Hello, the Netherlands!

Okay, site visitor stats for May, 2013:

So, the good ole U.S.A. in first (3.11k views), no surprises, then Canada (444 views) and the U.K. (378 views) for a near-tie for second (thank you), then Australia (160 views), obviously, ...

All English-speaking countries.

But then the near tie with Australia is ... the Netherlands (at 147 views)? ... the Netherlands' official language is Dutch.

So, what's the draw of MSR, a very English-y story, a story so English-y, in fact, that many English-speaking readers have difficulty with its prose, to the Netherlands, of all places?

Anyone from the country: ... would you like to offer some explanation for this? ... Am I writing this story in a Netherlandescquish style of writing, perhaps? Or is it something else about this story that has such a draw for you and others from your country? Please: do tell!

And ... down further, deeper into the chart, there are more surprises ... like Brazil (hi!) and China (howdy!), like other countries, reading my stories. Thank you all.

Then, if you look at what is read in MSR, I got another surprise. Of course, the most recent chapters are the most read, with "totus tuus" standing out, but the most read chapter? Chapter 24.

Chapter 24, published four years ago is the most read chapter of MSR.

Chapter 24: "Rain by a Rose Garden."

So, what does that tell me? I wonder.

Do you (re)read this chapter because you wish to have the table set for you, a prelude, before you dive into the (very twisted) mind of Rosalie in my story Rose by a Lemon Tree? Or ...

This is the closest that our dearly beloved girl comes to an openly intimate moment with our our aloof, hard, harsh, God-like creature. An openly intimate moment that she doesn't shy away from, no: she initiates it and goes after it with an uninhibited desire that ... well. You know.

And she goes after it with our aloof and unbendable, and that is to say, perhaps, unattainable ... object of desire, and our girl does have her moment, or, her instant, of intimacy, before she is ultimately rejected.

Are you (re)reading this chapter because you want this moment to last more than an instant? Do you want our girl to (re)pursue this moment, or do you want her Rose not to reject her this next time but to accept her? To let her in? To let her past this cold, hard exterior to warm and then to restart her still, dead heart?

What does all this (re)reading of MSR ch 24 mean? TELL ME!

... or, ... *sigh* ... not.

In any case, enjoy your moments, intimate or harsh, of your (re)reading of MSR.

love, geophf

Wherefore Vera

I've recent read a couple of stories about Vera, and have read (and reread, and reread) Eclipse, chapter 7 "Unhappy Ending," which is "Rosalie's" chapter, but, in a very real way, is Vera's chapter.

Because, I argue, the key to understanding everything between Rosalie and Bella in the canon, is to understand Vera.

Please allow me to explain.

First, I think we need to examine Rosalie and Emmett's relationship.

Emmett seems to fill a need, but their relationship seems to be more surface. They are "happy" with what they give to each other, but they don't probe to any depth. I would think Rosalie would need more than a strong, sexually charged, easy-going, funny man. I would think she would want somebody she could open her heart to, all the way, and really, not cry, because she can't, but scold her like Vera did, not let Rosalie get away with the stuff Emmett does (in canon), share with Rosalie her deepest sadnesses, and let Rosalie share hers with her.

I think Rosalie needs this, no? And I think she's not getting all that from Emmett. Nor from Royce (well, who she thought Royce would be), and that's why she had Vera then. A true friend, of the heart.

Now let's look at Vera, herself.

Rosalie doesn't have much good, in the canon (E, ch 7), to say about Vera. Vera married early and had a baby at 17 years of age. She married down. Far down. Sure, Rosalie and Vera are "only" middle class, struggling to climb the social ladder, but they were friends, so they were in the same social circle, and that circle?

Upper middle class. Rosalie's father worked at the bank ... during the Depression! ... Rosalie's father bought her dresses (not just an apple for dessert); Rosalie's mother introduced Rosalie around to the elite.

And Rosalie and Vera were friends. Friends of the heart. Why? What names does Rosalie mention in her life story? Emmett, Royce, ... and Vera. Not her parents' names, not her brothers' names; no: Vera's name.

Vera was Rosalie's only friend ... ever.

And Vera had ... as they said back then ... moxie.

She married a carpenter. Do you understand what this means? Her parents were in the first circles. So they told her this: "Don't marry him." And she did.

And they cut her right off. She lived at his house, on cheapside ... not at a house that her parents could provide for her.

Or they didn't cut her right off, and did offer easy living. And she told them no. "Thank you, Mother, Father, but I'm going to cleave to my man, and go where he will go, not where you tell him to go."

Either way, she chose her own path, not the path her parents "offered" to her.

And Vera was Rosalie's friend. Whom do you visit a week before your wedding? A casual acquaintance? Royce had his buddies, that he liked much more Rosalie, and Rosalie had Vera, whom she loved more than anybody in the world.

Because, as much as Rosalie belittles Vera in her story she tells in canon, Vera was the only person who put up with Rosalie, besides Emmett and Royce, but Vera went one step further, and this is implied by the canon: Vera chose her own path, and she let Rosalie choose hers, too, but she didn't let Rosalie get away with her lies.

Because Rosalie lies. All the time. She tells Royce or Emmett that everything's beautiful and pristine and happy. Worst of all, she lies to herself. She turns her nose up to everything and looks down: "I'm perfect; you're not."

She even does this to Vera. And Vera rolls her eyes and says "I'm happy for you, Rosalie, I really am. But I choose this. I choose true happiness, and this is what it is." And she shows Rosalie, not mean-spiritedly, but kindly what happiness can be.

She shows Rosalie so clearly that even Rosalie sees it, knows it for what it is, and acknowledges that Vera chose better.

I think Vera's been through enough in her life that she has the experience to share something and to know enough about Rosalie to know that there's more to her than she's letting on, and she's old enough not to allow Rosalie play her games with herself. I think maybe Rosalie needs Vera in soul-mate kind of way.

I think Rosalie needed Vera then, even though she had the perfect handsome prince in Royce, and I think Rosalie needs Vera now, even with her big teddy-bear of a perfect husband in Emmett.

Now let's look at the "relationship" of Rosalie and Bella

Woo, boy, does Rosalie want to tear Bella to pieces pretty much the first second Rosalie sees her, and why? Because Bella can have babies, but no, she's going after a vampire, for goodness sake!

Or so Rosalie says.

I would beg to differ with Rosalie's supplied argument.

We never get a physical description of Vera, but she wasn't as beautiful as Rosalie. We get a physical description of Bella, and we find out that she's not as beautiful as Rosalie.

Just like Vera.

No surprises there: Rosalie is the most beautiful person in the whole world. That's canonical.

But Bella chooses her own path, over the objections of Edward, her parents (NM, catatonia), the whole universe.

Just like Vera.

Bella forgives Rosalie her (very serious) mistakes (NM, post Vulturi) and accepted her, not holding Rosalie's faults against her.

Just like Vera.

Rosalie had a conversation with Bella. Who is the only other person in the whole world that Rosalie ever had a conversation with? Conversation, not diatribe. Emmett? No.

Vera.

Your point, geophf?

Rosalie is a hurting person. She wants to kill Bella (MS, post Phenomenon), because, I argue, Bella sees too much, even, possible will see into Rosalie's soul.

So Rosalie's hurting.

And Vera's dead.

And here's a little quiet, brown-brown girl, who forgives Rosalie, talks with her, and chooses her own path.

Rosalie wants to tear Bella to shreds, because if Rosalie dares to take that risk of opening her heart to VeraBella again, she'll just die on Rosalie ... again.

So that explains Rosalie's (very) antagonistic attitude to human Bella.

And (pre-)vampire Bella? Now that Bella has made her irrevocable choice and has stood up to everyone, just like Vera, Bella may die (and Rosalie is just so fiercely protective of VeraBella here, and of herself, possibly preparing herself for being hurt again when VeraBella dies again), but VeraBella "re"born, that is "newborn"?

Suddenly, it's a BxRose love-fest. Why?

Because now, NOW, VeraBella can be a friend of Rosalie's heart, and not go dying on her, as humans are wont to do.

Everybody says: "Rosalie wants Renesmee."

Everybody is missing the point.

Rosalie likes Renesmee. Rosalie loves Renesmee. But her babysitting and all that serves two purposes: it gives her time with the baby. And it gives VeraBella time with her husband.

Rosalie is doing this for herself. Rosalie does everything for herself. But Rosalie is being selfless, as well.

Rosalie is being selfless.

Why?

Because, I argue, when she was alive, she didn't appreciate Vera for what she was. A friend. Just that. A friend.

Rosalie has never had a friend before or since.

And Vera was there for Rosalie, in spite of and despite the fact that Rosalie is just so Rosalie.

And now here's VeraBella again. Now, finally, Rosalie can say "thank you" to her for that one thing Vera gave to Rosalie that nobody else in the world ever did. AND Rosalie can finally, finally-finally-finally, have that true friend that she can (maybe some day, centuries from now) open up a bit more than she did in Eclipse, ch 7.

You know, a relationship like Alice has with Bella. Bella's not a replacement, nor substitute, for Jasper.

A relationship like that, but, because this is Rosalie, after she gets over her vanity, it will be a relationship so much deeper than that.

Even though she doesn't know this herself, even though she's fought so fiercely against it, she'll have a relationship that she's been looking for her entire existence.

If we look at the relationship of Rosalie and Bella through the lens that Vera provides, we see that it is consistent from start to present (not "finish" because now, thankfully, it will never end). It's not baby-envy. It's not "human"-envy. It's Rosalie. Hurting Rosalie, scared; protective Rosalie, scary, and, eventually, trusting Rosalie, loving and understanding, and finally ... opening.

Just like the relationship she had with Vera, more than seventy years ago.

Endnote/Apologia

When Juliet says "Romeo, o Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?" She's not saying, "Where are you Romeo?" she's saying "Why are you Romeo?" That is "Why are you my family's enemy, and not some other cute guy to make this whole liebestod thing easier for me?"

Cullen's "noble" choice?

Isn't it noble that the Cullens (and the Denali coven) choose to abstain from humans and their blood? Garrett, in his speech in BD, seems to indicate that they are doing something that really is for the betterment of all vampire society, right?

"Vampire society" -- for naturally nomadic creatures there's a weird juxtaposition of words

Wouldn't you agree?

For the most part in Twifandom, this seems to be the sentiment. "Vegetarian" vampires? How noble!

And couched in those words, it certainly seems that way — after all, the Volturi treated Carlisle as an honoured guest, ... a curiosity, but a guest, none-the-less — but let's look at it from the vampire perspective. Or, more correctly, let's transform the vampire perspective to the humanist one. Let's look at the Cullens through your eyes, if your eyes were vampire ones.

You know this doctor and his family, and they are well-bred, well-dressed, refined and educated (the kids are a little weird, what with Edward always grimacing and Alice always going off into these traces, but Rosalie is sure easy on the eyes and both Emmett and Jasper are both manly men), so you invite them over for supper. You prepare this feast, spending days in meticulous preparation to get everything just right, you invite the Cullens over, present the feast, but they just shake their heads at you, snobbishly, and say they follow and alternate lifestyle when it comes to food, and they bring out their own meals which are ...

Which are bags of vomit and horse manure (c.f. MSR, "Compulsion").

Now, you have the "turkey" and the "roast beast" on the table, you have the "red wine" out. Everything's perfect for a refined and elegant family that the Cullens, up to now, appeared to be to you. You try talking some sense into them.

Oh, no!

"We prefer this way because it doesn't hurt those poor, innocent creatures we so love!" they exclaim. And then they start eating that ... well, that stuff right in front of you. Imagine it: your guests, eating horse manure and vomit, over your protests.

I'd be willing to bet, if this was happening in front of you, you'd kind of lose your appetite, right?

I'd be willing to bet, the next time you'd think about inviting them over, you'd check with them first to see if they were still on that "diet," and, if they were, you'd probably find some conflict in your schedule.

I'd be willing to bet, if they kept this up, and they started extolling their tastes to you and your friends, you'd ask them to take their business elsewhere, and also very seriously consider calling the Department of Health and 'Human' Services, and for good measure, Homeland Security, as anybody who ate that stuff, by choice had to be off their rocker and more than likely a threat to you and yours.

Vampire 'vegetarianism' ... still a noble choice? Or, perhaps, looking at it through the eyes of a vampire, might you not possibly see this lifestyle choice as ... well,

An abomination.

Does the most recent chapter of MSR ("Lillian, Arise!") now make better sense? Those mean, mean Volturi, stamping out the Cullens like that, aren't they really just removing undesirables?

I mean, after all, you call the police to break up domestic disturbances in the next apartment over due to the "devil in a bottle." If your neighbors were really eating that kind of food, stinking up the whole building, going door to door trying to proselytize their twisted lifestyle, you would be glad to have the police cart them away, and all your neighbors would pat you on the back for a job well done.

Do you now see why the Cullens' lifestyle took so long to become apparent to Carlisle and the others? Do you now see why it hasn't caught on like wildfire with other vampires?

The amazing thing to me? That they have so many friends ... dear friends, too ... Peter and Charlotte particularly take time out of their schedule to visit them (cf. Midnight Sun). And all the support they had in BD, Book III was not only self-serving (*ahem* Stephan? Vladimir?) but from friends across the world (the Amazon, Ireland, England, Egypt (not so much)) who came to them to support their friends to allow them to continue to live this very odd lifestyle.

Vampires have a more kindly nature than what I would have imagined for creatures designed to be perfect predators.

"Kind for a vampire" ... indeed!

I'm still not going to go into a dark alley to meet one, however. Nor should you, Miss Oh-Bite-Me-Edward!

Dreams and reality

Or: "geophf, why do you write this way?"

My most recent chapter of MSR has had rather a galvanizing effect on my reviewers. Was it a dream?

This, of course, has set me off. What is the nature of reality?

May I tell you something personal? I'm (kinda) Jewish.

Let me explain.

There's been this big 'debate' for more than a few years now about the Torah in Christendom about 'Creationism' particularly on the point of Genesis: did all those things literally happen?

I'm not going to argue that point, because ... nope, I'm not going to argue that point, but I am going to stand by my Jewish brethren here. They do not ask "did this really happen?" as if they are trying to score points with G-d as to who is more righteous in His eyes. No, they take the Creation Story and ask, instead, the following question: "What can we learn from this?"

The point, or a point, of the Creation Story is not whether it happened (you can argue until you are blue in the face, if that so pleases you), but what does it mean for us.

Did our heroine experience those things in reality or was it all just a dream?

Is it a dream? When you dream, do you know that you are dreaming? Are you awake right now, reading a diatribe from geophf, or are you dreaming?

"I'm awake, geophf, because I know I'm awake."

Study the epistemology of that statement and get back to me on that.

If the Hindus say that this is all Maya ... and they've been around four thousand years or more ... maybe there's something in that? If the aborigines in the outback say that this is the dreamtime, what proof does the measurement of technology have to naysay that?

Who are you; what are you; why are you.

Are you real? And what is reality?

It's so easy to compartmentalise everything into its nice little box: "Oh, Bella's dreaming" "Oh, Rosalie's calling Bella a weird name" Ever notice that every box we put reality into, there's always something that bursts the boundaries of the box? I sure do, and I'm a mathematical philosopher, so the boxes I make are air- and water-tight, but still, messy, confusing, unboxable reality has a way of making me rethink my neat little boxes I try to put reality into.

Rosalie has this problem, big-time. She has everything all planned out. Her life, her marriage, her capture of this girl, everything. What worked out exactly the way she planned it?

You know the saying: "One sure way to make G-d laugh: tell Him your plans."

So this is a dream? Why? Because you want it to be? What happens when our girl doesn't wake up from this 'dream'?

Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't: but it's not up to anybody to dictate what is reality, because it is, regardless of what we want it to be or what we think it is. That's why philosophy is so important, because when we begin to peel back the layers of what we believe to see what is really there (layer after layer), we can start to live more in harmony with the Tao: no fight-no blame.

Is this a dream?

That question doesn't matter and isn't important. What matters is this: what to do from here?

Our girl, sometimes, isn't very good at doing that. And sometimes she is.

And that's not important, really, either. What's important is this:

You've experienced something, ... reading this, or dreaming a terribly sad dream, or losing a loved one, or being diagnosed with cancer, or something small or great.

What will you learn from that? What are you going to do about it?

So why did Rosalie want to kill Bella?

In the canon there is this piece of 'fan-fiction' called "Midnight Sun," and it takes Twilight and tells it from Edward's perspective.

It is a treasure-trove of Twiverse information. I would call it essential reading for all fan-fiction author(esse)s, and you can take my word on that to the bank because I nevah! descend to hyperbole!

Evah!

*ahem* Hanywey.

Anyway, in the outfall from "Phenomenon" chapter (when Edward impossibly (for a human) saves Bella from the van) when the Cullens have the family meeting to determine what to do now, Jasper is bound and determined to murder Bella, and ...

And Rosalie not only "supports" Jasper, but if he welches on his promise, then she more than willing to murder Bella in her sleep. And what is the reasons she gives for her cold-blooded plan?

1. She wants to finish high school.


2. And they've only just moved (back) to Forks, and doesn't want to be inconvenienced with another move so soon.

Now, I'm all for accepting statements at face value, but I think there's something (much) deeper going on with Rosalie's sudden and poorly explained hatred of this newcomer and threat to the happy vampire family that Rosalie so happens to be co-located with.

Why?

Well, let's examine her given reasons:

1. She wants to finish high school?
   
   Rosalie has existed for more than 80 years, and she has been in and out of high school AND college probably more than 8 times (she starts high school by transferring in to at the very lowest 10th grade). So she's upset that Bella is going to break up her already broken record (*ahem* Emmett, remember those students you killed by accident 35 years ago?)?
   
   Um, no.


2. She's only just moved into Forks, WA and she wants to stay?
   
   Okay. Forks, WA? Been there? I've lived there. Not there, specifically, but smalltown USA (Moodus, CT, if you must know). A town of comparable size and industry. Do you know what people say when you ask where they come from? If they come from smalltown USA, they either say nothing, or they say "you haven't heard of it, but it's near [some city that it's nowhere near to because it's so far in the styx]," or they say "I come from smalltown, USA." The emphasis is on the come from because they left that life behind.
   
   Okay. You're from smalltown. You love smalltown. You've been to Town once and hated it. You are going to rip off my face for my insults.
   
   But one things you aren't ... is Rosalie. She came from Town: Rochester, NY. You know, where they have cars, right? And stores that aren't run by your neighbor and aren't the only stores in town? And they have more people than either cows or trees or both?
   
   Rosalie in Forks, WA? Sure, out of necessity. Rosalie LIKING Forks, WA? Maybe if you replace the town "Forks, WA" with "NYC" we could have a conversation where we both weren't laughing at the sheer lunacy of it, but Forks, WA?
   
   Um, no.

Offing a girl for either or both reasons Rosalie gives? Possible, plausible, even, I suppose, but not the reasons Rosalie wants to off this girl.

What is the real reason Rosalie wants to kill this stupid little doe-eyed human who's seen too much for her own good? Yes, Bella is a threat to the Cullens, and therefor Rosalie's comfort (you DO NOT mess with what is Rosalie's), and both are good enough for most people to accept that Rosalie would be more than happy to off Bella. After all, it was good enough for Jasper. She's broken the Rule, she dies. End of story.

But for Rosalie, it goes much, much deeper than that.

Why?

She's built up this little castle around herself. She has her Cullen family and her Emmett, even, lulled into this sense of security about her: "Oh, that's just Rosalie, the dumb, bitchy blond, so we can ignore her."

If Edward gets too inquisitive with her mind, she can think about brushing her hair, and he tunes her right out. She is, after all, his oldest sister, and knows how to play Edward like a fiddle. Just because he can read minds does not mean he sees into the soul. He 'knows' Rosalie, so he probes no further. Edward is no threat to Rosalie.

If Emmett gets too "Hey, babe, what's happening? Is something bothering you?" She knows exactly what to do. Emmett is all surface (c.f.: Midnight Sun), what he believes, he says, and he sees everything simply. Rosalie's unhappy? What's up with that?

Nothing, after she takes him on a little ride, because now he's floating on bliss, and Rosalie looks happy, so she must be happy.

The other family members are less of an issue that either Edward or Emmett. There are just too many people in that family with too many issues for her to become the focus of attention.

Rosalie may have wanted, and got, the admiration of every man at the ball when she was human, but here, as a vampire, she's ignored, and that exactly how she wants it. If she's left alone, she can't get hurt again.

But then along comes that little meddling human, and she sees right through Edward. In fact, Rosalie was sure Edward was so asexual, he wasn't even interested in men ... I mean, he and Carlisle had plenty of chances for something to happen, but zilch came out of that. And if Edward wasn't interested in Rosalie, then Edward wasn't interested in anybody.

But Bella just blinks her big brown eyes at Edward and he turns into playdough in her fragile little human hands, and, Edward, being Edward, has never shared anything with anybody. WHICH IS FINE WITH ROSALIE, because Edward's a big jerk anyway, rejecting Rosalie like he did.

Jerk.

But he told that human everything and I mean everything! I mean, not even Mommy Esmé has dragged so many words out of him in the last 50 years! And the little human did it just by looking at him.

And he can't read her mind. She's a complete void to him. Inscrutable.

So what if her power is something more than her blandness and blankness.

What if she can see into the soul, like that foolish boy Edward cannot?

And if she looks at me? And what if she sees what she sees of my soul.

I know what she'll see, because I recoil from it every second that I have a quiet moment, alone and to myself. That's why I'm always with Emmett or somebody, even if its that cad Edward.

I've never had to directly confront myself, but if that little human looks at me, and blinks her big doe eyes, and says: "Rosalie ..." with her chin quivering like that and with tears leaking out of her eyes, as they do not leak out of mine?

If she sees me for what I really am, she'll ... she'll ...

She'll know. And she'll pity me. And she'll tell the Cullens. And then they'll know.

She must die. Right now. She knows too much already. But she can't know me, because that'll mean that I'll have to know me, and that cannot ever happen.

I've got this comfortable existence with family members I can push around and manage, I can't have this whole façade threatened.

Bella Swan must die.

And if Jasper doesn't man up and do it because he's wrapped around Alice's ... fingers, then I'll do the job myself.

Yuki-Onna

What's it like to see a vampire?

Let's say you're a young Japanese man going for a mountain climb with friends for some fresh, clean air away from the city and the salaried life and your group comes across this?



She smiles, leaps on a companion, drains him, and then proceeds to kill your other friends. What do you do? Why, you escape: you run for your life, tumbling down the mountain. You somehow survive, and you live to tell the tale of the Yuki-Onna (雪女), the Snow Woman, who glides over the top of the snow, so serenely killing your friends.

The villager who rescued you at the foot of the mountain doesn't believe you, of course … that is, until a rescue party returns with stories of men frozen in the snow, their throats ripped out, drained of their blood, and of the woman who came among them, untouched and untouchable, grabbing one of their party, flying away to the peak.

And all the while, Irina sits atop an abandoned ærie, listening … pleased with the legend she's created.

Of course, this all happened (that is, it may or may not have happened) hundreds of years ago, perhaps more than four hundred years ago? So perhaps the Volturi's attention may have been caught not by an immortal child, nor by the noises in some quarters of the legends of succubi, but perhaps by the extravagant vanity of one legend-making vampire?

Perhaps Irina has that on her conscience? Perhaps she blames herself for her mother-creator's destruction? Perhaps, thereafter she swore to do right, always, to toe the line and make sure all others did? Perhaps Irina's motivation for going to the Volturi was out of a sense of justice, correcting her wrong with her right, as well as the other reasons?

Perhaps. But, … perhaps not.

Rose is Red?

I've been thinking a lot — a lot! — about a certain beautiful young lady named after a flower. No, not Chrysanthemum, although she, too, is a beautiful young lady. Who I had in mind prefers Chanel to flannel, but that doesn't stop her from being a tree hugger.

Roses are Red,
Her eyes were Blue,
But one thing you don't want:
Her, mad at you.

Now, it's canon that Rosalie likes to wear red. After all, she clears the dance floor at Prom wearing that backless velvet gown. In which color? Red.

Either that, or she's also favoring clothes of the whitest of snow in colour these days. Snow White as in: "who's the fairest of them all?" The answer to that query, obviously, is Rosalie. The mirror-mirror-on-the-wall was wrong, wrong, wrong!

Blood red or purest white. That's our Rosalie: fire and ice. And to think: those names were for the witch twins, Jane and Alec. Certainly they may have those abilities (although Jane may meet competition for the 'Fire' moniker from a certain extremely powerfully gifted vampire, Rhee, Lady Didyme's handmaid ... oh, no! not another story idea), but when it comes to the power of Rosalie's presence, the aptness of their designations falls into question.

So, Rosalie and Red go together. Or, do they? Golden hair? Golden eyes? Pale white skin?



[image created by fanfiction author/artist Roonie]

Rosalie is rather decided on her ways and her views. She likes red, she's going to wear red, and she's going to make the red look good on her. Red will know it's fortunate to be chosen by Rosalie.

But, let's say, "for argument's sake", that Rose has, erhm, a 'friend', a sort-of, well, 'sister', you might say. And this friend/sister is not a push-over herself, and Rosalie and her sister of the heart are in Washington, D.C. or NYC or Philly, or Paris or London (which, in the earlier part of the last century was a fashion mecca, don't you know ... it is also rather helpful that London can be a bit foggy at times ...) and they pass by a shop window and see the following:



Now these are spring/summer cocktail dresses; Rosalie prefers them full-length, but it shouldn't take too much convincing or arm-twisting on the part of her sister (which is a very good thing in her case, she could get hurt either attempting to twist Rosalie's arm or having her arm twisted by Rosalie) to have a full-length version of the Diane von Furstenberb Eliza dress tailor made for her.



And, as the print is the "Vienna Map", they would have the added advantage of not needing to stop to ask for directions in a certain Old World city.

Just imagine Rosalie wearing that ensemble, walking arm-in-arm with her dear sister. I know it's an anachronism, but I can just hear her humming a few bars from The Association song:

Who's peekin' out from under a stairway
Calling a name that's lighter than air
Who's bending down to give me a rainbow
Everyone knows it's Rosalie

Who's tripping down the streets of the city
Smilin' at everybody she sees
Who's reachin' out to capture a moment
Everyone knows it's Rosalie

And Rosie has stor-my eyes
That flash at the sound of lies
And Rosie has wings to fly
Above the clouds (above the clouds)
Above the clouds (above the clouds)

Stormy eyes, indeed! She would give new force to the phrase: "Drop dead gorgeous" as the multiple traffic accidents causes by motorists unable to keep their eyes off her (and on the road), and other pedestrians having their hearts ripped out by jealous spouses ("Well, dear, you said your heart was mine, so now I'm collecting ..."). Jealousy may not be limited to spouses; Rosalie's 'sister' can be a mite touchy when it comes to other people giving her Rose looks.

"Roses are Red"? Heavens, no! This rose is yellow, and not just in Texas, but anywhere she wants to be.

... and, as long as that anywhere is with family, then that anywhere can be anywhere, be it in the hinterlands of the Midwestern part of the United States, or in Castle Volterra. She is, after all, a Hale, and with family, everything will be just fine.

In fact, everything will be coming up, well, roses.

Which team: Edward or Jacob?

Spoiler warning: if you haven't yet read Breaking Dawn, go read that before reading this post. That is, of course, after having read, in order, Twilight/Midnight Sun, New Moon, and then Eclipse.

Finished that homework? Good. Then read on.

I've recently returned from a New Year's Day party where the tween boys were rather surprised that I knew who "Master Chief" was. "Ya know," they told me knowingly, "He's like the main character of this video game and ..." My cara spoza interrupted them: "Ask him how many versions of the Halo game my husband has." This got them started.

Them: "What's your favorite weapon?"
Me: "Needler"
Them: "No way! What's your second favorite?"
Me: "Carbine"
Them: "No way! Is your favorite armor permutation the Hiyabusa?"
Me: "I play as an Elite."
Them: "Dude!"

But this is not a post about Halo, as this is a Twilight blog.

The teen girl had a further shock in store for her: after her parents proudly relayed that their daughter had read the books and seen the movie twice — my cara spoza could not resist here: "Just like my husband; he's also reading the books to me before bedtime." — the daughter suddenly found she had something in common with a 40-something-ish (Twilight-)Dad.

Me: "Team Edward or Team Jacob?"
Her: "Edward!"
Me: "Of course."
Her: "... and you?"
Me: "Team Leah."
Her: "Wow!"

The adults stood around watching me bond with the kids, and my wife chided that I spoke a secret language with them. I soothed her: "It's just a mid-life crisis, dear; next I'll be buying a little red miata."

Here their daughter jumped in: "Nonono! A yellow 911"
"Turbo!" I added.
"Just like Alice's!" she finished gleefully.

My cara spoza rolled her eyes.

The material point of this post — although I have successfully obscured it with `pataphor — is that I see the concept of the splintering of the Twilight community into Teams Edward and Jacob now to be antiquated with the release of Breaking Dawn. After all, that dilemma has been resolved: Bella got Edward, and Jacob got Renesmee. They both won.

If, after one has completed the reading of the Twilight series, and, after one has read every available piece of information off of Steph's site — and who hasn't? — then one may have gleaned that she's considering, after her other numerous projects, including in some century the completion of Midnight Sun (save it! save it!), continuing the Twilight universe from another perspective. Perhaps either from Renesmee's or from Leah's.

This, my dear brothers and sisters (okay, mostly sisters), is now where the battle lines have been drawn.

Now, I love Renesmee. I love her more than Jake does. Heck, Rosalie loves Renesmee, so what's not to love? Q.E.D. [Actually, I have a secret fondness for that heartbreaking vengeful cicatrix, but please don't let that be widely known.]

But one must admit, dramatically, that Renesmee leaves much to be desired. She is perfect-perfect-perfect like how Bella thinks Edward is, but she also lacks her father's self-loathing that drew out the Twilight series to four books (instead of just the two).

Rant.

Kayso, I'm no Edward, and I know I'm nothing to MRFE (why does the urban dictionary not have "My Reason For Existence" listed as an acronym?), but that doesn't mean I get all emo and leave my cara spoza to be eaten by every little vamp that comes by looking for a snack. When she says, "I love you." I'm not all like: "Oh, the miserable creature that I am, I don't deserve you, blahblahblah." I say "I love you" back and work to deserve it, even if I don't.

Edward! Bella says she loves you. Listen to her! Don't leave her, you big jerk!

End rant.

Jeez!

... sorry about that. I don't know if you've noticed, but I tend to get carried away.

So, anyway, Renesmee's awesome, but it would take quite a few contrived plot devices to make a compelling story for her. Jake loves her, she loves Jake. The End. That's an eight-word story, anything else, including everything I've read in the fan-fiction scene is either pure filler or pure bullocks.

Please prove me wrong with counter-examples. Steph, you can step in any time you'd like ... and when you do, I'll write "I'm so sorry!" an infinite number of times. Here, I'll start working on that right now, in anticipation of your next Twilight 4-book trilogy [Hey, the Hitchhiker's Guide had a 5-book trilogy!]:

10 PRINT "I'm so sorry!"
20 GOTO 10
30 END

But, Leah's story? OML! [I AM Team Leah, after all! You won't catch me (un)dead writing "OME!" Nosiree!] One need simply look at her

to see the conflict there, nothing need be invented. All she needs to do is to take a road trip to get the fights started, for goodness sakes! But does she have the potential for the happily ever after? Oh, yes!

So, the battle lines are no longer between Team Edward and Team Jacob. That battle has already reached its victory, for both sides. But now the battle for Twilight's (not-too-distant, I hope) future is brewing between Team Renesmee and Team Leah. Renesmee's team suffers from too much sugar and spice and everything nice to make even a passably interesting story. No, the true battle is for and in Leah's heart. And, since Harry Clearwater's gone, here's one Dad, on the sidelines, cheering for his little girl to win this race.