Beautiful? Yes: Beautiful

I got it. I finally got it.

It's a little thing. It's a no-thing. But, as for all epi-phanies ('epi': upon, sudden), it's a big thing.

And the thing, this obvious thing, is this.

Bella has always seen herself as inadequate, but how so? In taking care of Charlie? No. In school? Yes, a bit (or more than a bit, depending on her confidence). But as compared to, primarily any of the those magical, mystical Cullens (and Hales)?

Yes. Big time.

Why?

Because she sees herself as nothing to look at, that is, as just the girl next door. Okay, I suppose, but just that, so she's floored at the attention from everybody in school, and simply lost at the attention paid upon her by a certain vampire that is, initially, just as confused why.

But then this vampire sees Bella's inner beauty: Bella sees the good in people, and sticks up for them, sees the good in them that they refuse to see, even the good in them if they are a vampire, or a werewolf or a jealous, duplicitous rival at school, or nearly anyone, and Bella will go to bat for them, too, even if they don't want her, too.

Bella is beautiful on the inside.

But than beauty can't help but shine forth to her outside. She is the 'girl next door' but, wait, isn't the girl next door beautiful?

I argue yes. Do you see a girl when she can't hold in that smile because she's so happy? Isn't she beautiful? No matter her hair color or eye color or her height or anything! She's just bursting with beauty, because she's just so beyond worrying about her looks, so you don't see a worrier, you see a girl, a happy, beautiful girl.

But when Bella looks in the mirror, the worry returns, and she starts to measure, and, in her own eyes, right or wrong, she just doesn't measure up.

Now let's take the opposite case. Rosalie Lillian Hale.

Tall, statuesque, Blond, ice-blue eyes, strikingly, breathtakingly beautiful ... "the most beautiful woman [no, person] in the world." (Eclipse, ch 7)

... on the outside.

But on the inside, and, as she believes, visible for all to see, she's a hurting, angry, bitter woman. Raped and left to die by her fiancé and then turned without her will nor permission to be a creature of pure evil. Hateful. Spiteful. Damaged goods. Irredeemable.

How bad does she see herself? Canonically? Well, there's plenty of examples, but here's one that hasn't explored before.

Rosalie found, and rescued, Emmett when she was hunting alone. (Eclipse, ch 7)

Now, why was she hunting alone? Has anybody every thought of the why of that? No, but I have been, recently, and here's one of the things I've come up with.

She sees what she does, what she is now, something so disgusting, so reprehensible, that she won't even allow other vampires see her hunt.

Other vampires hunt together. Case in point, Edward and Emmett were hunting together, and Edward watched Emmett 'play with his food' (dismember a bear) as they discussed the 'Bella Issue' (Midnight Sun, ch 7 "Melody"). There was no embarrassment, no delicate looking away as they hunted. And case in point, Bella and Edward hunted together for more than a couple of kills when she was a newborn (Breaking Dawn, Book III). That went easily and naturally and 'graceful'ly for both participants.

Rosalie hunts alone. Why? She can't stand to let anyone else see who she really is when she drops that ironclad self-control, because when she opens up by just that hairline crack, she's afraid others will see that real her within that stunningly beautiful shell. Because she knows what they'll see of tainted her.

Rosalie is so beautiful on the outside, but when she stares into those eyes of hers looking back at her from that mirror, mirror on her vanity, she knows what she sees, and it's black, but it's not beautiful.

So there's Rosalie, beauty queen with the twisted soul.

And so there's Bella, the plain brown girl next door, with the big heart.

And my epiphany was this.

In msr, chapter 55 ("Beautiful"), Rosalie works, and has been working so hard, to show Bella that she is indeed a beautiful person on the outside.

In msr, chapter 14 ("No Talking to Vampires!") and on, Bella has been daring, as hard as she can, to show Rosalie that she is a kind being, a person who can hope, because she is worthy of daring to hope.

Both girls see the beauty of the other where each does not see the possibility of beauty being there, and each girl has made it her mission to convince the other that she is beautiful, through and through.

And, msr can be views as the roman à clef that has been carrying that torch for more than a year now, but, ironically, it was not msr that gave me this insight, it was me, taking a break from writing, and reading the work of other authoresses, and seeing that Bella hesitancy in her stuttering speech, but her utter determination to reach past Rosalie's absolutely cold distance, and seeing that Rosalie hesitancy reaching out to Bella for someone, anyone, to talk to her as a person, not as an object to be adored or a sibling to fight, but just as a person, a being, possibly even capable of being loved, but her absolute demand that Bella never be other than the best of her best, no matter how coldly, cruelly and abruptly Rosalie expresses that demand...

Seeing that, I sat up, and said: "Eureka!"

Bella is beautiful, through and through.

Rosalie is beautiful, through and through.

Even though neither sees that as a possibility.

You know what? You are beautiful, too: even though you don't see that as a possibility. The next time somebody catches you with your guard down when you're so happy that you cannot hide your smile, and they say, "Hey, you have a beautiful smile."

The next time that happens. Know what that person just told you.

You are beautiful.

Because it's true.

Bella can be beautiful, even standing next to that goddess Rosalie Lillian Hale.

Rosalie can be beautiful, even standing next to that selfless great soul Bella.

You can be beautiful, just like Bella, just like Rosalie, but most importantly, just like yourself.

Because you are.

Do you know what epiphany really means? It's God revealing Himself to us. Epi-phany: "Suddenly Revealed" How? By us seeing Him, face to face. So the modern philosophical interpretation, and how I try to live my life, is to see God in the face of the person in front of you, for after all, we are created in the image and likeness of God [Gen 1:27], so His Face shines forth, through yours.

This may do nothing for you, but it does everything for me, because, for me, it means that I try, all the time, to see the real you when I'm talking with you and listening to you, and for me, when I'm doing this, it's easy to see you and the beauty of you.

My epiphany. Bella is beautiful; Rosalie is beautiful, and each tries to convince the other of that fact.

You are beautiful. Convince yourself of that fact. And maybe there's somebody who needs to hear that they are beautiful, and maybe you are the person to tell them this. And, sometimes, guess what? When you tell them this, and they really get it, don't they become even more beautiful? And doesn't that do you a world of good, knowing you helped that one person to see their own beauty that you've seen hidden and revealed here and there?

You have that beauty, too.

Just like Bella, through and through. Just like Rosalie, through and through.

Just like you, through and through.

February 2010 stats

On ffn.net/geophf as of February 28, 2010, 9 am EDT, 3845 pages viewed by 1100 readers:

Country Trophies:

Holy Crow (double-digit ratio): Venezuela, Sweden
Improved: USA, Philippines, Australia, UK, Canada, Ireland, Germany, Brazil, Venezuela, Mexico
Up, Up, and Away (improved ratio twice or more in a row): USA(x2), Philippines, Ireland, Germany(x2), Venezuela, UK(x2), Australia
Reversi (reversed a downward ratio with an upward one): Philippines, UK(x3), Australia(x3), USA(x2), Brazil, Ireland, Canada
Kicking butt (4.0 ratio or higher): Australia, Philippines, Argentina, Austria, Ireland, Venezuela, Peru, Brazil, Mexico, Sweden
Player: Australia, USA, United Kingdom, Philippines, Spain, Finland, Canada, Chile, Italy, Indonesia, Netherlands, South Africa, Norway, Argentina, Austria, New Zealand, Ireland, Venezuela, Peru, Germany, Brazil, Mexico, Sweden
Top 10er (Feb 2010): USA, UK, Australia, Ireland, Philippines, Canada, Germany, Venezuela, Brazil, Sweden
Comeback Kid (got knocked off the list, but then returned): Germany(x2), Finland
Golden (50 or more page views): USA, Philippines, Ireland, Australia, UK, Brazil, Venezuela, Sweden, Canada, Mexico, Germany

Medal holders, 2010 (best medal shown):

Gold: USA
Silver: UK, Canada
Bronze: Australia

It's been crazy, and I've been lazy ('crazy-lazy! They sound the same!' I love my daughters, if you didn't know), but here are the month's totals ... see you all on the other side, and thank you for reading!

Blow by blow: the UK, at the very end, surged to 2nd place, earning the silver. Germany made an 11th hour come-back, regaining the list, knocking Mexico off.

"Love Never Dies"? Well, yeah ...

I don't know if you've noticed, but I've come out pretty strongly on some views. Edward, Bella, Rosalie, James, Alice, even, Emmett, even, Esme, even.

Hope.

Why?

Well, because "Now is all we have," and it may just be fan-fiction, but you're reading it or you're writing it. What are you reading? And what are you writing?

Or has been my case, what am I not writing?

Did you know Plato espoused censorship? Even book-burning and execution of authors who put forward dangerous ideas? He had a rival philosopher put to death. Did you know that?

Do you know why?

Because, even as I do not agree with his conclusions, I do agree with his concern, because you become who you associate with and what you read.

You become what you think about all the time.

So, do you use the characters in your stories? Well, then, it's a very easy step to use people to achieve your ends in actual life. And that's why I appear so vitriolic when I'm defending the characters or their use in a story. Why is Edward a playah? Or Bella a clumsy, clueless (stupid) girl, or Alice a shopaholic, or James a story-wrecker?

They aren't. Unless you treat them that way. They have depth, just as the people around you do. Your boss or your teacher is a person, too. Just like you. And deserves to be treated with the dignity they have innately. Just like you.

Respect. Or: "R.e.s.p.e.c.t." as I've heard sung.

So, now I'm going to address love in this entry. And Love.

So you're reading a story or you're writing a story, and it's called Twilight and Edward leaves Bella. But you know it's going to be okay, because there are two more books in the series and this is Edward and this is Bella ... so you know it has to be okay, right? Because "Love conquers all" and "Love never fails," right?

So you're reading a story or you're writing a story, and you have your Edward leave your Bella, because you know they're going to get back together, because they have to, right? Because this is Edward and Bella after all, right?

Stop. Please stop.

Yeah: "Love never fails." But that's capital-L "Love." But what happens for us here in the real world? What happens when A leaves B? What is the success rates of LDRs? ("Long Distance Relationships").

Isn't it a wonderful story when you hear of an LDR that worked out? You know what those stories are called? "Fairy tales." I've been through college, and I've had friends who worked, worked hard, at their LDRs. The success ratio of those efforts?

Near zero.

And those are LDRs where both parties worked hard to maintain their connection. What happens when A says to B, "I have to leave you [for your own good]"?

In the real world? I believe the phrase "It's all over but the singing." And that's why, in Twilight, Bella worked so hard, so desperately, to stop Edward from leaving, and when he left, that's why she descended into a depression so deep there were doctors in the house bandying the word "catatonia."

Because she knew. She knew it was game over, because in the real world, it is game over, and the counter example you come up with (if you can come up with even one) only highlights the incredible oddity of an LDR that worked, because, in reality, they don't work.

So, you wish to read or to write something romantic? Then, please, don't read nor write, a piece where the Edward leaves the Bella ... because coming back?

Bella: "Oh, Edward, so nice to see you again after all these months. Have you met my new boyfriend Jacob?"

And it's not because Bella is the playah. No. Because wouldn't it be even sadder to hear:

Bella: "Oh, Edward, I've missed you so much all these months. I put my life on hold and was hospitalized and tried suicide a few times but now you're back everything's okay, right?"

What's Edward's answer to the stalker-crazy girl?

Twilight took the opposite approach to this scenario: Bella goes to rescue Edward. But what happens in reality? There's no rescuing. There's no going back. You go to college, she goes to college. You marry. She marries. And maybe you think about her once every few years.

Maybe.

This is the reality of this world. This is the reality of this life.

And my concern, my grave concern, when I read stories like New Moon and the many, many fan-fiction pieces (that I no longer read) that follow in the footsteps of New Moon is that this "fairy tale" — this lie — is spreading to you, my dear readers and writers, and your character is being formed around this lie.

Because "Love never fails" but that's because Love is cultivated all day, every day. The moment love, or Love, is withdrawn or taken for granted or ignored, it begins to wither and ends up dead.

And "Edward left Bella, but that's okay, because 'Love conquers all'" is not okay. But if you read that or if you write that, you are poisoning yourself and others with this dangerous romantic notion that you can treat your beloved like this and it all works out.

Real romanticism?

Edward stays. Edward stays and works on himself, becoming worthy of Bella's love. And Bella stays, and, instead of thinking of herself as a nothing, works on herself to be worthy of Edward's adoration. And each helps each other in their work of being worthy of each other's love.

That's a real story. A real fairy tale with a real happy ending achieved each and every day, in fact. Because that, in the real world, is so rare to find these days in the Western World (both the Old World and the New). But unlike the fairy tale of 'A leaves B and they live happily ever after after A comes back', the possible tale of 'A stays with B' can accomplished by a you and by a me.

And as for the romanticism of that? Of "Edward stays with Bella"?

Boring? No.

"Chop wood, carry water" may not have the exciting ring to it of "Bella almost died jumping off a cliff today" but the curse of the Buddha is also a blessing. Novelty and excitement, contrarily, dull the senses and numb the mind. It is when you are doing something like holding your lover's hand for the twenty-fifth time, or the hundredth time or the time beyond counting that you notice, more, the softness of it, of her, and the kindness in her eyes.

It's the hundredth argument, where, somehow, miraculously, you manage to say "I'm sorry" and you reach a rapprochement that you say to yourself. "Wow. This is love. She loves me, and I love her, and we love each other."

And boring to read? No. Boring to write? No. Boring to live? No.

If you think so, perhaps you haven't experienced working on a relationship after the "first bloom fades"? Then let me tell you, a relationship "over the long haul" weathers storms from without and within. There are fireworks in a long-term relationship ... the fiery kind of fireworks (both kinds exciting).

But I can't say that I've experienced a relationship where the "first bloom fades," because, for me, my personal relationship? I still see her with the eyes of when I first saw her, nearly twenty years ago, and I see the changes she's made over those years, too. I have the advantages of both worlds: I'm seeing her, again, for the first time, and have the benefit of her wisdom over these years we've been together.

Boring? Quite the opposite, in fact.

Challenging, though? Yes. How can you write Bella and Edward holding hands for the one hundredth time and make it feel like it's the very first time going into Forks High School?

The same question can be asked by them. "How can I hold Bella's hand for the hundredth time, and still have it meaningful to her and to me?"

It is a real challenge. Just like love is. And Love. Because, yes, "Love conquers all" but that means there's a fight to win. That means it's a struggle.

And isn't that interesting to read and to write? The struggle through adversity, and then the victory, and the victory is sweet.

And after the victory, the next struggle, because things are always changing ... it just depends on which direction: growing or dying. And you and your beloved or you and what you read or what you write choose that direction, every day.

Love is a delicate, fragile thing. It needs constant cultivation. It doesn't need to be sabotaged by A leaving B, either because they are compelled by outside forces or by their own choice.

Because I've seen what happens when that happens, personally. But, sometimes, I've seen what happens when A stays, and I like reading that story, I like writing that story ... I like living that story.

p.s. St. Valentine, Martyr for the Faith, pray for us.

January 2010 stats

On ffn.net/geophf as of January 31, 2010, 9 am EDT, 5,142 pages viewed by 1,524 readers:

	Country	views	readers	ratio	Δ
1.	USA	3022	846	3.6	-
2.	Canada	368	67	5.5	-
3.	United Kingdom	280	126	2.2	-
4.	Malaysia	268	34	7.9	v
5.	Australia	241	99	2.4	v
6.	Philippines	110	34	3.3	v
7.	New Zealand	94	22	4.3	v
8.	Chile	88	15	5.9	v
9.	Germany	84	26	3.2	-
10.	Argentina	50	3	17.0	-

Country Trophies:

Holy Crow (double-digit ratio): Korea, Republic of, Argentina
Improved: USA, Malaysia, Chile, Germany, Canada, Brazil, United Kingdom, Philippines
Up, Up, and Away (improved ratio twice or more in a row): Malaysia(x7), Germany, Canada(x5), Chile, United Kingdom(x2), Philippines(x2)
Reversi (reversed a downward ratio with an upward one): USA(x4), Canada(x5), Brazil, Philippines(x2), United Kingdom, Chile
Kicking butt (4.0 ratio or higher): Philippines, USA, Australia, Sweden, Vietnam, Korea, Republic of, Bulgaria, Chile, France, Canada, Argentina, New Zealand, Malaysia
Player: Philippines, USA, Australia, Canada, United Kingdom, France, Israel, Italy, Malaysia, Russia, Costa Rica, Germany, Brazil, Denmark, Mexico, Singapore, Sweden, Chile, Vietnam, Korea, Republic of, Bulgaria, New Zealand, Argentina
Top 10er (Jan 2010): United States, Canada, United Kingdom, Malaysia, Australia, Philippines, New Zealand, Chile, Germany, Argentina
Comeback Kid (got knocked off the list, but then returned): Brazil, Chile, France, Germany
Golden (50 or more page views): USA, Malaysia, Australia, United Kingdom, Chile, Canada, New Zealand, Germany, Argentina, Philippines

Wow! Your page views have pushed this site to 5,142 for the month, more than 1,000 hits more than the previous record of 4057 in November 2009; thank you all!

"Now is all we have."

Rosalie told Bella this in chapter 35 ("With the Depression On") of MSR: "Now is all we have."

Why? Well, because Bella is mortal. She can die at any time, by Rosalie's hand (intentful or compelled) or otherwise.

In fact, the prior night, in chapter 22 ("Compulsion"), Bella almost did die.

So what happens next?

Well, in fact, three possibilities:

• Nothing happens because MSR didn't happen, it's an echo of a thought and concern for both Bella and Rosalie. The seriousness of it made light through their (not particularly friendly yet) banter, but the seriousness of it still there in their minds. This was told in Rose Read, ch 10 ("Fragile") by Jocelyn Torrent.


• Rosalie returns in time to save Bella, and that story continues to Rosalie's statement. This is the continuation of MSR in ch 23 ("Rosalie Needs a Guy Like Me") ... Bella's not a guy, by the way.


• Or ... Rosalie doesn't return in time. Bella dies. And Rosalie goes on. And on and on and on. This is told by Rosalie in my one-shot story "Reminiscence."

In each of these alternatives, Rosalie sees our girl’s end. What she does with what she sees is very different in each of the tellings. Very different, but, as she is Rosalie, very Rosalie.

But it's just fan-fiction, so there's no lesson to be learned here.

Is there?

Or.

Or ask Rosalie the question ... her captive was this close. This close. And she’s doing what because of this knowledge?

Good thing this is just fiction, eh? For we could never lose someone we love just like that ... for we could never be taken away from the ones we love just like that ...

Yeah. Good thing this is just fiction.

"Now is all we have," Rosalie tells Bella, justifying her verbal onslaught and determined rage.

"Now is all we have."

Am I treating the ones I love with dignity and respect and love? Will I be able to say that I was glad to have that last second with them or that I regret the last second and how I treated them?

Because this second could be the last one. Because this second is the last one, for somebody, for at least 3,000 somebodies, at least and in fact.

I hope not find myself living Rosalie's "Reminiscence." I hope that.

... Not that, ahem, I’m stating a position here about any feelings any character may or may not have for any other character in this story ...

James, the story-wrecker

"James, the story-wrecker"

aka "Don't Ask Me to Read Your Fan Fiction, II"

aka "You can have it both ways, but that hurts"

Okay, this isn't about James, the vampire, per se, but about the plot element I've read in story after story and I've simply gotten sick of it, and I am now so fuming at you, my dear authoress, when you ask me to "please read my story, because it has something to say, but only if you want to, but I really wish that you would because ..."

Okay, look, let me explain something to you. Okay, so, you've read my caveat scriptor, and you can spell your name and you know the difference between 'lay' and 'lie' and 'defiantly' and 'definitely.' So you know how to spell ... heck, you even use the semi-colon appropriately.

Good for you.

So let's take it to the next level: writing a story that worth reading by not writing a story not worth reading.

See, Stephenie Meyer wrote this vampire story, and you may like it or you may not, but now you are writing a vampire story with her characters.

That's great. I am, too. Howdy. Nice ta meetcha.

Good so far. Yes. And your Bella has met your Edward and everything's wonderful.

Great.

But now they are in a relationship, so, instead of developing that relationship, you panic. Because what's to write about if the characters can now kiss?

What indeed?

Well, let's throw some action in there, eh? You know, mix it up a bit to take the readers' eyes off the fact that I'm stuck story- and character-development-wise with a good ole fight scene and a revenge quest.

I know, you crow, let's introduce James into the mix.

*sigh*

That my dear authoress is a very, very bad move, for two reasons. What two reasons? you ask the geophfster.

I'm glad you asked.

1. The first and foremost reason that this is bad is that if I wanted to read Twilight again, I would read Twilight again. The reason why I was reading your story (but am now longer reading your story, if you didn't get the hint) was because your piece of fan-fiction was supposed to be saying something to me about the Twilight characters in your story.
   
   Your story? Right? Meaning: something you have to say about the characters that Steph didn't say. So, what does that mean? That means if you have something unique to say about the Twilight characters, then either your story is canonical or it is not (the fan fiction term is AU: alternate universe). If your story is canonical in the plot, then you are telling it from Alice's POV in Lunière or from Edward's in Midnight Sun or ... something!
   
   So in that case James is present on the baseball field, but I'm probably not reading that story.



2. If it's not a canonical story, then its an AU story, and then guess what? The same events are not happening because Alice gets hit by a truck or ... something! Do you know what that means? It means ... Oh! my Goodness! ... you can write your own story! ... with your own plot developments! ... you can even ... dare I say? ... take the time to develop your story, your characters and their relationships. You know? You don't have to write an actioner if you are writing a relationship piece.
   
   When you introduce James, the story-wrecker, the action guy in a relationship fic, you know what you've just done? You've just wrecked your own story. Just like Bonne Foi was wrecked by James. Just like Twilight was wrecked.

Did you notice that Twilight is actually two stories? It's one story pre-James-wreckage and it's ... well, it's not a story after that at all anymore, now, is it? It's an actioner. It's a thriller.

Bring out Michael Jackson for an ensemble dance during the cat and mouse chase scenes.

That might've actually improved the story ...

You don't have to wreck your own story just because Steph chose to wreck hers. You really don't.

When I read James appearing out of nowhere in a story, I stop reading that story. I don't care if it has over 10,000 reviews, like Bonne Foi will.

But now that you've wrecked your story with James, you have to go ahead whole hog with wrecking your story, don't you? So now you have your Edward abandon your Bella, because, well, Steph did that. Even if your Edward isn't actually Edward, but is Alice or Rosalie or somebody like that.

Look. Edward left Bella because Edward is Edward. But anybody else leaving Bella?

They wouldn't.

Bella:	"Don't leave me, X!"
X:	"Nah, I'm going to leave you, even though I love you, because I'm a proxy Edward."

So now your character is OOC themselves and IC Edward? And you want me to read a story about your Alice or Rosalie or Jasper or whomever being Edward, even though I hate his behaviors to my bones and marrow, why again?

Look. You aren't Steph. You are writing your story. You aren't writing hers. She wrote a multi-million seller. Go, Steph. I'm proud of her.

But make me proud of you. Find your own voice and write your own story, please.

No, don't make me proud of you.

Make you proud of you.

Are you writing your own story? Well, then, for Heaven's sake: write your own story!

I give you permission. You have your own story to tell. Tell that story.

Epilogue

So does that mean you can't use James, then?

No, it doesn't mean that. It means that your Bella has to meet James with the Cullens because Steph's did? No, it doesn't mean that either.

Huh? you ask.

Okay, example, then. And plot spoiler. James shows up in my story. And Victoria. And Laurent. Well, actually just James. But where? Where people meet vampires: in the city in a secluded alley. And does Bella meet him? No, Rosalie's other girl meets him. And with vampire protection? No, because vampires avoid each other. And what does James do? James does what any vampire does.

Dinner time.

Sure you can introduce James, but put him in a realistic place (yes, 'realistic place' ... I said that about vampires) and have him act realistically. James going on the hunt against a coven of seven vampires?

James is over three hundred years old. He values his fun, yes, but he values his existence.

"Hm. Bella smells temping, but against seven vamps? This other person in the next state will probably taste just as nice, I wager."

And your vamp lover leaving Bella for her safety with a vampire hunting her?

Only Edward is that stupid, please don't dumb your character down that much, because should you choose that, then here is one reader not reading about stupid characters stupidly ignoring their more than seventy years of experience to make stupid choices.

After all, if I wish to do that, I can reread Twilight. I was reading your piece because I thought I was learning what you have to say about the characters.

You can't do that if you are fitting plot elements of Steph's story into yours pel mel ... and to what end? Your story is better than Steph's. Or it was until James the story-wrecker showed up, sans reasonable justification, god-like out of nowhere, yes: deus ex machina. I don't read contrivances. You want me to read your piece, then don't write contrivances, and don't write Steph's story.

Write yours.

Acronyms

AU:	Alternate Universe
IC:	In Character
OOC:	Out of Character
POV:	Point of View

Eternity vs. Butt Patting

So, my most recent chapter of MSR, ch 55 ("Beautiful"), was about beauty and death. What did everybody take away from it?

Butt patting.

*sigh*

Everyone.

So, I'm not going to fight it here. I'm just going to allow one authoress, Avarenda, speak about what butt patting means to vampires: the inner torment they suffer at said butt patting.

What I meant by Rosalie 'torturing herself' was that Rosalie (by touching Bella in an intimate manner) is torturing herself by metaphorically getting a taste of the 'forbidden fruit.' Of course, as far as sampling forbidden fruit goes, touching Bella's butt isn't that big of a deal.

HOWEVER, when you factor in the fact that Rosalie WILL NEVER forget what Bella's ass felt like (for as long as she exists) it might be a certain type of agony to recall. Especially when Bella is long gone. (Or even just in the middle of the night when Rose has nothing to distract herself from thinking about it)

I guess (for Rose) we should compare Bella to heroin. Trying it even once will only make her crave for more, than again. Perhaps I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. I guess we'll see.

Avarenda

Butt patting, it seems then is like heroin for vampires, more tempting, even, than blood. Who would have known?

Rosalie sure didn't.

Until she patted Bella's "very cute" butt.