Decline and Fall of our College Youth

... is Twilight, of course. That is, according to a report by Ron Charles in Sunday's Outlook section (March 8, 2009): "On Campus, Vampires Are Besting the Beats". The gist of the article is that a literary critic, Alice Echols, notes that the reading habits have shifted from the good old days of the beat generation to the bad old days of the Twilight generation.

Now, I was around during that time, and I don't recall them being particularly good nor recall the college youth being particularly different than today's college aged young whipper snappers, but let's leave the ad hominem argument of age aside (meaning, let's leave aside that the age of something determines its goodness or validity) and let's not examine what the ideal kids those days were reading.

Let's look at what kids these days are reading, which according to the article, backed up by sales figures, is Twilight.

Like the lead pipes and coliseums of ancient Rome, Twilight is being blamed for the fall of our great society. Because why? Because it happens to be the current big thing, and because Steph appears to be too sweet to strike back when stung by criticism (or, more often, by slurs or smear campaigns).

So, let's see the danger these books pose to us: the oblivious criticism is that the books are light, uninspired romantic fluff, that does not allow kids to explore their worlds, for, after all, the protagonist is a weak, swooning, codependent girl living in a fantasy world.

Right.

Or, perhaps not? How does Bella live?

Does she love the man she's with (which was one motto of the Beat generation)? Despite his failings? Accepting his goodness, as he does not?

Does he treat her with respect? With dignity? That is: as a person and an equal, and not an object? Does he, by his actions, show the men of those 22 million buyers of the Twilight books how to do the same for their true loves? So much so that when I lavish praise on my cara spoza she "complains" that I'm "getting all Edward" on her? — far from being an impossible ideal, as Edward has often been labeled, he's resetting the higher standard of behavior in courtly love!

Back to Bella: is she studious and attentive in school? So much so that she maintains a 4.0 average through personal crisis? Does she never criticize friends or enemies in school? Does she speak up when her friends are put down in the cafeteria?

How does she treat both her parents? Does she love her dad? So much so that she that she watches the TV with him? Does she love her mom? So much so that it comes out in every word as she describes her to Edward? So much so that she'll throw herself into a taxi cab, past two inescapable vampires, to trade her own life for that of her mother?

Does she fight for what's right? In every book, does she throw herself in front of the danger she believes she's created? Even though others willingly, forcefully, assume the protective rôle? Is she strong enough to stand up for herself? Marrying before the sex? Keeping the baby that's killing her? Even though everybody think she's out-to-lunch crazy-stupid for doing those things? Is she strong enough to stand up for what she believes in the face of everyone she loves telling her to do the opposite?

In short, isn't Bella truly the "every-woman"? As it were: a strong, independent woman. Bella's strong enough to be everything for everybody else (well, nobody's that strong, but Bella wins a trophy in my book for trying her hardest), and still have strength left over to be the person she is.

Is this the critique, then? That the Twilight books put forward a character, like Bella, that is not a good rôle for our youth? If that's the case, then here's one Twilight Dad saying: we need more Bellas in the world, not less.

If Twilight is spoiling our youth, then I say, if this be spoilage, read on!

"One Dozen Roses"

There was a contest called the "Eddies and Bellies" (you know: for Edward and Bella ... cute, no? Sigh! I did not invent the name; I'm just reporting it). One of the categories for which one could vote was something like: "Twilight Fan Fiction Story Which Everyone Must Read".

Well, that one has an obvious nominee: One Dozen Roses. As the Swiss would say: mais bien sur! which roughly translates as: "Me, Being Sure!" ... or something like that.

Anyway, everybody: stop what you are doing and go read that story. Come on now, don't just stand there, gaping, go read it.

Have you read it yet? Yes? Good!

Chapter 2 has Bella screaming at the sight of a rose in her bedroom. Well, now, most of you would think Bella would swoon! — not scream — you would think she would scream if it were Rosalie waiting for her in her bedroom.

I cannot agree, and neither could Bella after Rosalie had saved Bella's life for the umpteenth time, but that's neither here nor there for this entry.

What is here for this entry is the following: as you read in chapter 4, the totally-obvious "mysterious" rose giver rains rose petals all over Bella's bedroom as she's sleeping. Actually, I did this for my wife when I was dating her, ... something like the petal shower, that is.

Nowadays, I give her two dozen roses on random occasions (keeps her on her toes), but back in the day, before you were born, my dear sweet and young readers, I strew a dozen red roses over the sidewalk leading up from her driveway (actually her Aunt's and Uncle's driveway) up to her front door.

Of course, she totally missed it, just like Bella. She had groceries in her arms, and she wondered why the sidewalk was crunch-crunch-crunching beneath her feet. I wasn't there for the moment when she looked down (I had strewn the roses earlier that day and then made my escape to work), but I was told she had to go back to the store to buy more eggs.

My cara spoza: she's such a cutie!

Alice: Hyperactive Shopaholic, or ... ?

Singing: "Go Ask Alice..When She's Ten Feet Tall..." by Jefferson Airplane.

... but not in front of Alice (née Mary Alice Brandon ... hm, I wonder if her father is a Colonel?). Ma chère cousine (which is French for «ma chère cousine») named Michele will happily shred anyone who sings "Michele, ma belle" to her, as she's heard it probably more than you ever will in your existence ... even if you are a vampire. So, I'm sure Alice has heard "Go Ask Alice", too. No sense antagonizing the one and only vampire that is pivotal to the success of each of the four books of the Twilight series.

I think, like for Rosalie, and like for Emmett, much, in fact, most, of the community has missed the boat on her. Most of the fan fiction out there portrays Alice as a hyperactive shopaholic. But how many times in the actual books did Alice go shopping? Once? Maybe even twice? Name the times she went shopping, dragging Bella from place to place.

Can you do it? I don't think anyone can. But there's the image of the hyperactive shopaholic that everybody attributes to their image of Alice.

I don't buy it.

One of the best pieces of fan fiction in the world is called "You've kept me waiting" by the author Mandi1. You cannot read it online, because the real mandi1 has disappeared along with her stories (and now she's back. Yay!)

Dammit! (I did make a copy locally of this story and her "The Real C.J.Rae" which still hasn't been republished. Boo!)

That story does do a good job of portraying her true to her own voice. Wise. So wise, in fact, that she sees all the world's sadness, and all of her own sadness, and refuses to succumb to it. She refuses to let joy submit to bleakness. She sees the bleakness in the world, with eyes wide open, and smiles and manufactures joy, even when it's so hard to do.

I think Alice does get Bella. I think she gets Bella more than most people, and I think Alice sees that Bella does not need someone else to cry in her beer with (well, because, firstly, Bella is underage and so her own dad would have to throw her in the clink, and, secondly, vampires don't drink ... well, vampires don't drink beer, that is), and I think she sees Bella as a person who also does not need another person's set of problems thrown all over her — just as Edward and Jacob decide to do to her.

"Oh, look, there's a cute, suffer in silence, girl. Lemme just dump all over her so she falls in love with me!"

No. Alice works hard to be chipper, so Bella gets a break once and a while and can smile. And when Bella refuses to go with the happy game plan?

Alice, menacingly: "Bella, we can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way." Eclipse, wedding plan discussion.

DO NOT MESS WITH ALICE.

How many vampires kidnap Bella? One: Alice. And in a yellow porsche, no less.

DITTO on the non-messing-with-age.

And speaking of a (stolen) yellow porsche: who was it to cause Dimitri and Felix to back down? Not Edward. Alice. (NM, Volterra). Jasper could beat or hold his own against every vampire except one. Which one? Alice.

Bella and Angela may connect in a way that two tuning forks do. Ping one and the other one vibrates in sympathy. But Alice? She knows sadness, she has lived sadness, and she rejects it. For Alice, she refuses to allow Bella to wallow in heart-ache. Absolutely refuses this for her Bella, her best friend, and absolutely refuses any other ending that the happy one.

Remember, the tide only turned in the stand off with the Volturi because of Alice's determined and concerted effort throughout the entire preceding part of Book III in BD.

Alice. Hyperactive shopaholic? Sure! That's a nice, easy, facile façade for everyone to believe, and she works harder to maintain that image than anyone else in the world, just so that the ending is a happy one, and that all eyes are not looking at the ballerinesque busy-bee in the background, but the White Queen and her knight in shining armor in the fore.

... AND she gets the yellow porsche, and that's a nice bonus ...

"Go ask Alice ... when she's ten feet tall ..." Indeed!

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So, now I've written myself into a corner. Don't you see? Because when Alice shows up in one of my stories, what am I going to do? How will I write her as Steph writes her: seeing the futures, but not deus ex machina, aware of sadness, but fiercely (but not forcefully) cheerfully happy, and short, sweet, and absolutely the most dangerous and unstoppable vampire in the world ...

I just don't know right now. So your prayers for me in this matter are gratefully appreciated.

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Postlude

Okay, I'll take this as an answered prayer. Eowyn77 wrote a story called Bright Ideas that cut right to the chase, balancing the determination of Alice with her sweetness, her sprightliness with her wisdom, and finally representing her gift realistically: powerful but not deus ex machina.

I'll take this answer in gratitude. You should, too! Read this story, it'll do you a world of good for your understanding of our Alice.

Rose is Red?

I've been thinking a lot — a lot! — about a certain beautiful young lady named after a flower. No, not Chrysanthemum, although she, too, is a beautiful young lady. Who I had in mind prefers Chanel to flannel, but that doesn't stop her from being a tree hugger.

Roses are Red,
Her eyes were Blue,
But one thing you don't want:
Her, mad at you.

Now, it's canon that Rosalie likes to wear red. After all, she clears the dance floor at Prom wearing that backless velvet gown. In which color? Red.

Either that, or she's also favoring clothes of the whitest of snow in colour these days. Snow White as in: "who's the fairest of them all?" The answer to that query, obviously, is Rosalie. The mirror-mirror-on-the-wall was wrong, wrong, wrong!

Blood red or purest white. That's our Rosalie: fire and ice. And to think: those names were for the witch twins, Jane and Alec. Certainly they may have those abilities (although Jane may meet competition for the 'Fire' moniker from a certain extremely powerfully gifted vampire, Rhee, Lady Didyme's handmaid ... oh, no! not another story idea), but when it comes to the power of Rosalie's presence, the aptness of their designations falls into question.

So, Rosalie and Red go together. Or, do they? Golden hair? Golden eyes? Pale white skin?



[image created by fanfiction author/artist Roonie]

Rosalie is rather decided on her ways and her views. She likes red, she's going to wear red, and she's going to make the red look good on her. Red will know it's fortunate to be chosen by Rosalie.

But, let's say, "for argument's sake", that Rose has, erhm, a 'friend', a sort-of, well, 'sister', you might say. And this friend/sister is not a push-over herself, and Rosalie and her sister of the heart are in Washington, D.C. or NYC or Philly, or Paris or London (which, in the earlier part of the last century was a fashion mecca, don't you know ... it is also rather helpful that London can be a bit foggy at times ...) and they pass by a shop window and see the following:



Now these are spring/summer cocktail dresses; Rosalie prefers them full-length, but it shouldn't take too much convincing or arm-twisting on the part of her sister (which is a very good thing in her case, she could get hurt either attempting to twist Rosalie's arm or having her arm twisted by Rosalie) to have a full-length version of the Diane von Furstenberb Eliza dress tailor made for her.



And, as the print is the "Vienna Map", they would have the added advantage of not needing to stop to ask for directions in a certain Old World city.

Just imagine Rosalie wearing that ensemble, walking arm-in-arm with her dear sister. I know it's an anachronism, but I can just hear her humming a few bars from The Association song:

Who's peekin' out from under a stairway
Calling a name that's lighter than air
Who's bending down to give me a rainbow
Everyone knows it's Rosalie

Who's tripping down the streets of the city
Smilin' at everybody she sees
Who's reachin' out to capture a moment
Everyone knows it's Rosalie

And Rosie has stor-my eyes
That flash at the sound of lies
And Rosie has wings to fly
Above the clouds (above the clouds)
Above the clouds (above the clouds)

Stormy eyes, indeed! She would give new force to the phrase: "Drop dead gorgeous" as the multiple traffic accidents causes by motorists unable to keep their eyes off her (and on the road), and other pedestrians having their hearts ripped out by jealous spouses ("Well, dear, you said your heart was mine, so now I'm collecting ..."). Jealousy may not be limited to spouses; Rosalie's 'sister' can be a mite touchy when it comes to other people giving her Rose looks.

"Roses are Red"? Heavens, no! This rose is yellow, and not just in Texas, but anywhere she wants to be.

... and, as long as that anywhere is with family, then that anywhere can be anywhere, be it in the hinterlands of the Midwestern part of the United States, or in Castle Volterra. She is, after all, a Hale, and with family, everything will be just fine.

In fact, everything will be coming up, well, roses.

To Emmett

I've been thinking a good deal recently about Rosalie. Carlisle turned her, originally, so that Edward would have a companion, just as he has his Esme. Rosalie and Edward, as a couple did not work out ... to put it mildly. Why? Because Rosalie and Edward are Janus: two sides of the same coin; so alike that they can't stand the sight of each other.

Now, can two people who are very much alike make a relationship, make love, work? Of course. Did Edward and Rosalie? Of course not. Rosalie found and then chose Emmett (and he, her), and Edward found and then chose Bella (and she, him).

Now I argue that Bella, despite noises from some disgruntled quarters, is one of the strongest characters in the series. Eventually she has the strength and powers to back up her will and determination.

The same argument can be put forward for Emmett. He is not just a character that exists simply to supply a pairing to Rosalie. Steph chose her characters well, and each had their own well-defined personality and history. That Emmett did not go crowing about his past, or trumpeting his achievements does not mean he doesn't have them to boast (or, in Edward's case, to lament). A quiet character has character. It just requires effort to uncover it, and then to revel in it.

I have.

My admiration of Emmett is boundless. He is the strongest character in the Twilight series, but I'm not talking about physical strength. That he is constantly untroubled by Rosalie, that he actually enjoys her company, that he delights in her tantrums and hissy fits? That he lets her be her all the while not being stepped on by her or hiding behind or under her skirt?

You know that Emmett is as smart as all the other Cullens and Hales. How come you never hear about it? It's because he doesn't measure his worth by his intellect. If I was one tenth the man Emmett is, I'd be twice the man I am now. I think the world needs more big tough teddy bear guys that like to laugh and only have eyes for their own girl.

But that's just me. How about you? Do your own digging into Emmett's character. You may be delighted with what you find.

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The title of this post indirectly refers to the poem by Edgar Allen Poe, "To Helen". I do not have a source, but I recall some calling this poem the perfect representation of a poem in the classical style.

A Rose by a Lemon tree

Writing chapter 24 of MSR ("My Sister Rosalie"), and, in it, a special garden temple is described. Sorry, I don't have the picture of the temple for you, as it exists currently as an image only in my head ... when I have the money to spare, I'll build it and take a picture of that for you to see.

But I do have a picture of the centerpiece. A pink rose. Bella's rose. Bella's Rosalie.



Lovely, isn't it?

Do something special for your sweetie today: get her a rose and tell her you love her.

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This post is dedicated to little Evie Grace on the occasion of her second birthday. Roonie, her mother and a reviewer of MSR, asked for something special, Rosalie is special to me, so I hope Evie Grace likes her rose.

Which team: Edward or Jacob?

Spoiler warning: if you haven't yet read Breaking Dawn, go read that before reading this post. That is, of course, after having read, in order, Twilight/Midnight Sun, New Moon, and then Eclipse.

Finished that homework? Good. Then read on.

I've recently returned from a New Year's Day party where the tween boys were rather surprised that I knew who "Master Chief" was. "Ya know," they told me knowingly, "He's like the main character of this video game and ..." My cara spoza interrupted them: "Ask him how many versions of the Halo game my husband has." This got them started.

Them: "What's your favorite weapon?"
Me: "Needler"
Them: "No way! What's your second favorite?"
Me: "Carbine"
Them: "No way! Is your favorite armor permutation the Hiyabusa?"
Me: "I play as an Elite."
Them: "Dude!"

But this is not a post about Halo, as this is a Twilight blog.

The teen girl had a further shock in store for her: after her parents proudly relayed that their daughter had read the books and seen the movie twice — my cara spoza could not resist here: "Just like my husband; he's also reading the books to me before bedtime." — the daughter suddenly found she had something in common with a 40-something-ish (Twilight-)Dad.

Me: "Team Edward or Team Jacob?"
Her: "Edward!"
Me: "Of course."
Her: "... and you?"
Me: "Team Leah."
Her: "Wow!"

The adults stood around watching me bond with the kids, and my wife chided that I spoke a secret language with them. I soothed her: "It's just a mid-life crisis, dear; next I'll be buying a little red miata."

Here their daughter jumped in: "Nonono! A yellow 911"
"Turbo!" I added.
"Just like Alice's!" she finished gleefully.

My cara spoza rolled her eyes.

The material point of this post — although I have successfully obscured it with `pataphor — is that I see the concept of the splintering of the Twilight community into Teams Edward and Jacob now to be antiquated with the release of Breaking Dawn. After all, that dilemma has been resolved: Bella got Edward, and Jacob got Renesmee. They both won.

If, after one has completed the reading of the Twilight series, and, after one has read every available piece of information off of Steph's site — and who hasn't? — then one may have gleaned that she's considering, after her other numerous projects, including in some century the completion of Midnight Sun (save it! save it!), continuing the Twilight universe from another perspective. Perhaps either from Renesmee's or from Leah's.

This, my dear brothers and sisters (okay, mostly sisters), is now where the battle lines have been drawn.

Now, I love Renesmee. I love her more than Jake does. Heck, Rosalie loves Renesmee, so what's not to love? Q.E.D. [Actually, I have a secret fondness for that heartbreaking vengeful cicatrix, but please don't let that be widely known.]

But one must admit, dramatically, that Renesmee leaves much to be desired. She is perfect-perfect-perfect like how Bella thinks Edward is, but she also lacks her father's self-loathing that drew out the Twilight series to four books (instead of just the two).

Rant.

Kayso, I'm no Edward, and I know I'm nothing to MRFE (why does the urban dictionary not have "My Reason For Existence" listed as an acronym?), but that doesn't mean I get all emo and leave my cara spoza to be eaten by every little vamp that comes by looking for a snack. When she says, "I love you." I'm not all like: "Oh, the miserable creature that I am, I don't deserve you, blahblahblah." I say "I love you" back and work to deserve it, even if I don't.

Edward! Bella says she loves you. Listen to her! Don't leave her, you big jerk!

End rant.

Jeez!

... sorry about that. I don't know if you've noticed, but I tend to get carried away.

So, anyway, Renesmee's awesome, but it would take quite a few contrived plot devices to make a compelling story for her. Jake loves her, she loves Jake. The End. That's an eight-word story, anything else, including everything I've read in the fan-fiction scene is either pure filler or pure bullocks.

Please prove me wrong with counter-examples. Steph, you can step in any time you'd like ... and when you do, I'll write "I'm so sorry!" an infinite number of times. Here, I'll start working on that right now, in anticipation of your next Twilight 4-book trilogy [Hey, the Hitchhiker's Guide had a 5-book trilogy!]:

10 PRINT "I'm so sorry!"
20 GOTO 10
30 END

But, Leah's story? OML! [I AM Team Leah, after all! You won't catch me (un)dead writing "OME!" Nosiree!] One need simply look at her

to see the conflict there, nothing need be invented. All she needs to do is to take a road trip to get the fights started, for goodness sakes! But does she have the potential for the happily ever after? Oh, yes!

So, the battle lines are no longer between Team Edward and Team Jacob. That battle has already reached its victory, for both sides. But now the battle for Twilight's (not-too-distant, I hope) future is brewing between Team Renesmee and Team Leah. Renesmee's team suffers from too much sugar and spice and everything nice to make even a passably interesting story. No, the true battle is for and in Leah's heart. And, since Harry Clearwater's gone, here's one Dad, on the sidelines, cheering for his little girl to win this race.