Year End Stats for 2009

Thank you to all the readers from all the countries that showed interest for my stories on ffn. For the year 2009 there were 25448 page views and 10688 readers (yielding a ratio of 2.38 pages viewed per reader).

The following countries placed in the top three slots for the year 2009 (highest metal medal (say that three times quickly) earned shown for the country):

• Bronze (3rd place): Brazil


• Silver (2nd place): UK, Australia, Germany, Canada, Israel


• Gold (1st place): USA

It took approximately 150 page views (reading MSR three times) to make the list; it took on average 1500 page views to score the gold.

The following are the countries that viewed 50 or more pages in a month for this year, earning them a Golden trophy (reading MSR once in a month will earn this trophy):

Australia, Belgium, Brazil, Canada, France, Germany, Ireland, Israel, New Zealand, Philippines, Romania, South Korea, Sweden, UK, USA

Thank you again to all the countries and to all the readers of my stories. If you wish to see your country here on this list next year, you simply need to read MSR once in one month. To earn a medal for your country, read MSR thrice in one month.

Read MSR! Not only is it good for your soul, but it shows nationalistic pride!

Um ... yeah. Well, anyway, thank you all again.

December 2009 stats

The end result for the month of December 2009 for page views, readership and ratios on ffn are as follows:

• Top 10er (Dec 2009):
  1. USA
  2. UK
  3. Australia
  4. Canada
  5. Romania
  6. Brazil
  7. Philippines
  8. Italy
  9. Germany
  10. Spain
  
  It took 29 page views (or reading ½ MSR) to make the top 10 list this month.


• Holy Crow (double-digit ratio): Romania


• Improved (ratio): USA, UK, Australia, Sweden, Brazil, Canada, New Zealand, Germany, Philippines


• Up, Up, and Away (improved ratio twice or more): UK(x6), Australia(x4), USA(x3), New Zealand, Brazil, Sweden, Canada(x2), Philippines


• Reversi (reversed a downward ratio direction to an upward one): Australia(x4), UK, Brazil, USA(x2)


• Kicking Butt (4.0 ratio or higher): UK, Tanzania, Romania, Spain, Puerto Rico


• Player (show up on the top 10 list during the month): Australia, USA, UK, Hungary, Germany,Israel, Hong Kong, France, Greece, Canada, Brazil, Sweden, Netherlands, Spain, Poland, Italy, Tanzania, New Zealand, Romania, Puerto Rico, Philippines
  
  Yes, Australia held the number 1 slot at the beginning of the month.


• Comeback Kid (got knocked off the list, but then made it back on): France, Italy, New Zealand, Germany, Spain


• Golden (50 or more page views): USA, UK, Australia, Canada, Romania, Brazil, Philippines

There were 3497 page views with a total of 1231 readers for this month. Good show everyone and every country! Thank you for your interest in my stories.

Charlie Swan

I think sometimes, Charlie as a father, wonders what he's there for at all. He loves Bella to death, but I think he's a little lost at times, being steamrolled by his own daughter, and loving her, helplessly, for it and in spite of it.

I think Bella turned out kind of exactly the way he wanted her to turn out: strong, independent, beautiful, smart, a self-starter, ... a take-charge girl.

But now, Bella is ... Bella.

And Charlie is so lost.

Because when Bella is strong, he feels like a third wheel on a bicycle: in the way, quiet too often, and saying the wrong things when he does speak up.

And when Bella is weak, he ... he just ... he just doesn't know what to do. He wants to take away her hurt and her sadness; he wants to fix it; he wants to see her smile once again, just one more time in her life before she kills herself today, as he's sure she will (that's why he takes the rounds out of his sidearm now, even though he never had to before). He wants her to be happy, but he doesn't know what he can do to get to the point where she's even eating again, instead of just picking at her food, listlessly.

And it's that boy Edward Cullen, that boy who left her in the forest to die, that boy who broke her heart in two, is the one that brings her out of the pit of her despair.

Remember when Edward carried her up the stairs from the airport?

What did Charlie want to do? Nothing. Besides murder that boy. Right now.

But then Bella gives him what-for ... and for what? So Charlie does what the parents' manual says: rules, grounding, hovering, chaperoning.

And now, that Charlie is the bad-guy dictator, he's even more lost than before, and so much more unhappy.

Because Bella is happy now ... but when that boy breaks his little girl's heart again, there won't be any recovery for her.

And Charlie can't do a thing to ease that fall: not grounding, not jacobing, not "other friends"ing not nothing-ing can stop her headlong plunge that she's embracing, that she's running toward with all her might and with that big happy smile on her face.

Bella is "everygirl."

Is Charlie Swan "everydad"? I wonder.

Hugs

In MSR, ch 53 ("School in Session") Rosalie hugs Bella. Well, now, I've gotten requests for hugs from readers. And, well, anybody who asks for a hug needs a hug, right? So maybe they should get the hug, if the other party is not against the idea of hugging (as you see in the chapter, Rosalie doesn't seem to be against the idea ... or if she is then she doesn't put up too huge of a fight, now does she?).

So, if you need a hug, tell me "I need a hug from X, geophf," and presto (that is presto if X doesn't mind giving hugs), it'll be here.

Now, you must prove X is not unwilling to give hugs. Edward thinks it's improper (cf the whole canon and RLT). Esmé loves giving hugs (she has to stop herself from giving too many hugs, in fact), the other twichars? Well, we'll take it on a case by case basis (except the pixie, of course, proof: Twilight, "Alice mauls the BFF human while everybody's wondering if Bella should eat the food or if they should eat her" chapter).

But I do have a question. Did anybody ever see it coming that Rosalie would give anybody a hug before reading MSR? Just askin'

But do consider this caveat. What kind of hug are you going to get from a vamp? "Ooh! You're a vamp, Rosalie: hug me!" She'll hug you all right! But only after kidnapping you to a cabin in the woods and asking you annoyingly penetrating questions until you cry. Then she'll hug you. Just sayin'

Bella: Pride and Prejudice

"Boy, geophf," you say, "reading the latest, that Bella surely is ... well, frankly, stupid!"

I would beg to differ with your assessment (translation from Austen-speak: "Um, no").

"But," you insist: "How could she guess so wrongly as to why Rosalie would be wanting to teach her sign language?"

Okay, so, here's the thing. Reflect on her prior thoughts when she considered the presence of the American Sign Language book ... what was she thinking then?

Her thoughts precursored her thoughts now: "Rosalie is/will teach me this so she won't have to speak to me again."

That was her prejudice, or, as we say now: her preconceived notion.

Now, try this. Have somebody pick at you until you are thoroughly ticked off about it and about them. Become furious.

Bella's pride was offended, because Rosalie was criticizing her with compliments.

Now try to think straight.

You cannot, right? Because you're angry. It's called "a loss of perspective."

Bella's prejudice lead her to believe a certain thing ... she is very intuitive, after all, and what does that mean? It means she jumps to conclusions. And her pride was offended, that means she's very likely to stick by her guns, right or wrong, come Hell or high water.

Sounds a lot like Elizabeth Bennett as Mr. Darcy rattles off all her (and her family's) faults, and then ask her to consider something.

She surely "considers" something, all right! That Mr. Darcy got an earful!

Now, people are quick to criticize Bella in this chapter, including, particularly, Rosalie (which does not help matters any). Put yourself into Bella's shoes. The next time you are so furious you can't even see the person you are "talking" with, because all you see is red, ... well, I dare you to do what you accuse Bella of not doing: think about what you are saying.

Is your argument sound or ad hominem? Are you "thinking straight"? Or have you "lost perspective"?

That Bella Swan is just so "eat up with pride" and just so often jumps to conclusions, the wrong ones. Doesn't she!

Hm, yes, she does. But she's not reading the story. She's living it. So, you, living your stories: you have it all mapped out, now, do you?

Bella Swan has a mote in her eye.

But she's trying, sometimes, to look in the mirror.

Give her that, at least, please.

And before you cast a stone, recollect when you were seventeen. You knew everything there was to know then?

If you say you did, then you're not casting a stone at Bella. Doesn't feel like such a good idea now, because, of course, you know it is kind of like throwing the stone at the mirror, right?

Don't ask me to read your fan fiction

Really.

I'm serious.

Don't ask me to read your fan fiction. Because if I read it, I'll review it.

If I review it, you will hate me. Forever. And all your fans will hate me. Forever.

Don't ask me to read your fan fiction if you don't know the names Strunk and White better than you know your own.

Don't ask me to read your fan fiction if you haven't charted the plot of your story from its inception all the way to its conclusion.

Don't ask me to read your fan fiction if your characters aren't real. If they don't have something to say to me, then I will surely have something to say to you about that.

In fact, don't ask me to read your fan fiction until you have read my beta profile and read every entry here under the writing category, and know that your fan fiction can survive those meat grinders intact and whole. Oh, you say you have? Then you won't mind me quizzing you a bit, then, will you?

Don't ask me to read your fan fiction. Because your fan fiction is your baby, and I am King Solomon, and I will rip that child, that means everything to you, right in half.

You are writing. You love writing. You want some positive, affirming comments about something that you love doing. Or you think you are strong. You think you can take constructive criticism.

Yeah? I bet you do. I bet you do ... like so many other who said they would be professional and courteous and open to suggestions and told me that "but my story is different! Read it, geophf. Please! It'd mean so much to me!"

I have this message for you, my dear, particularly: don't ask me to read your fan fiction.

Really.

"If I have the time ..."

I've gotten this three times in the last month.

"Oh, I was skimming your story, and I was wondering if it'd be a waste of time for me to read."

"Oh, I was skimming your story, and I'll read it maybe someday when I have the time."

"Oh, I read your story (all 300 pages of it) and I'll leave one review on it, when you come out with a new chapter, if I have the time."

Read those statements above, and turn to somebody, face-to-face, and say that to them about something important to them.

"I'll watch your first ballet recital, if I have the time."

"I'll buy you a Christmas present, if I have the time."

"I'd come to dinner, but the game's on. I don't have time for family time."

The sad thing is: people do say that now, all the time, don't they?

They're talking on their cell phone while they're "with" you.

They're working on their computer while they're "talking" with you.

They're ... I don't know ... they're making excuses to cop out of plans with you, because, frankly, the TV's more important to them than you are.

What ever happened to respect? What ever happened to treating people as persons, not as things? Did it never happen at all before, and I was misled? Was I raised wrongly by my parents to try to give the people I'm with my attention?

So you wrote to me and said you would read and review my stories "if you had the time."

You're busy; I'm busy; we're all busy. How nice. And it IS nice that you're willing to make the effort to comment on my stories.

But "if I have the time"?

You may not have the time. You may have a family with two daughters. You may have work deadlines. You may have other friends you like more. You may have to watch an average of 8 hours of TV or 'net-slumming. You may have all of these things, and more.

But saying that to somebody? "I love you, and I'd tell you, if I had the time." "I'd do that report, boss, or professor, if I have the time." "I'll leave a review on your story, if I have the time."

The good intention is destroyed by the equivocation. If you have the time, do the good thing. If you don't have the time, don't do the good thing.

But time is prioritization, and saying "if I have the time" translates directly into "you are on my priority list, somewhere below watching TV, or whatever."

When I talk with somebody, when I talk with you, I give you my full attention. My whole time. I MAKE the time to talk with you. Out of the many readers I've had today, out of the many markings of favourites and PM and story alerts and sometimes reviews, ... and the rest of my life.

I do not "if I have the time" anybody. When I'm with you, I'm with you.

Please, don't "if I have the time" somebody. "Everybody does it" these days, because everybody treats everybody else as things, not as persons. But I've worked with people who have taken time out of their busy-busy schedules, I'm talking Captains and Admirals, who have more meeting time scheduled every day than they have hours in the day. When they do that? When somebody makes time for you, how does that feel?

Doesn't it feel nice when an authoress, like, for example, Jocelyn Torrent, replies to your reviews? (You do leave her reviews of the chapters that meant something to you, don't you? You do know how much substantive reviews mean to her, don't you?) She has more than twice the reviews in one story than I have total. And she responds to every single one. AND all her PMs. I know. So does Lion in the Land. So do I. So do more than a few others, as well.

Many, many, many do not. That is not your problem. That is their (serious) problem. Your problem is how you are treating this person you are writing to or this person in front of you right now, and you cannot justify your callousness, no matter what anybody else says or does.

"Everybody does it" is the weakest, lamest cop-out of an excuse to justify what you know to be a wrong doing. A slight. Besides: do you wish to be like "everybody"? That is a faceless "nobody" in the crowd? Or do you wish to be you, and be treated with kindness and individual attention?

As we few writers do when we respond to your review, even though it's the 283rd review for this story we've received. Even if it's the 711th.

Those of us who do this, well: we MAKE the time for you, AND we write these wonderful, in some cases, award-winning stories that have captured your attention and fired your imagination.

"But I was just saying that, I wasn't being mean, I was just explaining myself." Yes, I know you weren't being mean. I know this. But how much thought did you put into those words, because every word you say means something.

I am a person. You wrote to me, or you talked with me. Please treat me as a person. I prioritize things, not people. Please don't prioritize me below things: I don't like feeling less than a thing. I don't know anybody who does.

You may review what you've read of my story that had meaning to you (and you've read my story and nothing has moved you at all?). You may not. But please don't so blithely dismiss me or my work with "time." You read it. Perhaps all 300 pages of it (so far), so you've had time to do that, but you didn't have time to select the "review chapter" link?

Maybe not (I cannot believe that). But telling me? "I read one of your stories, but I didn't review any of the 52 chapters. Maybe I will after you do more work (because a card deck of chapters isn't enough) ... if I have the time."

Please don't do this. Please don't imply this.

Because time is all we have, and there's only a limited amount we're given, and we don't get it back, so make your time you have precious. For yourself, and for others.

Epilogue

Writing this post, I've come to the sudden realization of the following. Others have complained that MSR is taking it's sweet time, going hardly anywhere at all.

Why?

Because Rosalie is doing something that hardly anyone does. She is taking time with Bella. Instead of saying: "You are like this, so I will treat you like this" (and Rosalie does do a lot of that in MSR, I grant you), she is taking these days to find out who Bella really is ... you know? The apologia for this piece? She is finding out who Bella really is and treating her as that person, not as the person she wants Bella to be.

Now, Rosalie is very unhappy with the real Bella, the person who she is. But she does work with that person, and not (always) dismiss her out of hand.

Unlike how Edward treats Bella in the canon, perhaps?

Is this why MSR is so frustrating for so many? Is it because they wish Bella and Rosalie just to move on and treat each other as ... what? ... and ignore each other's and their own faults and failings ... and consequently ignore each other's and their own strengths and humanness?

Hm. If you're frustrated, and you want Bella and Rosalie to get on with it ("What 'it'?" I ask. And you answer: "Oh, the obvious, you dummy!" And my answer is: "What obvious?"), then I wonder. Do you treat your friends and family like this?

Do they treat you like this ... and you allow it?

It may be your best friend that you've know from first grade, but she's still a person. It may be your daughter or mother, but she's still a person.

It may be your dad, but he still needs your love.

"If I have the time ..." to treat another person as a person?

You do.