates in sympathy. But Alice? She knows sadness, she has lived sadness, and she rejects it. For Alice, she refuses to allow Bella to wallow in heart-ache. Absolutely refuses this for her Bella, her best friend, and absolutely refuses any other ending that the happy one.

Remember, the tide only turned in the stand off with the Volturi because of Alice's determined and concerted effort throughout the entire preceding part of Book III in BD.

Alice. Hyperactive shopaholic? Sure! That's a nice, easy, facile façade for everyone to believe, and she works harder to maintain that image than anyone else in the world, just so that the ending is a happy one, and that all eyes are not looking at the ballerinesque busy-bee in the background, but the White Queen and her knight in shining armor in the fore.

... AND she gets the yellow porsche, and that's a nice bonus ...

"Go ask Alice ... when she's ten feet tall ..." Indeed!

-----

So, now I've written myself into a corner. Don't you see? Because when Alice shows up in one of my stories, what am I going to do? How will I write her as Steph writes her: seeing the futures, but not deus ex machina, aware of sadness, but fiercely (but not forcefully) cheerfully happy, and short, sweet, and absolutely the most dangerous and unstoppable vampire in the world ...

I just don't know right now. So your prayers for me in this matter are gratefully appreciated.

-----

Postlude

Okay, I'll take this as an answered prayer. Eowyn77 wrote a story called Bright Ideas that cut right to the chase, balancing the determination of Alice with her sweetness, her sprightliness with her wisdom, and finally representing her gift realistically: powerful but not deus ex machina.

I'll take this answer in gratitude. You should, too! Read this story, it'll do you a world of good for your understanding of our Alice.

Rose is Red?

2009-02-13T15:24:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking a lot — a lot! — about a certain beautiful young lady named after a flower. No, not Chrysanthemum, although she, too, is a beautiful young lady. Who I had in mind prefers Chanel to flannel, but that doesn't stop her from being a tree hugger.

Roses are Red,
Her eyes were Blue,
But one thing you don't want:
Her, mad at you.

Now, it's canon that Rosalie likes to wear red. After all, she clears the dance floor at Prom wearing that backless velvet gown. In which color? Red.

Either that, or she's also favoring clothes of the whitest of snow in colour these days. Snow White as in: "who's the fairest of them all?" The answer to that query, obviously, is Rosalie. The mirror-mirror-on-the-wall was wrong, wrong, wrong!

Blood red or purest white. That's our Rosalie: fire and ice. And to think: those names were for the witch twins, Jane and Alec. Certainly they may have those abilities (although Jane may meet competition for the 'Fire' moniker from a certain extremely powerfully gifted vampire, Rhee, Lady Didyme's handmaid ... oh, no! not another story idea), but when it comes to the power of Rosalie's presence, the aptness of their designations falls into question.

So, Rosalie and Red go together. Or, do they? Golden hair? Golden eyes? Pale white skin?

[image created by fanfiction author/artist Roonie]

Rosalie is rather decided on her ways and her views. She likes red, she's going to wear red, and she's going to make the red look good on her. Red will know it's fortunate to be chosen by Rosalie.

But, let's say, "for argument's sake", that Rose has, erhm, a 'friend', a sort-of, well, 'sister', you might say. And this friend/sister is not a push-over herself, and Rosalie and her sister of the heart are in Washington, D.C. or NYC or Philly, or Paris or London (which, in the earlier part of the last century was a fashion mecca, don't you know ... it is also rather helpful that London can be a bit foggy at times ...) and they pass by a shop window and see the following:

Now these are spring/summer cocktail dresses; Rosalie prefers them full-length, but it shouldn't take too much convincing or arm-twisting on the part of her sister (which is a very good thing in her case, she could get hurt either attempting to twist Rosalie's arm or having her arm twisted by Rosalie) to have a full-length version of the Diane von Furstenberb Eliza dress tailor made for her.

And, as the print is the "Vienna Map", they would have the added advantage of not needing to stop to ask for directions in a certain Old World city.

Just imagine Rosalie wearing that ensemble, walking arm-in-arm with her dear sister. I know it's an anachronism, but I can just hear her humming a few bars from The Association song:

Who's peekin' out from under a stairway
Calling a name that's lighter than air
Who's bending down to give me a rainbow
Everyone knows it's Rosalie

Who's tripping down the streets of the city
Smilin' at everybody she sees
Who's reachin' out to capture a moment
Everyone knows it's Rosalie

And Rosie has stor-my eyes
That flash at the sound of lies
And Rosie has wings to fly
Above the clouds (above the clouds)
Above the clouds (above the clouds)

Stormy eyes, indeed! She would give new force to the phrase: "Drop dead gorgeous" as the multiple traffic accidents causes by motorists unable to keep their eyes off her (and on the road), and other pedestrians having their hearts ripped out by jealous spouses ("Well, dear, you said your heart was mine, so now I'm collecting ..."). Jealousy may not be limited to spouses; Rosalie's 'sister' can be a mite touchy when it comes to other people giving her Rose looks.

"Roses are Red"? Heavens, no! This rose is yellow, and not just in Texas, but anywhere she wants to be.

... and, as long as that anywhere is with family, then that anywhere can be anywhere, be it in the hinterlands of the Midwestern part of the United States, or in Castle Volterra. She is, after all, a Hale, and with family, everything will be just fine.

In fact, everything will be coming up, well, roses.

To Emmett

2009-02-04T20:55:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking a good deal recently about Rosalie. Carlisle turned her, originally, so that Edward would have a companion, just as he has his Esme. Rosalie and Edward, as a couple did not work out ... to put it mildly. Why? Because Rosalie and Edward are Janus: two sides of the same coin; so alike that they can't stand the sight of each other.

Now, can two people who are very much alike make a relationship, make love, work? Of course. Did Edward and Rosalie? Of course not. Rosalie found and then chose Emmett (and he, her), and Edward found and then chose Bella (and she, him).

Now I argue that Bella, despite noises from some disgruntled quarters, is one of the strongest characters in the series. Eventually she has the strength and powers to back up her will and determination.

The same argument can be put forward for Emmett. He is not just a character that exists simply to supply a pairing to Rosalie. Steph chose her characters well, and each had their own well-defined personality and history. That Emmett did not go crowing about his past, or trumpeting his achievements does not mean he doesn't have them to boast (or, in Edward's case, to lament). A quiet character has character. It just requires effort to uncover it, and then to revel in it.

I have.

My admiration of Emmett is boundless. He is the strongest character in the Twilight series, but I'm not talking about physical strength. That he is constantly untroubled by Rosalie, that he actually enjoys her company, that he delights in her tantrums and hissy fits? That he lets her be her all the while not being stepped on by her or hiding behind or under her skirt?

You know that Emmett is as smart as all the other Cullens and Hales. How come you never hear about it? It's because he doesn't measure his worth by his intellect. If I was one tenth the man Emmett is, I'd be twice the man I am now. I think the world needs more big tough teddy bear guys that like to laugh and only have eyes for their own girl.

But that's just me. How about you? Do your own digging into Emmett's character. You may be delighted with what you find.

-----

The title of this post indirectly refers to the poem by Edgar Allen Poe, "To Helen". I do not have a source, but I recall some calling this poem the perfect representation of a poem in the classical style.

A Rose by a Lemon tree

2009-01-30T17:05:00.000-08:00

Writing chapter 24 of MSR ("My Sister Rosalie"), and, in it, a special garden temple is described. Sorry, I don't have the picture of the temple for you, as it exists currently as an image only in my head ... when I have the money to spare, I'll build it and take a picture of that for you to see.

But I do have a picture of the centerpiece. A pink rose. Bella's rose. Bella's Rosalie.

Lovely, isn't it?

Do something special for your sweetie today: get her a rose and tell her you love her.

-----

This post is dedicated to little Evie Grace on the occasion of her second birthday. Roonie, her mother and a reviewer of MSR, asked for something special, Rosalie is special to me, so I hope Evie Grace likes her rose.

Which team: Edward or Jacob?

2009-01-07T22:18:00.000-08:00

Spoiler warning: if you haven't yet read Breaking Dawn, go read that before reading this post. That is, of course, after having read, in order, Twilight/Midnight Sun, New Moon, and then Eclipse.

Finished that homework? Good. Then read on.

I've recently returned from a New Year's Day party where the tween boys were rather surprised that I knew who "Master Chief" was. "Ya know," they told me knowingly, "He's like the main character of this video game and ..." My cara spoza interrupted them: "Ask him how many versions of the Halo game my husband has." This got them started.

Them: "What's your favorite weapon?"
Me: "Needler"
Them: "No way! What's your second favorite?"
Me: "Carbine"
Them: "No way! Is your favorite armor permutation the Hiyabusa?"
Me: "I play as an Elite."
Them: "Dude!"

But this is not a post about Halo, as this is a Twilight blog.

The teen girl had a further shock in store for her: after her parents proudly relayed that their daughter had read the books and seen the movie twice — my cara spoza could not resist here: "Just like my husband; he's also reading the books to me before bedtime." — the daughter suddenly found she had something in common with a 40-something-ish (Twilight-)Dad.

Me: "Team Edward or Team Jacob?"
Her: "Edward!"
Me: "Of course."
Her: "... and you?"
Me: "Team Leah."
Her: "Wow!"

The adults stood around watching me bond with the kids, and my wife chided that I spoke a secret language with them. I soothed her: "It's just a mid-life crisis, dear; next I'll be buying a little red miata."

Here their daughter jumped in: "Nonono! A yellow 911"
"Turbo!" I added.
"Just like Alice's!" she finished gleefully.

My cara spoza rolled her eyes.

The material point of this post — although I have successfully obscured it with `pataphor — is that I see the concept of the splintering of the Twilight community into Teams Edward and Jacob now to be antiquated with the release of Breaking Dawn. After all, that dilemma has been resolved: Bella got Edward, and Jacob got Renesmee. They both won.

If, after one has completed the reading of the Twilight series, and, after one has read every available piece of information off of Steph's site — and who hasn't? — then one may have gleaned that she's considering, after her other numerous projects, including in some century the completion of Midnight Sun (save it! save it!), continuing the Twilight universe from another perspective. Perhaps either from Renesmee's or from Leah's.

This, my dear brothers and sisters (okay, mostly sisters), is now where the battle lines have been drawn.

Now, I love Renesmee. I love her more than Jake does. Heck, Rosalie loves Renesmee, so what's not to love? Q.E.D. [Actually, I have a secret fondness for that heartbreaking vengeful cicatrix, but please don't let that be widely known.]

But one must admit, dramatically, that Renesmee leaves much to be desired. She is perfect-perfect-perfect like how Bella thinks Edward is, but she also lacks her father's self-loathing that drew out the Twilight series to four books (instead of just the two).

Rant.

Kayso, I'm no Edward, and I know I'm nothing to MRFE (why does the urban dictionary not have "My Reason For Existence" listed as an acronym?), but that doesn't mean I get all emo and leave my cara spoza to be eaten by every little vamp that comes by looking for a snack. When she says, "I love you." I'm not all like: "Oh, the miserable creature that I am, I don't deserve you, blahblahblah." I say "I love you" back and work to deserve it, even if I don't.

Edward! Bella says she loves you. Listen to her! Don't leave her, you big jerk!

End rant.

Jeez!

... sorry about that. I don't know if you've noticed, but I tend to get carried away.

So, anyway, Renesmee's awesome, but it would take quite a few contrived plot devices to make a compelling story for her. Jake loves her, she loves Jake. The End. That's an eight-word story, anything else, including everything I've read in the fan-fiction scene is either pure filler or pure bullocks.

Please prove me wrong with counter-examples. Steph, you can step in any time you'd like ... and when you do, I'll write "I'm so sorry!" an infinite number of times. Here, I'll start working on that right now, in anticipation of your next Twilight 4-book trilogy [Hey, the Hitchhiker's Guide had a 5-book trilogy!]:

10 PRINT "I'm so sorry!" 20 GOTO 10 30 END

But, Leah's story? OML! [I AM Team Leah, after all! You won't catch me (un)dead writing "OME!" Nosiree!] One need simply look at her

to see the conflict there, nothing need be invented. All she needs to do is to take a road trip to get the fights started, for goodness sakes! But does she have the potential for the happily ever after? Oh, yes!

So, the battle lines are no longer between Team Edward and Team Jacob. That battle has already reached its victory, for both sides. But now the battle for Twilight's (not-too-distant, I hope) future is brewing between Team Renesmee and Team Leah. Renesmee's team suffers from too much sugar and spice and everything nice to make even a passably interesting story. No, the true battle is for and in Leah's heart. And, since Harry Clearwater's gone, here's one Dad, on the sidelines, cheering for his little girl to win this race.

Werewolves' colors

2008-12-13T15:07:00.000-08:00

I've recently acquired the taste of reading and writing Twilight fan fiction. As a writer, I have looked for a compendium of various bits of information, including, particularly in this case, the colors of the werewolves' fur. I haven't found such a collection, so here's what I've gathered from my reading:

The color of the wolves depends on their spirit. In the Twilight series, the following wolves' colors are made explicit:

Sam Uley, Alpha, La Push pack: black. Largest werewolf of the La Push pack until the time of Breaking Dawn (September 2006). Imprinted on Emily Young.

Jacob Black, Beta or Second, La Push pack/Alpha, breakaway pack: russet brown. Rebelled against Sam's leadership of the La Push pack which eventuated his assuming the mantleship of leader of the breakaway pack. The breakaway pack was disparagingly known as the "Cullen's watch dogs", as they chose to protect the Cullen (vampire) family. Imprinted on Renesmee (Nessie) Carlie Cullen, a vampire/human hybrid, daughter of Edward Anthony Mason Cullen (vampire) and Isabella Marie Cullen, née Swan (human at the time of conception and birth).

Paul (no given family name), La Push pack: silver. Given to lose his temper easily, causing him to phase easily and become uncontrollable in his wolf form.

Quil Ateara, breakaway pack: chocolate brown. Imprinted on Claire (no given last name), a two-year-old girl. Eventually joined the breakaway pack.

Embry Call, eventually joined the breakaway pack: grey, grey spots, a thinner werewolf than Quil.

Leah Clearwater, Beta or second, breakaway pack: grey, smaller wolf. Prior to Sam's imprintation, Leah had a very serious relationship with him. First woman ever to become a werewolf. As becoming a werewolf causes a growth spurt from adolescence to full adulthood, and then freezes the person at approximately twenty-five years of age, Leah's monthly cycles have discontinued. These concerns have turned her into a bitter and spiteful member of the La Push pack and provided a strong impetus for her to join the breakaway pack.

Seth Clearwater, breakaway pack: sand-colored fur. Immediately joined Jacob Black to form the breakaway pack. He has a happy-go-lucky personality, and because of his teamwork with Edward Cullen (vampire) in destroying the leadership of a newborn vampire army, has a paradoxically strong attachment to Edward, in particular, and the Cullens (a vampire family), in general. Werewolves and vampires are by nature the most virulent of enemies.

Collin (no given family name), La Push pack: unknown color; one of the newest members of the La Push pack.

Brady (no given family name), La Push pack: unknown color; one of the newest members of the La Push pack.

Jared (no given family name), La Push pack: unknown color; one of the first to change after Sam did. Imprinted on a classmate, Kim (no given family name)

10 Things I Hate about the Twilight Movie

2008-12-05T03:21:00.000-08:00

I hate that every day I go to see the movie, I must see the movie again right away. I have a life, you know: I don't have 4 hours and 4 minutes to spare for each day I see this thing, for crying out loud.

And I hate that the movie is 3 hours too short — 2 hours and 2 minutes are not enough to convey the intensity and depth of Edward and Bella's (careful) courtship. I'd talk about the injustice of cutting the scenes in Twilight and Midnight Sun (draft on the author's site), but those are other hated reasons.

Yes. I realize I'm holding the exact opposite positions in this reason. This is called creative use of irony — deal.

I hate that the movie stayed resolutely true to the spirit of the book, very true to the flow of the book, but did not have that saccharine worshipfulness that another first movie of a certain book series about paranormals involving (pre)teens and magic had.

I also hate that this movie refused to stoop to the belief that movie goers are mindless cattle. It refused to explain every little detail like other blockbusters: "Look", it refused to explain in voice-over, "I'm a defenseless human girl leading what I know to be a vampire into a secluded forest patch so he can have his way with me. I'm putting myself in danger." Nope, no explanation. Or, that they kept the onion root cell division scene from the book nearly intact. It is at least a misdemeanor to mention not only the word "prophase" but also to follow it up with "metaphase" and "anaphase" is moving into felony territory. Also, I have always answered the statement "I have a question" with "1.77i" for the last twenty-five years (I always assume the asker's question is "What is the square root of negative π?"), so I have prior claim to the copyright.

I hate the layering of every scene. Mega-blockbusters are supposed have only one camera angle: the close-up. But, no. Nearly every scene in this movie has important things transpiring between at least two major characters (with emotion and reaction in a subtle interplay) but then, out of focus, the minor characters are also communicating important thoughts and feelings and advancing the story and require strict attention to capture. Look, I'm only human, I can only concentrate on a few things at a time. Watching this movie is a strain to my complacency!

I also hate that the minor characters are treated with respect and given time to develop — what? development of minor characters? — This is a mega-blockbuster: minor characters must be at most one-dimensional! Put it this way, if one were to role the additional material on James, Victoria and Laurent back into the book, there would be at least another 50 pages for us to read. And that's not a bad thing ...

You may accuse me of listing more than one reason in this one reason, but I'm really not. It all boils down to my anger that this mega-blockbuster has the daring feel of an indie. Put contrapositively, this indie has the refined slickness of a mega-blockbuster. This movie takes the best of both sides of the tracks with an assured élan.

Show-off.

I hate that the baseball game only showed 4 at bats. That game was so good I demand my 9 innings. No, that's not correct: I require the game be tied at 9 innings so that I could have my extra 5 innings for the tie-break, just as in the 2004 ALCS. — Yes, I went there.

I hate that some of the scenes in the movie were — deep breath — better than the book. Look, only Blade Runner is allowed to do that.

To wit: the expanded relationship between Bella and Charlie, the expanded (long-distance) relationship between Renée and Bella, Bella's more creditable escape from Jasper and Alice into the arms of James, Esme acting as a more believable mother during the Cullen kitchen scene ("Clean this up, now."), or Bella hurting Charlie as she fled James ("Like what? Watch baseball on the flat screen and have steak and cobbler at the diner? That's you, Dad, it's not me." "Bella, I just got you back." "Yeah. If I don't leave now, I'm going to be stuck here, just like Mom." Darn it, I'm tearing up again just writing those lines!). Then there was the angst in the cafeteria: Eric's claim ("my girl, Bella"), then Mike's counterclaim ("your girl?") then Tyler's peck ("Sorry, Mike!") and Mike's ensuing chase, this scene played out rapid-fire and true to teenage kids in school, and, yes, better than the book's description of the boy's rivalry as glowering looks. The icing on the cake? Jessica: "Omygod!" Bubble-bubble, "this is, like, first grade all over again, and you're the shiny new toy!"

I'm forgetting the other better scenes because it's been 12 hours since I last saw the movie. Stupid fading human memories. Now I have to take notes the next time I watch the movie.

I hate that they cut Emmett fighting the bear and the following discussion between Emmett and Edward about the ramifications and consequences of love. Go Team Emmett!

I hate that they cut the Blood Typing chapter. There was no greater irony in Twilight/Midnight Sun that not only Bella reacted (badly) to the sight of blood, but that she was (impossibly) vampirically hyper-aware in every one of her senses to it.

In fact, I hate that they cut anything. What? Didn't they have 150M USD to play with? We all know this movie had waaaaay more than 30M USD, because that amount of money is just the catering bill for mega-blockbusters flicks, like this one.

I hate that the movie didn't go AU ("Alternate Universe"). I so wanted to see Bella set Edward in his place two days sooner after his unpardonable behavior that first day at school in Biology and the administrative office. After all, what's the problem of gracefully ignoring the siren call of Bella's blood? Get over it, Edward, and show the girl some of that gentlemanly courtesy that you so pride yourself for.

But then! I hate the lump in my throat when the confrontation did arrive the next week that all she could manage was an heartbreaking "You were gone." I blame you, Catherine Hardwicke: you cannot be human, for no human could make me believe so completely the strength of that devotion after Bella and Edward spent only one uncomfortable hour together a week before.

I hate that his movie was a "Chick Flick" in a real sense of the phrase: all the women were "strong, independent" women: Bella, not Jacob, was the sun around which every other, um, person circled. Gravity moves, indeed! Rosalie was sincere anger in the strength of her protectiveness of her family. Jessica was pure bubbly fun with just the right edge when it came to Mike. And Victoria, ah! Victoria, was the last to withdraw from the crouch and twice as dangerous, devious and menacing as all the other vampires on that baseball field put together.

A chick flick that appeals to a Twilight Dad. That's just not fair.

I hate how Edward introduced himself with a confidence of a vampire over 100 years old: "Hello, I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself last week. I'm Edward Cullen. You must be Bella." However, at the same time his voice quavered with the uncertainty of the 17-year-old body in which he is forever trapped.

And I hated how Bella responded with a gasp of an infatuated teenager but with the insight of timeless wisdom (that betrayed her true age(lessness)) to Edward's prying niceties: "You're asking me about the weather?"

And I hated Edward's self-knowing smirk of a response — she caught me — "Yes, I guess I am."

In fact, I hated that whole exchange, how that Edward so desperately was trying to figure Bella out only to be confounded and befuddled by Bella's insights into his character. "I'm sorry for being forward: I'm just trying to figure you out. You are very difficult person to read." "Hey," Bella interjected, "did you get contacts?" "No." "It's just that last week your eyes were black, and now they're a golden-brown color." Edward swallowing, "Yeah, its the florescence ..." making a hasty and embarrassed escape.

I hated that it was so good.

I hate how that every scene made this movie Bella's: how we couldn't hear the thoughts that Edward read, but we knew that he could from his expressions that she saw, how the camera's focus, as was her focus, was on Edward when Mike was asking her to the prom, how the conflict of her pure impatient want warred with her desire to be a good girl to ease the pain of Edward's blood lust radiated from her body in expectation of her first kiss, how disappointment lanced from her angry eyes as she commanded Edward to follow her into the forest ("Not mentioning you were a vampire? — that's a rather big secret to keep from a friend, you know.") and how her courage facing the impending change turned to the shock of disappointment then tightly controlled fury when Edward placed a gentle, cautious, and hesitant kiss on her neck at prom, and how she instantly swallowed that fury to show him that she did love him and did forgive him enough ... for now.

I hate that now I am compelled to watch the movie again. Today. And that I am compelled to reread the Twilight/Midnight Sun story. Again. C'mon, people, I have a life ... and I have fanfiction to write. Jeez!

Introduction

2008-10-25T08:54:00.000-07:00

Hi, geophf here.

There's been some press that men and boys do not connect to the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer [SM]. So, along with Twilight Guy, I offer this site from what appears to be a minority perspective, which is as follows:

Gender: Male
Birth year: 1967
Family status: Married, 12 years
Children: Two daughters, ages 6 and 4; too young to read Twilight
Religion: Christian — Catholic, even — adding two more God-daughters
Job: Pater Familias and saving the world
Education: Math/Comp.Sci. at the U.S. Coast Guard Academy
Read Twilight: um, yes.

I suppose that last bullet will be easy for most Twilighters to understand. I've read the series 7 times straight so far, since first picking up the book after viewing the first trailer. I've also added Stephenie's draft of Midnight Sun [MS © 2008 SM], juxtaposing its chapters with Twilight's (i.e. Chapter 1 of Twilight followed by Chapter 1 of Midnight Sun, etc.) I signed up to save Midnight Sun.

In short, a fan, albeit new.

The tone of this blog will be a considered one. I'll be putting forward my theses, and will be happy — delighted, even — with arguments for or against. My view is that I'm the one who learns when I'm proved wrong. Twitter-like comments of "ZOMG! I ♥ Edward/Jacob!" will be deleted, however.

My writing is coloured by my perspective: Catholic (yes, a Catholic Dad would read Twilight, just as a Mormon Mom would write it), and, as you'll come to see, weird. Deal with it.

Er, Edward reminds me: "I'm sorry, that was rude. I'm not saying it wasn't true. ..." [MS, p. 112]. Let me restate that last bit in a more courtly fashion: I humbly request your patience and forbearance. I'll be tackling, bluntly, what are sure to be divisive issues. When I do offend you, I apologize for it. And, when you offer cogent antitheses, I will mend my errant ways. Deal?

Bella:	"Don't leave me, X!"
X:	"Nah, I'm going to leave you, even though I love you, because I'm a proxy Edward."