The Art of Listening (Suicide)

A reader writes of Æfintýri, ch 2-12: "I always thought Tess was a great mom who’d fought through so much to raise her daughter."

Tess IS a great mom, and she DOES fight so hard to raise her daughter... and she DOES see what an amazing daughter her daughter is.

But.

This is a chapter of people not listening to each other. Tess refuses to listen to Siggi. Tess refuses to listen to Jada. She just can't hear that this monster has anything to say, nor can she hear anything about this monster.

Siggi is a murderer. Siggi ingratiated herself into their home. Siggi ruined her daughter's life.

And here Siggi is, all chummy with Jada, just like before. Just like right before all hell broke loose.

What can Siggi say to change that? She can't. What can poor, deluded ... AGAIN! ... Jada say now?

Nothing.

So Jada may as well just shut up.

Of course, Jada won't listen to her mother. She's come to terms with Siggi in her life, ... a little bit, ... made some peace with it, this uneasy truce and compromise, and here Mom is, being all uncompromising, CALLING THE COPS? and what happened?

Exactly what Siggi said what would happen.

Exactly.

But did Tess listen? No. Because she's RIGHT. So she called the cops and put them through hell, because she just. wouldn't. listen. to anything other than Mom-mode: ACTIVATE.

And Jada wouldn't listen. Not to Mom. Tess didn't call her 'stupid,' but that's all Jada could hear. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

And the stupid-demon swallowed her up, and there was nothing left of Jada, nothing left to her, except stupid.

And the knife.

Which also called her stupid.

This was such a hard chapter for me to write, so I had to remove myself from it, and it just wrote itself. It wrote itself so fast it was scary.

This chapter was all me. 100%. Because I was right there, with the knife in my hand, and me, screaming and crying, and our cat just looking at me, like it didn't know what to do.

Then.

I sighed.

I put the knife away.

And I went to bed.

Just like that.

Good things these are just stories, huh?

Pray for Drought

So, this just happened: dénoument.

In the most recent chapter (chapter 14, "Forgiveness") of the Æfintýri, book II, Jada's mom has forgiven both Siggi and Jada for their various sins against her, so, we've come to completion for Jada's mom: she can now let go of a lot of her anger, and, instead of being an obstacle to both Jada and to Siggi, she can, well, she can do whatever, because this conflict is now done.

Good, right?

Not for me as the writer, because that means that everything is done and that anything can happen.

Okay, no problem: next chapter. Jada's still at the hospital and things are now "all better" for everybody. Yay! Happy-ending dénoument.

But there's a problem now: I go to start chapter 15 and ...

... and nothing. Not word one comes out onto the page. What to do? Massive panic? Yup. At the disco? Even better!

Okay, so, besides having a massive panic attack at the disco, what are some things that I do when the writers' block hits me?

1. Tell myself not to beat myself up, ... as I'm beating myself up. This is the most important rule for me. Why? Well, for sure, I'm going to go into the 'beat myself up'-phase, but – hey! – I've been here before. In fact, I spent one three-year period in writers' block. You think you have writers' block? Let me tell you about my writers' block! But beating myself up only causes the downward spiral, and the downward spiral is no fun and doesn't accomplish getting the words on to the page. Okay, so I have writers' block. Okay. So what? Who cares? Some people do ("geophf, next chapter, please,") but they'll live or they won't, just like me.
2. Don't write. Okay, every author everywhere says, "You've got writers' block? Great! Get to writing!" I say, okay, fine, be that way, and get to writing, if that works for you, but here's what worked for me: I took the rest of the day off, I went to bed, and slept on it. The next morning (this morning), I had the next chapter in my head. Other things that work for me:
• read: read some awesomely written work, and become inspired
• watch: watch a movie that you can taste how well the writing of it was, and become inspired
• walk: and smell the flowers, and become inspired
• shop, at the mall: people-watch, listen in on one conversation, and become inspired
3. Be grateful. What does "writers' block" mean ... literally!? (I win) (Confucius say: "He who says 'literally!' and in italics wins). "writers' block" means (literally!) that you're trying to write something, and you can't. Let's break that statement down:
• You're trying to write something. Okay, stop right there. How many people are trying to write something. A lot, right? How many people are writing something? A very, very few. You've got writers' block because you've written something already, and now you're stuck. Well, pilgrim: you've written something already. You've just separated yourself out to the 1% of the world that has written something. Be grateful that God gave you this gift made especially for you: you've written something.
• ... but you can't. Okay, fine. You can't write a single d-mn word. You are stuck. Be grateful. "God, I'm trying to write something, and I can't. Bless you, Lord!" God is tryna tell you sumthin', pilgrim! God is telling you this: "not now," or "overcome this," or, in my case: "I've got something so much better for you that what you want to write." Let's face it, writers' block is you could write something – anything! – that you know is going to be el crapola now, or you could just wait a minute, or day, or, in my case, three years, and write something so much better. Now, Benjamin Franklin says: "I'll take the speckled ax now" instead of the perfect ax at four times the cost, so balance what the proper waiting time is. What is the proper waiting time? Well, from my experience, waiting three years, or in the case of one PhD student, seven years, is way, ... way, way, way, WAAAAAAYYYY too long. Give yourself a day. Nothing still? Give yourself another day, but in this other day, do something different. The first day you moped? No results? So maybe try something from 2. above and see what inspiration percolates for you. And also be grateful. Thank God you have the ability to write and you have something to say that will touch hearts, then listen to see what God has to say to you to direct what you have to write.

Because you do have to write. You are a writer, and a writer writes the same as a human being breathes: to live. Writing is your life, but, more importantly: your writing gives life and hope and joy and a shared moment between you and your readers.

So, writers' block? Will it stop you, as it has stopped me? Sure. But it's there to remind you what you are: a writer, and a writer writes, and in writing, saves that one person, that one reader, who needed to read what you wrote today.

Conflict

What to do when you must write that tough scene?

Jada's mom has just come home after a long shift at INOVA to find Siggi, the mass murderer, in her house, after she told Jada never to see Siggi again, and to call the cops if she did.

Now this.

I'm not good with confrontation, but who is?

This is the writer's life. You have conflict: it must resolve or it must escalate, or everybody pretends to ignore the white elephant in the room.

But you, the writer, aren't writing the book to shy away from the hard choices. You, the writer, have to face them, then write them.