So, what's your problem, geophf? Why are you championing Rosalie? Like, where did you get this whole MSR idea, anyway? I mean, really!
Okay. You asked.
We lost our Rose Marie. She was one month in the womb, and then she was gone.
And I wonder.
Can she hope? Her fate is now in her unformed hands, and in God's hands.
And that is so hard for me. Can she hope? Can she hope to choose for happiness, when she didn't have a life on which to base a choice? When she may not know what happiness is to choose it?
Can Rosalie hope? No, she can't, according to her in "Heaven and Hell": she's been judged, so she cannot enter Heaven. And what is Hope if Heaven appears lost to one?
Rosalie believes she cannot hope to hope ... not any more ... not for herself. But can't she?
Rose Marie is not Rosalie, and Rosalie is not Rose Marie, but both are faced with the same question, and I ask it for both of them: is it possible for those beyond the reach of hope to reach for that unreachable hope and actually obtain it ... and actually hope?
And then there's Bella. A girl that has everything Rosalie/Rose Marie doesn't: life, tears, sleep, hope. But Bella doesn't have it, either ... she, too, is so lost. She, too, needs love, needs it so desperately. Do those who live ... can they hope in this hopeless world, even though it's not a hopeless world, and all you have to do is look for hope, see it, to then find it?
MSR is a story about Hope. It is a very sad story, for me, because the characters don't even know why they are groaning: but they are ... and they hope ... they hope that they can hope. Can they?
I guess we'll need to find out.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
The Emmett Comment
I get this on occasion, and I believe it's a topic worth discussing.
Did Rosalie really say that? Did she really say that she would gladly sacrifice anything to regain her humanity ... even Emmett?
Yes.
Did she mean that?
Yes, of course.
Because why? Because she will never be able to make that trade. But if you said: "Okay Rosalie, kill these 100 children and burn Emmett and you get your humanity back," then will she do that?
Nope. In actuality, she would sacrifice her humanity for her Emmett. But she said the opposite ... why? People say things.
We all say things that are wrong, stupid, and, upon reflection, things we shouldn't have said and things we wish we didn't. Rosalie made this mistake. Have I ever made this mistake?
Oh, yes.
Have you?
Everybody casts this "She'd sacrifice Emmett" stone at Rosalie. But nobody ever analyzes her statement. Not only at face value, but at Venice value. One pound of flesh, please, Rosalie.
And nobody ever looks in the mirror when they cast that stone. Rosalie lives in a glass house. Well, well, well: looky there! Rosalie has feet of clay. Huh! Record every word you ever said, have every newspaper publish it ... read the newspapers 50 years from now. Oops! Did I really say that?!?
Are you still Holier than Rosalie?
I think Rosalie, in fact, is a whole Hale of a lot Holier than most people in the whole world, and, yes, she does have a mote in her eye, but the people casting stones? They have the frikken redwood forest-sized beams blinding them to their own fault.
"Oh, Rosalie's not perfect."
She sure isn't. My story portrays her sympathetically, but definitely (and defiantly) very much not perfect, but ...
A Rosalie's a Rosalie, for a' that.
Did Rosalie really say that? Did she really say that she would gladly sacrifice anything to regain her humanity ... even Emmett?
Yes.
Did she mean that?
Yes, of course.
Because why? Because she will never be able to make that trade. But if you said: "Okay Rosalie, kill these 100 children and burn Emmett and you get your humanity back," then will she do that?
Nope. In actuality, she would sacrifice her humanity for her Emmett. But she said the opposite ... why? People say things.
We all say things that are wrong, stupid, and, upon reflection, things we shouldn't have said and things we wish we didn't. Rosalie made this mistake. Have I ever made this mistake?
Oh, yes.
Have you?
Everybody casts this "She'd sacrifice Emmett" stone at Rosalie. But nobody ever analyzes her statement. Not only at face value, but at Venice value. One pound of flesh, please, Rosalie.
And nobody ever looks in the mirror when they cast that stone. Rosalie lives in a glass house. Well, well, well: looky there! Rosalie has feet of clay. Huh! Record every word you ever said, have every newspaper publish it ... read the newspapers 50 years from now. Oops! Did I really say that?!?
Are you still Holier than Rosalie?
I think Rosalie, in fact, is a whole Hale of a lot Holier than most people in the whole world, and, yes, she does have a mote in her eye, but the people casting stones? They have the frikken redwood forest-sized beams blinding them to their own fault.
"Oh, Rosalie's not perfect."
She sure isn't. My story portrays her sympathetically, but definitely (and defiantly) very much not perfect, but ...
A Rosalie's a Rosalie, for a' that.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Bella
Confidence.
That's what she is. She's a stand on her own feet kind of girl. She just needs to remember that. Rosalie does, too. Rosalie, at first, treated her as a thing, as a problem, and Bella felt that, and her confidence went away in Rosalie's presence. Now Rosalie is (unconsciously) saying "I need you." Even if that need is to answer a phone call from Isle Esme and to become Bella's champion. Even if that need is to watch the baby while Edward and Bella have a little sweetie time. And that need of Rosalie's is the light of the sun, opening the flower of Bella's confidence again.
That's Bella, too: she very much depends on what others think of her. The first day at Forks high, when everybody was like: "Who's this out-of-town girl?" She shrank down to a nothing wallflower. It was only when she established in her mind her place in her new vampire family that she began to be herself again. Pre-visit to the Cullen mansion, Bella was a scared little mouse of a girl, not knowing what shirt to wear. But when Esme looked at Bella, and said: "You are brave; I love you; You are my daughter." and Alice handed Bella her BFF creds, then nothing in the world could shake her: not high school, not James, not overbearing Edward driving her away from the baseball field to nowhere. Nothing. She had love, support and a place in her new family, and her feet were firmly planted on that solid foundation.
Sure, Bella shouldn't depend on others for her confidence ... if she weren't Bella. But she is, and intrinsic to her is the comfort of others. Bella is not just Bella or only Bella, she is part of a family, the central part, the part that makes sure everybody is okay and shining and in front being the hero. That is her happiness: if you are happy, she's happy. If not, she won't be happy until she finds a way to restore your happiness.
AND she's not (too) annoying about it either, which is a plus (*ahem* Alice). She's not bubbly like Alice, but she's not aloof and righteous like Rosalie, she's Bella, and just as essential as both Alice AND (CRUCIALLY) Rosalie, in the ineffable, intangible way that she is vital to the family's well-being.
On Saccharin Endings
"Oh, hi, Edward," says Rosalie, "I was gonna off Bella here, but everythings A-O-K now, so you can date her and I'm sure we can talk the Volturi into ignoring the Rule because this is Bella who is the heroine of the story, so everything always turns out fine for her no matter what. You know, the consequence-free endings of all those disney flicks starting with Little Mermaid where the heroine keeps making wrong choices but is rewarded with a happy ending because that's just the way things are to keep the population controlled and docile: 'oh, keep being irresponsible in all aspects of your life, because a handsome vampire prince named Edward will sweep you away from the mess that you've made ... someday ... so it's all good.'"
Edward: "Urk. Well, okay, Rosalie ... I was gonna shred you for speaking the truth and for looking at Bella funny, but good thing the author wrote in this deus ex machina so I could 'save the day.' Hey, Bella, c'mere so I can sweep you off your feet."
Bella: "Um, I've talked to you all of two times and I'm supposed to fall head over heels for you for what reason again?"
Rosalie and Edward: "Shaddap! You're introducing realism into the fairy tale plot. You're the damsel in distress (not at all like the Shannon Hale damsels), so you're supposed to accept the feet sweeping with gratitude!"
Bella: "So, how do you guys speak in unison perfectly like that?"
Rosalie: "I'm not a guy."
I love happy endings. Ya know ... credible happy endings. And they are so easy to write: all you have to do is to make the characters own up to the choices they've made ... ya know: responsibility and all that?
I don't watch many movies these days at all.
Edward: "Urk. Well, okay, Rosalie ... I was gonna shred you for speaking the truth and for looking at Bella funny, but good thing the author wrote in this deus ex machina so I could 'save the day.' Hey, Bella, c'mere so I can sweep you off your feet."
Bella: "Um, I've talked to you all of two times and I'm supposed to fall head over heels for you for what reason again?"
Rosalie and Edward: "Shaddap! You're introducing realism into the fairy tale plot. You're the damsel in distress (not at all like the Shannon Hale damsels), so you're supposed to accept the feet sweeping with gratitude!"
Bella: "So, how do you guys speak in unison perfectly like that?"
Rosalie: "I'm not a guy."
I love happy endings. Ya know ... credible happy endings. And they are so easy to write: all you have to do is to make the characters own up to the choices they've made ... ya know: responsibility and all that?
I don't watch many movies these days at all.
"Bite me, Edward!"
"Oh, I so want to be a vamp, and be swept away from this boring, depressing, uncertain, scary life!"
You know what you are now is what you will be forever, right?
And vampires are in eternity. Eternity is unforgiving, unrelenting, inescapable.
That's what it is to be a vampire. You just can't shut down, ... ever. People get to do that every single day, by the blessing of sleep. Vampires? No. How do they cope?
Most vamps don't last a year without going nuts. That's one of the reasons why there are only hundreds of vamps in the world, and that population is pretty stable.
But now, with millions of girls screaming "Oh, bite me, Edward" the population may be on a rise. Which, unfortunately, will bring on the Bree crisis ("Oh, why didn't they tell me that being a vamp was like this?") and a major clean-up effort on the Volturi's part.
Oh, being a human is just so hard, trudging day after day through the same old unromantic unfun things of life!
But being a vampire isn't that ... except you don't get to sleep and now you have to deal with all your problems and mistakes ... forever?
AND you've murdered the ones you love because the confusion of being a newborn drove you toward the familiar and then the bloodlust kicked in.
Yeah, being a human sucks ... just ask a vampire ... hmn, wait: what, again, do Edward and Rosalie always say? "If I could trade anything to regain my humanity, I would."
Hm. So being a human sucks, but being a vampire is worse?
And, this is your 27th time through high school, because you're trying to fit in as a vamp?
I remember high school. I'm sure most of the twifans saying "Bite me Edward" are IN high school. And they want to be a vamp so they stay in high school, automatically in the excluded group (vamps don't socialize), forever?
There are just so many dimensions of being a vamp, and so many of them require strength and speed and a strong will because so many of them are just so terribly sad and boring and mortifyingly embarrassing.
But "Bite me, Edward!"
Okay, GF, have fun being forever stuck exactly as you are right now ... without being able to sleep ... with unquenchable bloodlust ... without having any friends again, forever ... with having to move to a new different part of the country (and eventually world) every few years ... with having rival vamp gangs targeting you, my dear, as easy pickings for one to shred ... without being able to go to the mall because of no Alice and the possibility of daylight making everybody stop and stare at you, the freak.
Oh, and you abstain from human blood? How noble. You just made yourself an enemy of every vamp in existence, and you've just signed up to drink excrement forever.
Oh, you decide to target humans for food? Bloodsucking leach. You just made yourself werewolf bait.
And where are you going to get money, since you can't work a job? So you're going to live your vamp life as a homeless person now, are you? "Oh, I'm going to trade stocks forever and be rich." Hm. You know how to trade stocks successfully now, do you? You have that discipline? You know, that discipline to clean your room, to do your homework, and to relate to your family and friends ... that is, you have the discipline to live your life happily and responsibly now, because what you are now is what you will be in Eternity. You are unhappy now (that's why you want to be a vamp, right), and you become a vampire? You'll be unhappy forever.
Fun being a vamp, isn't it.
You know what you are now is what you will be forever, right?
And vampires are in eternity. Eternity is unforgiving, unrelenting, inescapable.
That's what it is to be a vampire. You just can't shut down, ... ever. People get to do that every single day, by the blessing of sleep. Vampires? No. How do they cope?
Most vamps don't last a year without going nuts. That's one of the reasons why there are only hundreds of vamps in the world, and that population is pretty stable.
But now, with millions of girls screaming "Oh, bite me, Edward" the population may be on a rise. Which, unfortunately, will bring on the Bree crisis ("Oh, why didn't they tell me that being a vamp was like this?") and a major clean-up effort on the Volturi's part.
Oh, being a human is just so hard, trudging day after day through the same old unromantic unfun things of life!
But being a vampire isn't that ... except you don't get to sleep and now you have to deal with all your problems and mistakes ... forever?
AND you've murdered the ones you love because the confusion of being a newborn drove you toward the familiar and then the bloodlust kicked in.
Yeah, being a human sucks ... just ask a vampire ... hmn, wait: what, again, do Edward and Rosalie always say? "If I could trade anything to regain my humanity, I would."
Hm. So being a human sucks, but being a vampire is worse?
And, this is your 27th time through high school, because you're trying to fit in as a vamp?
I remember high school. I'm sure most of the twifans saying "Bite me Edward" are IN high school. And they want to be a vamp so they stay in high school, automatically in the excluded group (vamps don't socialize), forever?
There are just so many dimensions of being a vamp, and so many of them require strength and speed and a strong will because so many of them are just so terribly sad and boring and mortifyingly embarrassing.
But "Bite me, Edward!"
Okay, GF, have fun being forever stuck exactly as you are right now ... without being able to sleep ... with unquenchable bloodlust ... without having any friends again, forever ... with having to move to a new different part of the country (and eventually world) every few years ... with having rival vamp gangs targeting you, my dear, as easy pickings for one to shred ... without being able to go to the mall because of no Alice and the possibility of daylight making everybody stop and stare at you, the freak.
Oh, and you abstain from human blood? How noble. You just made yourself an enemy of every vamp in existence, and you've just signed up to drink excrement forever.
Oh, you decide to target humans for food? Bloodsucking leach. You just made yourself werewolf bait.
And where are you going to get money, since you can't work a job? So you're going to live your vamp life as a homeless person now, are you? "Oh, I'm going to trade stocks forever and be rich." Hm. You know how to trade stocks successfully now, do you? You have that discipline? You know, that discipline to clean your room, to do your homework, and to relate to your family and friends ... that is, you have the discipline to live your life happily and responsibly now, because what you are now is what you will be in Eternity. You are unhappy now (that's why you want to be a vamp, right), and you become a vampire? You'll be unhappy forever.
Fun being a vamp, isn't it.
October 2009 Story Stats
So, fanfiction.net is kind enough to provide authors with statistics on their stories (page views, unique page views, and sources by country). I find it interesting that my readership has an international flavour. Here are the countries of origin of my readership (format: Country, Page Views, Page Viewers -- sorry for the formatting ... a table view messes up the blog layout something fierce):
The "up x" column is a little self-study I did over the last few days of the month. Apparently, the Russian became interested in my story.
The moral of this story is this: do you wish your country to go up in the rating? Read more pages of MSR or another story on my ffn profile, that's how fewer Brazilians managed to edge out the more numerous readers from Canada and Australia (who also made an end of the month come-back) to claim one of the top three spots on the readership list. You could put your country there.
I wonder if I would have more (or any, for that matter) Korean readers if they knew MSR's Book III companion piece was entitled Rhee (이): Lady Didyme's Handmaid.
Thank you to all the readers from all the countries that found something in my stories interesting enough to stop to read them.
October 2009 Readership stats for geophf/ffn
USA 1150 372
UK 248 61
Brazil 88 19
Canada 65 33
Australia 61 24 up 3
Ireland 36 10
Sweden 33 8
Mexico 29 22
Israel 22 14
Italy 22 19
Belgium 20 6
Denmark 19 7
Germany 16 13
argentina 14 5 up 3
philippines 11 4
greece 11 3
france 9 5
spain 9 3
Poland 8 5 up 3
costa rica 8 2
south africa 7 1
new zealand 7 4
Lithuania 4 1
netherlands 4 4 up 1
Singapore 4 4
croatia 3 2 up 6
trinidad 3 2
indonesia 2 1 up 2
india 2 2 up 5
russia 2 1 up 14
romania 2 2 up 1
peru 2 1 up 2
colombia 2 1 up 1
tanzania 2 2
bahrain 2 1
vietnam 1 1
turkey 1 1 up 1
switzerland 1 1
hungary 1 1
finland 1 1 up 6
bahamas 1 1 up 6
brunei 1 1 up 3
norway 1 1 up 2
estonia 1 1 up 4
dominican 1 1
malaysai 1 1
totals: 1938 675
The "up x" column is a little self-study I did over the last few days of the month. Apparently, the Russian became interested in my story.
The moral of this story is this: do you wish your country to go up in the rating? Read more pages of MSR or another story on my ffn profile, that's how fewer Brazilians managed to edge out the more numerous readers from Canada and Australia (who also made an end of the month come-back) to claim one of the top three spots on the readership list. You could put your country there.
I wonder if I would have more (or any, for that matter) Korean readers if they knew MSR's Book III companion piece was entitled Rhee (이): Lady Didyme's Handmaid.
Thank you to all the readers from all the countries that found something in my stories interesting enough to stop to read them.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Love, Vampire Style
Yes, I am on a crusade.
This is the love that a vampire has: it doesn't cool with time or circumstance.
You want proof? Victoria.
You want proof? Marcus.
Two perfectly normal, balanced, healthy vampires ... when they had their mates ...
... and when they didn't anymore?
Marcus went bye-bye so much so that he's been on suicide watch for the last fifteen hundred years.
Victoria enacted a plan a year in the making that included sacrificing Laurent (ripping him away from Irina), and included taking a newborn lover (Riley) she planned to discard as a sacrifice to Edward so she could punch out Bella's heart because Bella was collateral to James' foolish self-destructive behavior.
The kindest thing you can do to a vampire's mate is to destroy it when the beloved is destroyed, because if you don't, her (or his) love for the lost mate will eventually do just that ... but that self-destructive path usually so lights up the night sky with collateral damage that the Volturi must come in to clean up the mess (cf. Eclipse).
"Ooh! But it's so neat and romantical, being a vampire ... isn't it! Gee, I wish I were one! Bite me, Edward!"
Hm.
Do Rosalie and Edward feel that way?
This is the love that a vampire has: it doesn't cool with time or circumstance.
You want proof? Victoria.
You want proof? Marcus.
Two perfectly normal, balanced, healthy vampires ... when they had their mates ...
... and when they didn't anymore?
Marcus went bye-bye so much so that he's been on suicide watch for the last fifteen hundred years.
Victoria enacted a plan a year in the making that included sacrificing Laurent (ripping him away from Irina), and included taking a newborn lover (Riley) she planned to discard as a sacrifice to Edward so she could punch out Bella's heart because Bella was collateral to James' foolish self-destructive behavior.
The kindest thing you can do to a vampire's mate is to destroy it when the beloved is destroyed, because if you don't, her (or his) love for the lost mate will eventually do just that ... but that self-destructive path usually so lights up the night sky with collateral damage that the Volturi must come in to clean up the mess (cf. Eclipse).
"Ooh! But it's so neat and romantical, being a vampire ... isn't it! Gee, I wish I were one! Bite me, Edward!"
Hm.
Do Rosalie and Edward feel that way?
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