Readin' and Writin' (no 'rithmetic)

Do you know what a writer does?

A writer doesn't write. That's when a writer is most self-aware.

"I'm not writing."

When a writer writes, the writer actually goes away, ... the good ones, that is. The writer disappears, and what remains are the words, being written.

Then, once written, a reader reads. Do you know what a reader does? It's so simple: being a reader, because you just read, and then you disappear into the words written, and all your troubles, cares, and worries disappear for that chapter, and you're there and you're more alive than you ever were, because you're there, in that moment, experiencing this with the characters.

A writer gives every last drop of themselves to the written word, so a reader can take it, take it all, and finally be in that blissful state of coming to be alive and who they really are, for just that one magic moment.

Yeah.

That.

Readers and Writers

A reader PM'd me: "I've been a fan of your stories for a several years now. My Sister Rosalie is one of my most favorite fanfictions ever"
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Readers: write to the writer you love. Tell them what you like about their stories and why. You will make somebody's day ... forever.
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Writers: when you don't write, you break your readers' hearts. #writerslife
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Writers: when you do write, then, goodness, the scary moment when you publish, you make your readers fist-pump.
Writers: write
#writerslife

Draw me a map

I am, truly, floored.

You don't see this chart on my ffn site, so it's on my blog at twilight-dad-dot-blogspot-dot-com.

But it's there.

Firstly, and I hope you 'Top-4' forgive me, of course the U.S.A., the U.K., Canada, and Australia are there, by the hundreds, by the tens of hundreds.

By the thousands. Two thousand readers in the major English-speaking world have view pages from my stories, from My Sister Rosalie (to see that, yes, indeed, Bella Swan is a little freckled thing. Who knew?).

But then there are the other countries, after the top-4, and English is not their primary language, but they are reading these stories. They are getting something from them.

You are getting something from these stories. You, wherever you are, read what I wrote, and ...

Well, by the hundreds. By the hundreds, there are people from, ... well:

Korea, Belgium, Malaysia, Puerto Rico, France, Russia (and a review in RUSSIAN, no less!), Germany, the Phillipines, Kuwait (?!?), and Sweden, and on, and on, and on.

And my most recent review from an anonymous guest: "This story is so good! Can't wait for the continuation!" ... those're your thoughts, too, isn't it? This story (MSR) is so good! and you can't wait for the continuation, can you?

Well, I tell you what... the continuation?

Well. Yes, you can't wait for it, but it's coming. It's hard for me to write, and it may be impossible for you (not) to read (the whole train-wreck thing, right?), but it's coming, because why?

Because I can't write it sometimes. It's too hard.

But this is bigger than me, now. This is Bella, and this is Rosalie, and it's bigger than them, now, too.

Because it's you. It's yours. The story is yours.

And I have to write it, now, even as I don't want to sometimes. Because it's for you.

And you find it so good, and you can't wait for the continuation.

Well, I'm sorry, but you're going to have to wait. My stupid life and my stupid get in the way of my writing ... ooh! I so HATE it when work gets in the way of my writing! ... and the draft of this next chapter I'm writing is complete crap, as is the draft of every chapter I've written, pretty much, and so I'll have to rewrite the thing, again! ...

But it's coming. This next chapter is coming. And, as usual, it's going to be a doozy.

I hope you like it, for Bella and Rosalie's sake, I hope you like it.

love, geophf

감사합니다, Korea!

Okay, I don't know what's gotten into you, all the way on the other side of the world. I don't know what interests you, but I have this to say ...

감사합니다!

My dear twenty Koreans, thank you for reading one-hundred twenty pages of my stories. Thank you for your interest in them. But tell me...

Why?

What spurred your interest, inflaming it to a heat that sustained you through all those pages and pages of hurt and comfort, anxiety and tenderness, all that ...

All that drama! In English! About teen-aged girls with teen-aged problems and angst!

Is there something in my stories that reaches across the world, all the way to you in your homes or on your commute to work or to school? There must be, I suppose, and that 'it'?

I'm grateful for it. I'm grateful for the kindness and care of a total and complete stranger (me) could reach out to you, and touch you in a way that you read, then read more.

I hope in what I've written that your day is a better one for you.

I see the moon, and the moon sees me. God bless the moon, and God bless me.

This is a prayer I pray for you, my dear readers in Korean, and across the whole world, as I look up at the full moon and marvel that I've written something for someone looking up at the moon tonight, too, and then, sleeping, sleeping peacefully and happily, dreaming of Rosalie and her little Lizzie, or dreaming of Bella and her Rose.

Good night, my dears.

love, geophf

Japan, Malaysia, Kazakhstan

Last month 3,225 pages were viewed by 1,208 people from around the world.

Thank you.

Of course, the biggest readerships came the English-speaking countries: the United States, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Australia (thank you).

But there were some surprises in this for me this past month.

Japan, a country whose readers have studiously not read my stories, ever, came in early this month with one reader viewing 21 pages, then, twice more? or two more readers contributing a total of 63 pages views. Japan was number seven this month.

Malaysia, another country I've never noted activity had one reader or two contribute 34 page views, and a new story follower for MSR.

Okay, and finally, Kazakhstan? Seriously? What in my writing attracted a reader or two from Kazakhstan. I don't know one word of their language. I don't have friends from there. I've never set foot in their soil. Why would somebody from there be engrossed in what I have to say about two girls stuck in a cabin in the old American West?

Each time I look at these stats, I cheer for the countries that read my works. "C'mon, Brazil," I say, "you're so close to beating out Germany for fifth!" And the people read what they read, and they win, taking something away from their reading, and I win, knowing you, in your country, are finding something in what I write.

Now, new paragraph, new thoughts.

What was read this month was also quite interesting for me.

The first surprise was ch 40: "Rule Number One."

Holy F-ck! "Rule Number One" got 46 hits from 18 visitors? That means it was reread an average of twice? Holy ... Crow! What in the world prompted this attention to this crucial chapter.

More surprising? Ch 56: "Nagging - Regrets" ... okay, my worst chapter almost got 40 hits? Were people catching up after my 3-year hiatus with me?

Then, ch 73: "totus tuus" at 96 hits. Do you know how much hate I got for publishing that chapter? Do you know which chapter gets the most views? Why the disconnect? Why hate me for writing it if the majority of you love rereading it?

Then the most recent three with 150+ hits each, of course.

So. "Rule Number One," huh? Really? Tell me why. Preferably by reviewing that chapter, hint-hint.

Thank you. I love you, too, my dear readers.

The Greatest Thing ...

siDEADde, World-famous authoress of the World-famous Twilight fan-fiction Lunière (I'm not being indulgent in either claim, both are statements of fact), has started writing a new story, and with a vengeance ... That's nearly three and a half years after silence from her (with a very brief Hollows cameo).

The greatest thing you'll ever learn ...

That's the title of her new story.

I took three years off myself from MSR, ... some readers are probably scared right now, after more than a month of silence from me, that I'm about to take another walkabout.

You see, to write is to know, to know is to love, to publish is to share that love.

To be read, as a writer, is to be loved.

The greatest thing. siDEADde knows this, better than me, in fact.

But to love and to be loved ... is that the easiest thing in the World? Sometimes. Sometimes when the chapter flows, for both the reader and the writer, and the love is so thick in the air that people start looking at the mutual admiration society and grumbling, loudly, that a room should be got for all this display.

But sometimes it isn't. Sometimes you put your heart out there, as a writer, and you risk everything, writing it, but that's just the start of the nightmare, because then you have to work up the courage to select "publish chapter," and then you have to wait, and to wait, and to wait for those reviews, and they come, filled with understanding and love, and you cry so hard with the relief that people understood what you wrote and instead of crucifying you, they honor your bravery and courage.

And sometimes the reviews come, and they are angry with you. And they hate you. And, worse, they misunderstand you. And worse, they attack your characters. Your babies.

And sometimes, the reviews don't come at all. And your 'number one fan,' you know them, writers, right? That one person who says and does everything devotedly, and swears they'll buy your books when you publish 'fer realz, yo,' and will be with you to the end.

Your number one fan. She grows distant. Then silent.

Then she's gone.

And it happens over and over and over again. A self-proclaimed number one fan, comes, burns with zeal, then burns out and is gone.

And so a new number one fan shows up, burning, ...

What do you do, dear writer? How much hurt can you take from how many people demanding even more than everything you poured out onto the page? How much can you take before you scream 'FUCK OFF!' at a young girl who printed out your story so she can get your autograph?

But this is her first time at being a number one fan, ever, even if she is your twentieth, isn't it? And even if she is your twentieth number one fan, ...

She's still a person, looking for the greatest thing, and she read your story, and she found it.

What are you going to do?

Hide? Hide from the hurt for three-plus years, and then not publish again, ever, because the hope, the terrible hope, hurts too much? And the fear is crippling?

You, dear writer (ahem: 'me, dear writer') have a gift. And you've shared that gift, and you have fucking rocked people's worlds, so much so that there is now somebody breathing, who would've killed themselves, but they read your story, and hoped. And lived. And shared that story with herself, and couldn't believe it, that somebody else in the world knew her, and understood, and wrote their love on a page, and gave it to her for her to read.  And maybe she shared it with a friend. And maybe she shared it back with you, tentatively, fearfully, tremblingly, in a review she wrote: 'oh god im peeing ur story so good update soon god i love it [backspacing over 'i love u' because she doesn't want you to think she's weird or anything like that].'

And when you replied (you do reply to your reviews, don't you?) she peed herself again when she saw in her inbox 'review reply from geophf' or 'siDEADde' or 'Eowyn77' or whomever. And when you didn't snap her head off, but thanked her, politely, for her review? She just died and went to heaven, and god (you) wasn't mean and nasty and so haughty, but was actually nice?

Well.

It's the greatest thing, isn't it?

It isn't always the easiest thing. Sometimes it's easier to run, and to be harried by the demons inside, screaming at you so loudly you can't even hear yourself think most times, calling you a chickenshit for not writing what you know you should, what you have to, just to touch one other soul in the world, to share your heart, one more time, even if that means it gets torn out and trampled into the dirt, because that one more chapter and story will do something for somebody, somebody you'll never have known otherwise, who needed these words, your words to make it through this impossible day.

So what do we do? We write, we read, we cry, and then maybe even we sigh and get on with our day, and the world is a little bit tiny better place for you and for me.

I write. I don't particularly like it. I do love it, however, and what it does for you. I do love you, even though I'll've never met you in person, ITRW. I write, you read. We love, and are loved.

The greatest thing.

MSR's Visitors, June 2013

"... but, of course," I thought to myself, "I have 2.5K visitors from the U.S., then the always faithful Canadians, the UK, and Australia follow, and then ..."

And that's when I caught myself. 'Of course...' I have 2.5K visitors to my site from my country? from any country?

Who else can say that?

And that's when I became grateful.

I'm grateful to all the people who come to my site, read something, then go about their lives, and then, faithfully, return, again and again, and read something else, something more.

And 'of course' I have the bulk of my visitors from the English-speaking world. Of course. But why would I have visitors from anywhere in the world at all?

Let me say that again, and savor it: I have visitors from the U.S., Canada, the U.K., and Australia.

I've never been to the U.K. (I shall rectify that). I've never been to Australia ... I've been to 'little Australia,' ... Hawaii, and seen the people, seen how differently they carry themselves from people from the U.S. ... it was a very pleasant shock to me to see people who, outwardly, look so much the same as me and my friends in the military stationed there, but inwardly, are so different that they were like an entirely different race, an entirely different species of people. Before cell phones existed, two young girls approached me and asked me if the pay-phone was working. I held it to my ear, heard the dial tone, and told them everything was fine, they could place their call home.

Australia and the U.S. are so different from each other that we have to ask each other if working phones are working, as we can't even hear each other's dial tones and know what it means.

And I have readers, ... lots of readers, in Australia.

And then, ... the other countries, ... the countries where English isn't even the primary language. Let me reel them off for you (let me reel them off for me).

Germany, the Philippines, France, Egypt, Mexico, India, (now back to English) New Zealand, Belgium, Italy, the Netherlands, Brazil, Sweden, Finland, Ireland, Spain, China, Portugal, Denmark, Singapore, Israel, Poland, Turkey, Ukraine*, Switzerland*, Hungary, Czech Revar, Morocco, U.A.E., Malaysia, Indonesia*, Iceland, Comoros*, Thailand, Trinidad and Tobago, Venezuela*, Korea, Norway, Colombia*, Hong Kong*, Netherland Antilles*, Argentina*, Guatemala*, Virgin Island, U.S.*, Russian Fed*, Austria*

All those countries! Most of which, more than 90% of which I have never (yet) been to, and, being as that I'm now an old man, past my mid-life, I can fairly say most of which I will never see, unless I change my life and who I am and be a person to go see them.

And the starred countries? Those are the countries that had only one visitor, one time. That means, if you're reading this, and you're from one of those countries, you, and you alone, represented your entire country as a visitor to my site.

You. You from the Ukrain, Switzerland, Indonesia, Comoros, Venezuela, Colombia, Hong Kong, Netherland Antilles, Argentina, Guatemala, the Virgin Islands (U.S.), the Russian Federation (?!? the entire Russian Federation!!!), or Austria ... you are the single person in your whole country that got the name of your country mentioned in this post, so I could honor your country, and you.

Thank you.

And I've missed a ton of single persons from other countries who came, alone, but several times over the course of the month of June 2013, so they were recorded as not one visitor, but multiple visits, so you could've been from Hungary, for example, or Iceland, or Ireland, or Sweden, or Morocco, or from a host of other countries that had 2 or 10 or however many visitors more than one, but you, and you alone, placed your country on the above list of 'Countries who had readers visit my site in June 2013.'

Thank you. Because of you, your entire country has been noticed, mentioned, and honored.

Do you know how important you, and you alone, are just by reading my stories? That you are actually doing something? That you are actually reading (and reading in English at that!) and taking in and thinking and being, but then also representing yourself, of course, but also your whole nation, your entire people? Did you know that?

Thank you, people from here, right in my home town, whom I know and whom I don't, and thank you, people from around the entire globe, those of you whom I know, because you've PMed me or, bravely, reviewed my stories.

Thank you.

I would've never known you otherwise. But I wrote, and you came, and you read.

I hear you as you read my words, and understand them and take them into your heart, or don't understand them and struggle with them.

You know me, in the writing of these words. I know you, in the reading of them. I see you.

And I love you.

geophf