Rosalie before My Sister Rosalie

How was Rosalie viewed before I wrote My Sister Rosalie, in the main?

Rosalie was a cold, cruel, royal B-with-a-capital-B itch, and everybody seemed just fine with that representation, gleeful, in fact, with the reviews I saw in stories portraying this one-dimentional hateful person.

And I was like ... Rosalie's smart. Rosalie's hurting: having had everything taken away from her. Rosalie has lived longer than most vampires on the planet: she's resilient. So, all this counts for nothing?

And the killer: Rosalie was right. Every time. She warned everyone Bella was trouble (in canon), who listened? She's seen train-wrecks before, and she was trying to help, but what did she get for that? Everyone patronized her and ignored her.

And that was okay? And she wouldn't be bitter about her mistreatment now and her ill-treatment before?

The character I don't get is Edward. He had a silver spoon, pampered his whole life, and Carlisle acted on the last wish of Edward's mother, and Carlisle was a loving and devoted father and Edward was ... 'grateful'?

And he treated Bella like a doormat, but that's okay, because he's bad-boy, pretty-boy Edward?

I don't get it.

Why wasn't Twilight simply called: "Rosalie."

There's a challenge! There's a complex character who is smart and a survivor.

Who also has a big, big heart that nobody respects until she found her Emmett, who loves her and is devoted to her, but who understands her? who is her intellectual equal?

I wish people would see Rosalie, simply as who she is.

So I wrote My Sister Rosalie.

Being True to Characters and Setting

Do you "use" settings like you use characters in your stories?
Or do you respect settings like you respect your characters?

Too many writers 'use' characters: "Oh, this character has to die because ..." because the plot demands it, or poor planning leads to a difficult situation, so instead of allowing the characters to deal with difficult truths, the writer writes the character out of the story ("I must move on." "I fell in love with this other person" or usually: PLOT-TWIST! LOOK THAT CHARACTER IS DEAD BECAUSE REASONS!)

Story, too often, is bad story, because I can read who lives and dies, who falls in love with whom, who gets their happy and totally undeserved ending because the author is pushing characters around like chess pieces.

I'd prefer a Helen DeWitt, where: I don't know what's happening, even as a good reader and writer, but I know I love these characters so much, my heart is breaking, and what's happening is a mom is trying to raise her son but he wants to know who his father is? And that's the whole story? The Last Samurai (novel) Yes, it is, and it is a beautiful thing.

So that's characters.

For setting. Too often I read works where the author (mis)treats setting as something characters step through, all bland, featureless and inconsistent ('not-held-together') ... exactly like horse manure, all the same, all pointless, and all of it stinks really quickly.

I argue that if more writers treated their settings like they SHOULD treat their characters, then we would actually learn something, and actually love, Wyoming, for example, or LV-426 on ζ Reticuli or Hydrobad, India (not just 'India') or, for example, Alaska is WARM! and WET! and GREEN! and BEAUTIFUL in the way a mountain LOOMS into your soul. Where is writing that respects a setting that you love it like you love the characters? (or should)

Then, of course, you get the writers who write and write and write the setting and it's just plain, bland, descriptive text that accomplishes nothing except me returning the book to the library after struggling through a few pages of onerous prose. A writer has to set the pages on fire, so that the reader burns with every sentence, and a writer has to know when to burn hard, and when to ease off.

Otherwise writing is just super-simple, as Hemmingway says: "I go to the typewriter and bleed all over it."

'O' is for 'old-fashioned'

A reader writes to me: "I just want them to admit what's going on. Not just having them seemingly fight 24/7!!"

My response was 'brief' and 'to the point.'

Was that irony? Anyway, my response:


Hm, yes. You may be forgetting the time and the place. Montana was newly incorporated as a State and homosexuality was illegal: you could get hanged for that in some States. This is the Depression, and the 'Roaring 20s,' and its licentiousness, were blamed for the dark years of the 30s.

And shame was a big component of relationships then: holding hands was a big deal, it said you were getting married, and kissing was never seen, in public nor even at home.

Yes, our girls aren't dealing with a lot of stuff, but, on the other hand, they're dealing with a lot more, and a lot more openly, than their contemporaries were.

For Rosalie or Bella to say 'I love you' day three together? In the 1930's? Anachronistic. And why would they, anyway, and how would it work if they did? Would they be accepted in society? Would guilt overwhelm Lizzie?

Or were you looking for easy answers and the happily ever after with birds singing as they frolicked off into the sunset, holding hands?

For them to admit what's going on, they'd have to acknowledge it, and this 'something' never, ever went on, publicly, in the starch, conservative West, ever. And in private it surely didn't either, because they wouldn't admit it to their friends, nor even to themselves. They would just look at each other, afterward, (after what? the admission), and avoid each other as much as possible without causing a scene.

So what can they do?

Nothing. Nothing but fight and be angry with each other and themselves.

MSR is a fairy tale, but it is readable and credible because these are things people are dealing with, even today, and even here.

Or: if Rosalie is the one for Lizzie, and Lizzie is the one for Rosalie, aren't they worth fighting for? Aren't they worth every fiber of their being?

"Why can't we all just get along?" is a hopeless, stupid cry, because we can't all just get along, we're not all exactly the same, we're not all robots following some totalitarian plan, we're, each of us, a person, with our own thought and feelings on how to get by, on what's right and what's wrong, our own petty fears and jealousies, and for some people, saying: "Hey, I love you, I really do," are the scariest words they'll ever say, and it may take more than everything they've got. It may take a miracle for someone to risk it all with that one person with whom they can risk nothing, because if they do risk it, they might lose, and so what's the point?

How do you say 'next!' after Rosalie? Or how does Rosalie say 'next' after her Lizzie?

She can't.

And so we're stuck until somebody rises above herself and their petty differences. Bella did that, a little bit, already when she said 'no, not this game anymore,' ... and then she instantly chickened out. Did you see how she chickened out?

Two steps forward, three steps back, but that's still progress, because at least they're stepping forward, at least they are taking action and doing something different, something new, something nobody else in the world at that time is even trying to do, everybody else is just trying to scrape by or to scalp the scrapers, this is the beginning of the end of individuality in America: the 1930s where the little guy is overwhelmed by market forces and Big Business.

Rosalie and Lizzie are thinking and doing things on their own, and these things are unlike what everybody else in America have submitted themselves to.

MSR. Slow going? At least it's going, and going somewhere: somewhere different, somewhere new. And you can jump, you can take that leap of faith, and find that there are, indeed jagged rocks, three thousand feet down at the bottom of the chasm, or, you can take little tiny baby steps forward, fighting (each other) all the way, and make progress, not fast progress, but it does take forever in the cocoon for a caterpillar to become a butterfly.

Or you can leap, instantly, and get right to that happy ending. There are many, many fanfiction pieces out there that are 'Oh, Bella, Oh, Edward, kiss-kiss-kiss! YAY!'

How many books were Twilight? How many pages were Harry Potter? My story is only 347k words, so far, that's a rather small book, and only three days in the cabin, that's a rather short amount of time to demand that two girls get over themselves AND their societal mores and get on with the show.

MSR can be read in one sitting. I know more than several who have done just that.

But it's not T2: Judgement Day, it's not a bang-up show nor a wham, bam, thank you, ma'am story. It is a fine wine, not to be gulped, enjoyed so much more savored, isn't it so?

Or perhaps I'm just old-fashioned that way.

Rosalie: a study in contrasts

Some thoughts on reading "Secondhand Rose" by giselle-lx

The Cullens are a wonderfully interesting dynamic of seven people so very different from each other that a family is... so easy to look at from the outside and take for granted: 'Oh, they're the Cullens,' but on the inside, it's a lot of work, all the time, and everybody has to play the game or it all just falls apart. Emmett appears to be the most easy-going of the lot, but he also has the toughest job, being Rosalie's punching bag, and all. This story got into the mind of Rosalie, and saw her and Emmett, and her just stopping, disengaging, and looking away, even in the midst of a conversation or love-making or anything.  She has more than just anger: she has wisdom. So easy just to see her as hating Edward, but understanding him for what he is? "He's a boy"? It's hard for me to come to grips with that in myself: it's hard for me to understand people for who they are, as I so often judge them for who they are not. Rosalie actually shows compassion for Edward, and I tipped my metaphorical hat to her.

"Brava, Rose. Brava," I whispered.

Now, me calling Rosalie Lillian Hale 'Rose' ... well, she'd casually rip my face off in her affronted fury. You gave her heart, but you did not make her one ounce less than who she is: hard, broken, angry, imposed upon by the world, and hating it and everything in it with all her might.

Rosalie is the kind of person that gives me hope. I hope I can be such a person: that can be broken, but still carry on, to be angry, but still understanding. To be weak, but okay with the weakness enough that it doesn't incapacitate me. I wish I could be a person strong enough to be Rosalie. I wish the readers of my stories find enough strength in my Rose to be better persons, themselves, as I wish to be a better person, having read Rose doing just that.

Amazing (Saving) Grace

So, that happened.

It wouldn't've had to have happened if we were dealing with two young women, two mature adults, resolving their conflicts with quiet grace and dignity.

Isn't that so?

Well, Rosalie isn't a mature adult. She's a poser, TRYing to appear mature and above it all, but she's really operating from hurt and doesn't have a clue how to interact with another being in a reasonable way at all.

And Lizzie, being herself, just going along with everything until she can't stand it any more and then goes too far is not helping the situation.

So there it is.
So now that the two have explained themselves to each other, the world can go on turning because now everything with be rainbows and unicorns and peace, love and ice cream?

Mmm! Ice cream.

The thing is: MSR actually is a reflection on growth, and the two characters here are very good at holding onto what they believe they should be or what they think they are, as opposed to growing up, actually, and facing new situations maturely.

Maybe they will get to that point, but it appears both of them have a lot of growing to do ...

... and there is that whole big white elephant of UST that neither of them are dealing with at all right now, and neither in a mature manner, either, right?

Chapter 73 came because ch 71, where Lizzie was being a strong, brave independent woman lashed out and said what she said. Ch 77 exists because leaving ch 73 lie? what could come out of that other than nothing: Lizzie would be a sub slave and Rosalie would dom boss her around for the rest of the very short story that would devolve into boring tropes already done to death in way too many stories on ffn.

But Lizzie is Lizzie, and she has her own unshakeable core, even if she thinks, 'Whatever! just tell me what to do and I'll do it, I don't want to think for myself, it hurts too much and now I'll cry' and Rosalie is Rosalie and she is actually a royal class-A 'b' ...

Do you see that Rosalie and Edward are exactly alike?

They aren't because Edward NEVER accepted Bella's faults, but Rosalie, in this chapter, does: 'you do have your faults,' Rosalie said to Lizzie, and she smiles at her own statement, realizing this.

Rosalie puts Lizzie on a pedestal, yes, but she knows this, a little bit. Unlike Edward who forced Bella there and refused to listen to her, EVER. Rosalie listens. Once in a while, but she does.

I think, maybe, it's because Rosalie's a girl, she can at least sympathize with Lizzie a little tiny bit, even though they be total opposites, at least Rosalie can hear a girl, as a girl, speak, and give her that room to be a girl, and have her self-doubts (even though Rosalie claims she has none), and talk and talk and talk a thing through, so she can at least try to put her hands around a thing.

Rosalie is Rosalie, but maybe, being a girl and being with a girl, she can give Lizzie the room, the space to be herself, even if that's not what Rosalie wants her to be.

Maybe that's their saving grace? I don't know. I hope so.

A Scar

This chapter came right from my heart. From the mommies talking at the grocery store to Rosalie holding Lizzie in her hands, trying to comfort her, trying to tell her that she knew, and that it was okay.

We never made it to 'okay.'

Lizzie wasn't the only one who grew up this way, and at a time when families breaking up were new in America, so the parents had to stay together until the kids left the home for college to avoid stigmatizing their children, so the children felt that separation, that breaking, ...

and you couldn't do anything about it.

And then they didn't wait, and so my kid sister ...

So she had to be strong, and the funny thing is that she's the most complete, most no-nonsense person in our fractured family, but she didn't have a happy childhood, at all. Ever.

And, well, me.

I identify with Lizzie here, too.

But I didn't have a Rosalie to tell me any of this, not until today, or when I wrote the second half of this chapter. And I didn't have a Rosalie to hold me and to understand.

So, I just broke, all by myself, right in my third week of flight school.

I so wanted to fly, well, anything in the Coast Guard, and I was there already. I was flying planes.

And then my career was over. Right then. Right that day. All they had to do was have the paperwork catch up with me, which took about two years, it being the military.

So I had to go do something else.

And here I am, 25 years later, doing something else.

Something else is nice.

But it's something else, and if I were flying jets or helicopters, rescuing people out of the Arctic Ocean, would I've been happy? I've saved over 150 people's lives north of Alaska and then rescued at least three teens crossing the border to and from Mexico.

Am I happy because of that?

Lizzie was scarred, and she didn't even realize it until Rosalie pointed it out.

The thing about being scarred? You did the dishes before, you'll do the dish afterward.

Now you know you have a scar there, somewhere there, while you're doing the dishes.

And you can pick at it, scratch at it, or you can pretend it's not there. Nobody else sees it, nobody else cares, so, actually, it must not be there, right? It all happened in the past. And the 'it' was nothing, it was just your parents raising you, as the best they could, and look! you turned out well! Success!

It was nothing, and nobody else sees and nobody else cares, not really. Life goes on, and so must you, mustn't you?

So you can pretend it isn't there, right? It's healed and you're fine. Scar tissue heals, right?

Actually, it doesn't. A scar is a scar, and it either stays or it leaves its mark on you. That little knock you got running into the table's corner when you were a baby? It's still there, ten, twenty, fifty years later. Nobody else 'sees' it, but you still see the bump, and you still rub it, sometimes, remembering.

So, not knowing it's there, pretending it's not there. The road to happiness? Ignorance is bliss, right?

Except that it is there, and it affects everything you say, and everything you do.

So, acknowledging it? "I have a scar. I had this happen when I was a kid. It happened then. But I still remember it. I still feel it, if I think about it, and when I don't think about it, ... I still feel it. I still hunch my shoulders that way. I still look down, or look away, or blush, or cry, and I didn't know why. But now I do know why."

Is that worse, acknowledging it?

It feels worse, so it must be worse. So let's pretend that I don't know it's there, and see if I can get by with that.

Yup. I can get by.

Look at me, Mommy, I'm getting by! I'm all grown up now. Aren't you proud?

Yes, this was a really, really easy chapter for me to write.

All I had to do was to be just a little tiny bit honest with myself.

MSR, ch 69 FBs "Friends with Benefits"

Okay, what happened in this chapter that was supposed to be light and fluffy?

Lizzie said, "I'm not a girl," and whammo! Rosalie had a choice, but either option was a bad one: she could say: 'no, actually, you are a girl" and they'd get into a fight. Or she could say: "You're right, you're not a girl ... when have you ever smiled? or played? or had fun?" leaving Lizzie, drained already, an emotional wreck, nowhere to go but nowhere. 

That's what happened.

Bummer.

Bummer chapter in a bummer story.

Remember my author's end note, oh, ten chapters ago, that it was going to get worse before it got better?

The thing is this was supposed to be a fluffy chapter with Lizzie playing 'ring around the Rosies' and Rosalie smirking at Lizzie's manic behavior, as she ran around Rosalie, throwing buds into the air, warning her not to crash (emotionally, that is).

But Lizzie had to open up her mouth, and out came the words.

But why? Well, of course, 'girl' is a trigger word for her, as she's always questioned her maturity, and more generally, her place in this word. Rootless and friendless (ibid), Lizzie is perfectly set up to fight any and everything, and perfectly set up to trip and fall over every trap laid out in her path.

And to Lizzie, everything is a trap to her. So she can retreat, and get into trouble, or she can fight, and get into trouble.

It happens. Somebody withdraws from the crowd, because they're feeling picked on, so they get picked on because they're the loner so they lash out and get into heaps of trouble.

So, as her friend, as her sister, what do you do? What do you say?

"Whatever"?

"Yeah, you're right, you're not a girl; sorry." When you're not sorry, and you see her lashing out from her hurt?

This chapter should've really been named "Chapter 69: FB -- friends with benefits." Because, truly, Rosalie is a beneficial friend, as opposed to a superficial friend.

Look what she tried to do: she give Lizzie a light, playful wake-up call: "Lizzie, you're saying words that aren't right."

Lizzy ignores this, gets defensive and angry, and over what?

Over the fact that she wants to pretend that she's not a little girl, and that she wants everybody else to pretend that, too. Because the world of pretense is nice and safe. And pointless. But don't think about that. Nobody else does.

That's how things work. And by 'work,' I mean, of course: 'don't work.' Everybody pretends that everybody and everything's hunky-dory when actually people are alone, isolated, and hurting. But 'I'm fine' 'I'm mature' 'I'm competent' 'I'm doing my job' so if we just ignore the hurt in their eyes and in their posture, we'll all just get along until they pull out an automatic weapon and start murdering school children or throw themselves in front of a moving train, being the seventh one to do that this month.

Rosalie doesn't play the 'I'm okay; you're okay' game we all play, as much as Lizzie wants and expects her to, even though she should and does know better by now.

If Lizzie truly is okay, then Rosalie's okay with that, ... happy even.

But if Lizzie's not okay, and says that she is, and wants everybody else to be okay with that, then ...?

Then Rosalie can say 'okay, whatever,' like everybody else does, confirming in Lizzie's mind that she's all alone in this world, and nobody understands her, nor cares.

Or she can grab Lizzie by the collar and shout into her face until Lizzie gets that she can't fuck with Rosalie's mind like she fucks with everybody else's.

Or she can do what she did in this chapter.

One day. One day Lizzie will be happy, and just be happy to be happy, ...

That's what Rosalie is praying for. That's Rosalie's hope, you see.

Because you know how Rosalie knows Lizzie was never a little girl?

Because Rosalie was never a little girl.

Rosalie wants to see Lizzie laugh and dance and play and frolic, because ...

Rosalie never did that.

If Lizzie can do that, if she can drop all the weight of growing up too fast, but never matured into a woman, self-possessed and self-actualized, that is: she knows who she is and she's fine with that ('fine' being actually fine and not 'I'll pretend I'm fine to get by'), ...

Then will Rosalie be able to do that?

That's too much to ask for Rosalie now. But Rosalie will have seen that done for somebody she loves with her empty, cold, black heart. She can't save herself, but if Lizzie is happy, just for one instant, ...

Then Rosalie will be happy. And will treasure that moment of happiness for the rest of her wretched, bleak, solitary, pointless eternity.

Like Rosalie told the girl: she's being selfish. She so wants Lizzie's happiness.

I wish there were more people selfish like this in the world.

Is MSR femslash?

I get this question occasionally from readers.

Is MSR femslash, or gfs? or bffs? or sisterhood?

Well, what is it?

That's what Rosalie would ask you as you read this story, wouldn't she?

That's the question you ask yourself when you look at a girl you're looking at, right? Is she The One? Is she even gay? or curious? will she like me? will I like her?

Do you know the answers to ANY of these questions before hand?

I don't think you do. Or, if you do, you're already judging her. If she has to be The One, then she can't be herself, and you've already doomed the relationship, because she can't be herself if she has to be The One for you, right?

If Lizzie HAS to be femslash with Rosalie, then all this wind-up is pointless, and they should've been in bed at chapter 2 if I was a slow writer and by the second paragraph in the first chapter if I wanted to get right to the goods, right? That's what femslash is, right? Skip the preliminaries and get right to it.

Well, that's what the usual fare of femslash is, but the really, really good pieces actually do let Bella and Rosalie get to know each other, get to cry a bit because college is hard and Bella's dad dies and Rosalie has commitment issues and a bit of a b-tch and maybe a little (too) slvtty because she's compensating for these wounds she carries in her heart that she has to be that way to receive love, even if it's fake or physical. And you learn to love these girls and when they do fall into each other's arms, it's because they love each other, not because it's femslash and that's what they're supposed to do ...

You know the story I'm talking about? Read: Mechanical Difficulties by HopelessRomantic79.

Now, my BxR story is a little different than that. Okay, it's WAY different than that, and different than most of what I've read on this site.

As you have seen.

But do you see where this is going?

Yeah, you do. Maybe. The thing is I have the whole story mapped out: all three books of it, but Lizzie and Rose are surprising me at every chapter. I had written three chapters ahead of this one (ch 66: Schadenfreude), and I had to throw all of that out, all 12k+ words because Rose just broke down and told Lizzie her name. She wasn't supposed to do that. And Lizzie wasn't supposed to take charge like this and start to arrange things. She wasn't suppose to do this until halfway into Book II.

But here they are, and they refuse to let the plot drive them, no: they are two people, two scared people wondering if this can work, and wondering what 'this' even is! One of them has no experience whatsoever in love, never had a bf, never been kissed, and dropped out of school because people are just too weird for her, so she'd rather live at home with her Pa, who is quiet and safe and predictable. The other girl was raped and murdered by five men, so her whole view of love is twisted and filled with hate: totally unromantic. She's given up on love, seeing it as a power-thing, useless to her, and she's given up on herself, seeing herself as hateful and broken: unfixable, unloveable.

Put those two together and what do you get? femslash? friendship? sisterhood?

Well, what you've gotten so far is 66 chapters of MSR with a lot of anger on Rosalie's part and a lot of tears on Lizzie's part. Both of them have a long way to go before they can ... what?

Well, they've started to heal, just a little tiny bit, they've started to hug some, they've started to open up, just a bit to each other, and ...

And, well ... it's a start. A real start. There's false starts because you try something, and whoops! that didn't work, but instead of being cool about it, Lizzie breaks down in tears and Rosalie gets furious, so there's plenty of backsliding.

But are they trying? And what are they trying for?

Rosalie was right: Lizzie is a little chicken-sh-t, and she has no idea what she wants.

But Rosalie? All you have to do is read my side story: Rose by a Lemon Tree to know that any criticism she has of Lizzie is nothing to the problems she's saddled herself with.

Rosalie knows what she wants. Just ask her. Or, actually, she says she knows what she wants, and is very sure and confident in saying exactly what she wants and how she wants it all to work out.

The thing about Rosalie is that what she says she wants, and what she really wants, may be two different things, but her own pride so blinds her to that difference that she doesn't even know nor acknowledge that there exists a difference at all. So she says she wants to keep her distance, that she would rather have Lizzie hate her than draw any closer to her, for, after all: she's a monster, twisted and evil and incapable of love.

She knows this: just ask her.

But then she gives Lizzie her name, and says she never had a sister ... that is, she never had a girl close to her. She never gave anyone else her heart. Not really. Not to Royce. She planned her future with Royce, with their perfect wedding and their perfect family with their perfectly well-behaved children, but she never gave Royce her real heart, her true love, and maybe Royce sensed this, her aloofness, her haughtiness, and maybe he felt threatened by that: his manhood was called into question, because no matter how much of a man he was(not), he was never able fully to possess 'his' Rose, never fully able to own her nor to make her scared of him and grovel like everybody else did, all this employees and sycophant friends.

Who has had Rosalie heart? Not even Vera, her friend. Because Rosalie could feel superior to her. Vera married low and moved on and left Rosalie behind, because Vera followed her heart.

And Rosalie never did.

Rosalie never gave her heart away, and Lizzie was never given the chance to.

So, can Lizzie muster up the courage to say 'I love you, Rosalie Hale'? because for sure Rosalie's not going to say that. Ever. That is: first. Rosalie can't give her heart away now. It's far too painful.

It really, really doesn't look good, does it?

But Lizzie has grown, and Rosalie, even though she won't admit it, has, too.

So, maybe ... maybe.

And that's my answer. It's not definitive, but does live give you a priori definitive answers? If it does, is that living life, or going through the motions in a limited little box of a maze and calling that life? Life is lived in the questions, isn't it? and finding your own answers to the questions you dare to ask. If someone else spoonfeeds you answers, then do those answers have any meaning? or any worth or value? That is, being given to you instead of earned.

You can be handed a person and told: you're sleeping with her tonight. And many, many girls in the world are told just that. But it's up to them to find in the person they choose the things to love, be in that person in their arms right now, or the one they go out, seek, and find. Or the one that comes to find them.

But you have to choose whom to love, and you have to choose why, right? And you have to make it work, every day.

Is MSR femslash? or friendship? or sisterhood?

Maybe.

That's up to Rosalie to let go of her pride and 'what's right' in her eyes, and up to Lizzie to let go of fear and embrace her hope.

Just as it is for you to give up your pride and fear and embrace your hope, and write your own story. That's what Lizzie and Rosalie are (tentatively) doing, and isn't it an exciting, hopeful, just so different read? And for them, living it, so, so scary, so new?

Is your life femslash, friends or sisters? Do you want to keep living the safe ho-hum life everybody else lives? Or throw your heart out there, get hurt, badly, and, maybe, just maybe, let her catch it and cradle your heart, and you, in her arms, as you cradle her?

geophf, writer of that really weird story MSR signing off; I have to get back to writing that next chapter.

Little Red's conundrum

I've posted the first chapter to a new story titled "Little Red Riding Hood." It's about Victoria going into the forest to deliver her bundle of goodies and then encountering something she's not expecting.

Rosalie looks human, acts human, so she's human, right?

Victoria has a problem, and that problem is that she has no clue what she's up against, so she keeps fighting Rosalie like she would anybody else and keeps getting surprised when things that normally would work ... don't.

And she has another problem, she has her ability, and she uses that, instead of her brain. Like she says, she doesn't process things in a fight, so her not thinking things through is costing her in this fight.

But that's everybody's problem. You see this girl in front of you, you kick her in the stomach, and she doesn't go down, and she laughs at you. What are you going to do? Run from a girl? Or get really annoyed at everything that's not working. Both are the wrong answer, but what if there were no right answer? Nobody believes that's possible, until they are faced with the impossibility of it, indeed.

Vicky walks into Rosalie's forest, and she's going to get a wake-up call about what her whole life has been. She wasn't looking for this, she was trying to 'get by.' But 'getting by,' ... what is the price for that?

This fic looks at that. Over and over again.

Well, it did start with 'once upon a time, ...' so does that mean that it will end with '... and they lived happily ever after'?

Charlie Swan

I think sometimes, Charlie as a father, wonders what he's there for at all. He loves Bella to death, but I think he's a little lost at times, being steamrolled by his own daughter, and loving her, helplessly, for it and in spite of it.

I think Bella turned out kind of exactly the way he wanted her to turn out: strong, independent, beautiful, smart, a self-starter, ... a take-charge girl.

But now, Bella is ... Bella.

And Charlie is so lost.

Because when Bella is strong, he feels like a third wheel on a bicycle: in the way, quiet too often, and saying the wrong things when he does speak up.

And when Bella is weak, he ... he just ... he just doesn't know what to do. He wants to take away her hurt and her sadness; he wants to fix it; he wants to see her smile once again, just one more time in her life before she kills herself today, as he's sure she will (that's why he takes the rounds out of his sidearm now, even though he never had to before). He wants her to be happy, but he doesn't know what he can do to get to the point where she's even eating again, instead of just picking at her food, listlessly.

And it's that boy Edward Cullen, that boy who left her in the forest to die, that boy who broke her heart in two, is the one that brings her out of the pit of her despair.

Remember when Edward carried her up the stairs from the airport?

What did Charlie want to do? Nothing. Besides murder that boy. Right now.

But then Bella gives him what-for ... and for what? So Charlie does what the parents' manual says: rules, grounding, hovering, chaperoning.

And now, that Charlie is the bad-guy dictator, he's even more lost than before, and so much more unhappy.

Because Bella is happy now ... but when that boy breaks his little girl's heart again, there won't be any recovery for her.

And Charlie can't do a thing to ease that fall: not grounding, not jacobing, not "other friends"ing not nothing-ing can stop her headlong plunge that she's embracing, that she's running toward with all her might and with that big happy smile on her face.

Bella is "everygirl."

Is Charlie Swan "everydad"? I wonder.

Bella: Pride and Prejudice

"Boy, geophf," you say, "reading the latest, that Bella surely is ... well, frankly, stupid!"

I would beg to differ with your assessment (translation from Austen-speak: "Um, no").

"But," you insist: "How could she guess so wrongly as to why Rosalie would be wanting to teach her sign language?"

Okay, so, here's the thing. Reflect on her prior thoughts when she considered the presence of the American Sign Language book ... what was she thinking then?

Her thoughts precursored her thoughts now: "Rosalie is/will teach me this so she won't have to speak to me again."

That was her prejudice, or, as we say now: her preconceived notion.

Now, try this. Have somebody pick at you until you are thoroughly ticked off about it and about them. Become furious.

Bella's pride was offended, because Rosalie was criticizing her with compliments.

Now try to think straight.

You cannot, right? Because you're angry. It's called "a loss of perspective."

Bella's prejudice lead her to believe a certain thing ... she is very intuitive, after all, and what does that mean? It means she jumps to conclusions. And her pride was offended, that means she's very likely to stick by her guns, right or wrong, come Hell or high water.

Sounds a lot like Elizabeth Bennett as Mr. Darcy rattles off all her (and her family's) faults, and then ask her to consider something.

She surely "considers" something, all right! That Mr. Darcy got an earful!

Now, people are quick to criticize Bella in this chapter, including, particularly, Rosalie (which does not help matters any). Put yourself into Bella's shoes. The next time you are so furious you can't even see the person you are "talking" with, because all you see is red, ... well, I dare you to do what you accuse Bella of not doing: think about what you are saying.

Is your argument sound or ad hominem? Are you "thinking straight"? Or have you "lost perspective"?

That Bella Swan is just so "eat up with pride" and just so often jumps to conclusions, the wrong ones. Doesn't she!

Hm, yes, she does. But she's not reading the story. She's living it. So, you, living your stories: you have it all mapped out, now, do you?

Bella Swan has a mote in her eye.

But she's trying, sometimes, to look in the mirror.

Give her that, at least, please.

And before you cast a stone, recollect when you were seventeen. You knew everything there was to know then?

If you say you did, then you're not casting a stone at Bella. Doesn't feel like such a good idea now, because, of course, you know it is kind of like throwing the stone at the mirror, right?

Edward, redux

Okay, in my most recent chapter of MSR ("A Hair"), people are giggling at me and pointing fingers:

"Ooh! Lookit geophfy being all nice to Edward, and stuff, give him more of whatever meds he's taking today!"

Okay, ladies, put down the offered whatever; I'm not taking meds, nor 'shrooms, and I haven't weirded out, nor changed positions (on Edward). Edward is, after all, as one reviewer stated, "so wise ... and dreamy."

Because, canonically, he is.

I may have my own views about this guy, and I may have a list for him, but, the amazing thing about Edward is that he has this debilitating handicap (reading minds) and may have grown up with a silver spoon in his mouth, and both contribute to his view of people and how he treats them, but then he does offer wisdom to Rosalie, then he does act as a gentleman, then he does, at times, try to listen to the other person's thoughts and words and then he does try to consider their position.

And he does talk with Rosalie or whomever, but then he keeps everything he "overhears" to himself.  He may think of you meanly, but he tries not to be mean about it.

But I'm still not going to ask WWED.

Wherefore Vera

I've recent read a couple of stories about Vera, and have read (and reread, and reread) Eclipse, chapter 7 "Unhappy Ending," which is "Rosalie's" chapter, but, in a very real way, is Vera's chapter.

Because, I argue, the key to understanding everything between Rosalie and Bella in the canon, is to understand Vera.

Please allow me to explain.

First, I think we need to examine Rosalie and Emmett's relationship.

Emmett seems to fill a need, but their relationship seems to be more surface. They are "happy" with what they give to each other, but they don't probe to any depth. I would think Rosalie would need more than a strong, sexually charged, easy-going, funny man. I would think she would want somebody she could open her heart to, all the way, and really, not cry, because she can't, but scold her like Vera did, not let Rosalie get away with the stuff Emmett does (in canon), share with Rosalie her deepest sadnesses, and let Rosalie share hers with her.

I think Rosalie needs this, no? And I think she's not getting all that from Emmett. Nor from Royce (well, who she thought Royce would be), and that's why she had Vera then. A true friend, of the heart.

Now let's look at Vera, herself.

Rosalie doesn't have much good, in the canon (E, ch 7), to say about Vera. Vera married early and had a baby at 17 years of age. She married down. Far down. Sure, Rosalie and Vera are "only" middle class, struggling to climb the social ladder, but they were friends, so they were in the same social circle, and that circle?

Upper middle class. Rosalie's father worked at the bank ... during the Depression! ... Rosalie's father bought her dresses (not just an apple for dessert); Rosalie's mother introduced Rosalie around to the elite.

And Rosalie and Vera were friends. Friends of the heart. Why? What names does Rosalie mention in her life story? Emmett, Royce, ... and Vera. Not her parents' names, not her brothers' names; no: Vera's name.

Vera was Rosalie's only friend ... ever.

And Vera had ... as they said back then ... moxie.

She married a carpenter. Do you understand what this means? Her parents were in the first circles. So they told her this: "Don't marry him." And she did.

And they cut her right off. She lived at his house, on cheapside ... not at a house that her parents could provide for her.

Or they didn't cut her right off, and did offer easy living. And she told them no. "Thank you, Mother, Father, but I'm going to cleave to my man, and go where he will go, not where you tell him to go."

Either way, she chose her own path, not the path her parents "offered" to her.

And Vera was Rosalie's friend. Whom do you visit a week before your wedding? A casual acquaintance? Royce had his buddies, that he liked much more Rosalie, and Rosalie had Vera, whom she loved more than anybody in the world.

Because, as much as Rosalie belittles Vera in her story she tells in canon, Vera was the only person who put up with Rosalie, besides Emmett and Royce, but Vera went one step further, and this is implied by the canon: Vera chose her own path, and she let Rosalie choose hers, too, but she didn't let Rosalie get away with her lies.

Because Rosalie lies. All the time. She tells Royce or Emmett that everything's beautiful and pristine and happy. Worst of all, she lies to herself. She turns her nose up to everything and looks down: "I'm perfect; you're not."

She even does this to Vera. And Vera rolls her eyes and says "I'm happy for you, Rosalie, I really am. But I choose this. I choose true happiness, and this is what it is." And she shows Rosalie, not mean-spiritedly, but kindly what happiness can be.

She shows Rosalie so clearly that even Rosalie sees it, knows it for what it is, and acknowledges that Vera chose better.

I think Vera's been through enough in her life that she has the experience to share something and to know enough about Rosalie to know that there's more to her than she's letting on, and she's old enough not to allow Rosalie play her games with herself. I think maybe Rosalie needs Vera in soul-mate kind of way.

I think Rosalie needed Vera then, even though she had the perfect handsome prince in Royce, and I think Rosalie needs Vera now, even with her big teddy-bear of a perfect husband in Emmett.

Now let's look at the "relationship" of Rosalie and Bella

Woo, boy, does Rosalie want to tear Bella to pieces pretty much the first second Rosalie sees her, and why? Because Bella can have babies, but no, she's going after a vampire, for goodness sake!

Or so Rosalie says.

I would beg to differ with Rosalie's supplied argument.

We never get a physical description of Vera, but she wasn't as beautiful as Rosalie. We get a physical description of Bella, and we find out that she's not as beautiful as Rosalie.

Just like Vera.

No surprises there: Rosalie is the most beautiful person in the whole world. That's canonical.

But Bella chooses her own path, over the objections of Edward, her parents (NM, catatonia), the whole universe.

Just like Vera.

Bella forgives Rosalie her (very serious) mistakes (NM, post Vulturi) and accepted her, not holding Rosalie's faults against her.

Just like Vera.

Rosalie had a conversation with Bella. Who is the only other person in the whole world that Rosalie ever had a conversation with? Conversation, not diatribe. Emmett? No.

Vera.

Your point, geophf?

Rosalie is a hurting person. She wants to kill Bella (MS, post Phenomenon), because, I argue, Bella sees too much, even, possible will see into Rosalie's soul.

So Rosalie's hurting.

And Vera's dead.

And here's a little quiet, brown-brown girl, who forgives Rosalie, talks with her, and chooses her own path.

Rosalie wants to tear Bella to shreds, because if Rosalie dares to take that risk of opening her heart to VeraBella again, she'll just die on Rosalie ... again.

So that explains Rosalie's (very) antagonistic attitude to human Bella.

And (pre-)vampire Bella? Now that Bella has made her irrevocable choice and has stood up to everyone, just like Vera, Bella may die (and Rosalie is just so fiercely protective of VeraBella here, and of herself, possibly preparing herself for being hurt again when VeraBella dies again), but VeraBella "re"born, that is "newborn"?

Suddenly, it's a BxRose love-fest. Why?

Because now, NOW, VeraBella can be a friend of Rosalie's heart, and not go dying on her, as humans are wont to do.

Everybody says: "Rosalie wants Renesmee."

Everybody is missing the point.

Rosalie likes Renesmee. Rosalie loves Renesmee. But her babysitting and all that serves two purposes: it gives her time with the baby. And it gives VeraBella time with her husband.

Rosalie is doing this for herself. Rosalie does everything for herself. But Rosalie is being selfless, as well.

Rosalie is being selfless.

Why?

Because, I argue, when she was alive, she didn't appreciate Vera for what she was. A friend. Just that. A friend.

Rosalie has never had a friend before or since.

And Vera was there for Rosalie, in spite of and despite the fact that Rosalie is just so Rosalie.

And now here's VeraBella again. Now, finally, Rosalie can say "thank you" to her for that one thing Vera gave to Rosalie that nobody else in the world ever did. AND Rosalie can finally, finally-finally-finally, have that true friend that she can (maybe some day, centuries from now) open up a bit more than she did in Eclipse, ch 7.

You know, a relationship like Alice has with Bella. Bella's not a replacement, nor substitute, for Jasper.

A relationship like that, but, because this is Rosalie, after she gets over her vanity, it will be a relationship so much deeper than that.

Even though she doesn't know this herself, even though she's fought so fiercely against it, she'll have a relationship that she's been looking for her entire existence.

If we look at the relationship of Rosalie and Bella through the lens that Vera provides, we see that it is consistent from start to present (not "finish" because now, thankfully, it will never end). It's not baby-envy. It's not "human"-envy. It's Rosalie. Hurting Rosalie, scared; protective Rosalie, scary, and, eventually, trusting Rosalie, loving and understanding, and finally ... opening.

Just like the relationship she had with Vera, more than seventy years ago.

Endnote/Apologia

When Juliet says "Romeo, o Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?" She's not saying, "Where are you Romeo?" she's saying "Why are you Romeo?" That is "Why are you my family's enemy, and not some other cute guy to make this whole liebestod thing easier for me?"

Bella

Confidence.

That's what she is. She's a stand on her own feet kind of girl. She just needs to remember that. Rosalie does, too. Rosalie, at first, treated her as a thing, as a problem, and Bella felt that, and her confidence went away in Rosalie's presence. Now Rosalie is (unconsciously) saying "I need you." Even if that need is to answer a phone call from Isle Esme and to become Bella's champion. Even if that need is to watch the baby while Edward and Bella have a little sweetie time. And that need of Rosalie's is the light of the sun, opening the flower of Bella's confidence again.

That's Bella, too: she very much depends on what others think of her. The first day at Forks high, when everybody was like: "Who's this out-of-town girl?" She shrank down to a nothing wallflower. It was only when she established in her mind her place in her new vampire family that she began to be herself again. Pre-visit to the Cullen mansion, Bella was a scared little mouse of a girl, not knowing what shirt to wear. But when Esme looked at Bella, and said: "You are brave; I love you; You are my daughter." and Alice handed Bella her BFF creds, then nothing in the world could shake her: not high school, not James, not overbearing Edward driving her away from the baseball field to nowhere. Nothing. She had love, support and a place in her new family, and her feet were firmly planted on that solid foundation.

Sure, Bella shouldn't depend on others for her confidence ... if she weren't Bella. But she is, and intrinsic to her is the comfort of others. Bella is not just Bella or only Bella, she is part of a family, the central part, the part that makes sure everybody is okay and shining and in front being the hero. That is her happiness: if you are happy, she's happy. If not, she won't be happy until she finds a way to restore your happiness.

AND she's not (too) annoying about it either, which is a plus (*ahem* Alice). She's not bubbly like Alice, but she's not aloof and righteous like Rosalie, she's Bella, and just as essential as both Alice AND (CRUCIALLY) Rosalie, in the ineffable, intangible way that she is vital to the family's well-being.

Rosalie, redux

Rosalie ... nobody likes her.



Okay, we know that Rosalie is a real ... well, you know ... in fact, you've just left me a review on a little story from her perspective that I've written telling me exactly what she is.

That Rosalie.

She's just so difficult and just really a pain in the ... well, you know ... to be around or to have a conversation or to coerce into agreeing to a course of action ...

R: "But that's just wrong! Have you considered that ..."
Everybody: "Rosalie, just shut up, okay? We're trying to get this done here!"
R: "Even if it's wrong, and I'll never agree to it?"
Everybody: "YES!"

The irony of it all? She's always right about the problems coming up, but nobody every acknowledges that or thanks her.

R: "Hm. Associating with a human girl? Doesn't anybody else see a problem here?"
Everybody: "NO! For crying out loud, Rosalie, give it a rest! Sulky Edward's happy ... finally! Besides what could possibly happen?"

... then James, then the Volturi, show up.

When did anybody ever say: "Hey, Rosalie was right all along! Maybe we should listen to her next time"?

No, they don't say that. They say: "Hey, let's turn Bella before she has a baby, because ... how could she have one, anyway?"

Then the baby is on its (her, in this case) way. And Rosalie says, "I'm standing by Bella on this one, too. I don't care if I have to stand against the whole world: I'm standing by what's right."

And everybody's furious because Rosalie, again, is standing in the way of what everybody wants to do to Bella and the baby: a baby that nobody wants ... besides Bella, but who cares about what she wants, anyway? She's just a stupid human after all.

A baby that nobody wants ... that is, until the baby shows up. Do they thank Rosalie then?

No. "Oh, Rosalie's hogging the baby, playing mommy ... when do I get my turn?"

Rosalie.

What a pain in the ...
Why does she always have to block what we want to do?
Why is she such a bitc-... well, you know.

Why is she always right?

Edward

Um, please reread the original posting here before reading on.

So, ladies and (at least one) gentlemen. Edward. I've already touched on him, very slightly and sympathetically, elsewhere, but a comment today triggered this pensée.

The comment was in the mode of the following: "Well, geophf, Edward loves Bella, obviously, so ..."

One thing those who have worked with me, is that, just as one must never say "never" in this Eternal Now, one must never say "obviously" to geophf ... unless it is obviously so.

My poor, poor beta can attest very well to that. She's a young thing, but has the constitution of iron. She needs it, working with me. Poor girl.

Back on point.

"Edward loves Bella, obviously."

Edward "loves" Bella.

Hm.

Pardon me for deconstructing the obviousness of this statement, but, I am a bear of very little brain, and to understand something, I must take the meal in in small bites.

The first bite is this one. I had thought that for someone to love someone else, that they must respect them? And, yes, I had said in my other post that Edward treats Bella with respect and had given examples, ... but does he?

Allow me to play my own devil's advocate for a moment here, okay?

Okay.

So, poor me, but I thought a part of respecting somebody else is to listen to them and to consider what they say?

I mean, if our pastor can mention my man Martin in a homily, then I suppose it's okay to mention something about Ich und Du here, no?

So, is there one example, at all, in the canon where Edward listens to Bella and considers what she says?

Anyone? Anyone at all? Bueller?

Hm. No voluteers? So I guess I'll volunteer the canon.

• Twilight: Bella begs Edward to hear her out on the race to escape James. Does Edward listen? I answer that: no. Alice and Emmett do, but not Edward. Only by force majeure does he turn the vehicle away from a reckless dash to nowhere with no plan.


• New Moon, pre-catatonic-Bella: Bella begs Edward not to leave her, saying that she'd die without him. Does he listen? I answer that: no. We could have skipped both New Moon and Eclipse if he did.
  
  And, just now, coming off a reread of New Moon, I have to say: thanks for that, Edward.


• New Moon, post-attempted-suicide-Bella: Bella begs Edward to change her, again, for the thousandth time. Does he listen? I answer that: no. So she puts it to a vote of the family, and she gets force majeure. Does he listen then? I answer that: no. Jasper's and Emmett's wrecked plasma TV wishes he did, though. And Alice wishes that, too (nice vision that: Bella sucked dry because Alice was unable to control the blood lust).


• Eclipse: Bella begs Edward to stay with her in the big fight with Victoria's newborns, the Cullens and the wolves. Does he listen? I answer that: no. She had to tell him that catatonia à la New Moon (that is "New Moon II: Fuller and Bluer") awaited to get him to stop brushing her off. She, by her self-admission, has to become a monster, something alien to herself, to get Edward to stop and take in what she is begging him. And if she didn't do this? Victoria and Riley against just Seth? Hm. Well that would have saved us all from Breaking Dawn (a book I happen to like but that some do not, I am told) and the next two points ...


• Breaking Dawn, Book I: Bella begs Edward not to destroy the fœtus, her baby ... their baby. Does he listen? I answer that: no. So instead he offers up his wife to Jacob, the "No doesn't mean no so I'll just assaultkiss you right now because that's what you really want" rival for Bella's affections when he can't get force majeure from his family to perform a forced, non-consensual, abortion on the girl.
  

  À propos de rein, is Rosalie the only character in the canon who ever listened to Bella and who helped her? Is that why Rosalie is so reviled, because she listened to our girl and stood up to the whole world to stand by Bella? Selfishly listened, yes, but listened and then acted on that listening?
  
  I mean, not even Alice, who considers Bella her BFF and all that, took Bella in Twilight because of listening to Bella. And all those make-overs, kidnappings and shopping trips? Did Rosalie ever force her will on Bella? No. But did Alice? Hm. And Alice is the good girl and Rosalie the bitc-... well, you know, because Rosalie's not "nice" and Alice "is." Hm.



• Breaking Dawn, Book III: Bella begs Edward to teach her some techniques for the impending Volturi confrontation. Does he listen? I answer that: no. So now she decides to attack Alec and then, for the love of G-d, Demetri, as an undisciplined newborn because it's too hard for Edward contemplating teaching her fighting because he doesn't want to see her in that light. See her shredded by Demetri? Oh, that's fine, but see her as ... what? Capable? Strong? A warrior who can fight back? Perish that thought! His Bella must be that Anne of Green Gables that she so did not wish to be (cf Eclipse, ch 20 "Compromise") and that he only ever saw her as.

Your counter-arguments are as follows, aren't they:

• Oh, but Edward loves Bella because he says he does.
  
  I answer that: no.
  
  So everything everybody says all the time is the truth, eh? I'll give you that Edward believes what he says here, but I will not give you that he loves Bella. No, he loves what he thinks that he thinks who Bella is, not Bella, herself, at all. There is a difference between love and infatuation. Edward was drawn to her because of her singing blood and then intrigued by the silence of her mind. But love? Show me that he shows her real respect, and then let's talk about love, baybee.


• Oh, but Edward wanted to marry her and everything before they, well, you know.
  
  I answer that: no.
  
  So, Bella was eager for the Altar? Edward wanted to marry Bella because Edward wanted to marry Bella. Bella's thoughts and feelings on this matter were brusquely brushed off.


• Oh, but Edward loves Bella because he knew he was bad for her and left her in New Moon! See, he does love her, because he does something totally unselfish, something entirely for her good, even as it crushes him to do it.
  
  I answer that: no.
  
  I actually already answered this one, but let's reopen this case.
  
  Edward left Bella because he thought he knew what was in her best interest. Obviously, he thought, she being a young mortal clueless girl, she has no idea what's good for her. After all, he has nearly a century on her. He's wise; she's not.
  
  The thing about wisdom ... it doesn't come for free because of some passage of some number of years. And wisdom might just be saying that "ya know, she was right, Edward, and you were wrong the last time, so you just may consider thinking outside your self-absorption ..." But wise Edward knows best. Knows this so well that he goes against what every single person tells him, leaving her defenseless with Victoria out and about with a definite grudge and an easy target. Hm. So, yah, he "loves" her because he (it turns out, literally) throws her to the wolves.


• Oh, but Edward really loved Bella after they were married and after she was changed because he became this lovey-dovey doormat that she was throughout the series and unrecognizable as Edward was in the three previous books and the first half of Breaking Dawn.
  
  I answer that: no.
  
  Love changes you? Sure. Love removes your spinal column? Sure, at times.
  
  Love blinds you to the person you love? No. That, my dear readers, is not love.
  
  Love is not blind. Only blind fools who have never loved say that. Love opens your eyes to the beloved, and you begin to see her, for the first time, every time, even just a little bit, for who she really is, and you love that person, because that person is real, not the chimera you've been deluding yourself into chasing.
  
  Spineless Edward, in Breaking Dawn, Book III, was just as guilty as self-absorbed Edward was, because Spineless Edward was just as blinded as self-absorbed Edward was to (now) his Bella. They both put her up on a pedestal.
  
  Sure, admire your beloved, but for what she is, how she is and who she is. Adore her, however? Idols are adored; persons are not. Idols are objects, but your beloved should not be objectified, for she is a person. Adore her, and you objectify her.

Sorry, folks, but "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves." [1 Cor 13:4-7]

So, I ask you, did Edward do any of these things? Or did he always and everywhere do the opposite?

Edward.

Men everywhere are so jealous of him because twenty-two million girls are saying to their BFs "But Edward would do ..."

Here's how to out-Edward Edward.

Your GF likes fig newtons. She doesn't care about the flowers. You like getting your girl flowers. Sure, get her flowers, but realize who you are getting the flowers for. You. So get her the fig newtons when you get her the flowers (which is, oh, at least monthly after you've been married for fourteen years ... not saying that I would know this from personal experience or anything ...).

Here's how to out-Edward Edward.

When your GF is talking to you about something, then think, for a second, that it means something to her, perhaps it's something important to her, even if she's talking about, not football, but, ick, girlie-girl stuff ... ya know, about relationships or some girl thing like that. Listen to her. Hear what she says. Say it back to her, so she knows somebody, oh, my G-d! listened to her for once in her life. Then consider what she said, and maybe not watch ESPN tonight but ... um, do the dishes after supper (I know! The horror!) and talk about her day for a change. And maybe not do what she's begging you, because, in this particular case, you must make a decision against her judgment or desire, but do consider her in your decision. Do. Edward never did, so when you do consider her words, you've done something for her that makes you better than she could possibly imagine.

Here's how to out-Edward Edward.

She likes to dress up and go to prom (exactly unlike Bella). You'd rather grind WoW. Get a tux and take her to prom, and turn off the cell phone, and, you know, hang with her. And dance with her. "Oh, but I can't dance." I "can't," either. They do have classes, you know. And you do love your girl, so you'll go to classes to teach yourself how to dance, and you'll do it for her, because you love her.

Here's how to out-Edward Edward.

Read her fan fiction and leave a positive review. For everybody to read. Even though you'd rather bathe in salt water and mustard after diving into a pool filled with broken glass.

Ich und Du.

Listening means more than letting the sound waves touch your ears ... even Edward does that. The person speaking is a person ... treat her as such, and you will out-Edward Edward.

Every single time.

Learning from history: Efficacious Caius

The sad and beautiful thing about history, besides its existence and essence, is that 1) it repeats itself because 2) hardly anyone takes the time to study it and to learn from it. Vampires do need to study it and to learn from it, that is from the history that they themselves have not experienced, and the smart ones, like Jasper, do just that. A philosophy major vampire with his nose in a book? Those are the most dangerous kinds.

Take, for example, the Volturi. They are the most dangerous vampires in the world. Why? Because they know their history. Arguably the most dangerous one is the most ignored one: Caius. He knows how to get rid of problems: eliminate them. Period. And he follows the Rule to the letter, because he knows there's nothing more dangerous and unmanageable than a frenzied crowd. Aro could and should learn a lesson or two from Caius.

That's not saying he hasn't. Caius is one of the Three for a reason. Caius is no pawn. He knows the score: he just takes the most direct path, because he knows, from his three thousand years of experience, that most problems are most easily solved directly. Diplomacy? Pfft! Aro can play his games, but the cohesiveness of the Volturi is built from victory to victory. And behind most of those victories (besides the big public splash that Marcus made in the Carpathian suppression) is Caius with his very simple, straightforward and direct approach.

And Caius doesn't need to sing out his merits, because he knows that lack of attention isn't a bad thing at all: a lot can get done when nobody else is watching your every move (are you listening, Aro?). Vampires being out of the limelight isn't just because of the Rule (Caius: "Yes, it is!") but also because of all the other, accidental, benefits that flow from that inattention.

Mobs: unruly, undisciplined, ineffectual: dangerous because they are so chaotic.

The Volturi. Hm. Quite the opposite of a mob, aren't they! And they have been in power for more than three thousand years.

There's quite a bit people could learn from history. But then, they'd have to learn, now, wouldn't they? And that might interrupt their ESPN time.