May I tell you a secret? An insight.

That Rosalie. I tell you what. She sure is a real b...


Excuse my language.

That's what everybody thinks, isn't it? Because that's how she is, right?

I published a episode of "Rose by a Lemon Tree" entitled "Her Name: Mother" that looks at the relationship between Rosalie and her mother (the name "Gwendolyn" has been used before, so I use it in my piece as well).

What's interesting to me is that the comments from reviewers of that chapter focus more on Rosalie's cruelty to her maid, Carol. This is interesting to me why?

First, read that chapter then come back. What did you think? Rosalie was surely mean to Carol, even if she and her father were trysting. Too, too mean, right? So Rosalie of her.

May I tell you a secret? What is Steph always saying when she mentions or sells early drafts of Twilight or Midnight Sun or Forever Dawn? Jasper's name was "Ron" in her early drafts. What was Rosalie's name in the early drafts?

Carol.

Does the president of a bank have as many servants as I mentioned in my episode? Does the president of a bank have a maid specifically designated for his daughter? A daughter that doesn't know the name of that maid, even, for ten years? How would Rosalie ask "Carol" to do something when she was 8 years old if she didn't know the name of her own maid? Can you see a 8-year-old girl, who hadn't yet been hurt so badly by her own mother at the age of 11 for being caught crying (read my episode for details), can you see this 8-year-old girl saying to a servant: "You, there" all the time? A servant who brushes her hair "almost adoringly"?

Who was Rosalie being cruel to? Who is Rosalie hardest on, always? Other people? No.

How does Rosalie see herself? Brave? Proud?

She says that, right? All the time, right? Like, too often?

Rosalie's not this scared little girl pushed around by a cruel world. She just can't be. She's tough. She's a real mean b..., well, you know, and nobody messes with her.

That's what everybody thinks. That's what everybody thinks in the novels. That's what everybody thinks reading the novels. That's what everyone has to think, right? Nobody messes with her, so she cannot possibly be hurt.

If you never let anybody into your heart, your heart cannot be broken.

Ever.

For Esmé — with Love and Squalor

I think the award for the "most taken for granted character" in the Twilight series goes to Esmé Platt Evenson Cullen. This is not a trophy that we should be proud giving to Esmé, but give it to her we do.

Esmé: "To love".

But isn't that the way of it for all mothers? Esmé is a stereotypical mother. What can be said of her? "She has no special power, but has a strong ability to love passionately." (Wikipedia) Translation: "Oh, Esmé? Um, well, a typical mom, I guess ... [looks away embarrassedly]". Esmé gets as much thought and consideration as, dare I say, your own mom, right?

You moms out there know what I'm talking about: you pour your heart and your soul into your family, and what do you get for it? If you are lucky you get an appreciative look, or rub, or word ... occasionally. Mostly, it's the slogging away, day after endless day to no thanks, to ingratitude, even.

Ugh!

If it's your lucky day (of the year?) you get flowers. If you are looking for heart-stopping, you get the laundry or dishes done for you. Stop holding your breath, please, that shade of blue isn't particularly lovely on you, you know.

What does Esmé do? Who can barely contain her joy when her son introduces the new girl from school? Who on the baseball field is the first to greet Bella?

Sorry, but that scene has me begging the question: what was Rosalie thinking as she stalked off? I think readers of RLT have an answer. If I were a betting man — and I'm not — I would put a large sum on the following:

"If Edward thinks I'm going to acknowledge his little human pet, he's got another thing coming! She'll be the destruction of us all, Edward, mark my words!"

And how very nearly prophetic her thoughts were. In fact, how timely, too, given the encounter a few innings into that very game!

Esmé is one of the most underrepresented characters in the canon and in all of fan fiction; perhaps she is the most underrepresented character in the lexicon. What's there to say about her? She's the "Mom" who can barely hunt on her own, much less keep up with the other vampires (BD, Book I). End of story.

Yet it is Esmé with the richest back story: in love with Carlisle since she was 16 years old, but handed off to an arranged marriage to an abusive brute. She gets away to protect the child in her womb only to lose him days after birth.

Excuse me a moment, there's something in my eye.

Why is it that the vampires who had the rockiest lives have the most contented new existence? Cases in point: Carlisle, Esmé, Alice.

Why is it that the vampires who had the most gilded lives have the darkest new existence? Cases in point: Jasper, Edward, Rosalie.

Why is it that Emmett sails so smoothly through both his life and his new existence, untroubled in either?

Why is it that Bella is worshiped by all in both?

How can we learn to live our lives from the way the vampires in the Cullen family choose to live in their lives and new existences?

And how about Esmé, the Mom to them all? More importantly, how about your mom?

I'll tell you this: the more I study Esmé, trying to learn about her, the more I appreciate and love my own mother. Esmé is my mother, in many ways. She's the Perfect Mother, but she's only human after all (even if she is a vampire). You see her as this perfect little thing, always calm, always smooth, always affectionate, always doing the right thing for everybody, loving every single one of her children, and her husband, in the perfect way that they each need her love.

You see her this way, because she is this way. You may wish to let her know this (I'm sure the post office does send mail to the Cullens these days: they may be getting as much now as Santa does, for goodness sake). But underneath all this, she knows she's made mistakes, and she carries those mistakes with her every step of the way.

In the canon, Rosalie tells us, indirectly, that Esmé's record isn't clear (Eclipse, ch 7). Do you think that Esmé has just put aside her "little slip" and moved on with her existence? Well, yes, she has. Do you think that this is easy for her? Do you think that this mistake doesn't haunt her at times? Perhaps not.

Do you think that when her children are fighting (Midnight Sun, conference in ch 4), or leaving her (Edward in Green, Red, Gold and in New Moon; Emmett and Rosalie in New Moon, Alice and Bella in New Moon, Alice and Jasper in BD, Book I) that it's easy for her to be the Mom, for her to let them go, to let them hurt themselves? To let them do all this, knowing, from hard-won experience, that they don't have to? Knowing that allowing them to do this could even eventuate in their destruction?

Do you think that maybe giving her flowers is very nice, but what she really needs is to get a hug and to see her children happy? Not "her children"? But to see this child of hers happy?

How about your mom? Perhaps this Mother's Day, instead of sending the gift, or card, or flowers (or ... nothing?), you could send yourself? And spend a few precious moments, just with her, and let her know she did right? That you are okay? or, if you're not okay, let her know that you love her with all your heart, with all your might and with all your soul?

Perhaps you don't even need to wait until Mother's Day?

Esmé's a strong woman; she "loves passionately". But I'm sure she'd be bursting with joy to get that hug and know that the kids are okay. I'm sure your mom could use the same love, too.

After all, Moms not only make the world go 'round; they also happen to Rock!

Go, Team Esmé!

P.S. For Esmé — with Love and Squalor, a book with the self-same named story by J. D. Salinger has the title character that is nothing like our Esmé, but the girl there is sprightly, like our Esmé can be when delighted, and she did marry for love, I hope, as our Esmé (eventually) did, and she did remain radiant in spite of the squalor of the world, as our Esmé, triumphantly, did. Read that story, please, you may get some insights into our Esmé from J. D. Salinger's.

Marissa's Bunny

Okay. Stop the presses.

I received a phone call from my brother.

That's not a reason to stop the presses, because I get a phone call from him everyday. "geophf, you still alive?" He's such a mother-hen, but for good reason: my cara spoza and the girls have been away for the last three months.

That's not the reason to stop the presses, either.

The reason to stop the presses is that he has just read the first book of the Twilight series.

Okay, I see you don't understand, so let me break it down for you.

He's a man.

He's a manly man.

He's a manly man who's idea of entertainment is shooting zombies or stuff in the face ... by the way, what's your zombie plan? Me, I've got 38 zombie plans!

He's a manly man that doesn't need to be reading girlie-girl novels about swooning girlie-girl's fantasies about hunky emo vamps.

But he did.

Stop the presses.

Now, the reason this big ole brother of mine read the first book is because he needed the context to be able to read my fan fiction story, "My Sister Rosalie" (MSR), a story he said he wouldn't be reading. Or, more correctly, he'd rather, I don't know, reread Moby Dick, a book that he called "pretentious, wordy and pointless" in his book report in his American Lit class (his professor gave him an "A" when a big red caveat indicating his disagreement with the conclusions of the report).

Why is my manly-man brother going to read MSR? Because underneath that gruff exterior is a sweet little teddy bear. Or, more correctly, a bunny.

See, he doesn't need to be doing any of this because he's got other things on his plate, like, for example, he has a daughter with infantile spasms with medical bills running into the hundreds of thousands of dollars, and with all the other associated issues of raising a baby, firstly, and then raising a baby needing medical attention, sometimes hourly.

Some days, it's more than hourly. One particular day: 100 spasms.

But there he is, Marissa's Dad, or, as he is known: marissas dad, reading Twilight. For me. His little brother.

Stop the Presses!

Yes, bought the DVD

... at midnight.

... actually bought two of them. My cara spoza knows why I bought the second one.

Question: can the vampire baseball game go to 14 innings on the DVD please?

Yes, you won't be hearing from me in a while.

kthxbai

Låt den rätte komma in

... or, "Things to do while waiting for your Twilight movie DVD order to come through".

Here's the story. It's a love story. In a town where the sun is forever obscured, a brunette girl moves into town and meets a pale, unearthly boy. Girl gives her heart to boy. Girl shouldn't give her heart to the boy, of course.

Sounds familiar so far?

But in this case, Låt den rätte komma in ("Let the Right (one) (Come) In"), the girl, Eli, is the vampire ("12 years old, more or less" ... more or less by about 200 years), and the boy, Oskar, is just a boy.

And, unlike Twilight, the "standard" vampire rules apply. You know: sunlight being deadly, vamps needing an invitation to komma in your home, etc.

Here's what's compelling about this movie: everything! Eli and Oskar have that sincerely 12-year-old love. They love each other. They love each other. But they don't know it. They're 12-years-old, more or less, so they don't know what "love" is, right? They don't know what "love" feels like. It just feels nice and scary and weird. You know, that feeling, right? It's exactly the feeling you have, being in love.

But they'd do anything for each other.

They love each other.

And, unlike Twilight, Låt den rätte komma in does not flinch from the bald consequences of being a vampire. Eli's thirsty; Eli needs to drink. People die — either on the edge of a knife wielded by her bumbling but earnest father-figure assistant or by her own hands and teeth — people die, that is, ... if they are lucky.

And Oskar has his own troubles. Yes, at school, but his home life, like Bella's, is that of a broken family. But, even though his parents try their best, they are no Renée and Charlie.

Bella was very, very lucky, compared to Oskar. And Oskar's parents are loving and well-intentioned, too.

The horror of this movie is not Eli being a vampire. The horror of this movie is ...

Well, what are you doing? Why are you still reading this entry? Why aren't you at Best Buy buying the DVD or Blockbuster renting it? Just buy or rent the thing: it's money well-invested. Just watch the thing (again, in my case): it's time well-invested.

It's almost an insult to call Låt den rätte komma in a "vampire" movie, because it asks the fundamental questions: what is life? What is love? If it takes a vampire to see you as alive, as a person, to love you completely for what and who you are — unlike all your school "mates" — is she not, then, worthy of your love in return? If she needs you so much that she's willing to kill for you, yes, but she's also willing to die for you, putting her life in your hands, time and again, would you turn away from her, just because she's something she can't help being? But, not only die for you, but do anything: like eat a sweet you bought for her? Even though she knows how very sick she'll get by doing it? Or run away from you when you cut yourself? Or apologize for being so cold as she holds you, because she's forgotten how to be warm?

And why does Eli love you, Oskar? Maybe because you are worthy of being loved? Maybe because you are a nice boy, after all? Sweet, kind, caring, funny ... smart? Thoughtful and alone, but reaching out for something ... for somebody to love? In short, everything the world despises and belittles ... everything beautiful. Everything Eli sees in you, and loves.

Låt den rätte komma in could not have a better title. For Eli and Oskar, two outcasts in a world that's lost its way, have let the right one come in. Eli and Oskar let each other in ... into their hearts.

Decline and Fall of our College Youth

... is Twilight, of course. That is, according to a report by Ron Charles in Sunday's Outlook section (March 8, 2009): "On Campus, Vampires Are Besting the Beats". The gist of the article is that a literary critic, Alice Echols, notes that the reading habits have shifted from the good old days of the beat generation to the bad old days of the Twilight generation.

Now, I was around during that time, and I don't recall them being particularly good nor recall the college youth being particularly different than today's college aged young whipper snappers, but let's leave the ad hominem argument of age aside (meaning, let's leave aside that the age of something determines its goodness or validity) and let's not examine what the ideal kids those days were reading.

Let's look at what kids these days are reading, which according to the article, backed up by sales figures, is Twilight.

Like the lead pipes and coliseums of ancient Rome, Twilight is being blamed for the fall of our great society. Because why? Because it happens to be the current big thing, and because Steph appears to be too sweet to strike back when stung by criticism (or, more often, by slurs or smear campaigns).

So, let's see the danger these books pose to us: the oblivious criticism is that the books are light, uninspired romantic fluff, that does not allow kids to explore their worlds, for, after all, the protagonist is a weak, swooning, codependent girl living in a fantasy world.

Right.

Or, perhaps not? How does Bella live?

Does she love the man she's with (which was one motto of the Beat generation)? Despite his failings? Accepting his goodness, as he does not?

Does he treat her with respect? With dignity? That is: as a person and an equal, and not an object? Does he, by his actions, show the men of those 22 million buyers of the Twilight books how to do the same for their true loves? So much so that when I lavish praise on my cara spoza she "complains" that I'm "getting all Edward" on her? — far from being an impossible ideal, as Edward has often been labeled, he's resetting the higher standard of behavior in courtly love!

Back to Bella: is she studious and attentive in school? So much so that she maintains a 4.0 average through personal crisis? Does she never criticize friends or enemies in school? Does she speak up when her friends are put down in the cafeteria?

How does she treat both her parents? Does she love her dad? So much so that she that she watches the TV with him? Does she love her mom? So much so that it comes out in every word as she describes her to Edward? So much so that she'll throw herself into a taxi cab, past two inescapable vampires, to trade her own life for that of her mother?

Does she fight for what's right? In every book, does she throw herself in front of the danger she believes she's created? Even though others willingly, forcefully, assume the protective rôle? Is she strong enough to stand up for herself? Marrying before the sex? Keeping the baby that's killing her? Even though everybody think she's out-to-lunch crazy-stupid for doing those things? Is she strong enough to stand up for what she believes in the face of everyone she loves telling her to do the opposite?

In short, isn't Bella truly the "every-woman"? As it were: a strong, independent woman. Bella's strong enough to be everything for everybody else (well, nobody's that strong, but Bella wins a trophy in my book for trying her hardest), and still have strength left over to be the person she is.

Is this the critique, then? That the Twilight books put forward a character, like Bella, that is not a good rôle for our youth? If that's the case, then here's one Twilight Dad saying: we need more Bellas in the world, not less.

If Twilight is spoiling our youth, then I say, if this be spoilage, read on!

"One Dozen Roses"

There was a contest called the "Eddies and Bellies" (you know: for Edward and Bella ... cute, no? Sigh! I did not invent the name; I'm just reporting it). One of the categories for which one could vote was something like: "Twilight Fan Fiction Story Which Everyone Must Read".

Well, that one has an obvious nominee: One Dozen Roses. As the Swiss would say: mais bien sur! which roughly translates as: "Me, Being Sure!" ... or something like that.

Anyway, everybody: stop what you are doing and go read that story. Come on now, don't just stand there, gaping, go read it.

Have you read it yet? Yes? Good!

Chapter 2 has Bella screaming at the sight of a rose in her bedroom. Well, now, most of you would think Bella would swoon! — not scream — you would think she would scream if it were Rosalie waiting for her in her bedroom.

I cannot agree, and neither could Bella after Rosalie had saved Bella's life for the umpteenth time, but that's neither here nor there for this entry.

What is here for this entry is the following: as you read in chapter 4, the totally-obvious "mysterious" rose giver rains rose petals all over Bella's bedroom as she's sleeping. Actually, I did this for my wife when I was dating her, ... something like the petal shower, that is.

Nowadays, I give her two dozen roses on random occasions (keeps her on her toes), but back in the day, before you were born, my dear sweet and young readers, I strew a dozen red roses over the sidewalk leading up from her driveway (actually her Aunt's and Uncle's driveway) up to her front door.

Of course, she totally missed it, just like Bella. She had groceries in her arms, and she wondered why the sidewalk was crunch-crunch-crunching beneath her feet. I wasn't there for the moment when she looked down (I had strewn the roses earlier that day and then made my escape to work), but I was told she had to go back to the store to buy more eggs.

My cara spoza: she's such a cutie!